Bunny77
New Member
That sounds like me! (Minus the 5-year relationship).
I've looked at the top 10 rules, and I was doing them all along really. In general, I think most women do too much for men who've offered nothing to them...
*Spinoff* "The Rules Challenge!--"Rules" girls get in here!
- Thread starter Crystalicequeen123
- Start date
That sounds like me! (Minus the 5-year relationship).
I've looked at the top 10 rules, and I was doing them all along really. In general, I think most women do too much for men who've offered nothing to them...
sunshinebeautiful
Well-Known Member
I wouldn't offer to pay for ish.
If we were exclusive, it's whatever about who pays for dinner, but otherwise
nope, not offering.
Jade Feria
Well-Known Member
It really is easy to do the rules when you keep your energy focused on yourself.
I'm loving the stories...anyone have any more?
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
One thing that I will say is that I think that when you find the RIGHT guy for you, doing "the Rules" will be EASY! You won't have to worry about when to call him because he'll be too busy calling you! You won't worry about bombarding him with e-mails, texts, or phone calls, because he'll automatically be doing MORE than you're doing. Ya digg???
The only balance is knowing how to give him his space and allowing him to pull back a little bit somewhat when his "hot pursuit" slows down. Men (and women) go through a period of "Uncertainty" in a relationship. This in itself isn't a bad thing, but some women get scared and wrapped up into trying to "convince" or pursue the man instead...thinking that "something is wrong now". But it really isn't. Just let him have his space, and if he's really into you, he'll come back.
But yeah, one thing I've noticed is that when a guy has genuinely been INTO me, I don't question his interest, and I'm not waiting on pins and needles either. I have ZERO anxiety, and I'm not worrying or trying to "read signs" to figure out if he's interested in me. I can just FEEL it.
He'll WANT you to know that he's interested in you, because eventually he'll want you interested in HIM!
Just thought I would add those .02 cents...
HoneyA
Goal:Hip length stretched
I agree with everything you said especially the part about trying to read signs...That was me about 8 years ago. So much energy wasted. I do not have the time for that right now. I'm too busy with work, church and ...me! Either a guy is into me or he's not. End of story. Actions speak louder than words and I respond in kind because that's what they understand. Guy told me last week I keep him on his toes
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Theo
New Member
I agree with everything you said especially the part about trying to read signs...That was me about 8 years ago. So much energy wasted. I do not have the time for that right now. I'm too busy with work, church and ...me! Either a guy is into me or he's not. End of story. Actions speak louder than words and I respond in kind because that's what they understand. Guy told me last week I keep him on his toes
That is so true. Sometimes my friends will try to pull me into these long convos about "what did he mean when said...", or "do you think he's still into me?"
If you gotta think about it so hard, its not worth it. Keep it moving.
Soooo much less drama in your life that way.
HoneyA
Goal:Hip length stretched
That is so true. Sometimes my friends will try to pull me into these long convos about "what did he mean when said...", or "do you think he's still into me?"
If you gotta think about it so hard, its not worth it. Keep it moving.
Soooo much less drama in your life that way.
My girls and I used to do that...I am soooo ashamed, I cannot believe I used to do this and then we used to wonder why we had so much drama.
strenght81
Well-Known Member
I pretty much have been following the rules. He calls me everyday (since meeting him a week ago). But he has not asked me out? I don't get it..
Bunny77
New Member
I would keep your conversations very short.
I don't know what his deal is... you could hint that it would be better to talk about whatever you're talking about in person instead of over the phone, but if he doesn't ask you out soon, I would not engage him in ongoing phone calls.
strenght81
Well-Known Member
I even hinted once or twice about going out, and he said he had to do laundry that day...
I think it's time for me to be "real" with him. He just called and I didn't answer! I will call him back later tonight when I gather my thoughts to tell him how I really feel about his phone calls that never leads to dates!!
strenght81
Well-Known Member
Jade Feria
Well-Known Member
I even hinted once or twice about going out, and he said he had to do laundry that day...
NOOOO girl, don't do it!
