*Spinoff* "The Rules Challenge!--"Rules" girls get in here!

[Paradox]

I'm still my mean ole self.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

I was having a conversation with a few male friends earlier today about dating. To make a long story short, they all suggested that I should do the asking out. They both admitted to being shy, and said they'd be flattered if a woman asked them out. Now I am not fond of asking guys out, but this made me think. Am I being stuck up by rejecting this idea? I don't think so, but I'd love input.

 

[MizzBrown]

I was having a conversation with a few male friends earlier today about dating. To make a long story short, they all suggested that I should do the asking out. They both admitted to being shy, and said they'd be flattered if a woman asked them out. Now I am not fond of asking guys out, but this made me think. Am I being stuck up by rejecting this idea? I don't think so, but I'd love input.

IMO, aint no man THAT damn shy. And if he is then too bad! They shy ones that i've met sure knew how to speak up when they saw someone they liked and didnt want her to get away.

That's a punk move IMO. They need to man-up and ask.

 

[Bunny77]

I was having a conversation with a few male friends earlier today about dating. To make a long story short, they all suggested that I should do the asking out. They both admitted to being shy, and said they'd be flattered if a woman asked them out. Now I am not fond of asking guys out, but this made me think. Am I being stuck up by rejecting this idea? I don't think so, but I'd love input.

Do they have girlfriends or wives or are they still single?

Every ATTACHED man that I've talked to said that if the man is interested, he'll find a way to ask a woman out, shy or not. It's only the non-attached ones who've said what your friends have suggested.

 

[Paradox]

arrrggg!
I'm still having trouble with the Asian guy with the girlfriend in Mass.
darn it!
I'm seriously hoping that I am just paranoid, I really am.

 

[Ms Red]

If you're dating someone and not exclusive (dating about 8 weeks), do you have 'the conversation' with them about being in a relationship?? We've had the talk about me wanting to be courted (big diff. than just dating).

I feel like I am in junior high school but I have to ask. He is interested in being together (just us) but on one hand, I'm feeling him and on the other hand, I didn't want to rush into a relationship too soon. We have been on about...ummm.... 10-15 dates.

I said to myself I'd revisit 'the talk' at month 3 and I love his company. Any advice?

 

[BroadstreetBully]

IMO, aint no man THAT damn shy. And if he is then too bad! They shy ones that i've met sure knew how to speak up when they saw someone they liked and didnt want her to get away.

That's a punk move IMO. They need to man-up and ask.

THANK YOU! I don't understand the reasoning of some men. So what if it's 2009? Why should I put my "shyness" aside for a guy who won't do the same for me?

Do they have girlfriends or wives or are they still single?

Every ATTACHED man that I've talked to said that if the man is interested, he'll find a way to ask a woman out, shy or not. It's only the non-attached ones who've said what your friends have suggested.

They are single. Might explain it. I just hate hearing this from guys.

 

[tiara76]

THANK YOU! I don't understand the reasoning of some men. So what if it's 2009? Why should I put my "shyness" aside for a guy who won't do the same for me?



They are single. Might explain it. I just hate hearing this from guys.

There is a flip to every coin mama...

my brother is a relationship guy and every girl he has been involved with approached him.....his current girl, he actually did approach her after my urging because I thought she would be good for him and she started playin games with him actin aloof, so he left her alone....a lil over a month later she asked him how come he didn't pursue her and she thought he liked her....he said she did, but she acted like she didn't like him so he left it alone right off the bat...now they are inseparable...

My male best friend just moved in with a woman who approached him.....

there are dudes who aren't turned off by a woman approaching or expressing interest......and I will say that my brother and my best friend are two men who are above being obsessed by their ego's.....

not all men are the same....and sometimes its not about being shy persay but sometimes a woman who makes a move is not the the end all to all and men are flattered and not turned off or automatically ready to get over on her...but it takes a woman in a specific place with herself not driven by her own ego and/or self destructivee habits and tuned into her own energy and being able to recognize others to be able to have successful relationships....

there is a difference between approaching and expressing interest in a man and showing confidence and self assurance vs chasing and throwing yourself at him desperately.....a man above games will pass on the desperate woman, the man still into playing games will likely take the opportunity to play with you and likely run you into the ground as much as you let him...

there really are not set of rules to finding real love

 

[MizAvalon]

I know I haven't posted in this thread in a while, it's gotten pretty big.

