*Spinoff* "The Rules Challenge!--"Rules" girls get in here!

I thought about the fact that I'm living by "The Rules" after I left the park and the fine instructor. My friend and I were trying to figure out ways to get his attention like emailing the office, calling the office, having her husband say something to him.

THEN and thank God for "then" I remembered that I'm a "Rules" girl and IF (no sweat off my back) he's interested, he'll stop me as I'm walking around the trail. IF not, he's not that interested and that's okay too.

Different subject... I haven't posted my story yet and I'm not sure if and when I will. Just too much to spill right now.


Crystalicequeen123 said:
Hey Yodie! :wave:

Okay first of all, some may disagree with me, but I don't think "Rules Gilrs" try to "get" a man's attention. Either they have his attention, or they don't. In fact, he should be trying to get YOUR attention! You have to change your whole mind-set girlie! Because if you don't, you'll end up doing things to TRY to get his attention, which may inevitably cause you to do things to try to impress him, attract him, pursue him, etc. unknowingly. Sometimes mental pursuit is just as bad as physical pursuit. Catch my drift?? :look:

So first things first...change your whole outlook and mindset. You have to believe that YOU ARE THE PRIZE! Then you won't be too concerned with trying to impress him/get his attention. ;) "The Rules" is a completely different way of thinking.

Now with that said, you can do things that will fascilitate the chance that he may approach you. When you go to the gym, look fierce! Look your best! It seems like you've already approached him asking him a question, so I think that if he is interested (and single/available), then he will eventually come to you as long as you seem nice, friendly, and approachable. :yep: I read somewhere in some book that if you don't think a guy has "noticed" you yet, you are wrong. They say take the time it took for you to notice him, and divide that time in half. Since guys are so visual, he probably noticed you looong before you noticed him. If he's not making a move, it's either because he's taken, you don't seem approachable, or he's just not that interested. :ohwell:
Click to expand...
 
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Ladies...i just got the book and good Lord! I've been doing things ALL WRONG! No wonder relationships did not pan out the way I wanted it too. Sepcifically my last one. I mentioned the M word to early...he mentioned it first and I ran with it. I did WAY too much and showed alot of interest when I should have been aloof.

I also like how they mention in addition to doing the rules you need to take care of your self. Excercise, eat healthy and make sure you look HOT every TIMe you leave the house.

I can't wait to put all this into use.
 
Hello ladies, I just want to say I told my friend today that I don't think that it is going to work out with us. The funny thing is I'm not mad or hurt, just more less disappointed.. But that is life, we will have some disappointments. I have read WMLB and The Rules.. I am currently reading Rules II and WMMB.
 
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This is my first time coming to this side of the forum. Im glad I did though I will be buying this book as soon as I can. I have been with my SO for 10 months and I feel as though I am starting to get a little needy and clingy:nono: and that has never been me. I already knew i need a change but this will help me to do it. All you guys have encouraged me:yep:
 
Ladies, I think someone else mentioned this book on this thread but check out The List if you can. I think it is just as eye-opening as The Rules and would be a great adjunct!

(My favorite is the first list rule: if a man is interested in you, he will approach you. No ifs ands or buts about it ladies!)
 
Sweetg said:
Ladies...i just got the book and good Lord! I've been doing things ALL WRONG! No wonder relationships did not pan out the way I wanted it too. Sepcifically my last one. I mentioned the M word to early...he mentioned it first and I ran with it. I did WAY too much and showed alot of interest when I should have been aloof.

I also like how they mention in addition to doing the rules you need to take care of your self. Excercise, eat healthy and make sure you look HOT every TIMe you leave the house.

I can't wait to put all this into use.
Click to expand...

I agree u must look hot everytime u leave the house u never know who u will run into:grin:
 
classimami713 said:
Ladies, I think someone else mentioned this book on this thread but check out The List if you can. I think it is just as eye-opening as The Rules and would be a great adjunct!