This thread and challenge is designed specifically to keep you from doing JUST THAT. If you call him to reprimand him for not taking you on a date, you are pursuing him and forcing things along. Now, he MAY take you out on a date if you do it...but how are you to know if he's taking you out because he's really into you or if it's out of guilt/pity/because he felt bad? My advice per The Rules and Sherry Argov would be to fall back a bit. Answer less of his calls, but still be friendly and pleasant, because getting an attitude/not showing him that you are in control of your emotions is not the best way to get a date. As others have said, he WILL pursue you if he's into you. If he doesn't, that's less time wasted, less 808s and heartbreak.
In the meantime, really focus on yourself. Don't even think of him much. Revel in your goddess-ness, LOL. Do for yourself the things that you want him and others to do for you. Shoot, take YOURSELF out on a date and REALLY enjoy your own company. Like, REALLY.
Hope it helps!
Bunny77
New Member
NOOOO girl, don't do it!
My advice per The Rules and Sherry Argov would be to fall back a bit. Answer less of his calls, but still be friendly and pleasant, because getting an attitude/not showing him that you are in control of your emotions is not the best way to get a date. As others have said, he WILL pursue you if he's into you. If he doesn't, that's less time wasted, less 808s and heartbreak.
In the meantime, really focus on yourself. Don't even think of him much. Revel in your goddess-ness, LOL. Do for yourself the things that you want him and others to do for you. Shoot, take YOURSELF out on a date and REALLY enjoy your own company. Like, REALLY.
Hope it helps!
I agree with this. Seriously, don't fall into "tell him off" mode. Why? He's not your man, he doesn't owe you anything, you all are nothing to each other. He doesn't have to take you on a date... so, knowing this, YOU make the choice to cut back on communication and possibly cut it off period.
strenght81
Well-Known Member
NOOOO girl, don't do it!
My advice per The Rules and Sherry Argov would be to fall back a bit. Answer less of his calls, but still be friendly and pleasant, because getting an attitude/not showing him that you are in control of your emotions is not the best way to get a date. As others have said, he WILL pursue you if he's into you. If he doesn't, that's less time wasted, less 808s and heartbreak.
In the meantime, really focus on yourself. Don't even think of him much. Revel in your goddess-ness, LOL. Do for yourself the things that you want him and others to do for you. Shoot, take YOURSELF out on a date and REALLY enjoy your own company. Like, REALLY.
Hope it helps!
Thank You ladies! I didn't call. I came to my senses. He called, we talked about nothing because he was caught up on watching t.v...while I was on the phone.
erplexed I told him I'll call him back but I won't. At this point he is really showing disinterest in taking me out. I don't understand why he wants convo but no date.....oh well, i'll get over it.In the meanwhile there is this other guy who keeps pursing me, he's a REALLY nice guy. He always wants to see me. He seems like the type of guy that knows how to treat a woman...but, not only is he shorter than me, I just don't have any interest in him. He asked me out this weekend, I haven't accepted yet. He's cute and mature but...I just don't see it with him. If only the two guys would switch behavoirs....
Update: I didn't call him back. Instead he called me an hour later. I was already on the phone with someone, I clicked over and immediately told him I would call him back in a few minutes. My tone wasn't the nicest..
I guess because subconciously I was a tad bit ticked off at him..(which I shouldn't be, we're not even dating and esp, he's not my man!). I called him a few minutes later and he didn't pick up the phone. I even texted him twice, no reply. (I know I probably shouldn't have texted him, but I did...
) I guess he's pissed at the tone I used? Aint that something. This just goes to prove how easy it is for a man to cut women off. While we women rationalize all types of stuff in our heads...I kinda feel like I should be the mad one...instead I'm over here wondering what did I do for him not to respond.
Lord, be the common sense.
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AstroQueen77
Well-Known Member
I don't want to just end up with some guy who treats me like a queen, but who I'm not really feeling like that.
That is a concern for me too. I tend to attract the guy that is great in every way, knows how to treat a woman, generous, basically "Mr. Right"....but I'm not particularly attracted to him-physically, emotionally or both. Then I want to give the guy a chance......enjoy his attention..but don't want to use him or waste his time if I don't really like him..."guys have feelings too", I remind myself. Then I feel frustrated!
I guess I can only follow the rules and have faith that the right one will show up.....