But, just wanted to let you ladies know that I am following The Rules and let me tell you, THEY WORK!

I've had a few slip-ups(I'm still learning) but I can't believe how well following these tips really work.

Hopefully, I will have more to share in the upcoming months.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

There is a flip to every coin mama...

my brother is a relationship guy and every girl he has been involved with approached him.....his current girl, he actually did approach her after my urging because I thought she would be good for him and she started playin games with him actin aloof, so he left her alone....a lil over a month later she asked him how come he didn't pursue her and she thought he liked her....he said she did, but she acted like she didn't like him so he left it alone right off the bat...now they are inseparable...

My male best friend just moved in with a woman who approached him.....

there are dudes who aren't turned off by a woman approaching or expressing interest......and I will say that my brother and my best friend are two men who are above being obsessed by their ego's.....

not all men are the same....and sometimes its not about being shy persay but sometimes a woman who makes a move is not the the end all to all and men are flattered and not turned off or automatically ready to get over on her...but it takes a woman in a specific place with herself not driven by her own ego and/or self destructivee habits and tuned into her own energy and being able to recognize others to be able to have successful relationships....

there is a difference between approaching and expressing interest in a man and showing confidence and self assurance vs chasing and throwing yourself at him desperately.....a man above games will pass on the desperate woman, the man still into playing games will likely take the opportunity to play with you and likely run you into the ground as much as you let him...

there really are not set of rules to finding real love

You are certainly right about this. A decent man shouldn't be turned off by a woman approaching him. If he likes her he likes her. Approaching a man shouldn't be the end all.

It's just about what someone is comfortable with I guess. I never liked approaching guys, I did it because I felt like the guys were too shy to approach me. But now I just feel more comfortable sitting back. I enjoy being approached.

 

[tiara76]

You are certainly right about this. A decent man shouldn't be turned off by a woman approaching him. If he likes her he likes her. Approaching a man shouldn't be the end all.

It's just about what someone is comfortable with I guess. I never liked approaching guys, I did it because I felt like the guys were too shy to approach me. But now I just feel more comfortable sitting back. I enjoy being approached.

I definitely feel the natural order is a man approaching a woman...I've talked to too many men to know that having "game" or being confident even for good looking successful men is not so common (I don't think it makes them less than in anyway), esp if they notice a woman who really gets their attention...alot of them are more comfy approaching a woman he's half or maybe interested in just from initial exposure than one who he looks at and builds a fantasy in his head over her ...alot of them are looking for signs and clues and desperately hoping they aren't reading them wrong so I think its more so about mutual initial interaction than anything.....eye contact, smiles etc....alot of women are being approached by men they have no desire for on the daily, and ones they may be interested in they are not running across....I rarely approach a man, but alot of times if I felt a vibe with somebody being in the same room with them, they knew it and I knew it as well, and a few times I would even initiate the contact and they would be flabberghasted thinking they were tripping I was even "flirting" with them....much less would start a convo with them....for the record finding a man who wanted to be in a relationship or move towards marriage has never been an issue for me, they are out there and alot of really decent ones....Im the one who liked to run free, if it was up to alot of them I'd be in a different place right now....and if i did get into relationships with them they moved super fast....if we feelin each other we feelin each other, I have no problem letting him know and he had no problem responding or vice versa if thats how it was going down...

alot of women say that its because of how I look that men act different towards me, and I point out all the examples of "pretty" or "beautiful" women who can't keep a man around or interested in her if he was even genuinely interested in the first place or if she sexed him every which way in the world

its easy to manipulate a man's ego...I can do that while multi tasking a ton of other things and have him like a sprung puppy dog..those are the dudes I got tired of the fastest and were the hardest to get rid of and realized in my mid twenties that I was really only messing with people's heads and emotions and feeding my own ego, wasn't nothing coming out of them...other dudes who I truly wasn't interested that much, but who I thought was cool.... and who it "seemed" like I was doing deliberate stuff to keep their attention because my aloofness, having a real life, other plans and people who ranked above them and was for real a lack of real interest, not anything else...and these dudes would bend over backwards and go out of their way to "get me"...gifts and throwing money and promising me "the life"...I just didn't want them....Im personally not a challenge, but I am a mystery even while being open if I choose to open up because men are intrigued by my attitude of life, my freeness, and where Im at as a woman, they like it and want to be in my presence if they are feeling me and want to know what makes me tick and why, plus at this point I can tell when a man is genuinely interested in me...if I like you I like you and you will know it......if I decide to open up to a man more times than not he likes the book he's reading and real interested in purchasing it....