(My favorite is the first list rule: if a man is interested in you, he will approach you. No ifs ands or buts about it ladies!)
Click to expand...

is it called the list: how to tell if he's going to marry you in 30 days or less? I can't find it on amazon. Tia
 
Because the Rules/the List needs to be practiced, I propose that we take a minimum of one action a week that supports practicing the Rules.

Examples:
-going out once a week--even if no one is available and you have to go SOLO--to some event that is conducive to using the Rules (ie dinner, museum, gallery, lounge, etc.). Take time at the beginning of each week to look in the paper, check out meetup, etc and plan to go to a great event. Invite friends, but if they are not available, you go anyway!
-joining an online service simply to have dates and practice (match, plentyoffish)
-posting an ad on Craigslist or similar service to date up a storm/practice
-keep using the Rules/the List on men currently in your life

Any other suggestions? There's also a Rules book for online dating and I'm planning to check that out. :yep:
 
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Sweetg said:
Ladies...i just got the book and good Lord! I've been doing things ALL WRONG! No wonder relationships did not pan out the way I wanted it too. Sepcifically my last one. I mentioned the M word to early...he mentioned it first and I ran with it. I did WAY too much and showed alot of interest when I should have been aloof.

I also like how they mention in addition to doing the rules you need to take care of your self. Excercise, eat healthy and make sure you look HOT every TIMe you leave the house.
I can't wait to put all this into use.
Click to expand...

Yes girl...after reading this book & WMLB, I realized that I've been doing just about EVERYTHING wrong!! :shocked: Ugh... I shake my head now everytime I re-live the silly things I used to do when I was sooo pressed for my guy friend Jason. Giving him gas money after driving me and some friends a long distance, giving him "thank you cards" for things he helped me out with, always being available whenever he invited me somewhere, never being able to just be "myself" around him, etc. Uggggghhhhhhh the list goes on!! :wallbash: :wallbash:

But! That is all in the past now. I have been "re-born" so to speak into a "Rules Girl". Just 3 weeks of applying this stuff and now he doesn't really know how to act around me! :giggle:

I've stopped the physical pursuit, but now I'm going to focus more on the other part of the rules (ie. getting back in shape, pampering myself, doing things for ME, etc.).


NClady said:
Hello ladies, I just want to say I told my friend today that I don't think that it is going to work out with us. The funny thing is I'm not mad or hurt, just more less disappointed.. But that is life, we will have some disappointments. I have read WMLB and The Rules.. I am currently reading Rules II and WMMB.
Click to expand...

Sorry to hear about this NClady. Did something happen? Do you mind giving a short back-story? I apologize if it was already mentioned on this thread.

classimami713 said:
Ladies, I think someone else mentioned this book on this thread but check out The List if you can. I think it is just as eye-opening as The Rules and would be a great adjunct!

(My favorite is the first list rule: if a man is interested in you, he will approach you. No ifs ands or buts about it ladies!)
Click to expand...
Thanks for this! I'm going to have to check out this "List"! :up:


coconow2007 said:
I agree u must look hot everytime u leave the house u never know who u will run into:grin:
Click to expand...
Yep! This has been working so far for me! :yep: I didn't realize just how much better you feel when you always look your best when you leave the house. It's not about being "high maintenance". It's about just making sure that you look somewhat put together. You can look "put together" in some cute sweats and a ponytail. Just always try to look feminine, cute, and put together. I've even run into some nice-looking guys while out, and BOY am I so glad I had already put myself together nicely!! I wasn't insecure, wondering about how I looked, wondering why I didn't put on some makeup that morning...etc. :lol:

classimami713 said:
Because the Rules/the List needs to be practiced, I propose that we take a minimum of one action a week that supports practicing the Rules.

Examples:
-going out once a week--even if no one is available and you have to go SOLO--to some event that is conducive to using the Rules (ie dinner, museum, gallery, lounge, etc.). Take time at the beginning of each week to look in the paper, check out meetup, etc and plan to go to a great event. Invite friends, but if they are not available, you go anyway!
-joining an online service simply to have dates and practice (match, plentyoffish)
-posting an ad on Craigslist or similar service to date up a storm/practice
-keep using the Rules/the List on men currently in your life

Any other suggestions? There's also a Rules book for online dating and I'm planning to check that out. :yep:
Click to expand...

