Any advice???? 
*Spinoff* "The Rules Challenge!--"Rules" girls get in here!
- Thread starter Crystalicequeen123
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GoingNatural
Well-Known Member
Any advice????
I'm not much help, but 3 months is my limit. If it hasn't happened by then I will have "the talk" (no pressure, prodding etc.)
Bunny77
New Member
Any advice????
Hmmm... well, I'd definitely want him to be the one to initiate the relationship conversation, I can definitely say that. I wouldn't bring it up, and if he's passing the three month mark with no talk about it, I'd start fading to black.
I must admit, this is the area where I get a little fuzzy too... I've had a guy initiate the relationship convo after a month and I agree to it. We were together six months and then it suddenly fell apart. I don't know if I truly got to know him well enough, or if he asked to be exclusive just so that he would know that I wasn't seeing anyone else.
Any thoughts, more experienced ladies?
Thank you. And the bolded is where I am!
Initially after 3 or 4 weeks, he asked to be exclusive. I put it off saying that I wanted us to 'get to know each other better.' Good move, I think.
Now, we are dating and it's great and he has made it clear that I am the only person he's dating... & vice versa... and 3 months is 2 wks away. I think that when the timing is right, he will bring it up again or the conversation will just happen... I'm not into pushing it...
Yes, please chime in more experienced ladies
Initially after 3 or 4 weeks, he asked to be exclusive. I put it off saying that I wanted us to 'get to know each other better.' Good move, I think.
Now, we are dating and it's great and he has made it clear that I am the only person he's dating... & vice versa... and 3 months is 2 wks away. I think that when the timing is right, he will bring it up again or the conversation will just happen... I'm not into pushing it...
Yes, please chime in more experienced ladies
Hmmm... well, I'd definitely want him to be the one to initiate the relationship conversation, I can definitely say that. I wouldn't bring it up, and if he's passing the three month mark with no talk about it, I'd start fading to black.
I must admit, this is the area where I get a little fuzzy too... I've had a guy initiate the relationship convo after a month and I agree to it. We were together six months and then it suddenly fell apart. I don't know if I truly got to know him well enough, or if he asked to be exclusive just so that he would know that I wasn't seeing anyone else.
Any thoughts, more experienced ladies?
Bunny77
New Member
Thank you. And the bolded is where I am!
Initially after 3 or 4 weeks, he asked to be exclusive. I put it off saying that I wanted us to 'get to know each other better.' Good move, I think.
Now, we are dating and it's great and he has made it clear that I am the only person he's dating... & vice versa... and 3 months is 2 wks away. I think that when the timing is right, he will bring it up again or the conversation will just happen... I'm not into pushing it...
Yes, please chime in more experienced ladies
It sounds like you handled the first part right! And your guy did the right thing... if he's really interested, he'll stick around even if you say you aren't ready "yet" to be exclusive... actually he'll fight harder because he wants to be with you. A guy who gets angry because you say "not yet" or moves on after your "not yet" was probably not as into you as you thought and had possessive reasons for wanting to be exclusive so quickly.
I'm just wondering when a decision should be made though.
aribell
formerly nicola.kirwan
I'm curious as to how you ladies handle the "I haven't heard from you" line. You know, after there has been a short lapse in communication and it seems like you both were waiting the other person out and they shift the responsibility to you...but you being a "rules girl" don't call men.
Haven't figured out a clever enough reply yet. Any thoughts on what this means or how it should be responded to?
Haven't figured out a clever enough reply yet. Any thoughts on what this means or how it should be responded to?
noemi
Well-Known Member
It probably means he isn't that into you. That is their way of being pleasant or having you think that its your fault as to why their fingers haven't dialed your number. Any man that is interested in you maintains communication.
What do you mean by short lapse? A day? A week? Month(s)?
gn1g
Well-Known Member
Bunny77
New Member
"I haven't heard from you either!" or "And I haven't heard from you!" (said in a friendly way, of course!)
