*Spinoff* "The Rules Challenge!--"Rules" girls get in here!

[Jade Feria]

WOW Jade! Just wow.... I loved your story. I know some parts of that were hard to recount (believe me), but it's good to finally just get it all out there and be done with it! It's cleansing and therapeutic.

I'm going to try to put little comments in black bold within your story. Hope this works! *crosses fingers*

Wow girl... that story was very enlightening and it turned out hilarious because you "fixed" him in the end! lol! Thank you for that. I needed that this morning. It just goes to show that men don't really listen to words, they listen to ACTIONS. Plain and simple.

Yeah girl, that whole situation was toooo much! Way too much! All that hard, emotionally draining work. A Rules relationship is definitely not hard work. I was glad when that was over.

Yes, I learned my lesson with the gift-giving! And it is so funny how things switch around!

 

[Jade Feria]

Uggh! I've been so bad at hanging up first this past week!

We'd be on the phone and then when he was about to end the call, I made it seem like a mutual phone ending. Like "yeah I got so much stuff to do, so we'll talk later". Then I'd get off the phone like "dang it!!!"

On the bright side, he's been the main one calling me.

They weren't lying when they said us extra nice girls have to do The Rules like boot camp

Alright, get it together Jade!

*marches out*

 

[LaBella]

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[Jade Feria]

Here is my update.

This is my 'month of truth'. I expected that if I wouldn't do any effort, I wouldn't hear anything from the tall handsome guy on the other side of the world. And so it happened up to now. But he is coming to my side of the world by end of this month and I do expect to hear from him somewhere next week to set a date. I am actually quite sure about that. But okay, let's wait and see what will happen....

I did some things for me in the meantime. I tried something else with hair (lots of compliments at the office), I had a manicure (for the first time in my life and a pedicure and I am working hard on my fitness goals. I am reading a good book on being succesful in life (learning a lot and even making notes).

But I did some thinking too. And I came to the conclusion that I reallyreally like him, more then is healthy for me. I don't have my Rules book yet, still waiting for delivery. So the difficult thing for me is: how to handle the next contact...

I think I can't set that date to meet him. I am going to have to skip it. Especially after the confirmation I got now, that if I don't do any effort he can get very silent. Up to now I have been very willing to meet, those couple of times we did. Last time I even rescheduled something to be able to see him. I don't even have to read the book to know I should have never done that.

I also have decided that it is good to move on and try to get over those feelings I have. It's clear he does not have them as strong for me. This might be a challenge. But I know it going to be good for me.

Will keep you posted!

Excellent! Excellent! Speaking of which, it's time for my pedicure. Skipping that date, especially if he's not making any contact before, is probably a good idea.

I was on the powerfulintentions board and while I was browsing through it, I ran across this thread. It's about "getting your ex back" by being "positively selfish" but alot of it is applicable to current relationships. Most of the stuff (not all) that she talks about is Rules behavior. Those of us who do LOA can also appreciate it:

To all those looking for the ' final solution' ) to this problem - I HAVE FOUND IT!

The answer is -

1) STOP STOP STOP with all the longing!

2) Master the art of POSITIVE SELFISHNESS. Ever wonder why selfish people always have people who love them and are loyal to them? They radiate a certain vibration, that's why !! You can't beat this law, so join it!! Think only of yourself (not of him/her), pamper yourself, enjoy the attention of those who do admire you, HAVE FUN, FORGET ABOUT THE LOSER WHO THOUGHT YOU WERE NOT WORTH IT! By positive selfishness i mean - be selfish but don't be hurtful to others.

3) I applied this formula - now my ex has eyes only for me, sends me the most flattering messages a woman would like to have, AND WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS - This man is no pathetic wimp, and has a lot of choices when it comes to women!

Cheers....to Myself !!! )))))))))))))))))))))))))
----------------------------------------

It has always genuinely surprised me when a lover wanted to leave, when I wanted to continue. I'm good-looking, smart, cheerful, kind-hearted and interesting. I'm no wimp. I'm not needy. I rarely suffer from self-doubt. So for me the big question was - What is it then? I was determined to find out. And I did.

The first important thing to understand is that everything in the universe is energy, in one form or another. We are all energy. Our thoughts transmit this energy with a unique vibrational signature. We are masters at reading the energy of other human beings, and responding accordingly. Unless you develop awareness in this area, it's happening unconsciously.


Why do they leave?

We learn from two sources - our environment, and our experiences. Very often these two sources seem to impress upon us that life is a struggle. Our parents - their struggles make deep impression on the psyche. What we learn is that in order to deserve a love relationship we have to give in and give up….ourselves. And this is actually what causes loss of love.

If you fall in love and cannot keep your energy centered around yourself, your partner will leave. This is a law, as sure as sunrise and sunset.

Some people suffer a whole lifetime captured in this pattern - the same energy will bring the same result, over and over and over. If you are serious about mastering your love life, you HAVE to master the art of keeping your energy centered and aligned at all times. So how do you do this?

The art of Positive Selfishness.

 In your mind, build a fabulous pedestal in granite or marble, in the middle of a town square - a pedestal with space for only one icon or idol. Place yourself on this pedestal. 'You' in gold, or platinum or titanium or whatever you wish. Does this bring home a message? Love this..

 Stop focussing on - does he/she like me? will he mind if i say this/ do this….STOP! And start listening to the voice within…it will tell you how YOU are feeling.

 Let your emotions be your guide. If you are getting feelings of sadness or discomfort in a relationship, take yourself serious! Don't hesitate to communicate with your partner over this, and don't hesitate to end the relationship if required.

 Never turn your existing life and routine upside down for your lover, like cancelling appointments to accomodate him/ her unless it's really necessary. Don't neglect other areas of your life such as your work/ study/ sport/ children etc. Make it a habit not to think of your lover when you are doing other things. Live in the moment!


The Essential Nature of the Universe

( This may not seem relevant - but it is!! It will get you in alignment to ALLOW and RECEIVE )

We live in a dynamic, ever-changing universe. Just look out of your window! Is it ever the same? Seasons change, winds turn, trees grow, clouds come and go….and yet we human beings crave for certainty to give us a safe feeling. The truth is - change and uncertainty are the essential nature of the universe. When you accept this, you align yourself WITH the universal forces, instead of against.
You have to understand that this uncertainty is not your enemy, it is your best friend. This uncertainty is unlimited potential - it is the zero-setting for all manifestation. The Indian yogis understand it better than anyone else, they are the masters at this. My years in India have given me a wealth I cannot express in words.

Life is a healthy, free flowing river. When you let go and join the flow of life, trusting the current, it will take you to new places, new encounters, new people, new loves. When you pine and long for a person from your past, you get stuck and block the flow of life-force. The very things you want move away from you, simply because you want them, and your alignment set to negative.