and alot of men who show alot of initial interest usually do have genuine interest in a woman...the more he learns about her determines whether that initial interest level goes up or down, so if he started out liking long convo's with you and he stopped more than likely he didn't like what he was finding out.....theres that checklist they start crossing things off the list...you could easily start out potentially being "the one"...and gradually get "de ranked" as a little time goes by if he starts getting to know you and starts losing interest, he has to really be turned off to cross casual, occasional booty call off the list....alot of women do this as well....so its common...meet somebody we really like and be like he may be really cool and then start to find out things about him that turn you off

in reality.....most people who are dating and experiencing with a variety of people in one way or another usually only vibe with a select few and that goes for men and women and for those select few "rules' can easily go out the window depending on the two people....for alot of women since more are focused on long term, marriage, security etc...its easier for them to settle, manipulate (only if they have the personality and ability to do so) or try to make something out of what is really nothing because of other factors or what not while as for a man he can let it go or take advantage of the more "desperate" women until he runs across somebody he is really vibing with vs trying to make it into anything, and if the woman is not in a good place with herself, has esteem issues to put in check and what not she may keep putting herself thru unnecessary painful situations with men

a woman doesn't have to be in a "perfect" emotional and mental state to get a good man... even if shes not in a good place with herself just simply going from wallowing in worthlessness and self pity to the mindset of getting better will attract a whole different type of man into her life....the one who does want to help lift her vs the one who wants to run over her....or simply she will start noticing the ones who see something in her because shes looking to see something in herself now instead of not seeing anything and taking up with men who don't see anything worthwhile either

simply trying to be a challenge to a man targets his ego and there are times when it could lead to getting his heart open, alot of times the woman has to stay challenging or he will get bored.....at what point do you get to be yourself and express your true interest without him getting turned off.....a few weeks, a few months, a few years.....?? we are women, we are lovers, nurturers and we are emotional, when we are truly looking to be in love, feel love we want to express love

Again I will say that I don't think there is anything wrong persay with rules and tactics to deal with men....I know from my own experience being a woman who has deliberately manipulated men, undeliberately got men attached to me, have dealt with different situations and different types of men that I learned a great deal about myself and even more about men....if we all were born as highly enlightened beings and knew all the answers and the key to love and life there would be nothing to experience, nothing to learn, nothing to contrast.....

any woman who decides to go this route will benefit one way or the other in getting something out of life, love and herself I feel

 

[MizAvalon]

Your whole post was great but this part really stuck out to me because wow, haven't we all been here? You meet a guy that you're interested in and after getting to know him and his traits he becomes less and less attractive?

After a few dates or few phone conversations, you figure out that he's really just a cornball in disguise?

 

[aribell]

................

 

[BroadstreetBully]

I definitely feel the natural order is a man approaching a woman...I've talked to too many men to know that having "game" or being confident even for good looking successful men is not so common (I don't think it makes them less than in anyway), esp if they notice a woman who really gets their attention...alot of them are more comfy approaching a woman he's half or maybe interested in just from initial exposure than one who he looks at and builds a fantasy in his head over her ...alot of them are looking for signs and clues and desperately hoping they aren't reading them wrong so I think its more so about mutual initial interaction than anything.....eye contact, smiles etc....alot of women are being approached by men they have no desire for on the daily, and ones they may be interested in they are not running across....I rarely approach a man, but alot of times if I felt a vibe with somebody being in the same room with them, they knew it and I knew it as well, and a few times I would even initiate the contact and they would be flabberghasted thinking they were tripping I was even "flirting" with them....much less would start a convo with them....for the record finding a man who wanted to be in a relationship or move towards marriage has never been an issue for me, they are out there and alot of really decent ones....Im the one who liked to run free, if it was up to alot of them I'd be in a different place right now....and if i did get into relationships with them they moved super fast....if we feelin each other we feelin each other, I have no problem letting him know and he had no problem responding or vice versa if thats how it was going down...

