I think the rules work better while dating. I imagine it would be kind of weird to all of sudden start implementing these rules when you've already established a relationship.
I think some of the ladies can attest to that.
*Spinoff* "The Rules Challenge!--"Rules" girls get in here!
- Thread starter Crystalicequeen123
- Start date
I think the rules work better while dating. I imagine it would be kind of weird to all of sudden start implementing these rules when you've already established a relationship.
I think some of the ladies can attest to that.
noemi
Well-Known Member
The book does state that even in a relationship you should keep doing Rules-esque things, like staying busy, continue to let him pursue. It said if you were in a relationship already to fall back and do "less" like if you call 50-11 times a day to cut down and things like that.
I think you have to find a happy medium. I may not continue doing the same things like calling a lot or seeing him all the time all day, but I'll talk on the phone, sometimes longer than the suggested 10 minutes.
I am in a relationship and since starting rules, I am at the "I love you" stage. In a month since starting the "The Rules"! Its hard, really, really, really hard. But its working!
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noemi
Well-Known Member
I've never really "dated" anyone... It always went straight to relationship status. Then again I've only ever had a relationship with two people. I'm starting to feel so inexperienced now.
Don't feel bad. Its was like I did that in my younger days and I don't think its bad. You don't need lots of experience to know what you want.
My parents met in the 3rd grade. Been together every since. One of my sisters only dated 2 men, both while in college. Married the second guy.
MJ
New Member
I've experience all those those that you've bolded. I have shed many tears of embarassment and shame because I was always the pursuer. I'm a go-getter in life, and I approached all potential relationships in the same manner. Not a smart idea. Coupled with the fact that I didn't receive any advice (beside don't get pregnant and don't sleep around) on how to act in a relationship, I was a recipe for disasterous relationships -- attempted relationships, to be honest. Everything I knew were from books and articles, not very good ones either.
Now, over the past two years, through experience, observation, and reading and listening to stories like the ones you've posted, I've learned the truth: Men like to chase their partner. They want to "kill and drag it home." They want to believe that they've beaten all the other men in the entire world to get you! They want to believe that their woman, their wife, is precious beyond precious. And in great part, because they had to work to get her. She was a challenge that they matched and won! She is the prize. Is it fair to women, not really. But it's life, and we have to work with it.
As for me, I'm stepping out of the dating game. I've been hurt alot and repeatedly, mostly though ignorance. But in the meantime, I want to educate myself and learn all I can about the subject, if only to prevent myself from repeating the mistakes I have made.
Thanks for sharing your stories ladies. And the person who posted the list, double thanks, I've done and experience too many things on it. It was an eye opener to see so many of my mistakes at once.
ETA: Guys always tell me that I'm "a nice girl." That's not always a good thing. It didn't stop them from walking all over me, or stop me from letting them from do it. Why, because I was a nice girl, and nice girls play "fair." What crock.
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Highly Favored8
Well-Known Member
(((((((HUGS))))))) The posts I read so far in this thread is that we all made the mistakes of pursing a man. However, when we take a step back and learn from that experience it gets all the better. That is what life is all about making mistakes and learning from them so we do not have to repeat them. Please get this book it will give you some major insights. Also. for the bolded read "Why Men Love Itches" By Sharon Argov
Along with "The Rules" and you will start to understand why nice girls do finish last.
However, you can over come being a nice girl. I was a nice girl and lost my place for about 4 years now I am back and it feels good. Just take your time. Love your self and regain your confidence back and you will!
MJ
New Member
(((((((HUGS))))))) The posts I read so far in this thread is that we all made the mistakes of pursing a man. However, when we take a step back and learn from that experience it gets all the better. That is what life is all about making mistakes and learning from them so we do not have to repeat them. Please get this book it will give you some major insights. Also. for the bolded read "Why Men Love Itches" By Sharon Argov
Thank you
.OMG. I guy I was dating actually said almost these exact words to me while on a date.
We were talking about whether or not either of us was dating. He said that he knows I have men constantly trying to get at me. I said the same thing to him. I know for a fact women are throwing themselves at him. He's a very successful, charming and attractive older man.
He said to me. "Sure, women show interest" He told me a story about a woman who threw herself at him and he ended the story with something VERY similar to the quote above. He said "You see, men are hunters by nature. We like go out and get our prey, kill it and drag it home. I can't have someone bringing the prey to me on a silver platter. That just wouldn't be right"
I was speechless.
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Not sure if this is the right thread for this.
But going on BC has made me depressed/moody and I'm worried it's turning SO off to me. I went from generally happy girl to girl who cries/is sad all the time.
Which is why I'm leaning toward going on a modified version of The Rules... maybe I could start by seeing him 5 days a week instead of every day.
But going on BC has made me depressed/moody and I'm worried it's turning SO off to me. I went from generally happy girl to girl who cries/is sad all the time.
Which is why I'm leaning toward going on a modified version of The Rules... maybe I could start by seeing him 5 days a week instead of every day.
caribeandiva
Human being
wow, I read your whole story. I'm sad to say i did some of these things with guys I liked in the past. I too discovered the RULES and WMLB 2 years ago. It's been a TOTALLY different story since. Never underestimate the power of the chase, Ladies.Okay, as I promised...here is my "story". It's long, but I'll try to make it somewhat brief. I'll put the "Rule breakers" in bold so that you ladies can pick out and learn from the mistakes that I made.
*PS---Names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent...
*MY Story...*
Minx
Well-Known Member
Good morning ladies,
Just wanted to say I have been following this thread and have read EVERY SINGLE STORY posted.
I must say, it has been an eye opener for me, as I thoguht it was "just me" and that no one else could have possibly put up with dumb sh** and done dumb stuff like I have done.....not calling you ladies "dumb", I meant, "making mistakes out of love for a man" ( hope that made sense).
Anyway, I have been so ashmamed and embarrased, so I never post, never "air my dirty laundry" about what has been a most distressing and painful last three years of my life with my current SO, who I am now in the process of disconnecting from.
Long story but here goes:
I don't have much dating experience.
My last relationship was one of convenience, with no passion or real intimacy...I left him about 4 years ago.
Anyway, met this man.
He did pursue me.
He is very charming.
I fell hard for him and was so passionate about him..... in the end, he played me like a fiddle.
He has always told me I am too good for him(why didn't I listen?)
