Hope you have some time... lol*
One of my girl friends threw a nice formal last weekend, and there were SOOO many people there. I had read "The Rules" all throughout the week to give myself a confidence-booster, as well as a "refresher course" so that I made SURE not to break any rules that night. 
But I'm just being a "Rules Girl"! Anyway, my girl friends wanted me to call him the day of the formal and "make up" with him and ask him to drive us to the formal in order to make amends. Ummm...NOT!!! 
I'm so glad I fought back this urge to call him! even though I did feel bad for how I treated him, and I DID want to make sure that there wasn't any bad blood between us. But...being a "rules girl" and all, I don't initiate calls anymore with men I'm interested in unless it's a DIRE DIRE emergency! 
So, needless to say, I didn't take their advice. (See, your well-meaning girl friends will sometimes unknowingly lead you to the slaughter! ROTFL!! ) [*end of sidenote*]
), but I was sweet, smiling, and looked genuinely happy to see him. (see! "Rules Girls" are nice! We just don't pursue!) After my friendly receptance towards him however, he loosened up considerably shortly afterwards. Ugh... Weird. Anyway, I didn't really care, I just started talking to some other girl. Then, after eating, hahahaha... I did the "Rules Girl" thing and walked around the room, mingling, laughing and talking. The "old me" would have probably kept sitting right there next to him, TRYING to engage him in some sort of conversation. HA! That was the "old me". I noticed that as soon as I left the table, some cute little thing went and sat herself right next to my guy friend. (<-----hmmmm....she must not be a "rules girl" 
). I didn't even care. I was so at ease with myself, that NO girl could make me "jealous" that night. He spoke with her briefly, but I didn't see him make any effort to continue to speak with her throughout the night. 
But I was having fun with him regardless. Actually he's been acting a bit "different" lately ever since I stopped pursuing him, and started being really really happy with myself and my life. After we danced, I felt so dizzy.... 
lol* We were soooo close...hmmmm... 
But I didn't stand around hoping he would ask me to dance again. I just continued to dance with other people. He danced with other girls that night too. I was dancing up a storm! Sometimes solo, sometimes with a group of other girls, and sometimes with other guys. Either way, I had a blast! 
I now have soo much more self-respect. 
I don't worry about what some guy does anymore. Not as much at least. 
I'm just going with the flow these days. 
No way! I'm enjoying the single life! That WMLB book is right on point. It's like a reverse magnet with guys! You pull back, he'll come to you....if he's somewhat interested. If not, then forget about him! Just continue to be positive! I firmly believe that positivity attracts positive things to yourself. But bitterness, resentfulness, and negativity does not. I'm just sorry that I didn't realize this sooner. 
THEN! As soon as that dance is over, my guy friend comes from out of NOWHERE, and then approaches me and holds out his hand asking me to dance. I'm teling you, I was almost taken aback! Anyway, we start dancing, and I have to admit, I'm like on cloud 9. LOL* I play it off though. I was sweet, and we were talking, but I wasn't acting like a giddy school girl. I was just having fun. At one point he mentioned about how he goes dancing at times with friends all the time. The "old me" would have been all excited and invited myself to go, but I didn't. I refrained. I just smiled and kept quiet. If he wants to invite me to go dancing with him sometime, then he will invite me. I don't need to "make things happen".
I'm telling you ladies, I have done a complete 180 in the past month or so. I am SOO much happier! I feel more like my "old self" again. The same self that I was 2 years ago before I met my "guy friend" and pursued him, and all that other mess.
It's funny, because I was just at the party to have a good time, hang with my friends, and meet some new people, and so I wasn't thinking: "Oh woe is me...I don't have a boyfriend...I'm single, I'm not dating anybody...boo hoo hoo...".
I can't wait to be invited to more things so that I can practice "the Rules" again!!!
Good for you! I really enjoyed reading your update- it was very engaging! (You should blog ) I'm excited for ya girlie!Yay Crystal!
I know exactly how you feel. For all of those folks who say the Rules cause you to act "fake" or hide your true self, I say, "NUH UH!" The Rules make me feel better about myself and more confident because I AM NOT STRESSING ANY MAN!!!
I have some recent examples -- now I admit, at home I will get frustrated if a dude doesn't call when he said he would, but at least I don't call my girls and debate whether I should call him, or even worse, call him! Noooo!
Okay, so there's this fine 6'5" dark chocolate brotha who is a lawyer and used to play college basketball and drives a great car. Basically, that IBM everyone drools over. Apparently, he told his longtime girl friend (not GF, girl friend... they've known each other since preschool) that he was interested in me. So we've been texting and e-mailing a little, but nothing major.
So on Nov. 10 (last Monday) he says, "We need to connect soon." Mind you, he's never asked me on a date or actually called me. I said, "Okay cool, you just set up some dates and times and then get back to me when you have a plan in place."