alot of women say that its because of how I look that men act different towards me, and I point out all the examples of "pretty" or "beautiful" women who can't keep a man around or interested in her if he was even genuinely interested in the first place or if she sexed him every which way in the world

its easy to manipulate a man's ego...I can do that while multi tasking a ton of other things and have him like a sprung puppy dog..those are the dudes I got tired of the fastest and were the hardest to get rid of and realized in my mid twenties that I was really only messing with people's heads and emotions and feeding my own ego, wasn't nothing coming out of them...other dudes who I truly wasn't interested that much, but who I thought was cool.... and who it "seemed" like I was doing deliberate stuff to keep their attention because my aloofness, having a real life, other plans and people who ranked above them and was for real a lack of real interest, not anything else...and these dudes would bend over backwards and go out of their way to "get me"...gifts and throwing money and promising me "the life"...I just didn't want them....Im personally not a challenge, but I am a mystery even while being open if I choose to open up because men are intrigued by my attitude of life, my freeness, and where Im at as a woman, they like it and want to be in my presence if they are feeling me and want to know what makes me tick and why, plus at this point I can tell when a man is genuinely interested in me...if I like you I like you and you will know it......if I decide to open up to a man more times than not he likes the book he's reading and real interested in purchasing it....

and alot of men who show alot of initial interest usually do have genuine interest in a woman...the more he learns about her determines whether that initial interest level goes up or down, so if he started out liking long convo's with you and he stopped more than likely he didn't like what he was finding out.....theres that checklist they start crossing things off the list...you could easily start out potentially being "the one"...and gradually get "de ranked" as a little time goes by if he starts getting to know you and starts losing interest, he has to really be turned off to cross casual, occasional booty call off the list....alot of women do this as well....so its common...meet somebody we really like and be like he may be really cool and then start to find out things about him that turn you off

in reality.....most people who are dating and experiencing with a variety of people in one way or another usually only vibe with a select few and that goes for men and women and for those select few "rules' can easily go out the window depending on the two people....for alot of women since more are focused on long term, marriage, security etc...its easier for them to settle, manipulate (only if they have the personality and ability to do so) or try to make something out of what is really nothing because of other factors or what not while as for a man he can let it go or take advantage of the more "desperate" women until he runs across somebody he is really vibing with vs trying to make it into anything, and if the woman is not in a good place with herself, has esteem issues to put in check and what not she may keep putting herself thru unnecessary painful situations with men

a woman doesn't have to be in a "perfect" emotional and mental state to get a good man... even if shes not in a good place with herself just simply going from wallowing in worthlessness and self pity to the mindset of getting better will attract a whole different type of man into her life....the one who does want to help lift her vs the one who wants to run over her....or simply she will start noticing the ones who see something in her because shes looking to see something in herself now instead of not seeing anything and taking up with men who don't see anything worthwhile either

simply trying to be a challenge to a man targets his ego and there are times when it could lead to getting his heart open, alot of times the woman has to stay challenging or he will get bored.....at what point do you get to be yourself and express your true interest without him getting turned off.....a few weeks, a few months, a few years.....?? we are women, we are lovers, nurturers and we are emotional, when we are truly looking to be in love, feel love we want to express love

Again I will say that I don't think there is anything wrong persay with rules and tactics to deal with men....I know from my own experience being a woman who has deliberately manipulated men, undeliberately got men attached to me, have dealt with different situations and different types of men that I learned a great deal about myself and even more about men....if we all were born as highly enlightened beings and knew all the answers and the key to love and life there would be nothing to experience, nothing to learn, nothing to contrast.....

any woman who decides to go this route will benefit one way or the other in getting something out of life, love and herself I feel

WOW! That is really food for thought and makes a lot of sense! Thanks for taking the time out to type this, it has me really thinking.

 

[MzLady78]

Your whole post was great but this part really stuck out to me because wow, haven't we all been here? You meet a guy that you're interested in and after getting to know him and his traits he becomes less and less attractive?

After a few dates or few phone conversations, you figure out that he's really just a cornball in disguise?

Oh yeah.....

This happened to me on a date years ago. I had my gf call me with a fake emergency.

After we finished eating, of course.

 

[kandake]

This is more of a vent or random thought.

So, I'm hanging out with my friend Saturday night along with her DH and his family. The whole night I'm chatting with her DH's cousin. We hit off pretty well. He seemed like a nice guy. So I just know this fool is going to ask me for my number before I leave.

But... he didn't. I talked to my friend later that night. I didn't even mention dude but she ended up telling me that he really liked me. So I'm like why didn't he ask for my number. She said it was because he was waiting for me to hint at it.