See, he has been running in and out of my life, like I said for three years....he has promised me the sun, the moon, and the stars, and has not delivered on any of it....he has been stringing me along, and I guess "dangling a carrot" by promising to marry me " one day".
He calls me by his last name, calls me the love of his life, yet he won't stay around.
He rents a house for months at a time, we have a great time together,then he breaks his lease, leaves the state, comes back and does the same thing again, year after year, all the while when he's away he's calling me on my cell, on my house phone, texting me, telling me he can't stand beeing away from me, and then showing back up at my house......
Each time it's, "I'm back to stay, I tried to run away, but I can't deny my love for you, I can't be without you, I'll never leave your side again, blah, blah,blah....."
I have tried to ignore him.
Tried to stay busy with my life.
I am very busy.
I am a single mom of 3, I'm not young, my children are 11, 15, and 21.
But I have only been in two adult relationships,(had my oldest when I was a teen), never been married.
Anyway, what's going on with me is that when I met this guy I had been seperated from my last relationship for only about a year.
And on cloud nine about being on my own, finally.
I went back to college to complete my degree, was working, and raising my kids.
I have since graduated and am now preparing for graudate school so I can finally pursue my dreams.
I am working in my field, but need an advance degree to do what i really want to do.
He has complained about me focusing on my future, gets angry with me for putting my career before him, (he's retired, service connected disability, his back) so he's home all day since he's financially comfortable, but he does music on the side and is very talented.
But he takes a lot of energy from me.
I always take him back!
I'm there when he needs me to be, I do anything for him, cook, and I mean dlewis style home cooked meals( my kids gotta eat!) Ifeed him, and I sex him like there's no tomorrow, even when I'm low on energy, he's always pawing at me.
When he sees me he's all over me and can't keep his hands of me...we do have great chemistry.
Anyway, I have been doing what I can to take care of him(massage his back, go on doctor visits) support him by listening when he has to vent.(anger issues).......I have been better to him than I have been to myself.
We have done the "make up/break up" thing over and over.... but he does not give up easily....like I said he chases me even after we are over.
We agree to move on from each other, but I am so smitten by his charm and good looks...brother is tall, fine, sexy, with major talk game and charm.....he's a "pretty boy" and I am weak when I see him.
No matter how hard I have tried to seperate, he just has my number and has been in my system.......it's been hard to shake him.
Nowl et me say, it's not all bad all the time.
When he is treating me right, he's very romantic....candle lit dinners, walks by the water, flowers, gifts, writes me posetry, plays the piano for me(he's a musician), writes me songs, takes me out to fun places, cooks for me, tells me he adores me, and how beautiful I am...but then just like that...bam!...he's had a change of heart; I'm not what he wants, he wants to travel, see the world, have more kids(he has 4 kids ages 10, twin 20 year olds, and a 24 year old)....
he tells me I'm putting my career first....calls me old fashioned because I won't live with him( I told him, I will never live with a man again unless I'm married!), so he gets highly pissed at me, and then he's gone again.....
This last time he was in town, he took took me ring shopping (we looked but I didn't decide on anything that day) told me he has the money for the wedding, told me to get busy planning it...did that.
Then the day he picks me up to go back to the mall....he says, before we do this, I have to agree to give him some kids.
I told him, I'm going back to school, so I can't make that promise. I really am through, and focused on raising the one's I have still at home (my oldest is in college)
He said, "well, I can't agree to marry you un itl you do, but we can still get engaged"
....so I said "forget it then,since you are so torn, and it's causing you so much angst and anxiety. You should have had this conversation with yourself before you proposed",
so of course I didn't get a ring......
I was devastated.
He's gone again for now, went to visit one of his kids up North.
He keeps calling, telling me how much he loves me.....whatever,
but also says we need to move on this time for good.....he's right about that!
I'm just so exhausted, I am truly burnt out.
And I just gave you a tid bit of what's been going on.
So, yes ladies.....I'm in!!!!!!
I'm so ready to move on with my life.
I have wasted enough time and energy messing with this character.
I bought "The Rules" yesterday and finished the entire book!
I'm not playing.
I'm now about to start "The Rules II" today.
Count me in........
dk
Just wanted to say I have been following this thread and have read EVERY SINGLE STORY posted.
I must say, it has been an eye opener for me, as I thoguht it was "just me" and that no one else could have possibly put up with dumb sh** and done dumb stuff like I have done.....not calling you ladies "dumb", I meant, "making mistakes out of love for a man" ( hope that made sense).
Anyway, I have been so ashmamed and embarrased, so I never post, never "air my dirty laundry" about what has been a most distressing and painful last three years of my life with my current SO, who I am now in the process of disconnecting from.
Long story but here goes:
I don't have much dating experience.
My last relationship was one of convenience, with no passion or real intimacy...I left him about 4 years ago.
Anyway, met this man.
He did pursue me.
He is very charming.
I fell hard for him and was so passionate about him..... in the end, he played me like a fiddle.
He has always told me I am too good for him(why didn't I listen?)
See, he has been running in and out of my life, like I said for three years....he has promised me the sun, the moon, and the stars, and has not delivered on any of it....he has been stringing me along, and I guess "dangling a carrot" by promising to marry me " one day".
He calls me by his last name, calls me the love of his life, yet he won't stay around.
He rents a house for months at a time, we have a great time together,then he breaks his lease, leaves the state, comes back and does the same thing again, year after year, all the while when he's away he's calling me on my cell, on my house phone, texting me, telling me he can't stand beeing away from me, and then showing back up at my house......
Each time it's, "I'm back to stay, I tried to run away, but I can't deny my love for you, I can't be without you, I'll never leave your side again, blah, blah,blah....."
I have tried to ignore him.
Tried to stay busy with my life.
I am very busy.
I am a single mom of 3, I'm not young, my children are 11, 15, and 21.
But I have only been in two adult relationships,(had my oldest when I was a teen), never been married.
Anyway, what's going on with me is that when I met this guy I had been seperated from my last relationship for only about a year.
And on cloud nine about being on my own, finally.
I went back to college to complete my degree, was working, and raising my kids.
I have since graduated and am now preparing for graudate school so I can finally pursue my dreams.
I am working in my field, but need an advance degree to do what i really want to do.
