When he refuses to call you his girlfriend....

[aribell]

you sound like my mama....


Thanks for all of your advice, I plan on cutting him off.
Honestly, the hardest part for me is the why. I have always prided my self in being able to pick up on a person's true intentions but this one through me for a loop. Maybe because we have been friends for so long and I thought he would at least respect me enough as a friend not toy with my emotions...but I guess not.

This too shall pass...sigh

Aw, I'm sorry. The friendship aspect must sting. I think that if/when he asks what's up, you should include the bolded in there. It shows that his behavior toward you is disrespectful and that you expect better than that.

Thankfully, the purple is definitely true.

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

I wish there was a way to send people to different voicemails, cause his sure would say...
Beep..."Hi, this is your FRIEND and I'm no longer available...Good day!"

 

[NOEChic]

Was in the same situation...we used to hang with my friends, he would give me his car to borrow, his credit card. i helped him to find an apt, pick out a bedroom set and everything. he would not call me his girlfriend. i NEEDED that title. this happened on 03. i was talking to my BF earlier this yr and her and her husband was like, the title means nothing if he treating you like a girlfriend. i was like BS! i want the title too, bc im not going to be someone's "FRIEND" im sorry. i am told old for that. next thing its gonna be you dont need to be his wife if he treats you like you are. EFFA that mess. i want the whole kit and caboodle

 

[aribell]

i was talking to my BF earlier this yr and her and her husband was like, the title means nothing if he treating you like a girlfriend. i was like BS! i want the title too, bc im not going to be someone's "FRIEND" im sorry. i am told old for that. next thing its gonna be you dont need to be his wife if he treats you like you are. EFFA that mess. i want the whole kit and caboodle

Good point!

 

[honeybuni84]

thats the end of that...

no need to discuss it further.... clearly we aren't in the same place, so why waste time

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

There's no such thing as a guy that doesn't use titles. If he wanted to be in a committed relationship with u best believe he would put some type of title on you whether it be my woman, my girlfriend, my sweetie... the operative word is MY (possessive) not FRIEND. Guys want to make it clear to other men to back off, this is my woman! Any guy that doesn't do that doesn't want a relationship with you. This is a clear case of he's not just that into you and you are just a friend with benefits. Back away from this situation and find a guy that deserves to be with you.

 

[Bunny77]

There's no such thing as a guy that doesn't use titles. If he wanted to be in a committed relationship with u best believe he would put some type of title on you whether it be my woman, my girlfriend, my sweetie... the operative word is MY (possessive) not FRIEND. Guys want to make it clear to other men to back off, this is my woman! Any guy that doesn't do that doesn't want a relationship with you. This is a clear case of he's not just that into you and you are just a friend with benefits. Back away from this situation and find a guy that deserves to be with you.

Exactly.

The only men who said they didn't want to use titles were men who didn't want ME as a girlfriend.

If you don't call me your girlfriend, then we don't have a relationship. Plain and simple as that.

 

[NYAmicas]

Everyone already gave great advie PopLife and I wish the best for you. A Truth that's been said over and again is that when a man is into you, he claims you. Usually the men who play that "no title" BS end up giving title to some other woman eventually, then one day they're back in your face asking for forgiveness. Negro please.

 

[awhyley]

then one day they're back in your face asking for forgiveness.

Asking for whaaaaaat? Chile, the ones I know tell you straight and plain that yall were ALWAYS FRIENDS and don't know why you're so upset in the first place . . . Forgiveness

 

[Jazzmommy]

I know....I know
But, should I do it without any explanation?

You don't owe him anything... if he wants to be with you he will come back running...and act right this time.

 

[10WordzOrLess]

I know....I know
But, should I do it without any explanation?

There's a saying in the military that applies PopLife..it's called

"POP-SMOKE"

That's when you throw a smoke grenade/bomb and by the time the haze clears, YOU'RE GONE.

Like a sexy, independent NINJA!

Nope, you don't owe him an explanation, just like he feels he doesn't owe you your DUE for being his girlfriend without him acknowledging it. You do not owe him that courtesy.

I know it's hard to just walk away though, I've SOOOOOOOO been there. It's really worth it when you find someone who appreciates you though.

 

[NYAmicas]

Asking for whaaaaaat? Chile, the ones I know tell you straight and plain that yall were ALWAYS FRIENDS and don't know why you're so upset in the first place . . . Forgiveness

Well we know different people. From what NYAmicas has seen they're knocking on your door claiming they were blind and want you back.

 

[awhyley]

^^^ Note that I wasn't being rude to you; I was just saying that the crew around here get offended when you don't want to hang with them anymore, because they told you from the break that yall were friends. NAYAmicas, you must be pretty powerful, having the brothas beggin and what not.

 

[PopLife]

You guys are really helping me more than you know...thanks again.