I don't usually curse but WTF. Whats wrong with dudes these days. Are you serious. I spent the whole night talking to him. What other hint do you need.

I think these ladies being so forward is messing up the game. I tell ya.

 

[MizAvalon]

Oh yeah.....

This happened to me on a date years ago. I had my gf call me with a fake emergency.

After we finished eating, of course.

OK!!

 

[MizzBrown]

This is more of a vent or random thought.

So, I'm hanging out with my friend Saturday night along with her DH and his family. The whole night I'm chatting with her DH's cousin. We hit off pretty well. He seemed like a nice guy. So I just know this fool is going to ask me for my number before I leave.

But... he didn't. I talked to my friend later that night. I didn't even mention dude but she ended up telling me that he really liked me. So I'm like why didn't he ask for my number. She said it was because he was waiting for me to hint at it.

I don't usually curse but WTF. Whats wrong with dudes these days. Are you serious. I spent the whole night talking to him. What other hint do you need.

I think these ladies being so forward is messing up the game. I tell ya.

You got that right! I am so sick and tired of guys waiting on US to give them all these other hints or ask HIM for his number.

I'm not doing it. I think thats an indicator of what he'll be like while dating too. Always waiting for YOU to make the first move. Waiting on YOU to pick up the check at dinner, Waitin' on YOU to call him.

NEXT!

 

[kandake]

You got that right! I am so sick and tired of guys waiting on US to give them all these other hints or ask HIM for his number.

I'm not doing it. I think thats an indicator of what he'll be like while dating too. Always waiting for YOU to make the first move. Waiting on YOU to pick up the check at dinner, Waitin' on YOU to call him.

NEXT!

You know, I was thinking the same thing. I like a man that knows what he wants and goes after it, no holds barred.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I was having a conversation with a few male friends earlier today about dating. To make a long story short, they all suggested that I should do the asking out. They both admitted to being shy, and said they'd be flattered if a woman asked them out. Now I am not fond of asking guys out, but this made me think. Am I being stuck up by rejecting this idea? I don't think so, but I'd love input.

I just had to respond to this. Yes, I too have been "fooled" by guy friends who have said that they are "shy" and would be "flattered" if a woman asked them out, approached them, called them, etc. HA! Now I know better! Don't be fooled by their mumbo-jumbo! Notice how these men said they would be "flattered". Nothing more, nothing less. We women who are ready for REAL relationships are not simply looking for men to just be "flattered" by us. ANYONE can feel "flattered" when someone is giving them attention. Big freakin' deal! I can be flattered that a guy called me. That doesn't mean that I'm feeling him!

So bottom line, NO you are NOT being stuck-up or crazy just because some guys are too "shy" to pursue.

IMO, aint no man THAT damn shy. And if he is then too bad! They shy ones that i've met sure knew how to speak up when they saw someone they liked and didnt want her to get away.
That's a punk move IMO. They need to man-up and ask.

THANK YOU!!

I've known even the shyest guys to "man up" and call a girl when he was interested. He may have been sweating and stuttering over the phone, but he sure did call!! He may be shaking in his boots, or can't even hold your gaze when he's asking you out in person, but believe me...if a guy (even a SHY guy!) is making an effort to talk to you, ask you out, etc...then he LIKES you! I've known too many shy guys in the past that have eventually made a move.

This is more of a vent or random thought.

So, I'm hanging out with my friend Saturday night along with her DH and his family. The whole night I'm chatting with her DH's cousin. We hit off pretty well. He seemed like a nice guy. So I just know this fool is going to ask me for my number before I leave.

But... he didn't. I talked to my friend later that night. I didn't even mention dude but she ended up telling me that he really liked me. So I'm like why didn't he ask for my number. She said it was because he was waiting for me to hint at it.

I don't usually curse but WTF. Whats wrong with dudes these days. Are you serious. I spent the whole night talking to him. What other hint do you need.

I think these ladies being so forward is messing up the game. I tell ya.

Exactly. I agree 100%. A lot of guys these days seem to have lost the concept of actually PURSUING a woman! Not all guys mind you...just some. A lot of women (I guess with the feminist movement) decided that if women can be equal to men in jobs, then why not GO for what they want with a guy? Sometimes it works, but not always. Personally, I wouldn't want to be with a guy that I had to pursue, chase, and hunt down. I would always wonder whether or not he was really even that into me! And what would happen when another woman chased after him?? Would he automatically go with her too? I mean come on....