Let's get one thing clear. Uncertainty in this context does not mean doubt, it refers to the ever-changing, never-static quality of the universe.

SO you want to be a manifestation master - you have to stand on this uncertainty - not only embrace it , but use it as a TOOL and as an opportunity. If the universe is renewing itself every moment, it's your golden chance to renew yourself. Yesterday's apartment can be turned into tomorrow's mansion. Yesterday's rejection, into adoration today….

When you are pining and longing for a person, you are NOT loving them, you are indulging in a personal party of misery and lack - therefore you are not transmitting vibrations of love. The more of this energy you send out, the more it will repel this person fom you.

If you truly LOVE a person, what does it matter where they are, with whom they are, as long as they are happy? You may certainly wish and intend that they be with you, but if you are jealous, hateful, fearful, the person receives each of these vibrations. So….let go, with love !!

When you combine clear intention with detachment, you get what you want.

intention + let go = receive

But this let-go…it has to come from deep within, it has to become a life belief.

So, to get your ex back-

1) Stop the longing - it is a self-destructive vibration (that reaches the ex).
2) Make the intention that you want him/her back, release this intention into the universe.
3) Then forget all about it.
4) Wipe your life-slate clean and blank.
5) Make a new intention - I enjoy a fabulous love-life - with a new love!! ja, ja ))
( sounds contradictory and disloyal - but this is vital - it puts out the signal that you're a healthy spirit )
6) Practice the art of positive selfishness.
7) Plunge into life - in every area - live in the moment, to the very fullest!!

That's it!

And believe me, as I got happy and strong in my own life, the man who had walked away started to come back - slowly. When he first began to make contact, he was careful, as if he was almost afraid of the energy he had experienced before. But this time it was a different energy, an attractive one. Very soon he started to contact me daily, and still does. As for me, I have changed. I have made no move towards him. I do answer one out of 5 of his messages. He's really crazy about me. At this point I commit to nothing. The choice is mine to make!


* A word about RS - You can try it if you feel attracted to do so. I have. It worked. I don't use it anymore - I don't feel the need. The above-mentioned formula works better and balances you in all areas of life.

Oh, here's the link:http://www.powerfulintentions.org/forum/topics/getting-your-ex-lover-back?id=1335877%3ATopic%3A1383499&page=4#comments

 

[aribell]

^^^I really liked that "positive selfishness" part in the above. Well, not quite the idol thing, but I still get the general point. I think it is so true. Somehow we have to be ultimately more concerned with our own happiness than with pleasing another person. And trying to please the other person ends up being what drives women to go out of their way chasing after men.

I always thought my sister tended toward selfishness. Not even in a nasty way, just a "I'm ultimately concerned with what I want, not what you want" kind of attitude, and if someone or something isn't contributing to her having what she wants, she pays it or them absolutely no mind. And you know what, she gets spoiled by the men and other people in her life, including by me! People learn to treat you and see you however you treat and see yourself. If you put them above you, then they'll put themselves above you, too.

 

[Jade Feria]

^^^I really liked that "positive selfishness" part in the above. Well, not quite the idol thing, but I still get the general point. I think it is so true. Somehow we have to me ultimately more concerned with our own happiness than with pleasing another person. And trying to please the other person ends up being what drives women to go out of their way chasing after men.

I always thought my sister tended toward selfishness. Not even in a nasty way, just a "I'm ultimately concerned with what I want, not what you want" kind of attitude, and if someone or something isn't contributing to her having what she wants, she pays it or them absolutely no mind. And you know what, she gets spoiled by the men and other people in her life, including by me! People learn to treat you and see you however you treat and see yourself. If you put them above you, then they'll put themselves above you, too.

So true, and so well put!!

 

[tiara76]

good post on positive selfishness, when u love yourself you will love others and want the best for them and if they choose to be in your life you will treat them as you treat yourself...if they choose not to you let them go....letting go and going with flow...if more people had trust and faith in themselves love and life they'd experience and be open to all of the great possibilities instead of trying to construct safety nets and people and situations to cling to and there would be no need to play games with folks because you wouldn't be acting any other way than how you truly feel knowing that you can express yourself, be yourself and love others regardless of what they are doing or not doing in life including not wanting to be with you, and you knowing that life is gonna bring you something greater....

if you can't express how you feel, who you are in fear somebody is gonna run boy life is gonna suck and the "rules" will get tiring after awhile because its true people pick up on internal energy way more than they pick up on actions...if you applying the rules to "get" somebody you are still in a desperate energy...a positive self confident energy is the type that is like...my life is good with or without you....im open to having you in it if you choose not to i wish u the best and I'm gonna keep doin me....

 

[Jade Feria]

good post on positive selfishness, when u love yourself you will love others and want the best for them and if they choose to be in your life you will treat them as you treat yourself...if they choose not to you let them go....letting go and going with flow...if more people had trust and faith in themselves love and life they'd experience and be open to all of the great possibilities instead of trying to construct safety nets and people and situations to cling to and there would be no need to play games with folks because you wouldn't be acting any other way than how you truly feel knowing that you can express yourself, be yourself and love others regardless of what they are doing or not doing in life including not wanting to be with you, and you knowing that life is gonna bring you something greater....

if you can't express how you feel, who you are in fear somebody is gonna run boy life is gonna suck and the "rules" will get tiring after awhile because its true people pick up on internal energy way more than they pick up on actions...if you applying the rules to "get" somebody you are still in a desperate energy...a positive self confident energy is the type that is like...my life is good with or without you....im open to having you in it if you choose not to i wish u the best and I'm gonna keep doin me....

True, that is what the Rules are about. They DO state first and foremost to be a creature unlike any other and to focus on you, and to be positive and optimistic. It says, "You are not desperate or anxious...you trust in the abundance and goodness of the universe: if not him, someone better, you say." If we get caught up in the other actions without first implementing this Rule (which is rule #1 for a reason), then our efforts will come up empty and we will feel like we are trying too hard to look like we're not trying hard. I admit I can be guilty of this at times (but thank goodness I've been getting better at Rule #1 ).

Rule #1 is brief in the book (as all the rules are), but we have to take it upon ourselves to expand on that rule however it may be applicable to each of us. We each should know how much more we need to invest in ourselves to get to the desired level of self-esteem, self-love, and confidence.

The girl who posted that WAS implementing The Rules in her own way, and in that post she focused more on Rule #1 and the aspects of what kind of energy we are putting out there.

Great info

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

True, that is what the Rules are about. They DO state first and foremost to be a creature unlike any other and to focus on you, and to be positive and optimistic. It says, "You are not desperate or anxious...you trust in the abundance and goodness of the universe: if not him, someone better, you say." If we get caught up in the other actions without first implementing this Rule (which is rule #1 for a reason), then our efforts will come up empty and we will feel like we are trying too hard to look like we're not trying hard. I admit I can be guilty of this at times (but thank goodness I've been getting better at Rule #1 ).

