Spinny: Why is IR dating so common on LHCF??

[Do_Si_Dos]

I don't see what the big deal about interracial dating is....well...at least in this century.

I hate it when people say some Black women on here are more "open minded" when it comes to dating.

I guess close minded means being racist cuz low key, that's what I think it is.

If two guys who are attractive, and have the same status in life, the same morals and values, but are different racially, come up to you and ask you on a date are you gonna reject one because he isn't the same skin color as you?

I think people who are so called "open minded" are just sensible.
If you ask me, it's pretty dumb to igg someone over something they can't help.

I think you may be reaching with this one.

Just because a person decides to date within their race, that in itself does not make a person racist. You can't apply Jim Crow laws to personal relationships. Some people don't want to deal with the bs that comes with interacial dating, and that comes down to personal preference.

I am open to marrying outside of my race, however prefer to marry a black man.... My father is black, and I believe black love is a beautiful thing. Given your scenerio I would choose the black man everytime, given all things were equal. That does make me a racist.



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[Highly Favored8]

Wow lots of sterotypes running up and through this thread. My thing is just do you regardless. If you want to date outside your race get your date on and don't let nobody stop ya. I'm feeling lots of resentement directed at black men. Which in itself is kinda sad but a true depiction how many black women do feel in society. My preference is and always will be to be with a black man.

Yes to the bold.

 

[VelvetRain]

Seriously I do wonder how many people are truly keeping it real? Was this elusive choice made for you because things went south with a multitude of black men? It's almost as if well Tyrone doesn't want me so let me see if I can get things on and poppin with Brad. I sincerely want to bet if the majority were approached by a black men who is quality and actually wanted something real aside from the perceived game playing many would be be interested. It's like having a negative perception of something is always going to put you in a negative situation that you would prefer not to be in.

 

[Windsy]

Seriously I do wonder how many people are truly keeping it real? Was this elusive choice made for you because things went south with a multitude of black men? It's almost as if well Tyrone doesn't want me so let me see if I can get things on and poppin with Brad. I sincerely want to bet if the majority were approached by a black men who is quality and actually wanted something real aside from the perceived game playing many would be be interested. It's like having a negative perception of something is always going to put you in a negative situation that you would prefer not to be in.

and isn't that the same thing that BW complain about WW doing when choosing to date BM?

I really have a problem with anyone who try to justify their choice in mate by putting their own or another race down; its almost as if you are saying well I HAVE to date this person. If its your choice, choose it and shut up about it.

 

[Dommo]

Seriously I do wonder how many people are truly keeping it real? Was this elusive choice made for you because things went south with a multitude of black men? It's almost as if well Tyrone doesn't want me so let me see if I can get things on and poppin with Brad. I sincerely want to bet if the majority were approached by a black men who is quality and actually wanted something real aside from the perceived game playing many would be be interested. It's like having a negative perception of something is always going to put you in a negative situation that you would prefer not to be in.

My "problem"(and hate to say problem as I love Black men), is that a lot of BM at both ends of the economic spectrum like to bring up race more than I can take. For example, I was at a really nice lounge the other night with a majority Corporate/Wall Street crowd with a friend of mine. This sexy BM in a suit comes over and offers me a drink. We get to talking and he's telling me how he works for Goldman Sachs, graduated from Columbia, etc. Then he comes out and says that he was "intrigued" by me because I was the only BW in the place (which i wasn't) and I must be some high exec because I'm so poised and not bothered by that situation. I didn't know there was a situation and if so, do you have the same situation, brotha? I personally get offended by these statements from BM and I hear them too often. This is just one example of the Sh@* i hear everyday so I'm really not being petty.

My issue with most BM I come across; emphasis on the "I", is that they don't give me the level of respect I seek. I must always be below them or I'm trying to be White; If I have nice things, I must have a sugar daddy, etc. Are you trying to uplift me or suppress me as a BW? Everyone's experiences will be different based on where we live, who we're around, education, etc.

I'm not saying all WM are saints because they are definitely not, but my experiences with them have been great. I don't get approached with a line relating to the fact that I'm Black; I know I'm Black. My SO is amazing. When we're together, we don't see color. I can't say that if there was a BM who approached me different and wasn't into playing games that I would date BM more often because who has time to think about all the what-ifs. If I'm single and it happens, then it just happens and I would take it from there. As for now, I'm happy and not settling.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I've had bad experiences on both sides so I can't relate to the "it ain't working over here" mentality.