Back in the day men actually knew how to PURSUE women. They would chase, woo, and even fight for the women they loved! Meanwhile, most of the women couldn't care less about the men! LOL! Look at some old western movies, or classic films like "Casablanca", "Gone With the Wind", "The Long Hot Summer" (with Paul Newman! )...etc. The list goes on and on! Men back then knew that they had to pursue a woman, because a woman was not going to pursue/chase them. Plain and simple.

These days however...

Just one question though Kandi... How did your friend know that this guy was into you? Did she say that he told her? Because SOMETIMES a guy CAN be too shy or afraid of rejection to actually put himself out there with a woman he's interested in. HOWEVER, he will let someone else know (a friend, family member, co-worker, etc.) know that he's interested in you because he knows the word will go back to YOU. So, was it just her observation that told your friend that this guy was interested in you? Or was it more so him atually telling her that he was interested in you? Because if it's the latter, then I wouldn't get too upset too fast. Just the next time you see him, flirt with him a little more. That should give him enough confidence to actually ask for your number.

 

[CurliDiva]

I had a friend's cousin (a successful lawyer) literally follow me around like a PUPPY at any group outing yet he would not make a MOVE......everyone kept hinting that he liked me yet I lost interest because..........if you can't even work up the nerve to talk to me, how are we going to have a meaningful relationship?

 

[kandake]

Just one question though Kandi... How did your friend know that this guy was into you? Did she say that he told her? Because SOMETIMES a guy CAN be too shy or afraid of rejection to actually put himself out there with a woman he's interested in. HOWEVER, he will let someone else know (a friend, family member, co-worker, etc.) know that he's interested in you because he knows the word will go back to YOU. So, was it just her observation that told your friend that this guy was interested in you? Or was it more so him atually telling her that he was interested in you? Because if it's the latter, then I wouldn't get too upset too fast. Just the next time you see him, flirt with him a little more. That should give him enough confidence to actually ask for your number.

It was both. She observed it and the guy actually mentioned it to her husband. Her husband told her about it later.

Word is he didn't want to assume I was interested. He didn't know if I liked him or if I was just being nice. That's why he wanted more of a hint.

They may have a Super Bowl Party Sunday so most likely he'll be there. So, we'll see.

 

[Bunny77]

It was both. She observed it Andy the guy actually mentioned it to her husband. Her husband told her about it later.

Word is he didn't want to assume I was interested. He didn't know if I liked him or if I was just being nice. That's why he wanted more of a hint.

They may have a Super
Bowl Party Sunday so most likely he'll be there. So, we'll see.

I like Crystal's advice on this (as usual!)

You did the right thing by not hinting to him that you wanted his number or vice-versa. I would have done the same thing!

However, I too have been in situations where there was a "go-between" who would check and see if there was a mutual feeling of interest, and THEN the guy made the move after finding out I was interested.

I have no problem with this, as this practice was always pretty common when folks lived in closer communities and everybody knew everybody else... folks would ask a third party for a little assistance before making a move.

So maybe he'll do that at the Super Bowl party now that he knows that you wouldn't turn him down. If he doesn't ask for your number then, however, then I'd just keep it moving!

 

[kandake]

I like Crystal's advice on this (as usual!)

You did the right thing by not hinting to him that you wanted his number or vice-versa. I would have done the same thing!

However, I too have been in situations where there was a "go-between" who would check and see if there was a mutual feeling of interest, and THEN the guy made the move after finding out I was interested.

I have no problem with this, as this practice was always pretty common when folks lived in closer communities and everybody knew everybody else... folks would ask a third party for a little assistance before making a move.

So maybe he'll do that at the Super Bowl party now that he knows that you wouldn't turn him down. If he doesn't ask for your number then, however, then I'd just keep it moving!

Thanks Bunny.

I definitely let you all know what happens.

 

[UmSumayyah]

Everyone should at least read the rules, I think.

 

[weaveologist]

Everyone should at least read the rules, I think.

I agree. I love the mind frame that this book puts you in.

So I have a bit of an update. This was my last update:

My SO and I have come to a tragic and devasting end!!!!!!!!...Okay its not that dramatic but we ova!! The Rules worked for a minute, but if its over, its just over and nothing you can do about it.

However, the Rules do help you get over the break up with a smile on your face and with a f*$k 'em dress on!