Has this fool gotten back to me at all? Nope. And do you think I care? Nope. One of those well-meaning, but misguided female friends said I should have told him that I would be in town that weekend and said, "ooh, we can meet on Xday because I'll be in town," but I said no, he can ask me out formally and we can plan something.
Meanwhile, I met some other interesting guys recently at parties and they asked for my number, but they haven't called. Some other friends say I should call them, but I'm like, no way. If they wanted to call, they would have called.
All that means is that I'll just move on to the next ones!
Especially for the IBMs that aren't humble. He is more than used to getting female attention- and is probably waiting for you to chase (which is why he put out that little 'bait' text message, b/c he wants you running after him). Lol. Little does he know!Love it
And it really is a different type of zone that you get into when you focus inward and enjoy you and your life. Even in the WMLB book, Sherry mentions how we sometimes look for something from the man and/or relationship that we should be giving ourselves. Alot of that love, attention, admiration, adoration that we're looking for outwardly, we can find ways to give that to ourselves (i.e. - attention to your appearance, enhancing skills and talents, engaging in self-enpowering activities, and overall enjoying yourself)
And I'm so happy that you didn't take your friends' advice!
Not anymore! I'm just glad I'm still doing "The Rules" because I have to work harder at being more "coy", "mysterious", and "flirty" with guys. I think I have the tendency to get too jokey-jokey/or "buddy-buddy" with guys if I don't watch myself. Ummm...not cute!! Not with a guy you're romantically interested in at least. You dont' want to become like "one of the guys". Exactly! That's the best part that I'm loving about this challenge. I don't have to do anything!! Just smile, be myself, and keep the mystery alive. I've been trying to school my friend on The Rules, but she isn't hearing it.
I explained The Rules to her but she isn't hearing it. According to her, sometimes men need a push in the right direction...okay
You've told her about "The Rules", so she may come around when she starts seeing your success.
Me and my dh were became good friends for about a year, then he told me his intentions to marry me, and THEN we went out on our first date.
But I'm not sure I will ever have this. I think I may just end up with some guy that approached me with romance on the brain from the get-go. 
This is so true. It's not at all about hiding your true self. It's about putting your true self first.
But he's one of those guys where if you're not careful, you would think he was "shy" and needs a woman to pursue him. HA!!! NOT! It's just a front. Many girls (like myself in the beginning) fell for the "shy" act and made the mistake of pursuing him. Many girls still to this day practically perch themselves up in his face allllll the time. LOL! He doesn't mind (of course not...he's a guy!), and he can be flirty just like the rest of them. BUT!!! Let me tell you something, he is NOT shy. He KNOWS how to pursue! Ladies, let me tell you, these guys are the most dangerous of them all! ), these girls are NOT the ones that he chases after. These girls are NOT the ones that keep him interested. I always found it funny how whenever I wouldn't give him any attention it would drive him absolutely nuts! He'd then have to approach me. Why?? Because I wasn't giving him the time of day anymore. See how it works? If I were you, I wouldn't say anything about "the Rulse" to your girl friend anymore. Just sympathize with her, and keep it brief, but I wouldn't mention anything to her. Sometimes people have to come to the conclusion themselves that what they've been doing all along is NOT working, and that maybe it's time to try something "different" on for size. You dont' want to force-feed her "the Rules".
YEP!!! I don't know what "IBM" stands for, but based on the description you gave, my "guy friend" is like this! OMG! He's got the "package" I must admit to some degree. He's handsome, hard-working, athletic, smart, well-rounded, and a handy-man.
I've now learned that although he may seem like he loves the girl attention (which he does I'm sure
Even so-called "shy guys" like to pursue. Dont' get the impression that just because a guy is so-called "shy", reserved, or the "strong silent" type that he doesn't know how to go after a woman. Puh-leeze!
I'm telling you ladies, I have done a complete 180 in the past month or so. I am SOO much happier! I feel more like my "old self" again. The same self that I was 2 years ago before I met my "guy friend" and pursued him, and all that other mess.
It's funny, because I was just at the party to have a good time, hang with my friends, and meet some new people, and so I wasn't thinking: "Oh woe is me...I don't have a boyfriend...I'm single, I'm not dating anybody...boo hoo hoo...".
.
This is so true. It's not at all about hiding your true self. It's about putting your true self first.
. I am not in a relationship but I have been "involved" with someone for quite sometime. The relationship is very wierd and confusing so I dare not go into detail BUT I will say that a **** (me) is sick and tired of being sick and tired.... So anyway, I just started following the rules and I feel so GOOD. I have been telling my bff that I am in SUCH a great mood and how amazing I wake up feeling. She keeps asking me "Whats wrong with you? Did you get some last night?" 
a REAL man is suppose to do or what, but a sista is so content with just being with ME. So the SO that's been around for forever is feeling the FLUKS. Oooooo, he can't stand the new me. He don't know what in the h-e-double hockey sticks is going on. I simply follow the rules and he comes-a-following me- :whois:. I don't call but answer when he does or call him back after about an hour or two. I don't text unless he texts and even then I try to wait in between texts. I don't ask the where you goin', what you doin', who you wit, and what time you doin it questions...