Rule #1 is brief in the book (as all the rules are), but we have to take it upon ourselves to expand on that rule however it may be applicable to each of us. We each should know how much more we need to invest in ourselves to get to the desired level of self-esteem, self-love, and confidence.

The girl who posted that WAS implementing The Rules in her own way, and in that post she focused more on Rule #1 and the aspects of what kind of energy we are putting out there.

Great info

Hahaha!!! So true!!! Especially the part in red!

I have to admit, that is a pretty good point. Sometimes when I'm doing "The Rules" I almost focus so much on NOT looking like I'm "looking", that I might be giving off the vibe that I'm trying "too hard" not to look like I'm trying "too hard". You know what I mean??

By the way Jade, I LOVE that article you posted above. It almost reminds me of a book called "The Secret". Although the book is a little sketchy and a bit too "new-age" to me, I do agree with some of the general principles.

I like the point that woman made in that article to stop focusing on the other person so much, and wondering "does he like me??" OH gosh...I have to stop that! In a way, she IS doing a version of "The Rules". The rules are all about focusing on what YOU need and what YOU want, and not allowing yourself to get so swept up in a man that you don't sit back and see his true colors.

The only thing that bothers me about "The Rules" however is the general principle of sitting back and relaxing. Not DOING anything. What about guys who play games?? I'm in a situation right now where I'm trying to get over a guy, but yet he continues to play games with me! He has a gf, and he STILL plays games with me! He KNOWS I like him (I'm almost 100% positive)...or at least USED to like him a LOT, and he uses this to his advantage. Something happened recently that just really hurt me and showed me how he really didn't even care about how his actions would affect me. He just cared about getting HIS wants or needs fulfilled. What a USER! Why I didn't see it before, I don't know. I was blind I guess.

But anyway, how does a "Rules Girl" handle a situation like this?? On the one hand, I like how the article says to incorporate and radiate LOVE from the inside out so that love can come to you, instead of anxiety, stress, and pining away for someone. But how do you keep your boundaries in tact without coming across as "anxious", "stressed", "jealous", or "pinning away?" On the one hand, his actions wouldn't bother me if I didn't still have SOME feelings for him.

So, should I just pretend and let him just "use" me to his advantage all the time...hoping that one day his actions won't even affect me, or hoping that he will just automatically stop?? Or, do I confront him on the issue and tell him that I don't appreciate his behavior? I don't know...the latter just seems sooo "unrulesy", and gives me a very desperate feeling. It doesn't make me feel very "loving" either. But it also makes me feel a lot less anxious because then at least he would have known my boundaries and where I stand.

I don't know...I'm just stuck between a rock and hard place. I guess I'm finally reaping what I sowed. This is just another lesson learned ladies: NEVER let a man see how "INTO" him you are unless he has showed you FIRST! Otherwise, he will play games with you and take advantage....that is...if he's IMMATURE. I don't think ALL guys play games, but a lot of them do!

**sigh** I don't know what to do, but I'm sick and tired of being used and played with. This guy has played with my emotions for way too long, and maybe I allowed it...I don't know. Either way, I'm fed up.

 

[tiara76]

So, should I just pretend and let him just "use" me to his advantage all the time...hoping that one day he will stop?? Or, do I confront him on the issue and tell him that I don't appreciate his behavior? I don't know...the latter just seems sooo "unrulesy", and gives me a very desperate feeling. It doesn't make me feel very "loving" either. But it also makes me feel a lot less anxious because then at least he would have known my boundaries and where I stand.

I don't know...I'm just stuck between a rock and hard place. I guess I'm finally reaping what I sowed. This is just another lesson learned ladies: NEVER let a man see how "INTO" him you are unless he has showed you FIRST! Otherwise, he will play games with you and take advantage....that is...if he's IMMATURE. I don't think ALL guys play games, but a lot of them do!

**sigh** I don't know what to do, but I'm sick and tired of being used and played with. This guy has played with my emotions for way too long, and maybe I allowed it...I don't know. Either way, I'm fed up.

to the bolded you are not your true authentic self repressing your feelings and if you express yourself to a man about how much you are into him regardless if he showed u first and he acts a fool, its simple you let him go, you don't put up with foolishness...or try to make him stay or try to "pretend' you aren't as into him as you are....

Having emotional maturity and understanding that your feelings and emotions do not mean that whoever you have them towards will be your future husband or boyfriend, it means thats what you feel, you express yourself authentically and with confidence and the other person either is into you or not...you wish them along their way if they are not, you wish them along their way if they try to take advantage of them... contrary to the popular fear you will not die for having feelings for another who doesn't have them for you, you will only fall apart if you don't have love for yourself because your feelings you think you have for the other person and the insistent feeling that they MUST feel the same way about you is you projecting outwards that you NEED another to love you the way you can't for yourself and you are attracting the people who Won't do that and then you will be all jacked up blaming it on the guy and his games while you are playing one with him as well.....

when you can love yourself fully or to higher levels at least your desire is to share love not extract it....thats what radiating love from the inside out is, thats what men respond too, they love it and they are the ones who get all flustered and emotionally caught up dealing with a confident woman because they CAN"T play games with her and keep her in their lives because she's not putting up with it....those guys won't even be on her radar....she will have emotional dilemmas that come from trying to be considerate to their feelings when they all want to get married and settle down and she doesn't want that or nurturing a ego that is scared to death to be "hurt' by her because they are so into her

and do you mean that if you confront him and tell him is behavior is uncool that it means you are desperate....I want to make sure I am reading that right???

how bout tell him Im good on you because this behavior is not getting it for me...you have a nice life, I gotta go...nice and simple...unless of course you are scared to let him go and want him to "change" vs taking the chance this guy who treats you like Pure D Crap will actually Leave you alone and you won't have him at all...

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Thanks for the input Tiara....

contrary to the popular fear you will not die for having feelings for another who doesn't have them for you, you will only fall apart if you don't have love for yourself because your feelings you think you have for the other person and the insistent feeling that they MUST feel the same way about you is you projecting outwards that you NEED another to love you the way you can't for yourself and you are attracting the people who Won't do that and then you will be all jacked up blaming it on the guy and his games while you are playing one with him as well.....

That's true...

But personally for me, I don't really care if a guy doesn't feel the same way about me as I do him. I've been into guys who didn't even know I existed! What I DO have a problem with however, is a guy knowing or sensing that I'm into him, and yet instead of having the maturity to either state: "hey...I'm not as into you as you are into me", or "well, I'm attracted to you, but I'm not ready for a relationship/don't want a relationship w/you", he instead goes and plays a bunch of mind-games and wishy-washy behavior. THAT is not cool with me at all.