He has complained about me focusing on my future, gets angry with me for putting my career before him, (he's retired, service connected disability, his back) so he's home all day since he's financially comfortable, but he does music on the side and is very talented.
But he takes a lot of energy from me.
I always take him back!
I'm there when he needs me to be, I do anything for him, cook, and I mean dlewis style home cooked meals( my kids gotta eat!) Ifeed him, and I sex him like there's no tomorrow, even when I'm low on energy, he's always pawing at me.
When he sees me he's all over me and can't keep his hands of me...we do have great chemistry.
Anyway, I have been doing what I can to take care of him(massage his back, go on doctor visits) support him by listening when he has to vent.(anger issues).......I have been better to him than I have been to myself.
We have done the "make up/break up" thing over and over.... but he does not give up easily....like I said he chases me even after we are over.
We agree to move on from each other, but I am so smitten by his charm and good looks...brother is tall, fine, sexy, with major talk game and charm.....he's a "pretty boy" and I am weak when I see him.
No matter how hard I have tried to seperate, he just has my number and has been in my system.......it's been hard to shake him.
Nowl et me say, it's not all bad all the time.
When he is treating me right, he's very romantic....candle lit dinners, walks by the water, flowers, gifts, writes me posetry, plays the piano for me(he's a musician), writes me songs, takes me out to fun places, cooks for me, tells me he adores me, and how beautiful I am...but then just like that...bam!...he's had a change of heart; I'm not what he wants, he wants to travel, see the world, have more kids(he has 4 kids ages 10, twin 20 year olds, and a 24 year old)....
he tells me I'm putting my career first....calls me old fashioned because I won't live with him( I told him, I will never live with a man again unless I'm married!), so he gets highly pissed at me, and then he's gone again.....
This last time he was in town, he took took me ring shopping (we looked but I didn't decide on anything that day) told me he has the money for the wedding, told me to get busy planning it...did that.
Then the day he picks me up to go back to the mall....he says, before we do this, I have to agree to give him some kids.
I told him, I'm going back to school, so I can't make that promise. I really am through, and focused on raising the one's I have still at home (my oldest is in college)
He said, "well, I can't agree to marry you un itl you do, but we can still get engaged"
....so I said "forget it then,since you are so torn, and it's causing you so much angst and anxiety. You should have had this conversation with yourself before you proposed", so of course I didn't get a ring......
I was devastated.
He's gone again for now, went to visit one of his kids up North.
He keeps calling, telling me how much he loves me.....whatever,
but also says we need to move on this time for good.....he's right about that!
I'm just so exhausted, I am truly burnt out.
And I just gave you a tid bit of what's been going on.
So, yes ladies.....I'm in!!!!!!
I'm so ready to move on with my life.
I have wasted enough time and energy messing with this character.
I bought "The Rules" yesterday and finished the entire book!
I'm not playing.
I'm now about to start "The Rules II" today.
Count me in........
dk
Highly Favored8
Well-Known Member
Good morning ladies,
Just wanted to say I have been following this thread and have read EVERY SINGLE STORY posted.
I must say, it has been an eye opener for me, as I thoguht it was "just me" and that no one else could have possibly put up with dumb sh** and done dumb stuff like I have done.....not calling you ladies "dumb", I meant, "making mistakes out of love for a man" ( hope that made sense).
Anyway, I have been so ashmamed and embarrased, so I never post, never "air my dirty laundry" about what has been a most distressing and painful last three years of my life with my current SO, who I am now in the process of disconnecting from.
Long story but here goes:
I don't have much dating experience.
My last relationship was one of convenience, with no passion or real intimacy...I left him about 4 years ago.
Anyway, met this man.
He did pursue me.
He is very charming.
I fell hard for him and was so passionate about him..... in the end, he played me like a fiddle.
He has always told me I am too good for him(why didn't I listen?)
See, he has been running in and out of my life, like I said for three years....he has promised me the sun, the moon, and the stars, and has not delivered on any of it....he has been stringing me along, and I guess "dangling a carrot" by promising to marry me " one day".
He calls me by his last name, calls me the love of his life, yet he won't stay around.
He rents a house for months at a time, we have a great time together,then he breaks his lease, leaves the state, comes back and does the same thing again, year after year, all the while when he's away he's calling me on my cell, on my house phone, texting me, telling me he can't stand beeing away from me, and then showing back up at my house......
Each time it's, "I'm back to stay, I tried to run away, but I can't deny my love for you, I can't be without you, I'll never leave your side again, blah, blah,blah....."
I have tried to ignore him.
Tried to stay busy with my life.
I am very busy.
I am a single mom of 3, I'm not young, my children are 11, 15, and 21.
But I have only been in two adult relationships,(had my oldest when I was a teen), never been married.
Anyway, what's going on with me is that when I met this guy I had been seperated from my last relationship for only about a year.
And on cloud nine about being on my own, finally.
I went back to college to complete my degree, was working, and raising my kids.
I have since graduated and am now preparing for graudate school so I can finally pursue my dreams.
I am working in my field, but need an advance degree to do what i really want to do.
He has complained about me focusing on my future, gets angry with me for putting my career before him, (he's retired, service connected disability, his back) so he's home all day since he's financially comfortable, but he does music on the side and is very talented.
But he takes a lot of energy from me.
I always take him back!
I'm there when he needs me to be, I do anything for him, cook, and I mean dlewis style home cooked meals( my kids gotta eat!) Ifeed him, and I sex him like there's no tomorrow, even when I'm low on energy, he's always pawing at me.
When he sees me he's all over me and can't keep his hands of me...we do have great chemistry.
Anyway, I have been doing what I can to take care of him(massage his back, go on doctor visits) support him by listening when he has to vent.(anger issues).......I have been better to him than I have been to myself.
We have done the "make up/break up" thing over and over.... but he does not give up easily....like I said he chases me even after we are over.
We agree to move on from each other, but I am so smitten by his charm and good looks...brother is tall, fine, sexy, with major talk game and charm.....he's a "pretty boy" and I am weak when I see him.
No matter how hard I have tried to seperate, he just has my number and has been in my system.......it's been hard to shake him.
Nowl et me say, it's not all bad all the time.