Hmmm...Good idea! :up:
 
amara11 said:
This is interesting:

http://www.askmen.com/dating/heidi/39_dating_girl.html

What are you ladies' thoughts on this?
Click to expand...
Thanks for posting this article Amara. It opens up the forum for a different way of looking at things. HOWEVER, (I don't know about the rest of the ladies on this thread) seeing as how this article was written by a WOMAN (not even a man), I don't find her opinion that credible. Not because she's a woman per se, but because her opinions are based on how women think, and not on how men think.

I'm sorry but when she stated:
---"It is encouraged to look mysterious and be a challenge, but wouldn't the woman who calls you the day after your date to tell you that she had fun -- before you had the chance -- strike you as intriguing? And wouldn't the woman who approached you at the local coffee shop to strike up a conversation attract you thanks to her incredible self-confidence?".......

I was thinking: "Ummm....no...most guys would not really be that intrigued. Or, they would be flattered at first, but then lose interest very quickly."

I see what she's saying, but honestly...even her assumptions about "The Rules" are inaccurate. First of all, "Rules Girls" are NOT dishonest, and are not "pretending to be busy" just to make some guy chase after them. :nono: Rules Girls really ARE "busy" because they have a life. They don't drop everything at the drop of a hat for a man. They are honest and upfront, but they don't just put all their business and feelings out on the table after a few dates/months of knowing a man. :nono:

I appreciated the author's view, but I dont' agree. I wouldn't even agree if some guy had written this same article. Don't listen to what men say (or write), look at what they DO, and the women that they CHASE after and go for.

Plus, I've seen faaar too many examples in my own life, my girlfriend's lives, and even examples from MOVIES that show that if a woman chases a man, or makes things too easy for him, she will usually eventually lose. :(

Some of my best girlfriends have even been so upfront so as to confess to a guy that they liked him!! I warned them not to do it, but did they listen?? No. :( It was just "burning" inside of them and they just HAD to let him know they told me. Sadly, these same guys are NOT dating them. Their "confessions" to him didn't make him all of a sudden "see the light" and realize his attraction for them and say: "Oh, I'm so glad you confessed that, because I like you too! Let's date!" :nono: Noooo.....Never tell a guy/or confess to a guy that you like him FIRST. NEVER!! :naughty:
 
classimami713 said:
Ladies, I think someone else mentioned this book on this thread but check out The List if you can. I think it is just as eye-opening as The Rules and would be a great adjunct!

(My favorite is the first list rule: if a man is interested in you, he will approach you. No ifs ands or buts about it ladies!)
Click to expand...



Hi


I was engaged to man who is "A List" as I was reading I am going to be real with you was breaking up with my abusive ex of 4 years was really worth it. For goodness sakes I had an engagement ring within 3 months:blush:
So, my ex def.set the stage up for this next man I am speaking to b/c he has 5 or the 7 LISTS and these are MAJOR ones so, do I say oh no another abuser :nono:. I cannot say that I can say that yes I had a List man who was my ex fiance and he treated me so wrong. Now that I also, been talking to a List man for a couple of months. I am like real slow and no rush:spinning: For now:yep: Some times couple with these books for me has been God's Divine Timing:drunk:.
 
Crystalicequeen123 said:
I see what she's saying, but honestly...even her assumptions about "The Rules" are inaccurate. First of all, "Rules Girls" are NOT dishonest, and are not "pretending to be busy" just to make some guy chase after them. :nono: Rules Girls really ARE "busy" because they have a life. They don't drop everything at the drop of a hat for a man. They are honest and upfront, but they don't just put all their business and feelings out on the table after a few dates/months of knowing a man. :nono:
Click to expand...

Basically :yep: The whole point is not to manipulate (trust me, there is plenty of stuff out there that teaches manipulation and the Rules doesn't come close :nono:). It's basically, get a damn life! So you don't have to spend a week by the phone waiting for that call. To me, it's just a smarter way to approach dating. Even the Bible says "guard your heart because it's the wellspring of life" and "don't cast your pearls to the swine." No manipulation. Just common sense.
 