....I'm just busy being me while being nice and quiet and he be on my voicemail like 
.....
. Now I am working out two hours a day, if possible, busy working on manuscripts, school, etc. Basically keeping busy so I won't be worried about him or poundering on the fact that I am not married when I would LOVE to be. And when I get down and my mind starts to cry about my singleness, I pick up ALL THE RULES, and start reading just to snap myself back into reality.
Anyway, so I started reading ALL THE RULES a week ago and BOY HAS MY ATTITUDE CHANGED
This is EXACTLY how I feel! Thanks for your update! I don't know whether its the feeling of finally being in control, or not getting played, or simply coming into grips with what the
I was so down and depressed. 
Now I feel like I finally have control over myself again. So the SO that's been around for forever is feeling the FLUKS. Oooooo, he can't stand the new me. He don't know what in the h-e-double hockey sticks is going on. I simply follow the rules and he comes-a-following me- :whois:. I don't call but answer when he does or call him back after about an hour or two. I don't text unless he texts and even then I try to wait in between texts. I don't ask the where you goin', what you doin', who you wit, and what time you doin it questions...
I'm telling you, my guy friend has done a complete 180 too! I didn't realize just how much things had changed until I recently read over some old journal entries of mine. Back in the day, I was chasing him, initiating things with him, giving him cards, not really being myself, afraid to offend, acting weird around him, etc. Ha! Not anymore! Now days, I don't do anything...I just sit back, relax, and let him come to me. Now look...HE's the one inviting ME places! HE's the one calling ME! 
YAYAYAYAYA!!! Way to go Weavologist!!
Yep! I think that's what it is! *cyber high-five* I'm telling you, I feel so refreshed, so renewed after reading this book. I didn't realize how in a "funk" I had been for two years chasing after this guy friend of mine.
That's right girl!
These days I just relax and let the guys come to me. I feel so free. Of course, I'm still nice, I flirt, I smile, etc. But I don't chase. Oh no...
Thanks for your update Weavologist! It encourages me to continue on with "The Rules".
! Usually I go out and enjoy myself but have a crappy time because I am either sulking about having to be out as a single women or I am complaining about the quality of men in the building. I didn't go out with the rules in mind but since I have the rules mentality everything went into play so naturally. First of all my SO, really EX SO, called and blatently ignored that call only because lately I feel like I only want to talk to people that are positive or bring positivity into my life. And that ain't him right now so blah. Then I was just set on going out and doing me. I met a homegirl at this lounge. There was a nice crowd. Very nice looking men I might add. But I did me. Bought my own drinks.... About four Long Islands (Being a rules girls is expensive )... Danced by myself and with my home girl. Didn't look twice at any attractive man. I noticed how the other women were dancing to gain attention as men walked by and/or throwing themselves at men
erplexed. It was kinda sad. I watched how the men treated them and was like "I'm straight" so I just sat at our table laughing with my friend, eating, drinking, and having a good time....... When I did walk around, not only did the men approach me like I was the hottest thing on the block in a RESPECTABLE and ADMIRABLE way, the WOMEN were even complimenting me.... Whew I had such a good time...... 
I went out last night. First time since I started reading All the Rules. I HAD A BALL
Going to lay down so I can do it all over again tonight!
Yes it is.
Hey ladies! Glad to hear you all are having a great time!
I feel good too and Weaveologist inspired me to share... I've been cutting people off on the phone when they try to go on and on and on... same with texts. I do it politely, but I make my point.
Well one dude just asked me out, so we're getting sushi tonight! Now, I'm not all geeked about him or anything, but hey, he's a nice guy and we have good conversation, so it should be a nice evening. It seemed like he quickly pushed for the date after noticing that I was not going to engage in lengthy conversations with him!
Also, I met with another guy I met in a social group. He's a financial planner and we met to talk about that, but he's also a young single guy dying to get out and have fun. He invited me to dinner next week... don't know if that's a date, but again, at least it's some interaction with the male species!
This wasn't supposed to happen! It's like, I get to this point where I'm fully comfortable with myself and what we have between us, and I'm not even thinking about him. But then other times, he's on my mind constantly. Having to see him every week doesn't help either. Ugh... For some reason it's been really hard for these past couple of weeks to keep a level head. *sigh* Sometimes mentally pursuing a guy can be just as bad (if not worse) than physically pursuing him. I went out last night. First time since I started reading All the Rules. I HAD A BALL
I used to be like that too...complaining about how there aren't any "eligible men" around, or going to a party with the sole purpose of "catching a man". Not anymore! Now days, my MAIN purpose of going to a party, out with friends, etc, is to just have FUN first and foremost. It's that simple. I'm telling you, it takes sooo much of the pressure off of you! There was a nice crowd. Very nice looking men I might add. But I did me. Bought my own drinks....