There are ways to even show physically that you're not into a person without having to say it verbally. When I'm NOT into a guy, I don't call him, I barely (if ever) attend what he invites me to, and I surely don't invite HIM anywhere, and I don't flirt with him or make any advances to approach him period!! Why can't guys follow suit? Oh that's right....haha...they want to keep women in their back pockets.

So, while I do agree with you that you shouldn't expect that everyone that you like should like you, my main beef has nothing to do with the fact that this guy didn't like me...actually in some way I think he kind of did. But even if he had NO feelings for me whatsoever, he didn't have to play games with me. I wish he had not, and I shouldn't have allowed it. I think this was the last straw. I always try to see the good in people, hoping that maybe I'm just jumping to conclusions, but see where this has led me??

and do you mean that if you confront him and tell him is behavior is uncool that it means you are desperate....I want to make sure I am reading that right???

Well, not quite. In other words what I'm saying is that I'm trying to get OVER him and NOT be into him anymore. So...if I'm not supposed to be "into" him, then his actions or playing games wouldn't even be registering on my radar, because if I don't like him romantically, then his actions don't really matter right?? I mean, to a certain degree they wouldn't. It's only when you have FEELINGS for someone that their actions affect you in a different way. So, in a sense...me "confronting" him about it would probably just further prove and give him the satisfaction that I still DO have feelings for him. Do you get what I'm saying?? Maybe that's a crazy way to think...I don't know. Like I said, I'm not 100% over him yet, but trust me...I'm getting very CLOSE. I'm like at about 95%!

how bout tell him Im good on you because this behavior is not getting it for me...you have a nice life, I gotta go...nice and simple...unless of course you are scared to let him go and want him to "change" vs taking the chance this guy who treats you like Pure D Crap will actually Leave you alone and you won't have him at all...

Yeah, now I will say you're right about this. In the past, I think I was too afraid to "lose him" that I wouldn't be as upfront as I should have been. Actually, I think it was more so that I wanted to believe that he wasn't that type of person. I wanted to believe that he was NOT a player. But now I see....he basically is! And if I were his gf, I'd be pissed! I think I wanted to believe that he was not so shallow. But now...I see him for what he truly is.

I still would like him to change, but not at the expense of MY feelings. My feelings matter more to me, so I think I should finally say something so that he can leave me alone for good. I'm too through. I'm done with it.

How do you approach someone like that though? Because I sure as heck am not calling! I have to see him every now and then, so I may do it face-to-face. Plus, people can always DENY that they are playing games. It's kind of "subjective". I guess that's what I'm struggling with the most.

 

[tiara76]

Thanks for the input Tiara....



That's true...

But personally for me, I don't really care if a guy doesn't feel the same way about me as I do him. I've been into guys who didn't even know I existed! What I DO have a problem with however, is a guy knowing or sensing that I'm into him, and yet instead of having the maturity to either state: "hey...I'm not as into you as you are into me", or "well, I'm attracted to you, but I'm not ready for a relationship/don't want a relationship w/you", he instead goes and plays a bunch of mind-games and wishy-washy behavior. THAT is not cool with me at all.

Leave him alone...if you know he is playing games walk away, you can't control his actions and you are basing your reactions on them instead of taking accountability for them yourself it will always be "his" fault for not being man enough to let you be if he's not feeling you and "his" fault you stick around cuz he's playing games with you and you could leave iF ONLY HE acted different and mature and had consideration for your feelings... but since he doesn't and acts a fool and you Know fully well he's ****in with your head you still stay around???

There are ways to even show physically that you're not into a person without having to say it verbally. When I'm NOT into a guy, I don't call him, I barely (if ever) attend what he invites me to, and I surely don't invite HIM anywhere, and I don't flirt with him or make any advances to approach him period!! Why can't guys follow suit? Oh that's right....haha...they want to keep women in their back pockets.

unless he's tying you, stapling, glueing, forcing you with a gun or something to stay in his back pocket you are free to leave anytime you want to

So, while I do agree with you that you shouldn't expect that everyone that you like should like you, my main beef has nothing to do with the fact that this guy didn't like me...actually in some way I think he kind of did. But even if he had NO feelings for me whatsoever, he didn't have to play games with me. I wish he had not, and I shouldn't have allowed it. I think this was the last straw. I always try to see the good in people, hoping that maybe I'm just jumping to conclusions, but see where this has led me??

The good is in everybody...everybody is capable of being a saint or sinner...its the wholeness of every individual..the question is...what are you bringing out of the other person and what are you experiencing with them...the good and love reflects back to you from anybody when you are reflecting it to them....most people have a really hard time not showing love to a really loving person, if they can't you won't have to worry about them playing games or being in your life they won't be attracted to you in the least to do so, they will be attracted to those who exchange their current energy flows back to them



Well, not quite. In other words what I'm saying is that I'm trying to get OVER him and NOT be into him anymore. So...if I'm not supposed to be "into" him, then his actions or playing games wouldn't even be registering on my radar, because if I don't like him romantically, then his actions don't really matter right?? I mean, to a certain degree they wouldn't. It's only when you have FEELINGS for someone that their actions affect you in a different way. So, in a sense...me "confronting" him about it would probably just further prove and give him the satisfaction that I still DO have feelings for him. Do you get what I'm saying?? Maybe that's a crazy way to think...I don't know. Like I said, I'm not 100% over him yet, but trust me...I'm getting very CLOSE. I'm like at about 95%!

you dog him for playing games while you are clearly playing your own games...two sides of the same coin....your pride ego and tactics are strategizing trying to control somebody elses feelings or actions to suit your satisfaction ..you feel he has the upper hand and control on your emotions, feelings and actions (which clearly it seems he does) so you are trying to repress your own feelings with ur strategy because you don't have any sense of control or responsibility over them in order to try and get him to not do anything else to keep you caught up while you are trying to get over him.....

Yeah, now I will say you're right about this. In the past, I think I was too afraid to "lose him" that I wouldn't be as upfront as I should have been. Actually, I think it was more so that I wanted to believe that he wasn't that type of person. I wanted to believe that he was NOT a player. But now I see....he basically is! And if I were his gf, I'd be pissed! I think I wanted to believe that he was not so shallow. But now...I see him for what he truly is.

you see his ego in full effect, you don't have his heart and you won't see it while you are not in your own....your opinions of others speak alot for your opinion of yourself

when you stand up to the ego of a man he either retreats and exits your life or he steps up...he doesn't keep feeding into you...women give the man's ego way too much power and control over relationships...if they don't ever have to step up and man up and override their ego because of women scared to lose them and not letting them know...guess what....they won't

this is some BS you gonna have to miss me with all this Im good on you , be good and hope you find what you are looking for because ima find what I deserve...and still wish you the best...throws up the deuces


How do you approach someone like that though? Because I sure as heck am not calling! I have to see him every now and then, so I may do it face-to-face. Plus, people can always DENY that they are playing games. It's kind of "subjective". I guess that's what I'm struggling with the most.