Just one thought!
aribell
formerly nicola.kirwan
It varies. But more often like a week or so. It also comes with the implication that I should call as well...like a "Well you could call me too" kind of thing.
noemi
Well-Known Member
[QUOTE[/QUOTE]
Well if it's someone that you're casually dating then a week isn't that bad but if we are passed casual then it's a problem. You could call but I would be careful. I'd just say oh I've been busy or you couldve always called me. I wouldn't take it as a green light and call more.
Well if it's someone that you're casually dating then a week isn't that bad but if we are passed casual then it's a problem. You could call but I would be careful. I'd just say oh I've been busy or you couldve always called me. I wouldn't take it as a green light and call more.
GoingNatural
Well-Known Member
I always just say--with a smile in my voice--"You know how to find me, how are you any way?"
Bunny77
New Member
I like that!
aribell
formerly nicola.kirwan
I love it! Getting this book as well!Which is all more reason to do "The Rules", or follow the "WMLB" guidelines! As author Sherry Argov (of WMLB) would say: "Monkey see, monkey do. If he's getting 'unsure' about the relationship, YOU get 'unsure' as well! If he needs 'more space' and wants more time to hang out with his buddies, YOU go ahead and need more space and hang out with your girl friends as well!"
good idea!I remember years ago, to keep myself from calling my baby daddy (i hate to hear that but, love how it seems to fit, LOL) I taped ~NO, DONT DO IT~ to the phone. I also, carry around a typed synopsis of the rules and WMLB on a piece of paper the size of an index card and pull it out when I find myself about to go over the edge.
great ideasBecause the Rules/the List needs to be practiced, I propose that we take a minimum of one action a week that supports practicing the Rules.
Examples:
-going out once a week--even if no one is available and you have to go SOLO--to some event that is conducive to using the Rules (ie dinner, museum, gallery, lounge, etc.). Take time at the beginning of each week to look in the paper, check out meetup, etc and plan to go to a great event. Invite friends, but if they are not available, you go anyway!
-joining an online service simply to have dates and practice (match, plentyoffish)
-posting an ad on Craigslist or similar service to date up a storm/practice
-keep using the Rules/the List on men currently in your life
Any other suggestions? There's also a Rules book for online dating and I'm planning to check that out.
I just supposedly got "fixed up" yesterday (I think it's more like SET UP)
This acquaintance of mine knows a "tall, dark, handsome muscular guy who goes to X church."
She's texting me, sends his pic, I send mine and he is interested.
Then HE starts texting me. Grown-arse man! I can see the "hi, how are you stuff"
But then he gets into the first date questions, "why is such a beautiful...stil single?"
Me - I'm divorced. Why are you single?
Him - I was doing me, now I'm ready to meet a nice woman.
RED FLAG - After reading WMLB, this says to me he is a slutbag and thinks I expect to change him! I can't imagine a man I would date saying this!
Anyway, I cut off his texts, as i was going out to lunch. He texts "maybe we can plan something."
The girl texts me later and asks how things are going. I text her back. "Oh, we haven't spoken yet."
Dude did not call last night. I don't really care.
Am I too quick to dismiss?
This acquaintance of mine knows a "tall, dark, handsome muscular guy who goes to X church."
She's texting me, sends his pic, I send mine and he is interested.
Then HE starts texting me. Grown-arse man! I can see the "hi, how are you stuff"
But then he gets into the first date questions, "why is such a beautiful...stil single?"
Me - I'm divorced. Why are you single?
Him - I was doing me, now I'm ready to meet a nice woman.
RED FLAG - After reading WMLB, this says to me he is a slutbag and thinks I expect to change him! I can't imagine a man I would date saying this!
Anyway, I cut off his texts, as i was going out to lunch. He texts "maybe we can plan something."
The girl texts me later and asks how things are going. I text her back. "Oh, we haven't spoken yet."