When he is treating me right, he's very romantic....candle lit dinners, walks by the water, flowers, gifts, writes me posetry, plays the piano for me(he's a musician), writes me songs, takes me out to fun places, cooks for me, tells me he adores me, and how beautiful I am...but then just like that...bam!...he's had a change of heart; I'm not what he wants, he wants to travel, see the world, have more kids(he has 4 kids ages 10, twin 20 year olds, and a 24 year old)....
he tells me I'm putting my career first....calls me old fashioned because I won't live with him( I told him, I will never live with a man again unless I'm married!), so he gets highly pissed at me, and then he's gone again.....
This last time he was in town, he took took me ring shopping (we looked but I didn't decide on anything that day) told me he has the money for the wedding, told me to get busy planning it...did that.
Then the day he picks me up to go back to the mall....he says, before we do this, I have to agree to give him some kids.
I told him, I'm going back to school, so I can't make that promise. I really am through, and focused on raising the one's I have still at home (my oldest is in college)
He said, "well, I can't agree to marry you un itl you do, but we can still get engaged"
so of course I didn't get a ring......
I was devastated.
He's gone again for now, went to visit one of his kids up North.
He keeps calling, telling me how much he loves me.....whatever,
but also says we need to move on this time for good.....he's right about that!
I'm just so exhausted, I am truly burnt out.
And I just gave you a tid bit of what's been going on.
So, yes ladies.....I'm in!!!!!!
I'm so ready to move on with my life.
I have wasted enough time and energy messing with this character.
I bought "The Rules" yesterday and finished the entire book!
I'm not playing.
I'm now about to start "The Rules II" today.
Count me in........
dk
Are You Serious? You got to be kidding me! Are you my twin? I read your post and all the other posts intently!
This one sticks out to me the most. Read the bolded parts. OH MY GOD!
This is so me. I am going to have to post my story Oh my Goodness!
Yes, re-read the book again and again until it sinks in. Lady you are young and just b/c your have kids in those age ranges you are so young.
No, such thing as old anymore. You are in school graduate degree. Honey, you got it truly going on! I am so inspired by your post I now must share mine b/c we are here helping and supporting one another. Also, read Why Men Love Itches, by Sharon Argov. This should help you on your jounery as well. You have it all together it is just about getting your confidence and enegy back b/c their are some men who are energy vampires. Thank you so much for sharing I am so inspired by this post. BroadstreetBully
New Member
In life there are ALWAYS exceptions to the rule. Plus he DID pursue you, tracking down your number from a friend? He wanted you!
BroadstreetBully
New Member
No, a woman should not ever have to pursue a man. In my case, my husband did all of the pursuing, I just decided not to play some of the "games" that the book advocated. If I had happend to turn him down on that particular day, he would have moved on and I wouldn't have my daughter which makes me shudder. But, if the book works for you, that's great- I think it should just be used in a case by case sort of basis. But girl, work it and have fun!
Well let's say that you WERE actually busy? I mean, as a college student you could have had a big test the next day, volunteer work, tutoring, etc...I'm sure he would have understood. If it was meant to be, things would still play out, just not in the same way.
I think The Rules are a little different in college anyway.
BroadstreetBully
New Member
WOW! Keep up the good work ladies!
Remember:The key is to LOVE yourself, and improve on your feeling of fulfillment contentment (with or without a man).
Okay, as I promised...here is my "story". It's long, but I'll try to make it somewhat brief. I'll put the "Rule breakers" in bold so that you ladies can pick out and learn from the mistakes that I made.
*PS---Names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent...
*MY Story...*
Okay, 2 years ago I met my guy friend *Jason. He's one of those handsome, flirty, manly play-boy type of guys that all the girls like (the kind of guys I SWORE I would never like in the first place). To be honest, at first when I met him I didn't even like him like that! I was too busy with school, so I didn't have any guys on the mind at the time. But he kept showing me attention, complimenting me, and basically showing "interest signals". It wasn't long before I started to see him in a NEW light. :scratchch Well, thinking that he was a little shy/reserved (afterall, he was younger than me), I figured that maybe he needed a little "encouragement", and so since he was new to the area I took it upon myself to invite him places with a group of my friends. He didn't even have to get my number because I asked him for HIS number so that I could invite him some place fun with some friends of mine.
My sister was dating her now-husband at the time, and I saw her happiness, and wanted what she had so bad! I was about to graduate college, and so I was now starting to look at guys as "prospects". I lost focus. After speaking with my sister's boyfriend about my interest in Jason, he suggested that I call him/text him and invite him some places with us. So, silly me, I would call and invite him places with me, my sister, and her boyfriend. Oddly enough, he would come! So, at the time I was thrilled! It was like we were "double-dating", but...not quite. I can't even explain it. He would go with us to the movies, out to eat, and one time I even had 4 free tickets to a baseball game, and my sister's boyfriend invited him to come along too! Ugh...
I always wondered why I never felt "secure" whenever he would come with us. I always felt on edge. I'd be afraid to speak my mind, afraid to offend him, I was trying to be SOOO "nice", and I was too nervous to really be myself. Him on the other hand...even though he would come with us, he would never really let his guard down. He'd be quiet, nervous (or so it seemed), and always on guard with me. Definitely not the same guy I would see when he'd be flirting/talking with OTHER girls.Silly me, I thought that he was just "shy" or "nervous" because he "liked me" (or so I thought), and so I tried even harder!
I wouldn't call him all the time, but I would text him sometimes. I figured hey...we were "friends" right? So what was the big deal?? I noticed however that I was the one doing most of the initiating. Not always...but most of the time.
It wasn't until later on after months had gone by, that I realized that he was actually interested in 2 other girls.Things didn't work out with the first girl, but he was always friends with the 2nd girl, but the girl would always deny that she had any interest in him!! Silly me, I thought she was telling the truth, so I felt that Jason was still fair game. Some embarassing things I did: I invited him to a formal (granted, he came...but he wasn't really "into it"...now I know why!), I would initiate long-drawn out e-mails...at one point I asked him if he was mad at me!
At one point I just got too fed up with the tension between us, that I initiated a heart-to-heart talk with him. I didn't berate him, but I just asked him if I had done anything to offend him since I could tell he had changed around me. He swore up and down that I had never done anything to offend him at all. Yet, still I could tell that when we were around each other there was always this unspoken "tension". It wasn't until earlier this year that I just told myself to stop acting mean, be cordial, but "forget about him". I stopped inviting him places, I stopped initiating contact with him (even though I had quit long time ago), I didn't even approach him to say hello whenever we would see each other with mutual friends. It's almost like something happened late last year because when I stopped trying, he started doing MORE. Yet, I couldn't help but notice that he still wasn't dating me.