You don't have to call him, you can decide that you are done with him of your own accord..it doesn't matter what he denies....you don't even have to tell him anything about himself for him to even deny anything since you already know....tell him about yourself and that you are done and you would like to experience something better in your life...you can really throw him off by thanking him for helping you experience what you don't want out of a relationship so that you can know what you do....

the key to letting go is letting go with love...you havent let go if you are bitter and mad at him and still hold a grudge or blame against him for how he treated you when you full well let him do it....so until you are certain you can forgive him and yourself don't pretend you are there...

 

[Renewed1]

"If you're straightforward with a guy about your feelings for him and he doesn't reciprocate, why not just move on to someone who's excited to know that you're really into him?"

This statement is so true. I don't have a problem telling a guy that I like him. But I leave the ball in his court to decide if he's going to do anything with the "new" information. I refuse to call, text, facebooked, etc. He has to come and get me. If he's not interested cool.....I KIM....

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Leave him alone...if you know he is playing games walk away, you can't control his actions and you are basing your reactions on them instead of taking accountability for them yourself it will always be "his" fault for not being man enough to let you be if he's not feeling you and "his" fault you stick around cuz he's playing games with you and you could leave iF ONLY HE acted different and mature and had consideration for your feelings... but since he doesn't and acts a fool and you Know fully well he's ****in with your head you still stay around???

Well, that's true. I can't control his actions. And I have definitely left him alone. But I can't really "walk away" either since there wasn't really anything to "walk away" from. It's not like we're dating or living together. And he's not someone I can avoid seeing every week. So..... I have to sometimes struggle with my feelings and his behavior. Plus, how can you really walk away from someone who won't completely leave YOU alone? This is when stating your boundaries comes into play, and I think that I am going to have to take this step. Otherwise, I don't think he'll ever get the "hint".

unless he's tying you, stapling, glueing, forcing you with a gun or something to stay in his back pocket you are free to leave anytime you want to

Again...I can't really leave a situation when I'm not really "IN" it to begin with. I don't know if that makes sense. But trust me...I don't give him any time of day. He's always the one coming up to me, calling, texting, etc. I suppose however that I have "left" him in the sense that I don't seek him out. I just have to "leave him" in my mind and then I'll be straight.

The good is in everybody...everybody is capable of being a saint or sinner...its the wholeness of every individual..the question is...what are you bringing out of the other person and what are you experiencing with them...the good and love reflects back to you from anybody when you are reflecting it to them....most people have a really hard time not showing love to a really loving person, if they can't you won't have to worry about them playing games or being in your life they won't be attracted to you in the least to do so, they will be attracted to those who exchange their current energy flows back to them

I don't really agree with this, because a person can show love towards another individual until the cows come home, but that does not automatically mean that this other person will show love or will love you in return. ESPECIALLY men. Men don't operate like women.

you dog him for playing games while you are clearly playing your own games...two sides of the same coin....your pride ego and tactics are strategizing trying to control somebody elses feelings or actions to suit your satisfaction ..you feel he has the upper hand and control on your emotions, feelings and actions (which clearly it seems he does) so you are trying to repress your own feelings with ur strategy because you don't have any sense of control or responsibility over them in order to try and get him to not do anything else to keep you caught up while you are trying to get over him.....

If you're trying to insinuate that the reason this guy played games with me was because I played games with him, then I have to let you know that this is definitely NOT the case. I NEVER played games with him. He KNEW my interest from my ACTIONS. Guys are NOT stupid, and they are not dumb. What he chose to do however is use my feelings for him to his advantage. He didn't have to say he was using it to his advantage, and he didn't even have to TELL me that he already knew how I felt about him. I could tell by his ACTIONS! In his defense, I will say that he probably did have some feelings for me towards the end...yes I'll give him that I suppose. But when you've played games with someone before, it's hard for that person to trust you, you know what I'm saying??? And if I'm trying to "repress" my feelings for him, it's ONLY so that I can finally get over him for good...not so that I can "control" or play games with him. Puh-leeze! Right now this has nothing to do with him anymore. It has to do with me and what I personally can stand at this moment while I'm "recovering".

Plus, A LOT of women have been upfront with men about their feelings, and the men STILL played them! So...no...I don't believe that a guy only plays you when you play games with him. Some people just take advantage of others and their feelings or their niceness. But if he had been totally smitten with me (or heck...if he had just been MATURE!), he would not have wanted to play games with me, because he would not have wanted me to get the wrong impression about him. That's it in a nutshell.

But he is shady anyway, because he's playing games with his gf right now and she probably doesn't even realize it! Or maybe she does realize it and just doesn't care. I realize it because I know him longer, and I know that a guy who was MATURE and serious about marriage would not make some of the choices he has made, and would not be doing what he is doing at the current moment.

So yeah... my mind now knows the truth and sees him for who he truly is. Right now my heart is just working on catching up to my mind that's all.

you see his ego in full effect, you don't have his heart and you won't see it while you are not in your own....your opinions of others speak alot for your opinion of yourself

when you stand up to the ego of a man he either retreats and exits your life or he steps up...he doesn't keep feeding into you...women give the man's ego way too much power and control over relationships...if they don't ever have to step up and man up and override their ego because of women scared to lose them and not letting them know...guess what....they won't

this is some BS you gonna have to miss me with all this Im good on you , be good and hope you find what you are looking for because ima find what I deserve...and still wish you the best...throws up the deuces

I do agree with this. I've allowed myself to be blinded by the "ego" of this man. I should have called him out LOOOONG time ago, but I didn't because I didn't want to believe he was just playing games. You see, so many women tend to fall in love with the "potential" of a man, when in reality they should be falling for what or WHO the man truly is and who he has shown himself to be in the past. This is yet another lesson I have had to learn the hard way.

Still debating on whether or not actually saying something is even necessary.

You don't have to call him, you can decide that you are done with him of your own accord..it doesn't matter what he denies....you don't even have to tell him anything about himself for him to even deny anything since you already know....tell him about yourself and that you are done and you would like to experience something better in your life...you can really throw him off by thanking him for helping you experience what you don't want out of a relationship so that you can know what you do....

Yep...that's what I'm doing now. I have long-since decided that I'm through with him. He's not "the one" for me anyway. Plus, his previous actions have basically proved to me what type of person he can be, and sad to say...but some of it is not positive.

I'm thinking that I may have to eventually say something though because he's not the type to just leave me alone. He'll keep trying to come back to me trying to see what he can get away with. So, next time he tries something...I'll just let him know cut and dry, and then maybe he'll leave me alone. Or, at least he'll think twice before playing me again. Like I said, unfortunately we're in a position where we have to see each other every single week.

the key to letting go is letting go with love...you havent let go if you are bitter and mad at him and still hold a grudge or blame against him for how he treated you when you full well let him do it....so until you are certain you can forgive him and yourself don't pretend you are there...