However, the degree of being treated well overall in comparison, I will be honest for me, WM have gone above and beyond to impress. Why that is? I don't know but I know it is not because they are White...maybe more because if they genuinely have an interest in BW it is pure interest. And any man that is purely interested (beyond sex) in you will want to show you his very best.

I definitely don't agree with the BM bashing but why does it matter if someone chooses to date WM because BM haven't been kind to her?

Should she continue to be treated poorly by the group of men she's know to treat her bad?

Should she continue to subject herself to the treatment she is getting just so she can have a brown skinned man?

Should she keep looking at one race so she can have the "beautiful black love" every one is talking about?

If she wants marriage and the BM she encounters either does not want to marry or does not have the economic caliber she desires yet WM she encounters has the economic caliber and the desire for a family, is this not a no brainer?

Would she not began to think that this race of men is simple not working well for her even if she knows its not all of them?

If she has an opportunity to try 'something different' and she finds this 'something different' to work better for her, would she not want to continue go where she is being positively reinforced?

I tell you this. If I go to IHOP (all local IHOPs) and the service is always poor, I bet you Imma start going to Silver Diner if the waitresses are nice, food is good, facility is clean, and they don't mess up my order much. Sure there is probably great service in IHOP in the South but I am in the North and in the North, the service sucks so I'll pass.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Well...my 2 cents....

The women on here for the most part (of what I can tell) are on the "educated" end of the spectrum. Educated black women are most likely to enter interracial relationships because you are exposed to a variety of men in the workplace and in school. You circle of friends tend to be multi-cultural, multi-racial. So, dating interracial becomes an option if other races of men are attractive to you.

I agree with [mention=13891029]BeautifulFlower [/mention].

When I first joined this board I noticed that the ladies here are more on the educated spectrum and "think outside of the box" like myself. Afterall, most of us on here almost HAVE to be educated thinkers along those lines if we even DREAMED of thinking that black women can grow LONG, healthy hair (relaxed OR natural). Don't you think? A lot of black women have been brainwashed unfortunately to think that "our hair" can't grow, or that we MUST put a chemical in our hair in order to "manage" it. To go counter against that common "belief" means that you must think outside of the norm anyway.

So, I think that a lot of women on this board simply don't give in to society ideals or what the "majority" thinks, and so therefore you probably find more and more black women on this board who are open to at least TRYING to give IR dating a chance more than the average black woman out here.

Just my opinion....

 

[Etherealsmile]

Seriously I do wonder how many people are truly keeping it real? Was this elusive choice made for you because things went south with a multitude of black men? It's almost as if well Tyrone doesn't want me so let me see if I can get things on and poppin with Brad. I sincerely want to bet if the majority were approached by a black men who is quality and actually wanted something real aside from the perceived game playing many would be be interested. It's like having a negative perception of something is always going to put you in a negative situation that you would prefer not to be in.

Two questions: Does it matter if they're keeping it real or not? If they're not they're only lying to themselves correct? No harm done to anyone

2.) what is so elusive about the choice being made?erplexed

@ the bolded, but no one alluded to the fact that they wouldn't be interested so i'm not sure of the point you were making with that statement?

 

[BeautifulFlower]

^^^Precisely. I don't believe most women on here would not date black men. I doubt that if an eligible, kind, prospective BM presented himself, he would be turned down because he's BM. I think some of the ladies are saying they get more positive experiences from men of other races so they have continued to date men of other races.

 

[Windsy]

I would like to know if any one decided to date outside of their race because of some of the women's positive experiences on LHCF?

 

[Etherealsmile]

Speaking for myself only, I wasn't US born and bred so my perspectives on IR dating have nothing to do with how black men have or have not treated me.

I've always been attracted to men of all races but primarily dated black men because to be honest I was comfortable. I flirted with men of other races but didn't feel the need to expand my dating options because I always had a plethora of black men to choose from.

As I got older however, I noticed a trend in that I was surrounded by less and less black men and more and more white and Asian men the further up I went academically, professionally etc.

Black men for the most part had stopped approaching me for whatever reason so naturally I started acting on my attraction (that had always been there) to NBM. It was a natural progression for me due to circumstances and my environment.

For me, I'd date (and marry) a great black man in a heartbeat, just as easily as i'd date a great white, Hispanic, Asian etc man.