Dude did not call last night. I don't really care.
Am I too quick to dismiss?
blue_flower
Well-Known Member
I don't know about everyone else, but I find it unacceptable for a grown A man to be sending text messages like he's a teenage girl or something. If a guy is SERIOUS I'd expect him to call me up and make plans to go out with me and then when we meet we in person we could chit chat over we're both still single. All this back and forth text message stuff is just a bunch of game playing to me. After reading WMLB and the Rules, I'm not putting up with anymore bull ever again.
envybeauty
New Member
I think some women handle texting the wrong way. I don't think in this day and age you can say a man should never text but you can cut the texting off and tell him to call you. Texting is the way of the future much like how email was the way when handwritten letters were more common.
@fluff..... I wouldn't have responded to the why u single question. That to me showed he had a narrow mind.
@fluff..... I wouldn't have responded to the why u single question. That to me showed he had a narrow mind.
weaveologist
New Member
I seriously hate whoever invented text messaging.
weaveologist
New Member
So I was reading over All the Rules yesterday and this book only proves that this person in my life that has been going from SO to non-exsistent is just truely a character. This clown does everything that the author's say a man that is NOT in love with you does but also does everything that they say a man that is madly in love with you does.
SimpleKomplexity
New Member
I'm bored....no one to practice "The Rules" on. Only losers. I've already applied the "rules" to them. They're psycho and think I'm cditty, or not even worth the effort. I think the latter about all of them lol. Not even worth it 
BUT I must say I love how the Rules demands that you respect yourself before others respect you, if you know what I mean.
BUT I must say I love how the Rules demands that you respect yourself before others respect you, if you know what I mean.
LadyCee
New Member
i dont really get why dudes u start forgetting or whatever always seem to pop up when ur almost over them. can anyone explain.. this one person im tryna 4get texted me earlier ab y we not tlkn anymore & a lil while after texting he stops replyin it can be so frustrating to me. ughh. wat gives?
Bunny77
New Member
Don't text.
LadyCee
New Member
Okay..:scratchch
weaveologist
New Member
I agree. I am thinking about changing my phone number.
vivEz daNs lamouR
Well-Known Member
Would you practice "The Rules" on someone who you dated years ago and who you're still good friends with? You two are trying to reconnect.
See, I'm a little confused. My ex and I dated back when we were literally teenagers (some 7 years ago). We didn't end on a bad note, it's just it wasn't going to work back then. We needed time to grow and mature into adults.
But now we're trying to see if something could happen, but throughout that time period we've maintained great contact and he's honestly one of my most trusted confidantes. How do you suddenly go from being so open with someone to suddenly pulling back? Wouldn't that make it look like I'm uninterested?
See, I'm a little confused. My ex and I dated back when we were literally teenagers (some 7 years ago). We didn't end on a bad note, it's just it wasn't going to work back then. We needed time to grow and mature into adults.
But now we're trying to see if something could happen, but throughout that time period we've maintained great contact and he's honestly one of my most trusted confidantes. How do you suddenly go from being so open with someone to suddenly pulling back? Wouldn't that make it look like I'm uninterested?
weaveologist
New Member
Hmmm, I think the same thing when reading the book. I don't think you'd look uninterested because the point is to be NICE while practicing the rules. Available but not available all the time. Interested but not desperate. There is a clear difference between being friends and lovers. I think the reason why we (women) may ruin that chance at becoming a lover with a friend is because we don't make them treat us as a lover so then there is no clear definition as to what the relationship is; friends or lovers?--- I could be speaking from personal experiences, but I digress... Anyway, I wouldn't feel bad for applying The Rules in your situation because, like I said, friends are friends, dating is dating. You want him to maintain that interest, to maintain WHY he decided to turn you alls friendship into something more, but don't allow yourself to be taken advantage of either. Believe me, playing the "oh I was his friend first" role does not feel good.
SimpleKomplexity
New Member
bump it back up