Yep... I'm not there yet. Not completely at least. I haven't let go with love. Is it so wrong to think that what someone did was wrong and not right? Not saying I want to go slash his tires or anything, because it's not like that at all. Plus, I'm not that kind of person, and if anything we're at least still acquaintances. But I don't think there's anything wrong with realizing after the fact that this person's actions were NOT right, and that he doesn't deserve my "friendship". Is that so wrong?? Is that still considered being "bitter"??

That's why I'm enjoying doing "The Rules" . I'm being able to better weed out the guys who are the GEMS from the "fakers". I wish I had this book 3 years ago and really applied it!

 

[tiara76]

Well, that's true. I can't control his actions. And I have definitely left him alone. But I can't really "walk away" either since there wasn't really anything to "walk away" from. It's not like we're dating or living together. And he's not someone I can avoid seeing every week. So..... I have to sometimes struggle with my feelings and his behavior. Plus, how can you really walk away from someone who won't completely leave YOU alone? This is when stating your boundaries comes into play, and I think that I am going to have to take this step. Otherwise, I don't think he'll ever get the "hint".

when you are really over him.... we have no problem ignoring or not giving attention to those we have no interest in even if they are showing interest in us

I don't really agree with this, because a person can show love towards another individual until the cows come home, but that does not automatically mean that this other person will show love or will love you in return. ESPECIALLY men. Men don't operate like women.

Trust me if a person isn't in the mindstate to love you back they won't be in your life at least physically....they will leave you and if you are in a good place you will let them leave because you will know and understand where they are and whats going on..if you try to hold onto someone who isn't in right mind to love you now its speaking for you vs them and they just might stick around in your life just to not love you right...


If you're trying to insinuate that the reason this guy played games with me was because I played games with him, then I have to let you know that this is definitely NOT the case. I NEVER played games with him. He KNEW my interest from my ACTIONS. Guys are NOT stupid, and they are not dumb. What he chose to do however is use my feelings for him to his advantage. He didn't have to say he was using it to his advantage, and he didn't even have to TELL me that he already knew how I felt about him. I could tell by his ACTIONS! In his defense, I will say that he probably did have some feelings for me towards the end...yes I'll give him that I suppose. But when you've played games with someone before, it's hard for that person to trust you, you know what I'm saying??? And if I'm trying to "repress" my feelings for him, it's ONLY so that I can finally get over him for good...not so that I can "control" or play games with him. Puh-leeze! Right now this has nothing to do with him anymore. It has to do with me and what I personally can stand at this moment while I'm "recovering".

Its always had to do with you, and you will heal...a person can't take advantage of another's feelings unless they are allowed to do so regardless of how the other person feels....your feelings are valid and if you had them you had them and if you expressed them thats all that matters....if you felt he wasn't treating you right because of yoru feelings in a good place you would of left him alone, in a not so great place you may have wanted him to feel for you back and by doing so entered into the "game" with him and his ego just not knowing the "rules" to get his ego to "want" you vs "dog" you...so he had the upper hand in it...its hard to play a game by yourself, somebody has to be a participant in it and if you weren't in the game he wouldn't be playing you

Plus, A LOT of women have been upfront with men about their feelings, and the men STILL played them! So...no...I don't believe that a guy only plays you when you play games with him. Some people just take advantage of others and their feelings or their niceness. But if he had been totally smitten with me (or heck...if he had just been MATURE!), he would not have wanted to play games with me, because he would not have wanted me to get the wrong impression about him. That's it in a nutshell.

On the flip side....the truth also is a lot of women have been upfront with men and they didn't play games....it depends on the woman and the man...again back to what are you bringing out of another and vice versa...what is the experience and what is being reflected back...and again back to the he will either exit or step up to the woman who is in her own higher states of love and confidence...

But he is shady anyway, because he's playing games with his gf right now and she probably doesn't even realize it! Or maybe she does realize it and just doesn't care. I realize it because I know him longer, and I know that a guy who was MATURE and serious about marriage would not make some of the choices he has made, and would not be doing what he is doing at the current moment.

So yeah... my mind now knows the truth and sees him for who he truly is. Right now my heart is just working on catching up to my mind that's all.

You will get there

I do agree with this. I've allowed myself to be blinded by the "ego" of this man. I should have called him out LOOOONG time ago, but I didn't because I didn't want to believe he was just playing games. You see, so many women tend to fall in love with the "potential" of a man, when in reality they should be falling for what or WHO the man truly is and who he has shown himself to be in the past. This is yet another lesson I have had to learn the hard way.

The only thing that matters is that you realize it and learn from it, and if you can't/didn't love him for who he is/was at the present/past moment you never really loved him at all....that right there also says alot about our personal states of being and where we are with ourselves

Yep...that's what I'm doing now. I have long-since decided that I'm through with him. He's not "the one" for me anyway. Plus, his previous actions have basically proved to me what type of person he can be, and sad to say...but some of it is not positive.

as with everybody....the positives and the negatives are what make up the whole

I'm thinking that I may have to eventually say something though because he's not the type to just leave me alone. He'll keep trying to come back to me trying to see what he can get away with. So, next time he tries something...I'll just let him know cut and dry, and then maybe he'll leave me alone. Or, at least he'll think twice before playing me again. Like I said, unfortunately we're in a position where we have to see each other every single week.

You will figure out a way to handle it, don't overthink it and whatever happens make a conscious effort to act from where you heart is and how you feel and not to react to something he says or does


Yep... I'm not there yet. Not completely at least. I haven't let go with love. Is it so wrong to think that what someone did was wrong and not right? Not saying I want to go slash his tires or anything, because it's not like that at all. Plus, I'm not that kind of person, and if anything we're at least still acquaintances. But I don't think there's anything wrong with realizing after the fact that this person's actions were NOT right, and that he doesn't deserve my "friendship". Is that so wrong?? Is that still considered being "bitter"??

You don't have to be friends with him to forgive him...you don't have to change your feelings to he is the greatest guy on the earth to forgive him...forgiveness is easier to do once even a smidgin of understanding is gained...one thing to remember is that hurt people hurt other people, and to go even further with that is people who are hurt by others who are hurting them are already hurting inside, there are things that need to be healed that won't come to surface unless (1) the person themselves realizes their issues which are usually with self acceptance, self love, worth, etc, things along those lines or (2) they will attract and attach to others who will trigger those things to be brought to the surface ....if one is still dealing with those types of above issues..they will attach to somebody who also won't do the same for them....and usually how another treats us and how we respond is a reflection of how we treat ourselves internally...

That's why I'm enjoying doing "The Rules" . I'm being able to better weed out the guys who are the GEMS from the "fakers". I wish I had this book 3 years ago and really applied it!

