Jade Feria
Well-Known Member
Do you answer every time he calls?
*Spinoff* "The Rules Challenge!--"Rules" girls get in here!
- Thread starter Crystalicequeen123
- Start date
HoneyA
Goal:Hip length stretched
Are you able to answer every time he calls? Because that's really hard to do. I find I always have to return a call and I don't plan it that way at all. Okay, well if you are answering every time he calls like 4 times a day, then yeah maybe you should be less available. But if you fill up your days and do loads of stuff, then you won't have time to even sit and think about whether or not you are at his beck and call. You'll just really be doing other stuff and be otherwise occupied sometimes when he does call. If that doesn't work, turn your phone to silent for a part of the day...I don't know...
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BroadstreetBully
New Member
I typed out this whole update and somehow it got deleted. 
In short: I've been kinda talking to this guy and he's been hot and cold with me. It was upsetting because I really liked him but oh well. I went all day today without thinking much about him or getting upset about the situation. He texted me an hour ago and I'm just going to ignore him. Through all of this my attraction to him has faded.
It's actually a good thing that he has been hot and cold. He did me a favor. I liked him because he was unique and we really got along, but he is lacking in certain areas. I was blinded by my interest in him, but since he's so hot and cold I see clearly. Not to sound conceited, but on paper I was quite the catch for him. This has been a wakeup call and I'm going to keep it moving. I can get MUCH better so he missed out.
For the record, we were just dating, not exclusive so I didn't have many expectations. I was talking to someone else and I am sure he was, too. My issue was that he went from contacting me daily to going missing and then having bogus excuses (I didn't bring up his lack of contact, HE would bring it up). He also said something about wanting to 'take things slowly'. He just not that into me. That's fine. NEXT.
In short: I've been kinda talking to this guy and he's been hot and cold with me. It was upsetting because I really liked him but oh well. I went all day today without thinking much about him or getting upset about the situation. He texted me an hour ago and I'm just going to ignore him. Through all of this my attraction to him has faded.
It's actually a good thing that he has been hot and cold. He did me a favor. I liked him because he was unique and we really got along, but he is lacking in certain areas. I was blinded by my interest in him, but since he's so hot and cold I see clearly. Not to sound conceited, but on paper I was quite the catch for him. This has been a wakeup call and I'm going to keep it moving. I can get MUCH better so he missed out.
For the record, we were just dating, not exclusive so I didn't have many expectations. I was talking to someone else and I am sure he was, too. My issue was that he went from contacting me daily to going missing and then having bogus excuses (I didn't bring up his lack of contact, HE would bring it up). He also said something about wanting to 'take things slowly'. He just not that into me. That's fine. NEXT.
Jade Feria
Well-Known Member
LOL Call that man back, if he's calling you that much! Moderation and balance is key, of course. If he asks, just let him know the reason you couldn't answer is because you've been so busy.
Awwww that's so cute, he's really into you!
BroadstreetBully
New Member
Well I can't speak much on his situation, I just know that for me, I don't broadcast ANY relationship info on FB. I just don't want everyone in my business like that.
aribell
formerly nicola.kirwan
So, he's saying he untagged himself from your couple photo because he didn't want to put his relationship "out there" like that again, given how badly his ex ended it over FB and everyone saw. But you're saying that he couldn't be that scarred by it, as he's still friends with her and kept up platonic pictures of them together. So it seems to you like he's just giving an excuse to not be facebook public with your relationship?
Jade Feria
Well-Known Member
Wow, based on this and your previous posts, it almost seems as if he's "testing" you, or rather, trying to see how much you'll let him get away with. That was a GREAT way to handle the valentine's date issue, and it was DEFINITELY your implementation of the rules that made him change it, IMO. High five! I'd say wait a little bit before you accept.ok these books were a breeze to finish. so I ended today's call after about 7 minutes lol. he was calling about plans for valentine's day during his study break (to take the bar exam). his first suggestion was Friday the 19th.I told him I'd have to think about it. then we talked about cold remedies that work for him bc I felt like I was getting sick. after I felt like he explained enough so that I could try his suggestions, I told him I had a million things to do and told him have a good day.
a few minutes passed and he texted me that he just found out he has presidents day off and would rather spend valentines weekend with me.
I haven't responded at all yet but could that be the rules for his change in plans? how should I respond? I mean I'm not planning anything for him unless I should as a rules woman. I read that a simple card is enough to get the guy. lol he said he's going to surprise me for his part when I was on the phone with him.
this is our first valentines day and my first long distance relationship eta: (he lives about 3 hours away)
And yes, they were so easy to read!
Jade Feria
Well-Known Member
Oh, girl, now you have a whole 'nother issue on your hands. If you weren't feeling him from the start, then there's no point in continuing the rules, because it will only make him want you even more than he already does.
