*Spinoff* "The Rules Challenge!--"Rules" girls get in here!

[aribell]

I'm curious. I had a chance to go to Borders and read through All the Rules, which for the most part I felt laid good groundwork for women respecting themselves and their time and affections.

But one rule I have difficulty seeing applied well: The 10-minute phone rule. I don't know how you can have very meaningful conversation with a person in 10 minutes or less; and it would seem that after time it would start to seem artificial.

Do you believe in this principle?

 

[Vinyl]

I think the meaningful conversation is meant to be had while you're out on the date.

I noticed a few people talking about how The Rules apply in T.V, movies, etc. Has anyone noticed a Rules girl in Nip/Tuck? I've tried to think of it and to be honest came up empty.

 

[AstroQueen77]

The big winner in the movie was CHARLOTTE. She was always my favorite character and she is a self-proclaimed Rules girl. She found her happiness in the end and frankly, she and Miranda came out on top. Samantha ended up 50 and alone. Carrie got Big, but is he really a prize? I wish they had shown more of Char and Harry in the movie.

seriously. I was like, he is still Big! The story would have been nice of BIG has a complete transformation....but I feel like Carrie got short changed with him.
There is a Borders opening up across the street. Im getting All of the Rules and test them out. Thanks for the thread ladies!

 

[MJ]

I'm curious. I had a chance to go to Borders and read through All the Rules, which for the most part I felt laid good groundwork for women respecting themselves and their time and affections.

But one rule I have difficulty seeing applied well: The 10-minute phone rule. I don't know how you can have very meaningful conversation with a person in 10 minutes or less; and it would seem that after time it would start to seem artificial.

Do you believe in this principle?

I do. I used to have loooong, hours long, conversations with men. I thought it meant that we had something deep .

Now, I don't want to talk to anyone, including family or friends, for more than 10 minutes. If we need to talk more than, it's best to meet in person. I'd break the 10-minute rule for family or friends, but I won't do it for a man again. I've learned my lessons.

 

[aribell]

I do. I used to have loooong, hours long, conversations with men. I thought it meant that we had something deep .

Now, I don't want to talk to anyone, including family or friends, for more than 10 minutes. If we need to talk more than, it's best to meet in person. I'd break the 10-minute rule for family or friends, but I won't do it for a man again. I've learned my lessons.

What do you think was wrong with the length of those conversations? I'm just curious. I've never talked to a man on the phone for much more than an hour and in general would prefer not to do the phone thing. But, people do seem to act like the length/frequency of the conversations is the measure of the connection.

 

[MJ]

What do you think was wrong with the length of those conversations? I'm just curious. I've never talked to a man on the phone for much more than an hour and in general would prefer not to do the phone thing. But, people do seem to act like the length/frequency of the conversations is the measure of the connection.

Too much exposure. Overtime, if you're the one doing most of the talking, it doesn't leave him wanting more; there's no mystery, and you begin to look like an open book . If he's the one doing most of the talking, you'll probably start seeing him as chatty man and begin losing respect for him . At some point, it will all become too much, and one of you will begin to avoid the other person's phone calls. Or one will begin to force the conversations to end sooner, and the other person will feel hurt because they'd gotten used to the long phone chats. They may even think the other person doesn't like them as much anymore or is seeing someone else, and it probably will be true.

Also, when you spend so much time talking with someone, especially if you do it frequently or too early in the relationship, you run a higher risk of "baring your soul" and sharing your deepest wishes, fears, and secrets. This makes you highly vulnerable to emotional pain/trauma if the relationship doesn't work out the way you'd hoped it would. This risk is the same for anyone you correspond with in that way, not just male suitors.

If a man, a potential husband, wants to spend 10+ minutes talking with you, keep the phone conversations short so that he will requests more dates with you. You want to see each other's faces (and demeanor) while you bond. That is how you will truly be able to determine whether the person is right for your or not. If he's not inviting you to meet with him via dates, you don't want to waste your time with him because he's not into you.

 

[natstar]

How do you block text messages?

It's a feature on my samsung phone. I get options once I type in someone's number. I have a block list for texts and a reject list for phone calls.