To add insult to the injury, as well as add to my utter confusion, I would pick up on the fact that Jason would always get weird/jealous/moody if another guy was interested or flirting with me. He would turn almost downright territorial at times.Earlier this year, a mutual friend of ours started showing interest in me romantically. I'll call him Billy. Word started getting around that Billy was interested in me. One time, after a group of us had gone to the movies Billy and I were laughing and talking casually. Then, out of the corner of my eye I see Jason looking over at us with a disappointed look on his face. I noticed in the car on the ride home everyone else was really happy and having fun, but Jason was real quiet. Hmmm...
I knew he was jealous, but I just let it go. I'm thinking, make up your mind dude!
) than usual now that he sensed that Billy was interested in me. (I'm telling you ladies....men like the HUNT! They love the chase!)
With Jason, I never gave him "the chase". All he would have to say is: "hey, what do you have planned today?" and my knees would go weak. One time, Jason called me up and invited me last minute to watch a movie over his house. Silly me, I went. I didn't even pretend like I had other plans.
That's why I'm doing "the Rules". I'm no longer going to be on the "backburner" or as a back-up plan just in case things don't work out with him and this other girl he's casually dating. No way.
Now days, I sit back, relax, and let Jason (and OTHER guys) do the work. It's funny because ever since I've been doing "The Rules", and have started to really get over Jason, it seems like he's more so seeking me out. I really don't know why since he basically has a girl that he's dating & interested in.
Believe me ladies...I have now learned my lesson!
[*END of Story]
Congrats if you've made it down this far.... Or, if you skipped the whole "story", I'll just paraphrase everything in a nutshell: MEN LIKE THE PURSUIT! That's all I'll say plain and simple. I now see this very loud and clear. I am soooo ashamed at what I wrote above. It really hurts to read what I wrote above.I can't even believe some of the silly, embarrassing things I did while I liked my guy friend Jason!
Trust me, when men know you like them, then they have the upper hand. So these days, I don't even give Jason the time of day. I figure hey...if he wants me as more than a friend, I will know eventually. I don't really pay attention to him flirting with me, inviting me places, trying to start conversations, etc. In fact, these days I try my best to avoid him! But he always seems to "pop up" sometime eventually.
So ladies...please don't make the mistake I made. Please don't. I have learned SO much over the past 2 years regarding guys and how they think. After reading WMLB and "The Rules, I now see all the mistakes I made.
So...you live and you learn!
WOW! What a story. Sounds like the story of my life! I'm so glad that we have all moved away from this and have gained so much power and confidence in the dating game. It's exciting.
Sure, like I said before, there are exceptions to the rule. But for me, all of this is so empowering.
I have class but I'll be back to add more. PEACE.
Highly Favored8
Well-Known Member
I will post my story why I am in this Challenge and still working at it for a week now.
@Means Name Changed
About 4 years ago I met this man who is 11 years my senior. Who was already divorced and had 4 kids and 4 grand kids. Well, I should of known better b/c the baby mama always caused drama for me which you know now that I look back turned out to be a blessing in disguise. The first 2 years were great I was single for 3 years 
went out on a few dates nothing major until I met @ engager@ I met him in Nov.of 2003 then in Feb. of 2004, I was engaged to be married to him! Red Flag all the way. let him move in with me August of 2004 another red flag! Can't I just learn already well 2003-2005 our realtionship was really good. I mean people will tell you this man is a good man. I mean he really is however, 1-1- 2006-7-5-2008 my life and my child's life change I had to make some very difficult and painful choices for not Following "The Rules". My ex fiance started to get verbally and physically abusive I was like WTH I mean it got really bad I will spare the details. However, as a result on 7-5-2008, I broke it all off with him with no chance of getting it back b/c too much damage has been done. I mean Da** why? I just could not read the signs.
He almost burned my face with a iron in front of my son for God sakes.
He would accuse me of things that I would have never done to him. I was so good to him Lord I was so good to him. He would brag and say well " I am gonna go and live with my mama etc... Also, he told me from 2006-2008, that if he would ever break up with me he would date a white woman He kept on saying that sh** over and over. I am like why am I being treated like this so on 7-5-08 he got his WISH
I kicked him to the Curb and sent him packing to MAMA and a white women. matter of fact in April of 2008 we had a cursing match in front of his mother.
I throw down like D-Lewis in Cooking and being a single mother of a pre-teen son. I have my AA and BA and working on my Masters in Social Work.
I have my own place and I take care of my own business. I built a house from the ground up when I turned 30 without my ex fiance's help. God is Good!
He would put me down and I was laid off in June of 2008 from a job of 10 years. This joker kicked me when I was so low in my life! Now, I will tell you this it has been 3 months 90 days this is what happened.
I met this man 2 years ago at a place I was engaged and he had a g/f who lived with him. 2 years later we both are free! We just started talking for about maybe 5 months now!
Now, I finally see why my ex-fiance has acted like a da** fool! God is so amazing how he allows us to learn from our mistakes and allows us to move on from them. I love it when God closeses Doors and Opens New Ones.
I do "The Rules" Why Men Love Itches, b/c I am regainig my confidence back that I lost.
Now after 90 days of me and my ex fiance
I lost 40 pounds and counting.
My life is moving forward.
My realtionship with God is stronger.
My gray hair is appearing less and less.
My ex fiance sees me now and guess what?
He is in full sorrow for what he has lost.
He used the power of his words negative against me. It is called sowing and reaping brother.
I forgive him now however, I moved on with my life.
Now my new friend I am just taking it real slow, I mean so slow and just taking our time and see where God will lead us I can tell you I am a lot happier and I can breathe a lot better not b/c of this new man in my life just b/c God gave me a second chance. I used my free-will and my power of choice.
Also, my male friend has been supportive of me for these past few months with my ex fiance. Another mans trash is a another mans treasure.
Be inspired Ladies!
I thank God for this experience.
@Means Name Changed
About 4 years ago I met this man who is 11 years my senior. Who was already divorced and had 4 kids and 4 grand kids. Well, I should of known better b/c the baby mama always caused drama for me which you know now that I look back turned out to be a blessing in disguise.