Ummm....I can barely get down a cosmo without feeling kind of buzzed. WOW! Go 'head...go on with your bad self! Didn't look twice at any attractive man. I noticed how the other women were dancing to gain attention as men walked by and/or throwing themselves at men
HAHAHA!!! That's so funny! I love it! Isn't that the greatest? I noticed the same thing when I went to that evening affair my friend threw. After my guy friend came to sit down next to me at the table, I eventually left and as SOON as I left this girl came and sat right next to him and struck up a conversation. I don't know if they've had something in the past together or what, but she looked kind of jealous that he was sitting next to me. I'm like..."what?? we're not together!" But anyway, after their brief interaction, I noticed that he didn't exactly try to continue the conversation (in fact I believe he left the table himself!), and he wasn't following her or trying to be around her all night either! Hmmm... When I did walk around, not only did the men approach me like I was the hottest thing on the block in a RESPECTABLE and ADMIRABLE way, the WOMEN were even complimenting me.... Whew I had such a good time......
Going to lay down so I can do it all over again tonight!
Hey ladies! Glad to hear you all are having a great time!
I feel good too and Weaveologist inspired me to share... I've been cutting people off on the phone when they try to go on and on and on... same with texts. I do it politely, but I make my point.
I know what you mean! Some people just like to talk and talk and talk. Usually after about 10 minutes, if the conversation isn't picking up anywhere, or the person is just going on and on about themselves, then I usually will cut the convo short in a polite way. Of course, if they are my close friends, then I won't do this. Usually we have relevant things to talk about anyway. Keep us updated on what happens.
^^^Oh yeah! Sorry!
The sushi date was nice. The guy is very nice and our conversation is good. Spent a lot of money too.
Some concerns -- I don't really feel attracted to him. Now, normally that would make me completely dismiss him, but I'm trying to be more careful now in how I evaluate dudes... not toss them immediately because there are no sparks.
There are two things that do worry me a little. He seems to like to go out and drink a lot -- a lot of times with his co-workers at his law firm. Now I'm not against drinking or anything (not at all, hee hee), but it just seems like he talks about going out A LOT. After the meal, he asked if I wanted to go somewhere for a drink but we'd just had a bottle of wine at dinner... I took a rain check (plus the weather was bad), and then he asked me this week if I wanted to meet up for a drink. I said maybe we could do coffee and he said that would be fine.
The other thing is that he's short. Now hear me out... I'm also getting past the "must be tall" requirement, but the problem is that HE'S self-conscious about being short. He makes about 3 short comments every time I see him and that's turning ME off more than him actually being short! Like one time at a bar (see where this is going, lol), we ran into some friends of his and talked with them. As we were leaving, he said, "Those guys are cool." I said, "Yeah, they are." Then he said, "They're all really tall though." I hadn't even really thought about it until HE said something. Then at the sushi restaurant, he made another comment about his height... ick.
Anyway, I'll keep it light for now while I date other people. Again, he's a gentleman and has some potential, but the partying (at age 34) and the insecurity kinda rub me the wrong way. So we'll see!
erplexed That's very strange behavior.
Da hell?
Well, I think your strategy is a good one. If you enjoy his company, no harm in going out but definitely keep your options open.
Well, I have a date on Saturday.
It will be interesting because it turns out my girl went to high school with the dude and she said he was kinda corny. She said he seems a little better now though (she was with me when I met him) because back then, I wouldn't have given him the time of day. I've spoken to him on the phone a few times and I definitely got that vibe. But I'm so used to dealing with guys that are a little rough around the edges that maybe I'm mistaking niceness for cornyness (is that even a word?) LOL. It's funny because he lives in one of the most hood areas of Boston. IDK, maybe I need corny in my life at this point.
Anyhoo, we haven't finalized all the details yet, just the day, so I will be sure to let y'all know how it goes.
) has been calling and I give him a chance to talk, I am really nice, keeping busy, blah, blah, blah, then I get off the phone nicely.....Now you don't think that staying on the phone with someone is even noticeable but he had the audacity to tell me one day that I never get off the phone with him. NEVER. Though that may be true, I wouldn't even think he noticed who got off the phone with who first and how much....So anyway, I did that a couple of times but I was so nice about that he didn't know what the hell was going on. Plus I hung out this weekend HARD w/o including, inviting, acknowledging, or missing him, so he is so damn confused. ...I damn near pee'd on myself.