 

[SpiritJunkie]

Too much exposure. Overtime, if you're the one doing most of the talking, it doesn't leave him wanting more; there's no mystery, and you begin to look like an open book . If he's the one doing most of the talking, you'll probably start seeing him as chatty man and begin losing respect for him . At some point, it will all become too much, and one of you will begin to avoid the other person's phone calls. Or one will begin to force the conversations to end sooner, and the other person will feel hurt because they'd gotten used to the long phone chats. They may even think the other person doesn't like them as much anymore or is seeing someone else, and it probably will be true.

Also, when you spend so much time talking with someone, especially if you do it frequently or too early in the relationship, you run a higher risk of "baring your soul" and sharing your deepest wishes, fears, and secrets. This makes you highly vulnerable to emotional pain/trauma if the relationship doesn't work out the way you'd hoped it would. This risk is the same for anyone you correspond with in that way, not just male suitors.

If a man, a potential husband, wants to spend 10+ minutes talking with you, keep the phone conversations short so that he will requests more dates with you. You want to see each other's faces (and demeanor) while you bond. That is how you will truly be able to determine whether the person is right for your or not. If he's not inviting you to meet with him via dates, you don't want to waste your time with him because he's not into you.

i agree with you 110%!!! i am learning to cut all convos at the 10 minute mark max! no meeting to often in the week, no long trips etc until you have the promise to marry. this book is the truth as far as i am concerned.

 

[aribell]

Too much exposure. Overtime, if you're the one doing most of the talking, it doesn't leave him wanting more; there's no mystery, and you begin to look like an open book . If he's the one doing most of the talking, you'll probably start seeing him as chatty man and begin losing respect for him . At some point, it will all become too much, and one of you will begin to avoid the other person's phone calls. Or one will begin to force the conversations to end sooner, and the other person will feel hurt because they'd gotten used to the long phone chats. They may even think the other person doesn't like them as much anymore or is seeing someone else, and it probably will be true.

Also, when you spend so much time talking with someone, especially if you do it frequently or too early in the relationship, you run a higher risk of "baring your soul" and sharing your deepest wishes, fears, and secrets. This makes you highly vulnerable to emotional pain/trauma if the relationship doesn't work out the way you'd hoped it would. This risk is the same for anyone you correspond with in that way, not just male suitors.

If a man, a potential husband, wants to spend 10+ minutes talking with you, keep the phone conversations short so that he will requests more dates with you. You want to see each other's faces (and demeanor) while you bond. That is how you will truly be able to determine whether the person is right for your or not. If he's not inviting you to meet with him via dates, you don't want to waste your time with him because he's not into you.

Makes sense, and I agree that if someone is talking to you but not asking you out there's something off there.

I don't remember what they said for LDRs, though. Particularly with the rise of online dating and whatnot, and a lot of people far away from each other without the possibility of regular dates. They mentioned who should visit whom when, and on what terms, etc., but I don't remember them talking about communication in between visits.

 

[Kalani]

It's a feature on my samsung phone. I get options once I type in someone's number. I have a block list for texts and a reject list for phone calls.

Cool feature! What happens when that person tries to call or text you? Do they get any kind programmed response or any indication that their calls/texts were not received?

 

[-Volare]

Cool feature! What happens when that person tries to call or text you? Do they get any kind programmed response or any indication that their calls/texts were not received?

How embarrassing!

"You have been blocked from sending texts to this user. Please do not send anymore text messages, it will only further embarrass you and make you appear to have stalkerish tenancies."

 

[Kalani]

How embarrassing!

"You have been blocked from sending texts to this user. Please do not send anymore text messages, it will only further embarrass you and make you appear to have stalkerish tenancies."

LOL! Hey, it could be good and bad. Good when you are really trying to get a point across.

 

[Bunny77]

I do. I used to have loooong, hours long, conversations with men. I thought it meant that we had something deep .

Now, I don't want to talk to anyone, including family or friends, for more than 10 minutes. If we need to talk more than, it's best to meet in person. I'd break the 10-minute rule for family or friends, but I won't do it for a man again. I've learned my lessons.

OMG, this WAS so me... I thought it really meant something when dude called at 9 p.m. and we talked 'till 3 a.m.!

Then they eventually told me that I was just a great friend. Hmm, wonder how that happened? I know... by playing counselor/buddy on the phone! I lost all mystery to them, and I wasted my time!