Sweetg said:
Ladies...i just got the book and good Lord! I've been doing things ALL WRONG! No wonder relationships did not pan out the way I wanted it too. Sepcifically my last one. I mentioned the M word to early...he mentioned it first and I ran with it. I did WAY too much and showed alot of interest when I should have been aloof.

I also like how they mention in addition to doing the rules you need to take care of your self. Excercise, eat healthy and make sure you look HOT every TIMe you leave the house.

I can't wait to put all this into use.
Click to expand...

IMO, we ladies have to walk a fine line in the 'LOOKING HOT" department!

I will dare to say that all guys want a pretty or attractive woman - meaning well groomed, feminine, sexy and stylish - but not a VIDEO VIXEN or SUPER MODEL!

Your STYLE MOJO should look effortless …(like you roll out of bed looking this fabulous)…..not like you are trying too hard to get attention (which screams high maintenance or fragile ego)!
Some women mistake looking HOT for looking like they are in HEAT! :blush: Leave some things to his (naughty) imagination……..
 
classimami713 said:
Basically :yep: The whole point is not to manipulate (trust me, there is plenty of stuff out there that teaches manipulation and the Rules doesn't come close :nono:). It's basically, get a damn life! So you don't have to spend a week by the phone waiting for that call. To me, it's just a smarter way to approach dating. Even the Bible says "guard your heart because it's the wellspring of life" and "don't cast your pearls to the swine." No manipulation. Just common sense.
Click to expand...

Preach!

Never put your life on hold and think that the prefect "relationship" will magically transform into a better person. I known women who have said that they will _____ (fill in the blank - travel, buy a house, take better care of themselves, buy furniture) after they get married. Meanwhile, they are not living to their full potential!

:nono: How attractive is that to the opposite sex?
 
What if you're in an LDR and money is tight? I want my SO to call me more often, but when I talk to him about it he says money is too tight. (he has a minute phone)

I don't want to be unreasonable about it but I do want him to call me more often.
 
CurliDiva said:
IMO, we ladies have to walk a fine line in the 'LOOKING HOT" department!

I will dare to say that all guys want a pretty or attractive woman - meaning well groomed, feminine, sexy and stylish - but not a VIDEO VIXEN or SUPER MODEL!

Your STYLE MOJO should look effortless …(like you roll out of bed looking this fabulous)…..not like you are trying too hard to get attention (which screams high maintenance or fragile ego)!

Some women mistake looking HOT for looking like they are in HEAT! :blush: Leave some things to his (naughty) imagination……..
Click to expand...

Girl I hear ya!! I am sneaker chick on my off days and i love to wear heals to work. I balance the 2. on my off days just because i wear sneaks/ and jeans doesn't mean i can't make it look HOT! make sure my hear is well done...put on some lip gloss and mascara. it don't take much if you're on point with your look regularly.

ponytail can look hot too. slick it back nice and a hoop earring or a stud. simple.
 
The Dreamer said:
What if you're in an LDR and money is tight? I want my SO to call me more often, but when I talk to him about it he says money is too tight. (he has a minute phone)

I don't want to be unreasonable about it but I do want him to call me more often.
Click to expand...

Do you communicate with him online?......plenty internet messengers have the phone function...my ex lives in italy and is very well off and neither one of us thinks its kosher to waste money when we don't have to talking on the phone when we can IM or just hit the call person on the yahoo messenger and talk like were on the phone......all is needed is mic's and speakers

I think you may be being unreasonable unless of course you want to volunteer to buy him a phone with unlimited minutes so he can call u without having to worry about racking up a high bill
 
I agree with your response 100%! My responses in RED.

Crystalicequeen123 said:
Thanks for posting this article Amara. It opens up the forum for a different way of looking at things. HOWEVER, (I don't know about the rest of the ladies on this thread) seeing as how this article was written by a WOMAN (not even a man), I don't find her opinion that credible. Not because she's a woman per se, but because her opinions are based on how women think, and not on how men think.