The first 2 years were great I was single for 3 years went out on a few dates nothing major until I met @ engager@ I met him in Nov.of 2003 then in Feb. of 2004, I was engaged to be married to him! Red Flag all the way. let him move in with me August of 2004 another red flag! Can't I just learn already well 2003-2005 our realtionship was really good. I mean people will tell you this man is a good man. I mean he really is however, 1-1- 2006-7-5-2008 my life and my child's life change I had to make some very difficult and painful choices for not Following "The Rules". My ex fiance started to get verbally and physically abusive I was like WTH I mean it got really bad I will spare the details. However, as a result on 7-5-2008, I broke it all off with him with no chance of getting it back b/c too much damage has been done. I mean Da** why? I just could not read the signs.He almost burned my face with a iron in front of my son for God sakes.
He would accuse me of things that I would have never done to him. I was so good to him Lord I was so good to him. He would brag and say well " I am gonna go and live with my mama etc... Also, he told me from 2006-2008, that if he would ever break up with me he would date a white woman
He kept on saying that sh** over and over. I am like why am I being treated like this so on 7-5-08 he got his WISH I kicked him to the Curb and sent him packing to MAMA and a white women. matter of fact in April of 2008 we had a cursing match in front of his mother. I throw down like D-Lewis in Cooking and being a single mother of a pre-teen son. I have my AA and BA and working on my Masters in Social Work.
I have my own place and I take care of my own business. I built a house from the ground up when I turned 30 without my ex fiance's help.
God is Good!He would put me down and I was laid off in June of 2008 from a job of 10 years. This joker kicked me when I was so low in my life
! Now, I will tell you this it has been 3 months 90 days this is what happened.I met this man 2 years ago at a place
I was engaged and he had a g/f who lived with him. 2 years later we both are free! We just started talking for about maybe 5 months now! Now, I finally see why my ex-fiance has acted like a da** fool! God is so amazing how he allows us to learn from our mistakes and allows us to move on from them. I love it when God closeses Doors and Opens New Ones.
I do "The Rules" Why Men Love Itches, b/c I am regainig my confidence back that I lost.
Now after 90 days of me and my ex fiance
I lost 40 pounds and counting.
My life is moving forward.
My realtionship with God is stronger.
My gray hair is appearing less and less.
My ex fiance sees me now and guess what?
He is in full sorrow for what he has lost.
He used the power of his words negative against me. It is called sowing and reaping brother.
I forgive him now however, I moved on with my life.
Now my new friend I am just taking it real slow, I mean so slow and just taking our time and see where God will lead us
I can tell you I am a lot happier and I can breathe a lot better not b/c of this new man in my life just b/c God gave me a second chance. I used my free-will and my power of choice.Also, my male friend has been supportive of me for these past few months with my ex fiance. Another mans trash is a another mans treasure.
Be inspired Ladies!
I thank God for this experience.
gn1g
Well-Known Member
IMO:
You are what men refer to as the SURE THANG! He only wants you to have his kid in an attempt to lock you down kill your career dreams and have you totally focused on him.
I kinda thing it's the old " I don't want anyone else to have you either"
Babygirl, take all of that energy u are putting into him and put it into you get all dolled up and go find you a good GOOD man who is worthy of you.
All said in love.
noemi
Well-Known Member
There is a "The Rules II"
Buy "All the Rules". It is the original Rules and Rules II with some bonus material. I only paid like $8 for it.
MizAvalon
Well-Known Member
There is a "The Rules II"
This is the one that I have. It's actually The Rules and The Rules II in one book.
CurliDiva
Well-Known Member
Ladies!
I have to send BIG
HUGS to Dkbeauti and Highly Flavored for sharing your personal stories!
Ladies, you are so BEAUTIFUL!
I don't know you - and we could have pass each other on the street without a second glance- but your beautiful spirits shine thru your words!
Stories like yours prove to me that wanting (and actively seeking) a healthy "love relationship" is no FLUFF or SUPERFICIAL!
Keep the FAITH ladies!!!!
I have to send BIG
HUGS to Dkbeauti and Highly Flavored for sharing your personal stories!Ladies, you are so BEAUTIFUL!
I don't know you - and we could have pass each other on the street without a second glance- but your beautiful spirits shine thru your words!
Stories like yours prove to me that wanting (and actively seeking) a healthy "love relationship" is no FLUFF or SUPERFICIAL!
Keep the FAITH ladies!!!!
Minx
Well-Known Member
I will post my story why I am in this Challenge and still working at it for a week now.
@Means Name Changed
About 4 years ago I met this man who is 11 years my senior. Who was already divorced and had 4 kids and 4 grand kids. Well, I should of known better b/c the baby mama always caused drama for me which you know now that I look back turned out to be a blessing in disguise.
He almost burned my face with a iron in front of my son for God sakes.
He would accuse me of things that I would have never done to him. I was so good to him Lord I was so good to him. He would brag and say well " I am gonna go and live with my mama etc... Also, he told me from 2006-2008, that if he would ever break up with me he would date a white woman
I throw down like D-Lewis in Cooking and being a single mother of a pre-teen son. I have my AA and BA and working on my Masters in Social Work.
I have my own place and I take care of my own business. I built a house from the ground up when I turned 30 without my ex fiance's help.
He would put me down and I was laid off in June of 2008 from a job of 10 years. This joker kicked me when I was so low in my life
I met this man 2 years ago at a place
Now, I finally see why my ex-fiance has acted like a da** fool! God is so amazing how he allows us to learn from our mistakes and allows us to move on from them. I love it when God closeses Doors and Opens New Ones.
I do "The Rules" Why Men Love Itches, b/c I am regainig my confidence back that I lost.
Now after 90 days of me and my ex fiance
I lost 40 pounds and counting.
My life is moving forward.
My realtionship with God is stronger.
My gray hair is appearing less and less.
My ex fiance sees me now and guess what?
He is in full sorrow for what he has lost.
He used the power of his words negative against me. It is called sowing and reaping brother.
I forgive him now however, I moved on with my life.
Now my new friend I am just taking it real slow, I mean so slow and just taking our time and see where God will lead us
Also, my male friend has been supportive of me for these past few months with my ex fiance. Another mans trash is a another mans treasure.
Be inspired Ladies!
I thank God for this experience.
Wow, Sweetie, I am so sorry you had to go through all that.