Never again!

 

[tiara76]

I'm curious. I had a chance to go to Borders and read through All the Rules, which for the most part I felt laid good groundwork for women respecting themselves and their time and affections.

But one rule I have difficulty seeing applied well: The 10-minute phone rule. I don't know how you can have very meaningful conversation with a person in 10 minutes or less; and it would seem that after time it would start to seem artificial.

Do you believe in this principle?

men don't have a problem having long deep convos, if they feeling you, which if they start doing so in the beginning is because they are interested in knowing more about you....its probably what was exposed during that long convo that turns them off.....they have a mental checklist and the more info divulged they may either be crossing out options or checking them off....


some women have the opposite problem...the long deep convos and dudes be thinking "your the one".....and the woman thinks....I think you are just cool.......after talking to you...lol

Me, My brother and my best friend read the book why men love *****es and skimmed thru the rules.....

very interesting books....

 

[aribell]

men don't have a problem having long deep convos, if they feeling you, which if they start doing so in the beginning is because they are interested in knowing more about you....its probably what was exposed during that long convo that turns them off.....they have a mental checklist and the more info divulged they may either be crossing out options or checking them off....


some women have the opposite problem...the long deep convos and dudes be thinking "your the one".....and the woman thinks....I think you are just cool.......after talking to you...lol

Me, My brother and my best friend read the book why men love *****es and skimmed thru the rules.....

very interesting books....

Did they have anything interesting to say?

 

[SunySydeofLyfe]

I'm curious. I had a chance to go to Borders and read through All the Rules, which for the most part I felt laid good groundwork for women respecting themselves and their time and affections.

But one rule I have difficulty seeing applied well: The 10-minute phone rule. I don't know how you can have very meaningful conversation with a person in 10 minutes or less; and it would seem that after time it would start to seem artificial.

Do you believe in this principle?

I think that shorten telephone conversations has a person (a man) wanting more, we tend to give away too much (we are less guarded cause we can be playful, talk about our lifes missions...blah,blah...), share too many secrets too soon and they (men) are left with nothing to wonder about and we all know that we cant be summed up completely in hour long conversations....let him ask you out for coffee or a glass of wine, talk in person....to me we are loosing our ability to communicate and decipher emotions cause we text, email and talk on the phone....I want some good old fashioned walks and talks in the park.....

 

[Zaynab]

I've got a question. I'm haven't read the book, but I'm thinking this would be covered in it. If not, please give me your opinions.

Mr. Man swears up and down that he's not the only one I'm seeing (he is, but only because of the shallowness of the dating pool right now). Don't know why he thinks this.

Do I let him believe it, or do I try to convince him that I'm not?

I'm conflicted because I feel like if I let him believe it, he'll hold back. But if he finds that he is, he'll think "oh, I got her", and not put in any effort.[/quote]

Per my married opinion, I would not. Is he your boyfriend? Or you are just 'dating'? There is no committment in place. He just wants to do what men do, "pee" and mark his territory. He will know he 'has' you.

I've never really read the rules but I've read WMLB and its all pretty much how I dated when I was single. I think its a great thought process. Men are competitors, they like to 'win' let them win you, make yourself 'win-able'. They only want to win something that is hard to get or they can brag how hard the triumph was.

 

[Zaynab]

I get what you're saying, but let me clarify.

He wasn't hounding me for an answer or accusing me of anything. In fact, he's been very vocal that he understands we're not in a relationship so we are free to see other people. It just came up in passing and it was like "hmm, do I insist that I'm not or let him believe I am", that's all.

I see, I wouldn't bring it up again, let him wonder.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Mr Vacation just sent me a message after having not picked up the phone since he's been back in town. Of course I haven't called him

Here's his message:
Out of curiousity, was it something I said?

My response:

I didn't get the impression that you were feeling me. A woman knows when a man is truly interested and I didn't get that from you. I deserve to be courted, not have a man kind of fit me in to his schedule. I made it a point to call you to stay connected whereas you didn't do the same besides a few text messages in the last few weeks. I'm looking for someone that is able to make me a priority, not an option.

In any case Jay, good luck with your search. I hope you find that special someone

 

[kandake]

Mr Vacation just sent me a message after having not picked up the phone since he's been back in town. Of course I haven't called him

Here's his message:
Out of curiousity, was it something I said?