The "testing" thing is not necessarily bad, but is likely the result of his past experiences with women who may have let him get away with murder. It's not uncommon in new relationships. You just have to let him know (with your actions) what the boundaries are.
The "testing" thing is not necessarily bad, but is likely the result of his past experiences with women who may have let him get away with murder. It's not uncommon in new relationships. You just have to let him know (with your actions) what the boundaries are.
HoneyA
Goal:Hip length stretched
Interesting...you sound as though you are days away from being completely turned off by him.
Jade Feria
Well-Known Member
They emailed him on the weekend?pretty much.
5 hours after saying he'd rather spend v-day weekend here, he said sorry for the indecision but that the 19th is best bc his work emailed him and said he has to work presidents day.
he works for the govt. don't federal workers have that holiday off?
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
May I ask...what makes you feel hesitant about doing "The Rules"?
Personally, I would do "The Rules" again...but in a modified form. I won't do them to the letter, because personally I think SOME of the rules are a little outdated or rude if you already basically know someone and have that rapport. Now if it were a stranger...a guy I just met off the street, then that's a different story. But most of the guys I meet who are interested in dating me are usually guys who have known me for a little while, or who at least have a speaking relationship w/me.
I did "The Rules" (unknowingly) on this recent guy friend of mine, and he's been "watching me" for YEARS!!
He told me he was interested last month (you can read some threads I mentioned about him) and although the attention and his expressions of love were very flattering, I just wasn't that into him. 
He had some other "red flags" about him too, so I ended up having to cut it off w/him since he really needs to get his life together right now. But honestly, THAT is how you want a man to treat you. He was bringing me flowers at work y'all!!!
You want a guy to feel that way about you. Like you are a prize. I was inadvertently doing "The Rules" (I wasn't chasing him, calling him, e-mailing or texting him first), and he was initiating basically EVERYTHING! Now all I need to do is find the "RIGHT GUY" for me who I am also attracted to who feels the same way about me.
But trust me, doing "the Rules" works! As long as you're not being fake, phony, or TOO aloof. YKWIM? Like, keep it friendly, use common sense and good judgement and I think you'll be fine. I would return his phone calls, his e-mails, and his text messages the same day. Sometimes a little infrequently (like, not the second he wrote me), but I was at least being polite and letting him pursue me. I was being RECEPTIVE.
So, as long as you do that, you should be fine! Trust me, as long as a guy is "sprung" on you, he WILL pursue, and he won't mind if you're a little "unsure" about him (as long as you're open to getting to know him better), and he won't mind so much if you don't initiate things. Guys who wait for girls to initiate things must not really be into them. I've learned that lesson really well.
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
*bumppppping* 
darkangel25
New Member
Thanks for bumping. I needed to go over the rules again. There's a new guy who is interested and I think I've been doing good so far. He's been initiating all of the contact. I like letting him do all of the work. lol It's so much easier to tell that he is interested now than if it would have been if I were doing things differently. He's being very polite and sweet. We'll see what happens.
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
Welcome!
So far so good!
So far it seems like you're doing everything right. Let him initiate most of the contact in the beginning. It will pay off...promise! Let a man be a man! Keep us posted on how things go. 
Lilac87
Well-Known Member
I met this guy about 2 weeks ago, and he seems really great!! He has been initiating most of the contact first, but there have been times where I have text him first (Never called first, though). Also, there have been times where I have ended the convo first, but there have also been times where he has ended the convo first. I forgot that I read this book a couple years ago and I am thinking of rereading and actually following the rules again. Do you think it's too late for me to practice it on him? I always assumed that you had to do the rules immediately, like before the first conversation...
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
Well, IMO...if you've already met this guy and things are going well w/him then I don't really think you need to "DO" the "Rules" on him now. It seems like you're basically doing "the Rules" on him already! lol
Pretty much all "The Rules" are in a nutshell is about having SELF-WORTH and allowing a guy to be the pursuer. It advocates NOT chasing a man, having a LIFE, and not being a doormat. So, unless he's become a little complacent or your relationship has always been one-sided (with you liking HIM more), I wouldn't do anything differently IMO.
Just go into the relationship with an open and level-head and you'll be fine.
Go into it like you would treat anyone you've JUST met. You're of course going to be a little cautious...even if you like the person! He should feel that you are interested in getting to know him better (of course), but as long as you're not making this guy your all, you should be okay. I don't think it's really necessary to follow TR to the letter anyway. As long as you have self worth and know that YOU are the "Prize", you should be fine. Whether you do "The Rules" or not is not going to MAKE a guy like you.
He either likes you or he doesn't. He's either attracted to you, or he isn't. *shrugs* Doing TR won't change that bottom line IMO.
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