Man, I thought my ex was an ***hole.
I guess he's not the only one
And what's a trip is, I didn't even go into the verbal stuff:
The mind games, the manipulation, the threats of "well, I'm going back to my baby mamma" (a white/mexican woman), "I still love her" and "she's always gonna be mine" crap when he's pissed off and throwing a fit.
His oldest 3 kids mom, a BW like myself, his ex wife---has remarried.
Oh, and he's 10 years older than me.
So yeah, our stories seem to be very similiar.
Anyway......
I must say I'm impressed by your strength...for enduring what you have and moving on.
I'm trying to be right there witcha!
As The Rules say: "Next!"
(got me a megaphone for that one, and I will be using that thing.
)May God continue to bless you and yours.
And congratulaions, again, on your new relationship!
Have a good one,
dk
Highly Favored8
Well-Known Member
Wow, Sweetie, I am so sorry you had to go through all that.
Man, I thought my ex was an ***hole.
I guess he's not the only one
And what's a trip is, I didn't even go into the verbal stuff:
The mind games, the manipulation, the threats of "well, I'm going back to my baby mamma" (a white/mexican woman), "I still love her" and "she's always gonna be mine" crap when he's pissed off and throwing a fit.
His oldest 3 kids mom, a BW like myself, his ex wife---has remarried.
Oh, and he's 10 years older than me.
So yeah, our stories seem to be very similiar.
Anyway......
I must say I'm impressed by your strength...for enduring what you have and moving on.
I'm trying to be right there witcha!
As The Rules say: "Next!"
(got me a megaphone for that one, and I will be using that thing.)
May God continue to bless you and yours.
And congratulaions, again, on your new relationship!
Have a good one,
dk
Thank you and same as you. After I saw your post I was like now wait a min. I have to post. I learned so much within 1 week of my life. I feel so empowered right now. Thank you I am so blessed that my post inspired you and others.
Man, I thought my ex was an ***hole.
I guess he's not the only one
And what's a trip is, I didn't even go into the verbal stuff:
The mind games, the manipulation, the threats of "well, I'm going back to my baby mamma" (a white/mexican woman), "I still love her" and "she's always gonna be mine" crap when he's pissed off and throwing a fit.
His oldest 3 kids mom, a BW like myself, his ex wife---has remarried.
Oh, and he's 10 years older than me.
So yeah, our stories seem to be very similiar.
Anyway......
I must say I'm impressed by your strength...for enduring what you have and moving on.
I'm trying to be right there witcha!
As The Rules say: "Next!"
(got me a megaphone for that one, and I will be using that thing.)
May God continue to bless you and yours.
And congratulaions, again, on your new relationship!
Have a good one,
dk
Thank you and same as you. After I saw your post I was like now wait a min. I have to post. I learned so much within 1 week of my life. I feel so empowered right now. Thank you I am so blessed that my post inspired you and others.
Minx
Well-Known Member
Thank you, for this.
I so agree with everything you said.
I appreciate your advice, and yeah, getting a new man in the not so distant future who is "worthy" is the plan!
I'm off to do some more reading now.................
Blessings,
dk
**Tasha*Love**
New Member
Ladies I have been in this challenge since day one of this thread but my heart has been so heavy and I haven't had the courage to post - until now.
Last week I just had to get away and I took a vacation. I journaled for hours at a time basically until my wrist became sore from writing. I see a pattern in my life that has to come to an end in regard to relationships. I have always been the good/nice girl. Shy, quiet and reserved. Haven't had too many boyfriends but I notice that I am the girl that guys have no problem walking away from. And the sad part is that I take them back after being mistreated. I have endured so much emotional and verbal abuse more than anything else but I think my last relationship was my reality check. I can't take this anymore. Heartache doesn't feel good and things have GOT to change.
This may be long but I am hurting and gotta let go. I met a guy back in 06 and though he was "the one". I can't even tell you why I felt that way??? Our first conversation was so lame. He was really getting on my nerves and dodged the question of "are you married?". Eventually I asked him again about being married and then all of a sudden I hear this weeping sound? I am thinking "dude is crying??" Ya'll he goes from weeping to sobbing in 60 seconds. His wife had died about 9 months prior to me meeting him. That was my first warning - Do not get involved with a man that is grieving over the loss of his wife! But I had lost my mom a 1 - 1/2 prior so I understood lossing someone that you loved. Looking back I think I felt more sorry for him than I actually liked him. I knew what it was like to lose someone and I wanted to be his support system.
To make a long story short - I made a fool of myself and that is the part that hurts the most. I called this guy constantly trying to check on him. I went into mother mode instead of just being a friend. He wouldn't return my calls until HE felt like it and would set dates but never came thru. I was always on his time and basically he would string me along as he pleased. He would tell me that he didn't want a relationship but he's also telling me how beautiful I am (which is true) and how he wants us to be together one day. He's talking out of both sides of his mouth and I felt so vulnerable because I was starting to like him. We had absolutely nothing in common - NOTHING! He was so boring 
.
Now I have to be honest - it wasn't all his fault. I made so bad mistakes when my gut and heart was telling me not to do it. I knew it was wrong to keep calling this man. I knew it was wrong to take him out to dinner for his birthday when he showed no genuine interest in me. I knew it was wrong to sleep with him after 6 months because there was no committment on his end. The more and more I tried to show him I cared, the more he rejected me. Rejection can lead to Obsession and that was the case for me. I went into overdrive trying to prove myself to a man that never took the chance to prove himself to me. I am so embarrassed to say that I would call this man and leave HORRIBLE phone messages - I was hurt because he wasn't returning my calls. I wanted him to hurt the way I hurted but I now see how immature I was. We would curse each other out! Just very disrespectful to each other. As time went on over the course of 2 years he became better about calling, hanging out and I began to mature and handled myself differently. But I think I laid the foundation in his mind that I was a doormat, desperate and needy and he could treat me as he pleased. After 3 yrs of losing his wife I don't think he is grieving anymore, I simply thinks he wants to be free and date other women. I guess I was the rebound chick.