My response:

I didn't get the impression that you were feeling me. A woman knows when a man is truly interested and I didn't get that from you. I deserve to be courted, not have a man kind of fit me in to his schedule. I made it a point to call you to stay connected whereas you didn't do the same besides a few text messages in the last few weeks. I'm looking for someone that is able to make me a priority, not an option.

In any case Jay, good luck with your search. I hope you find that special someone

When I grow up I want to be like you

 

[tiara76]

Mr Vacation just sent me a message after having not picked up the phone since he's been back in town. Of course I haven't called him

Here's his message:
Out of curiousity, was it something I said?

My response:

I didn't get the impression that you were feeling me. A woman knows when a man is truly interested and I didn't get that from you. I deserve to be courted, not have a man kind of fit me in to his schedule. I made it a point to call you to stay connected whereas you didn't do the same besides a few text messages in the last few weeks. I'm looking for someone that is able to make me a priority, not an option.

In any case Jay, good luck with your search. I hope you find that special someone

great answer mama.....

 

[AnjelLuvs]

Right, taking a mental note...

When I grow up I want to be like you

 

[CurliDiva]

Hi Ladies,

With the holiday season coming up, do anyone have any particular advice or words of wisdom for when those "I want someone to cuddle up with/kiss under the mistole/date on New Years" blues start?

I've already had one fella try to "holla back" for a place to go for thanksgiving.

My response in my best Rihanna accent........Negro, PLEASE!

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

When I grow up I want to be like you

LOL. I can't take full credit for the wording. I was talking to my bff and telling her how I felt and she helped me put my thoughts into words. She can give you the business so watch out for her tongue!! The last line was all me though. These men are something else....

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Bwahahahaah, I just got this message back:

but you do realize that I was gone to Texas for two weeks. I tried to call you when I got
back and you never returned my call. I'm being penalized for not even being in the
state?

Well you take care as well.


LOL, my message back:
Ummm Jay, your phone number did not dial my phone, I got no voicemails from you either so i'm not sure what you are referring to. Since you've been back in town i've not gotten one missed call or voicemail from you so....

He is something else. I won't be doing the tit for tat thing with him but I had to let him know he is full of ish. Anywhooo...

 

[kandake]

LOL. I can't take full credit for the wording. I was talking to my bff and telling her how I felt and she helped me put my thoughts into words. She can give you the business so watch out for her tongue!! The last line was all me though. These men are something else....

Well you and your friend work well as a team.

And don't you hate the game playing. Fool you know you didn't call me. Why even tell that lie.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Well you and your friend work well as a team.

And don't you hate the game playing. Fool you know you didn't call me. Why even tell that lie.

Yes Kandi, i do. Like Jerome says "you can't pick up the phone can call nobody????" He thought I would just be here patiently waiting for his return after minimal contact during his vacation and no contact besides a funky text message a few days after he got back. NEXT!!

 

[MzLady78]

Mr Vacation just sent me a message after having not picked up the phone since he's been back in town. Of course I haven't called him

Here's his message:
Out of curiousity, was it something I said?

My response:

I didn't get the impression that you were feeling me. A woman knows when a man is truly interested and I didn't get that from you. I deserve to be courted, not have a man kind of fit me in to his schedule. I made it a point to call you to stay connected whereas you didn't do the same besides a few text messages in the last few weeks. I'm looking for someone that is able to make me a priority, not an option.

In any case Jay, good luck with your search. I hope you find that special someone

Good for you, mami!

 

[Bunny77]

Bwahahahaah, I just got this message back:

but you do realize that I was gone to Texas for two weeks. I tried to call you when I got
back and you never returned my call. I'm being penalized for not even being in the
state?

Well you take care as well.


LOL, my message back:
Ummm Jay, your phone number did not dial my phone, I got no voicemails from you either so i'm not sure what you are referring to. Since you've been back in town i've not gotten one missed call or voicemail from you so....

He is something else. I won't be doing the tit for tat thing with him but I had to let him know he is full of ish. Anywhooo...

They don't got phones in Texas these days?

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

They don't got phones in Texas these days?

DAMN!!! I should have said that You are sooooooooo right LOL. I think all the phones were down