Hope it works out for you

 

[weaveologist]

I can't even begin to respond to all of the replies. However, I can add this:

I finally let go of my misery a few weeks ago. I realized that when he isn't in my life, I feel SO GOOD and when I let him back in out of pity, my mood SUCKS. So, though we were really good friends, I had to let him go. No texts. No phones calls. NOTHING. I told him to please leave me alone and let me live. It hurt both of us, but hey, I have to look out for me............ I FEEL GREAT! That's when you realize that everything good to you, is NOT good for you.

And this guy that I have been unknowingly doing the Rules on is all up in my 31 flavors. And now that I am from up under that fool, I can see the new guy for what he really is.

My two cents.......

 

[aribell]

This statement is so true. I don't have a problem telling a guy that I like him. But I leave the ball in his court to decide if he's going to do anything with the "new" information. I refuse to call, text, facebooked, etc. He has to come and get me. If he's not interested cool.....I KIM....

I still stand by that quote, and this year has only proven it all the more. Nothing you do can "make" someone feel one way or the other about you. Either they're attracted to you in response to who they see you are, or they aren't. It either meshes or it doesn't.

In my experience, how someone responds to being told of your interest really depends on how they already feel about you. If they don't reciprocate or even withdraw, then it's because there wasn't a real interest there, or the way the feelings were put out there, it didn't leave freedom on their part to keep getting to know you without any pressure.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

You will figure out a way to handle it, don't overthink it and whatever happens make a conscious effort to act from where you heart is and how you feel and not to react to something he says or does

That's good advice... I think I'm "sensitive" to everything he says and does now because of our past history. But I just have to remember that he's imperfect like everyone else, and that sometimes people DO change for the better and at times they don't mean things to be taken the wrong way. So, I'll have to work on not getting worked up at every little thing he does/says. It's tough, but I'm working on it.

You don't have to be friends with him to forgive him...you don't have to change your feelings to he is the greatest guy on the earth to forgive him...forgiveness is easier to do once even a smidgin of understanding is gained...one thing to remember is that hurt people hurt other people, and to go even further with that is people who are hurt by others who are hurting them are already hurting inside, there are things that need to be healed that won't come to surface unless (1) the person themselves realizes their issues which are usually with self acceptance, self love, worth, etc, things along those lines or (2) they will attract and attach to others who will trigger those things to be brought to the surface ....if one is still dealing with those types of above issues..they will attach to somebody who also won't do the same for them....and usually how another treats us and how we respond is a reflection of how we treat ourselves internally...

Well, I do agree with the part you mentioned about being forgiving regardless of whether or not we remain "friends". I also like the part about being forgiving and letting things go without being resentful, but doing so with LOVE and understanding. I agree with all of that.

But I just don't believe that a loving person will ALWAYS attract "loving" people into his her life. I just can't wrap my head around that because there are too many bad things that happen to good and "loving" people in the world today.

I even look at Jesus... He was the epitome of love, compassion, and understanding while he was on earth. However he STILL had people who hated him, and eventually killed him. So, while I do agree that sometimes you can attract SOME things into your life based on your own issues or the "energy" that you're putting out into the "universe", I don't believe that it's soley the person's fault if bad or negative experiences happen to them.

Maybe I'm alone in thinking this... But that's just how I feel.

But learning from life's experiences is one of the best things one can do, so that's what I'll be trying to do from now on!

 

[tiara76]

That's good advice... I think I'm "sensitive" to everything he says and does now because of our past history. But I just have to remember that he's imperfect like everyone else, and that sometimes people DO change for the better and at times they don't mean things to be taken the wrong way. So, I'll have to work on not getting worked up at every little thing he does/says. It's tough, but I'm working on it.



Well, I do agree with the part you mentioned about being forgiving regardless of whether or not we remain "friends". I also like the part about being forgiving and letting things go without being resentful, but doing so with LOVE and understanding. I agree with all of that.

But I just don't believe that a loving person will ALWAYS attract "loving" people into his her life. I just can't wrap my head around that because there are too many bad things that happen to good and "loving" people in the world today.

I even look at Jesus... He was the epitome of love, compassion, and understanding while he was on earth. However he STILL had people who hated him, and eventually killed him. So, while I do agree that sometimes you can attract SOME things into your life based on your own issues or the "energy" that you're putting out into the "universe", I don't believe that it's soley the person's fault if bad or negative experiences happen to them.

Maybe I'm alone in thinking this... But that's just how I feel.

But learning from life's experiences is one of the best things one can do, so that's what I'll be trying to do from now on!

the story of Jesus and his death was a predetermined outcome....he was symbolizing to the rest of us that nobody can "kill" us and even while he was "dying" he spoke of forgiveness for those who were doing the killing saying forgive them father they don't know what they do...they are not aware of themselves and not aware of the love they are and forgiveness is theirs regardless...and his resurrection is proof that nobody ever dies, we may shed these bodies, we change forms but we don't die and nobody ever "kills" us that is why compassion for a killer is possible realizing they hare so far away from their heart that even if they kill you it is understood they are not in their hearts and the killing isn't taken personal.....he knew his fate before it happened because he chose to be this example to the rest of us our own potential

everybody doesn't have to go through getting "killed" by others to learn to be compassionate and forgiving, hence the belief that he died for the sins of everybody else...in a sense he died that way to let others know that compassion and forgiveness is the way to the kingdom of heaven and that even the most heinous person can't take that away from you, they can't take your life..life is love and love is eternal... he chose to go the route that people fear the most, getting killed and still be forgiving in the midst of it all...the message is that life is eternal and the way to inner peace and happiness and the kingdom of heaven is thru compassion and forgiveness once people learn to do this they won't have to be "tested" so much by negativity to learn to be forgiving, and that kingdom of heaven is possible while in human form.....we are all spiritual beings in a physical experience....we all have chosen to experience the whole of life..the good, the bad, the ugly and alot of things that happen are by higher choices of the soul that we don't understand while under the impression everything we do is a conscious choice....to learn to be forgiving we need others to help us experience it, and they will be the ones doing the things that will provide opportunities to forgive and learn compassion.....the illusion of duality is simply to experience who we are not in order to know who we are and at some point in different lifetimes before we reach our own christ consciousness we will have been everything from killer to saint and will have encountered others in different expressions of themselves in order to know what wholeness is (holy) and realize all is oneness

not to go too much off into other realms I will leave it at that

another note...take fault and blame out of your vocabulary and things will also start to become easier to understand