I haven't heard from him since 9/20. I called to see what he was up to and he was at his youngest brothers wedding where he was the best man. I can't explain the emotions that I felt. I started to think about how we have known each other for 2 yrs yet I didn't even know his brother was getting married. As a matter of fact, we haven't met each others relatives. He has no interest in my life and doesn't include me in his. My heart became so heavy that night and I cried and cried. I couldn't take the rejection anymore. I had done everything to show him I cared and nothing worked. It was time to let go. Well that night he said that he would call me back and of course he hasn't. See I am the one that always breaks the silence - not this time. He will be waiting until doomsday if I have to make the call. I always make excuses for his actions - not this time. :realitycheck: HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO ME - MOVE ON GIRL!
I can't make him out to be a monster because he's not. He's very smart, funny and good-looking. He's actually very corny. I guess he just was not that into me and when I think about it - I'm just not that into him either. I had this fantasy relationship going on in my mind instead of looking at my reality. I have always had a copy of WMLB. I bough the book back in 06 and my perception at that time was that I had to being this super B that didn't take any mess. Now I see that it's truly about confidence and loving yourself - two things that I have never been able to do. I always put men first and my feelings last. I am always trying to be the bigger person and that sh*t just ain't fair to me. I am tired of feeling like a doormat and like my feelings don't matter. I deserve to be loved and treated with respected. I am tired of being disrespected but a change must first take place in ME.
So ladies I have done everything that you guys have done. Called the guy, cooked fabulous meals, sex'd him up so good that it put his @ss to sleep and still I'm the girl that is nice but not nice enough to be with. First, I want to spent time with NaTasha. I want to love and adore her. Find out her wants and needs and then take it from there. I know that no relationship is perfect but I'll be damn'd if I go thru this sh*t again! Naw next time will be different - I love ME this time which is something that I have never felt before.
***I know this was long and I have never typed this much since I joined this board*** Thanks Ladies!!!
Last week I just had to get away and I took a vacation. I journaled for hours at a time basically until my wrist became sore from writing. I see a pattern in my life that has to come to an end in regard to relationships. I have always been the good/nice girl. Shy, quiet and reserved. Haven't had too many boyfriends but I notice that I am the girl that guys have no problem walking away from. And the sad part is that I take them back after being mistreated. I have endured so much emotional and verbal abuse more than anything else but I think my last relationship was my reality check. I can't take this anymore. Heartache doesn't feel good and things have GOT to change.
This may be long but I am hurting and gotta let go. I met a guy back in 06 and though he was "the one". I can't even tell you why I felt that way??? Our first conversation was so lame. He was really getting on my nerves and dodged the question of "are you married?". Eventually I asked him again about being married and then all of a sudden I hear this weeping sound? I am thinking "dude is crying??" Ya'll he goes from weeping to sobbing in 60 seconds. His wife had died about 9 months prior to me meeting him. That was my first warning - Do not get involved with a man that is grieving over the loss of his wife! But I had lost my mom a 1 - 1/2 prior so I understood lossing someone that you loved. Looking back I think I felt more sorry for him than I actually liked him. I knew what it was like to lose someone and I wanted to be his support system.
To make a long story short - I made a fool of myself and that is the part that hurts the most. I called this guy constantly trying to check on him. I went into mother mode instead of just being a friend. He wouldn't return my calls until HE felt like it and would set dates but never came thru. I was always on his time and basically he would string me along as he pleased. He would tell me that he didn't want a relationship but he's also telling me how beautiful I am (which is true
) and how he wants us to be together one day. He's talking out of both sides of his mouth and I felt so vulnerable because I was starting to like him. We had absolutely nothing in common - NOTHING! He was so boring .Now I have to be honest - it wasn't all his fault. I made so bad mistakes when my gut and heart was telling me not to do it. I knew it was wrong to keep calling this man. I knew it was wrong to take him out to dinner for his birthday when he showed no genuine interest in me. I knew it was wrong to sleep with him after 6 months because there was no committment on his end. The more and more I tried to show him I cared, the more he rejected me. Rejection can lead to Obsession and that was the case for me. I went into overdrive trying to prove myself to a man that never took the chance to prove himself to me. I am so embarrassed to say that I would call this man and leave HORRIBLE phone messages - I was hurt because he wasn't returning my calls. I wanted him to hurt the way I hurted but I now see how immature I was. We would curse each other out! Just very disrespectful to each other. As time went on over the course of 2 years he became better about calling, hanging out and I began to mature and handled myself differently. But I think I laid the foundation in his mind that I was a doormat, desperate and needy and he could treat me as he pleased. After 3 yrs of losing his wife I don't think he is grieving anymore, I simply thinks he wants to be free and date other women. I guess I was the rebound chick.
I haven't heard from him since 9/20. I called to see what he was up to and he was at his youngest brothers wedding where he was the best man. I can't explain the emotions that I felt. I started to think about how we have known each other for 2 yrs yet I didn't even know his brother was getting married. As a matter of fact, we haven't met each others relatives. He has no interest in my life and doesn't include me in his. My heart became so heavy that night and I cried and cried. I couldn't take the rejection anymore. I had done everything to show him I cared and nothing worked. It was time to let go. Well that night he said that he would call me back and of course he hasn't. See I am the one that always breaks the silence - not this time. He will be waiting until doomsday if I have to make the call. I always make excuses for his actions - not this time. :realitycheck: HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO ME - MOVE ON GIRL!
I can't make him out to be a monster because he's not. He's very smart, funny and good-looking. He's actually very corny. I guess he just was not that into me and when I think about it - I'm just not that into him either. I had this fantasy relationship going on in my mind instead of looking at my reality. I have always had a copy of WMLB. I bough the book back in 06 and my perception at that time was that I had to being this super B that didn't take any mess. Now I see that it's truly about confidence and loving yourself - two things that I have never been able to do. I always put men first and my feelings last. I am always trying to be the bigger person and that sh*t just ain't fair to me. I am tired of feeling like a doormat and like my feelings don't matter. I deserve to be loved and treated with respected. I am tired of being disrespected but a change must first take place in ME.
So ladies I have done everything that you guys have done. Called the guy, cooked fabulous meals, sex'd him up so good that it put his @ss to sleep and still I'm the girl that is nice but not nice enough to be with. First, I want to spent time with NaTasha. I want to love and adore her. Find out her wants and needs and then take it from there. I know that no relationship is perfect but I'll be damn'd if I go thru this sh*t again! Naw next time will be different - I love ME this time which is something that I have never felt before.
***I know this was long and I have never typed this much since I joined this board
*** Thanks Ladies!!!
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