Beside having been friends with him for so long, I felt like in this situation I was straight forward with him about what I wanted. From the time we reconnected and he started showing an interest in dating me, I explained to him that I wanted to make sure we were on the same page and asked him repeatedly if this was what he wanted. I did that so that this type of situation wouldn't come up where one person thought it was more than what it was.

Ugh...I'm starting to get angry again let me go calm down....

 

[Aicer]

Where do I begin? Run, run for you life!!! Lol, all jokes aside...He couldn't explain why he doesn't call you his girlfriend, right? Why do you think you're required to give any explanation as to why you decide to fade to black? I'll give you some Southern grandmama wisdom (my grandmother and her sister never wanted for suitors even at the age of 84, lol): When a man wants you, he will move heaven and earth to let you know. When he doesn't, well...he'll tell you that too. You just have to have the good sense to listen.

He's reaping all the benefits of everything you have to offer while giving you virtually nothing. And I really think you've become something of an old shoe for him, nice and comfortable and familiar. What are YOU getting out of this? Where is the return on YOUR investment? Sorry to sound preachy but look out for yourself--NO ONE ELSE WILL.

Exactly to the bolded. I am thankful for this thread bc it has got me thinking about my own situation. :scratchch
I am in a similar situation as OP. We've been friends for 6.5 years but actually were together for the first 3 of those years. Now were dating again but not technically bf/gf. The thing is I'm not sure if I want to be technically bf/gf either. But one thing I will def watch out for myself so I wont get hurt cus he sure doesnt care if I do. erplexed

 

[Vintageglam]

three words my sister "Keep it moving" - Sorry if this has already been said bc I didn't read the whole thread as your post tells me all I need to know.

As black women we need to love those whom love us and believe we are worthy of that love.

It took me maybe 2 years after being in a relationship with my now husband to learn that lesson and boy sometimes I think about all the time I wasted with all those jerks over the years.

You are worthy of something much better than this non comittal man who basically likes you and the sex but doesn't want to commit. There are men like this who like stability until the "real deal" comes along.

I know its winter and its cold but tell him to get an electric blanket or something. Trust me you do not want to look back in 5 years and thing "why am I still with this jerk?"

 

[NYAmicas]

^^^ Note that I wasn't being rude to you; I was just saying that the crew around here get offended when you don't want to hang with them anymore, because they told you from the break that yall were friends. NAYAmicas, you must be pretty powerful, having the brothas beggin and want not.

I thought you were awhylely, my apologies. And no, I've never dealt with the title thing first-hand just from observation. lol @ pretty powerful. I wish!

 

[Dposh167]

there's some real talk in this thread! OP I really hope u take the advice of most of the women in here cuz they hit it right on the money. I think sometimes we let ourselves get confused on how guys operate. Men can enjoy spending time with u...but not see u as a gfriend material. OR they can simply not want a gfriend at the moment and not be willing to tell u that straight up. So we keep following after them trying to understand why someone likes me...but doesnt want me. It happens...and doesnt always result in something being wrong with u as a person. so hopefully ur open enough to see the reality for yourself.

 

[skegeesmb]

I hate to say this, but it does not sound good. My husband told me straight up I'm not effin' up a good thing. He introduced me as his girlfriend with the quickness.

Ask him...no tell him that you aren't having sex with him because you are not boyfriend and girlfriend. That's what you want. It's hard and many of us have been there, but if you don't it will continue.

I was in a relationship and I asked the guy...the guy cried, pleaded, begged, but never said I was his girlfriend. I fell for it time after time. Then I got wise.

 

[sky_blu]

He's treating you like a placeholder until he meets his next 'girlfriend.'

You deserve better!

Agreed. Been there, got here, done that, won't do it again! I would definitely have to have the talk with him about it because as they say "a closed mouth don't get fed." Sometimes guys are really that clueless.

 

[Choclatcotton]

I used to have a bf like this, he refused to commit to calling me his gf so I bounced. He said he was not ready to commit. He came back years later, but I was no longer interested.

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

You guys are really helping me more than you know...thanks again.

Beside having been friends with him for so long, I felt like in this situation I was straight forward with him about what I wanted. From the time we reconnected and he started showing an interest in dating me, I explained to him that I wanted to make sure we were on the same page and asked him repeatedly if this was what he wanted. I did that so that this type of situation wouldn't come up where one person thought it was more than what it was.

Ugh...I'm starting to get angry again let me go calm down....

If you gotta ask repeatedly then...you did right because his intentions were to never make you his gurl...I have to ask once and if I don't get the answer that "I" am looking for "I" am out...the first mind speaks first and usually doesn't change anytime soon...and too many people wait around thinking that a persons first mind will...

For example, I know I want kids so if I date someone and I ask "Do you want kids?" and they say a straight no...and no hesitation...Next!...no waiting no beating around the bush...because I don't have time to convince otherwise down the line...I will come across someone who has the same ideals as me but I ain't gonna waste the time on this 1 ninja here while the "prospective/good" ninjas are just passing me by...gurl boom......cut your loss and go have fun with someone else!