ETA: Maybe since I have been burned in the past, maybe the universe is just sending me what I need for right now, even if I don't particularly have a taste for it.
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strenght81
Well-Known Member
I think that's exactly what it is. God probably wants to show you what love really is, what it looks like and what it feels like. Or maybe it's because you lack self love, in which God wants to show you that you're worthy.
Jade Feria
Well-Known Member
Girrrrrlll...Or maybe he was sleeping or in the shower! Either way, don't worry yourself at all over wondering and rationalizing. That's not The Rules. See Crystalicequeen's previous response. One good thing though, is that you're aware that you probably shouldn't have texted him. Acknowledgment is the first step to correction!Thank You ladies! I didn't call. I came to my senses. He called, we talked about nothing because he was caught up on watching t.v...while I was on the phone.
In the meanwhile there is this other guy who keeps pursing me, he's a REALLY nice guy. He always wants to see me. He seems like the type of guy that knows how to treat a woman...but, not only is he shorter than me, I just don't have any interest in him. He asked me out this weekend, I haven't accepted yet. He's cute and mature but...I just don't see it with him. If only the two guys would switch behavoirs....
Update: I didn't call him back. Instead he called me an hour later. I was already on the phone with someone, I clicked over and immediately told him I would call him back in a few minutes. My tone wasn't the nicest..
I kinda feel like I should be the mad one...instead I'm over here wondering what did I do for him not to respond.
HoneyA
Goal:Hip length stretched
I even hinted once or twice about going out, and he said he had to do laundry that day...
You will so not do the bolded...
ETA: oh you didn't. I think you should just focus on other things for now. I don't get it, your instinct is saying that he might not be that interested right? He calls but he's going to have to do a lot more than that to hold your interest. Get what I'm saying? You are still making this about him. What about you?
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strenght81
Well-Known Member
One thing that I will say is that I think that when you find the RIGHT guy for you, doing "the Rules" will be EASY! You won't have to worry about when to call him because he'll be too busy calling you! You won't worry about bombarding him with e-mails, texts, or phone calls, because he'll automatically be doing MORE than you're doing. Ya digg???
The only balance is knowing how to give him his space and allowing him to pull back a little bit somewhat when his "hot pursuit" slows down. Men (and women) go through a period of "Uncertainty" in a relationship. This in itself isn't a bad thing, but some women get scared and wrapped up into trying to "convince" or pursue the man instead...thinking that "something is wrong now". But it really isn't. Just let him have his space, and if he's really into you, he'll come back.
But yeah, one thing I've noticed is that when a guy has genuinely been INTO me, I don't question his interest, and I'm not waiting on pins and needles either. I have ZERO anxiety, and I'm not worrying or trying to "read signs" to figure out if he's interested in me. I can just FEEL it.
He'll WANT you to know that he's interested in you, because eventually he'll want you interested in HIM!
Just thought I would add those .02 cents...
This is a great post!!
I agree with everyone who says that you must focus on yourself. As busy as I thought I was, I find that I have so much time to think about these guys. There are so many things I need to focus on to be succesful in my life, but instead I'm worrying about men and love. As of right now I'm going to redirect my energy. As someone mentioned in the first few pages of this thread, the only problem with following "the rules" is that it doesn't address the underlying issues you have with relationships and other. But I guess the rule "focuse on yourself" is apart of that..
Thank you Jade Feria and HoneyA for your great advice.
varaneka
New Member
This is a great post!!
I agree with everyone who says that you must focus on yourself. As busy as I thought I was, I find that I have so much time to think about these guys. There are so many things I need to focus on to be succesful in my life, but instead I'm worrying about men and love. As of right now I'm going to redirect my energy. As someone mentioned in the first few pages of this thread, the only problem with following "the rules" is that it doesn't address the underlying issues you have with relationships and other. But I guess the rule "focuse on yourself" is apart of that..
Thank you Jade Feria and HoneyA for your great advice.
I think that Keeping the Love You Find by Dr. Harville Hendrix (NYT best seller) addresses the psychology of it all. It's geared towards singles, and I read it in a psych course on relationships in college. I love that book. I reread it a lot.