:yep: While I also appreciate these outlooks, I don't read too much into them. Men and women are different. It isn't fair but that's how it is. It isn't fair that as women we tend to be more emotional (hormones) and have a more nurturing nature while men seem to go through life so aloof and unconcerned. What it takes to "intrigue" a woman is not going to be the same as what it takes to "intrigue" a man. Raising a daughter is different from raising a son. You can't take the same approach because we respond differently.

As women we are driven by security, men are driven by freedom. A good man will be a devoted partner as long as he feels like he still has his "freedom". That's why I expect a man to approach me. He has exercised his "freedom" to hunt me down, call me, initiate contact, say "hi" first. I am a much sweeter prize to him because he chose me, not the other way around. And to be honest, I am more into a guy who has approached me...I am flattered and secure, and as a result I become more into him. When I approach a guy I am not fully satisfied. I become more insecure in the relationship, "is he really into me? would we be together if I never initiated contact?"
I'm sorry but when she stated:
---"It is encouraged to look mysterious and be a challenge, but wouldn't the woman who calls you the day after your date to tell you that she had fun -- before you had the chance -- strike you as intriguing? And wouldn't the woman who approached you at the local coffee shop to strike up a conversation attract you thanks to her incredible self-confidence?".......

I was thinking: "Ummm....no...most guys would not really be that intrigued. Or, they would be flattered at first, but then lose interest very quickly."

This kills me. I have guys use this all the time. "I'd love for a woman to approach me. It shows she is strong, confident, and knows what she wants" Sure.:rolleyes: These same men will turn around and chase the woman they really want for months. If a woman is strong, confident, and sure of herself, she knows that a man who is really feeling her will approach her, simple as that. Because she is confident, she isn't sweating any man, and if that guy in the coffee shop is too shy or disinterested to get off his *** and approach her, he's missed out...some other guy will catch her.

I see what she's saying, but honestly...even her assumptions about "The Rules" are inaccurate. First of all, "Rules Girls" are NOT dishonest, and are not "pretending to be busy" just to make some guy chase after them. :nono: Rules Girls really ARE "busy" because they have a life. They don't drop everything at the drop of a hat for a man. They are honest and upfront, but they don't just put all their business and feelings out on the table after a few dates/months of knowing a man. :nono:

EXACTLY! So many people get it all wrong! It's not about manipulation or dishonesty. Let's be honest for a second. Relationships, marriage, family is on a woman's mind so much more than men. It's within our DNA. We've been wired to find a mate and have babies. This is where we have our disconnect. It's easier for men to not think about relationships 24/7, it's easier for them to go days without speaking on the phone, etc... We just aren't wired the same.

Rules girls keep busy so that we can dedicate our time and passion to making ourselves happy and not being so caught up over men. We don't fall into the stereotype of being the girlfriend sitting at home waiting on her man to call while he's out watching the game with his boys. Instead we are also out with the girls, or volunteering, etc. When he calls, we keep the conversation short and get back to living our lives. He's intrigued because he has his freedom, but you're still on his mind. He goes back to watching the game, and when it's over all he can think about is how bad he wants to see you.

I appreciated the author's view, but I dont' agree. I wouldn't even agree if some guy had written this same article. Don't listen to what men say (or write), look at what they DO, and the women that they CHASE after and go for.

They chase after EVERYTHING. Everything in a man's life is about the chase and competition. Heck, how did men manage to turn almost everything into some sort of sport? Competitive eating? Whenever faced with a challenge or competition he is intrigued. That goes for dating and women. Make it a sport and you'll have his attention.

Plus, I've seen faaar too many examples in my own life, my girlfriend's lives, and even examples from MOVIES that show that if a woman chases a man, or makes things too easy for him, she will usually eventually lose. :(

Tell me about it!