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

the story of Jesus and his death was a predetermined outcome....he was symbolizing to the rest of us that nobody can "kill" us and even while he was "dying" he spoke of forgiveness for those who were doing the killing saying forgive them father they don't know what they do...they are not aware of themselves and not aware of the love they are and forgiveness is theirs regardless...and his resurrection is proof that nobody ever dies, we may shed these bodies, we change forms but we don't die and nobody ever "kills" us that is why compassion for a killer is possible realizing they hare so far away from their heart that even if they kill you it is understood they are not in their hearts and the killing isn't taken personal.....he knew his fate before it happened because he chose to be this example to the rest of us our own potential

everybody doesn't have to go through getting "killed" by others to learn to be compassionate and forgiving, hence the belief that he died for the sins of everybody else...in a sense he died that way to let others know that compassion and forgiveness is the way to the kingdom of heaven and that even the most heinous person can't take that away from you, they can't take your life..life is love and love is eternal... he chose to go the route that people fear the most, getting killed and still be forgiving in the midst of it all...the message is that life is eternal and the way to inner peace and happiness and the kingdom of heaven is thru compassion and forgiveness once people learn to do this they won't have to be "tested" so much by negativity to learn to be forgiving, and that kingdom of heaven is possible while in human form.....we are all spiritual beings in a physical experience....we all have chosen to experience the whole of life..the good, the bad, the ugly and alot of things that happen are by higher choices of the soul that we don't understand while under the impression everything we do is a conscious choice....to learn to be forgiving we need others to help us experience it, and they will be the ones doing the things that will provide opportunities to forgive and learn compassion.....the illusion of duality is simply to experience who we are not in order to know who we are and at some point in different lifetimes before we reach our own christ consciousness we will have been everything from killer to saint and will have encountered others in different expressions of themselves in order to know what wholeness is (holy) and realize all is oneness

not to go too much off into other realms I will leave it at that

another note...take fault and blame out of your vocabulary and things will also start to become easier to understand

Hmm...maybe you should create a *spinoff* thread!!

"How to forgive/recover from past relationships when you have been hurt" just a suggestion....

 

[weaveologist]

Hmm...maybe you should create a *spinoff* thread!!

"How to forgive/recover from past relationships when you have been hurt" just a suggestion....

I just wrote on this in a book I am writing. If you look up sermons on forgiveness you will find a lot of information that say that you block your blessings when you continue to hold on to past transgressions. If you PM me your email, I can send you what I wrote on it that includes a lot biblical references.

 

[LaBella]

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[LaBella]

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[LaBella]

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[MissJ]

Hi Ladies,
I have been lurking around for quite a while, and have come out only occasionaly. But I am curious if someone has the same issue I have.
There is this man, who is about the best one I have ever come across. He has got it all: nice personality, education, good job and not to forget he is tall and handsome. There is one big issue, he lives on another continent. He moved there about 4 months after I first saw him, which was at work. The steamy looks were driving me crazy, but we didn't know eachother, he was just 2 desks behind me. When I found out he was leaving, which was 2-3 weeks before he did, I was the one who initated the first chat. That is now over 2,5 years ago, we have been doing the occasional email since then. But early this year things changed. We started calling and texting more and got to know eachother better by talking a lot. There is definitely some kind of click. He is here every 2 months for a couple of days and he invited me for coffee some of months ago. So we met again end of May after almost 2 years. In August he was here he again and we met 2 times this time in the 4 days he was here. He calls to confirm the meetings, he pays for whatever we are doing. But the thing is I notice I initiate most of our contact when he is not around. Now he let me know in one of our last conversation, that he will be here again end of October and he would really like to see me again. I would like to know if I don't initiate any contact in the meantime if he will contact me to see how I am and if we are still meeting, etc. But somehow I just can't stop myself from contacting him about every 2 weeks if I haven't heard anything. And I really want to know, what if I don't...Hahaha, I know I sound hopeless, but I really like him and I just want to know: is he into me too...when we talk and meet signs show he is, but how do I stop myself from initiating a call, email or text? Is there anyone who is/was as impatient as I am? And how do you work with that?

It doesn't sound like he's into you. You're making things happen by continuing to call him.

 

[MissJ]

Here is my update.

This is my 'month of truth'. I expected that if I wouldn't do any effort, I wouldn't hear anything from the tall handsome guy on the other side of the world. And so it happened up to now. But he is coming to my side of the world by end of this month and I do expect to hear from him somewhere next week to set a date. I am actually quite sure about that. But okay, let's wait and see what will happen....

I did some things for me in the meantime. I tried something else with hair (lots of compliments at the office), I had a manicure (for the first time in my life and a pedicure and I am working hard on my fitness goals. I am reading a good book on being succesful in life (learning a lot and even making notes).

But I did some thinking too. And I came to the conclusion that I reallyreally like him, more then is healthy for me. I don't have my Rules book yet, still waiting for delivery. So the difficult thing for me is: how to handle the next contact...

I think I can't set that date to meet him. I am going to have to skip it. Especially after the confirmation I got now, that if I don't do any effort he can get very silent. Up to now I have been very willing to meet, those couple of times we did. Last time I even rescheduled something to be able to see him. I don't even have to read the book to know I should have never done that.

I also have decided that it is good to move on and try to get over those feelings I have. It's clear he does not have them as strong for me. This might be a challenge. But I know it going to be good for me.

Will keep you posted!

You shouldn't see him at all. He's a waste of time.

 

[MissJ]

So my phone was out of my sight for about 20 minutes, I had one missed call and a voicemail. Guess who it was...
I am starting to like this. So the less attention you give the more he will react on that...
That is very confusing for me to experience.

BTW My Rules book is waiting for me, I really need to pick it up on my way home today!

What do you think you're going to get out of a guy who doesn't really like you and who will not even be there for you? I don't get it.

 

[LaBella]

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[Jade Feria]

LaBella, you've been strong! Good job! This has definitely been a 'month of truth'. Keep up the good work!

 

[weaveologist]

Hi MissJ,

You don't get it? Don't try to! Because I don't get it either. )

As is clear by now, I like him a lot, while I know I shouldn't.
What I am trying to achieve the coming days is resisting the temptemtation to see him again. Right now that is going just fine. I understand why he has time to contact me now. And I am totally not happy that he didn't do that before.
What I am excited about is the fact that if I don't respond, he seems to take another step to get closer. Offcourse I have read about it on the forum, but I have never experienced it like that. This is a useful experience for me for the future. I am not a very experienced dater. I had a relationship for more then 13 years, wich was my first and only one. So I have to learn dealing with stuff.
I would have preferred to learn with someone I did not fancy. That would have made it a lot simpeler. But that is not the way life is....

From experience, let me tell you this: Don't let his current aggression fool you into thinking that he likes you more than he did in the past when he was silent. No one likes to be ignored, so he is responding to that and that alone. Unfortunately, some people can actually not like you but have an issue with you NOT being all up in thier grill like you always are . Its best you just wash your hands of the situation all together. Doesn't mean he is a bad person and it doesn't mean you are either. It means that it is hard to get over wanting somebody when they are always emailing, texting, or in your face.

I tried this with my ex. I would play "The Rules" and it would get a response out of him. But at the end of the day, he still didn't like/love me enough to do A, B, C, or D. Period. Rules or not.

Good job on letting it go. Now keep it pushing!