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
I agree with everything you said especially the part about trying to read signs...That was me about 8 years ago. So much energy wasted. I do not have the time for that right now. I'm too busy with work, church and ...me! Either a guy is into me or he's not. End of story. Actions speak louder than words and I respond in kind because that's what they understand. Guy told me last week I keep him on his toes
Way to go! Congratulations, You've learned "the secret"!
Same here... *raises hand* Guilty as charged.
But don't feel bad though. So many women out here have been conditioned (either by society, movies, family, friends, etc.) to think that men are "complicated", and that if a man isn't making moves then he's just "shy", or "needs encouragement", or is "intimidated" by you. Now, while there may be SOME men like this, on a whole you will usually know or get a sense for when a man is truly interested in you.
There won't be any guessing games, you won't need a decoder ring, and you certainly won't have to have an IQ of 160 in order to "decipher" if he's giving you signs or what his "actions" or "signs" mean. This isn't quantum physics folks! 
Yes, it's a tough pill to swallow sometimes, but it's the truth. Yes, there are some men out there who have been interested and just didn't say anything, or they didn't put ANY signs out there. However, these type of men aren't who you want anyway because his lack of action told you that he didn't like you ENOUGH to risk fear, rejection or whatever in order to step and get to know you better. Now, do you REALLY want a man like that??
Please shake your head no...lol! That is so true. Sometimes my friends will try to pull me into these long convos about "what did he mean when said...", or "do you think he's still into me?"
If you gotta think about it so hard, its not worth it. Keep it moving.
Soooo much less drama in your life that way.
Thank you!!
I totally agree. Especially with the bolded. Trust me, I fell into that trap too.
My girl friends and I would have 1-2 hour conversations w/each other (2-HOUR conversations y'all ) on the phone sometimes going back and forth about these guys we were interested in, trying to "figure them out", and wondering: "I wonder what it meant when he did....?" "I saw him LOOKING at me today...." (again, no action is being taking place) "He was flirting with me, but he never asked for my number!" "He flirts with me all the time, but he never asks me out!" Ohhh the time I wasted with these men! 
Trust me, keep it moving with these men. Don't even waste your time, energy, or let them occupy your head space.
Every once in a while, maybe one of these guys will surprise you and will eventually let thier interest in you be known. Maybe at that particular time he WAS admiring you from afar, but wasn't available yet (had a girlfriend, etc.) But UNTIL that happens however, you don't need to be worrying your pretty little head about him and whether he's looking your way, or what his body language happens to be, or what "exactly" he meant by saying: "hello there!" that day. Some of my friends still do this, and I don't know how to break it to them gently that those guys aren't worth worrying about right now. I think women have been conditioned to think that men are more complicated than they really are. But men really aren't that difficult to understand. Trust me.
Jade Feria
Well-Known Member
I think one for every 3 or 4 that he sends. Or one for every 2 texts and a phone call. Something like that. But really, it's up to you. You might be so busy with yourself that you don't have time to answer any of them!
HoneyA
Goal:Hip length stretched
Crystalicequeen, I learnt that "secret" firsthand with my ex. I would talk until I was blue in the face, get upset, throw temper tantrums, give ultimatums and you know what it changed...nothing...actually it pushed him further away. Then I got tired of all that and I realised that when I stopped talking and explaining stuff, just pulling back and doing my own thing, the tables turned. But by then, sadly I was no longer interested...
After that ordeal, it was all about living life to the fullest, making myself happy and being happy all by myself. I remember saying to myself after the break up, "you are a beautiful child of God, guys should be falling over themselves to go out with you." I think it was that day that something clicked and I made the decision I talked about above and I never looked back. Sometimes you just have to go through stuff to learn a valuable lesson.
After that ordeal, it was all about living life to the fullest, making myself happy and being happy all by myself. I remember saying to myself after the break up, "you are a beautiful child of God, guys should be falling over themselves to go out with you." I think it was that day that something clicked and I made the decision I talked about above and I never looked back. Sometimes you just have to go through stuff to learn a valuable lesson.
HoneyA
Goal:Hip length stretched
Don't know the background story. I was trying to find it but I would say just text him back when you can. Is there a reason you want to ignore him completely?