Some of my best girlfriends have even been so upfront so as to confess to a guy that they liked him!! I warned them not to do it, but did they listen?? No. :( It was just "burning" inside of them and they just HAD to let him know they told me. Sadly, these same guys are NOT dating them. Their "confessions" to him didn't make him all of a sudden "see the light" and realize his attraction for them and say: "Oh, I'm so glad you confessed that, because I like you too! Let's date!" :nono: Noooo.....Never tell a guy/or confess to a guy that you like him FIRST. NEVER!! :naughty:

I've done this and of course it never ends well. Why was I even shocked that he didn't feel the same? My friends kept begging me to express my feelings. "He likes you, but he's afraid of rejection" or the classic "He likes you, but he's intimidated because he thinks you're too good for him :rolleyes:" So I express them and I'm left with egg on my face. After years of embarrassment I finally learned, if he likes you...HE'LL APPROACH YOU! HE'LL ASK YOU OUT! HE'LL REVEAL HIS TRUE FEELINGS!
Click to expand...


At the end of the day it all comes down to what YOU want and what YOU expect from a relationship. The Rules and WMLB are on target in this respect.

I don't want a guy who doesn't think I'm enough of a prize to pursue me. If a man can work his *** off to win that Olympic gold medal, the Stanley Cup, a Super Bowl Ring, I'm sure he'll have no problem pursuing me in hopes that he'll catch someone who will make a loving and devoted partner.
 
^^

what would you all recommend a girl to do it a man comes on REALLY STRONG wining and dining her for about a week or two and then he falls back, whose move would it be?
 
there's this girl i use to go out with alot who would always approach men. always. what puzzled me was why it never lasted. some of them never returned her calls. i was thinking she's so pretty. very pretty, nice shape. I didn't get it.

NOW, i get it. they prefer a chase and she never gave them a chance.
 
Hi ladies! I've never really stopped in this thread, and I'm mad that I didn't before! There is some serious knowledge being dropped in here. :D

I have grown more into a "Rules" girl as I've gotten older without even realizing it... I used to do the chase, etc., but I don't anymore and I've found I've had more success with men now that I just sit back and let them chase me! I still can work on some things, as we all can, but I find that I'm actually less pressed and less stressed with the "Rules" approach as opposed to the other way around.

All that thought about, "Wow, he smiled at me and told me he liked my hair, is he interested? And if he is, what should I do?" is just a waste of time. If he likes me, he'll do something. And if not, I just mentally move on. Piece of cake and peace of mind! :D
 
I've got a question. I'm haven't read the book, but I'm thinking this would be covered in it. If not, please give me your opinions.

Mr. Man swears up and down that he's not the only one I'm seeing (he is, but only because of the shallowness of the dating pool right now). Don't know why he thinks this.

Do I let him believe it, or do I try to convince him that I'm not?

I'm conflicted because I feel like if I let him believe it, he'll hold back. But if he finds that he is, he'll think "oh, I got her", and not put in any effort.
 
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Sweetg said:
there's this girl i use to go out with alot who would always approach men. always. what puzzled me was why it never lasted. some of them never returned her calls. i was thinking she's so pretty. very pretty, nice shape. I didn't get it.

NOW, i get it. they prefer a chase and she never gave them a chance.
Click to expand...

That's the whole point we need to let MEN be MEN and do the pursuing!

If some one is too EASY right off the bat.......a guy is going think that she does this with every guy.

He does not feel special! :nono: He will not think she is special!
 
MzLady78 said:
I've got a question. I'm haven't read the book, but I'm thinking this would be covered in it. If not, please give me your opinions.

Mr. Man swears up and down that he's not the only one I'm seeing (he is, but only because of the shallowness of the dating pool right now). Don't know why he thinks this.

Do I let him believe it, or do I try to convince him that I'm not?

I'm conflicted because I feel like if I let him believe it, he'll hold back. But if he finds that he is, he'll think "oh, I got her", and not put in any effort.
Click to expand...


One thing that WMLB talks about is how women don't have to surround themselves with other men for the man to stay on his toes. But rather, he "competes" with her other interests. The point is for him to get in where he can fit in, so it won't be like your life revolves around him.

So it sounds like whatever you're doing action-wise is cool. But I'd tell him verbally that you're not dating anyone else....:giggle: only if he asks.


ETA:
And sometimes I think that's game :rolleyes: They want you to prove to them that they're the only ones...babies.
 
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