So since then I still applied the Rules because, like I said, I love the mindframe that it puts you in. The break up was rough but I didn't let him see that. I simply told myself that if he was for me, he'd come back and come back right. I did my thing and tried to stay busy....A few weeks after the break up he came back around and things have been going in a really positive direction .

 

[GoingNatural]

I inadvertently use The Rules I don't like. I recently ended a "relationship" because this guy was too distant, we never went out, etc etc. Now, he blos up my phone, my texts, wants to see me, hang out...dude, i'm SO over you.

I'm loosely using The Rules and the Real rules together. I rarely initiate contact with him through phone, text, aim or in person. He got kind of upset I didn't let him know when I landed at the airport the other day--but hey I needed to unpack, shower etc. I am usually available when he wants to hang out though--his schedule is TOUGH so I'm not about to not see him due to The Rules. I give him just enough, but not enough to feel to comfortable like he has me hook line and sinker...but he does

 

[SpiritJunkie]

This book is the truth. I've been using a lot of the rules in my life and i see alot of changes.

a couple of guys that are trying to date me i let them do all the calling and i limit our conversations. i gladly let them pay.

my male bf who i normally call regularly and hang out with i don't do that anymore. he noticed the change and has started call more often, be the one to invite me out. took me shopping! yes girl. i talked about him before. (friends for 20years) he;s become alot more attentive and he;s good practice.

men are supposed to be the pursuer. let them work and do what they supposed to do.

 

[LadyCee]

ugh!!why are the ones i dont like or care about keep calling me? my ex is even calling me..why isnt the one I want to call me not calling...geez

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

It was both. She observed it and the guy actually mentioned it to her husband. Her husband told her about it later.

Word is he didn't want to assume I was interested. He didn't know if I liked him or if I was just being nice. That's why he wanted more of a hint.

They may have a Super Bowl Party Sunday so most likely he'll be there. So, we'll see.

Hey Kandi...this is a GOOD sign! So, he DOES like you! That's great! Sometimes, when a guy is REALLY attracted to a woman, he will find it hard to just pursue her right from the get-go because he's afraid that you might reject him. It doesn't mean however that he won't let SOMEONE know that he's interested.

So, if you're interested back, I would just flirt with him the next time you see him! I wouldn't tell your friend: "Oooo yes gurll....I really LIIIIIIIKE him!" I would just coyly say something like: "hmm...he sounds interesting....I wouldn't mind getting to know him better if he wishes". Idk...you just can't make it TOO easy on these guys. At least not in the beginning.

I like Crystal's advice on this (as usual!)

You did the right thing by not hinting to him that you wanted his number or vice-versa. I would have done the same thing!

However, I too have been in situations where there was a "go-between" who would check and see if there was a mutual feeling of interest, and THEN the guy made the move after finding out I was interested.

I have no problem with this, as this practice was always pretty common when folks lived in closer communities and everybody knew everybody else... folks would ask a third party for a little assistance before making a move.

So maybe he'll do that at the Super Bowl party now that he knows that you wouldn't turn him down. If he doesn't ask for your number then, however, then I'd just keep it moving!

Thanks Bunny! I tend to like your advice too!

I agree, if he doesn't ask for your number after getting some "encouragement" from a 3rd party, then I would just keep it moving.

Everyone should at least read the rules, I think.

I agree. You may not agree with "the Rules", but at least READ them to see what you don't agree with! It puts me in a good frame of mind IMO. Which reminds me...I may have to break out the rule book again because I haven't been feeling myself lately. Valentines day coming up surely doesn't help either.

ugh!!why are the ones i dont like or care about keep calling me? my ex is even calling me..why isnt the one I want to call me not calling...geez

Thank you! I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way LadyCee. The ones I want to call me the most don't! I think it's a vibe I must be putting out or something. I think that when I REALLY like a guy, I think I send out a vibe subconsciously and I think guys can pick up on it. But when I really don't like a guy, or I'm not really thinking about them in that way, the guys sense it and pursue even more. Because I swear, MOST (if not all) of the guys who have pursued me the hardest have been guys I was either lukewarm about, or just not interested in!

BUT...you know what? I'm going to work hard to STOP putting that negative way of thinking out there. These days I think it would help me more to say to myself that: "Guys that I like always like me back and pursue me"...instead of: "the only guys that like me are the ones I'm not interested in." Feel the difference?
Just a thought...