It has, nor will it ever be that serious to me.

 

[UmSumayyah]

This was gonna be my response. I think alot of women here were dating, fed up with not getting anywhere and see alot of other ladies here IR dating and marrying and want that. Nothing wrong with that.

"How long have you been married to your NBM?"--Would actually be a poll thread on IR that hasn't been done yet. I think.

 

[Anakinsmomma]

I would like to know if any one decided to date outside of their race because of some of the women's positive experiences on LHCF?

Not me, already engaged when I joined. I thought I was a "pioneer" yes, I know, I'm naive.



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[UmSumayyah]

I don't like to "out" myself as an interracial dater but meh, I'll bite since yall don't know me. For me personally, I just couldn't find a black man who wanted to settle down with me. That's not to say that all white guys are/were marriage minded and having dated a number of white guys I can never say that white men treated me better. In fact, one of the biggest dogs was white. All that said my current SO appreciates me in every way. He makes me feel like a queen, he tells me I'm his queen and loves me more than I love myself.

I used to wish he was black, but I realized how stupid that was. He loves me for all that I am and I have learned to do the same (pasty skin which burns in the sun and all)

I'm going to tentatively venture to say that on this board, most women are seeking men who want to settle down and with ever decreasing numbers of available black men, women here are exercising their options. Coupled with (what I perceive) the higher educational level of black women here, I think those who do branch out do so because they want to meet their intellectual equal and again because of lack of available black men who meet this criteria, they end up with a non black man.

Off topic slightly, I really hate how I've observed women who date white men seem to love dogging out the brothers, so I really hope this thread doesn't take that direction.

Ummm... you seem to have just said in the nicest way possible that black men aren't quite up to snuff. Which could be perceived as bashing... albeit with a feather pillow.

 

[Syrah]

Wow lots of stereotypes running up and through this thread. My thing is just do you regardless. If you want to date outside your race get your date on and don't let nobody stop ya. I'm feeling lots of resentement directed at black men. Which in itself is kinda sad but a true depiction how many black women do feel in society. My preference is and always will be to be with a black man.

And the resentment leads me to think that for a growing number of BW, BM are there preference but experiences are leading toward the need to explore alternatives because current options just aren't working out.

In my Kumbayaa world I would love to get BM and BW to reach an understanding. Because the harbored resentment and stereotypes, while understandable, isn't helping either side...

 

[curlyninjagirl]

Even as a little girl it made me very happy to see IR couples. I think it had something to do with being called "Oreo" in school. It doesn't matter to me what color my future husband's skin is, as long as he's a good man. I wish everyone thought this way.

 

[Cherokee-n-Black]

Lol, I've never seen a preppy professional American wm type with a loud neck rolling Bonque'sha-a type.

Oh I have . I thought it was something completely unique until I saw Napoleon Dynamite. I almost fell out, like "this is really happening everywhere???" I actually think the women in these relationships might be more hesitant to take it public, although I'm seeing more people out with it now. I was in Richmond this weekend and saw a middle-aged couple with this very scenario. At first I thought the mom might be at least a little bougie (some people are but don't look it) until she started yelling at them kids with those "ethnic" names. Dad just kind of sat by, like "Yeah...that's my black queen..."

I went on a trip with a friend who had another friend and her mom along. Trust me when I say mom was a budwiser drankin', smokin' cursin' loud black woman. The daughter was biracial, and dad was a golf player...so...I mean...stereotypes be darned!

 

[beadedgirl]

I don't thing its a common thing on this BOARD.Sure there is a hand full of women who have expressed their openess with dating OUT.There are those who have just dated,and sometimes turn to marriage.I don't find it any different HERE then some other boards where its majority black women memebers.

There are alot of reasons the women on here ended up dating IR but i don't believe its strictly a CLASS,EDUCATION thing.

 

[VelvetRain]

Two questions: Does it matter if they're keeping it real or not? If they're not they're only lying to themselves correct? No harm done to anyone

2.) what is so elusive about the choice being made?erplexed

@ the bolded, but no one alluded to the fact that they wouldn't be interested so i'm not sure of the point you were making with that statement?

Do I really need to explain? I mean really. It really doesn't matter who you do date or don't date. All I care about at this point is myself and what I'm doing. I have been here long enough to know there are alot of folks faking the funk.

 

[mischka]

I've had bad experiences on both sides so I can't relate to the "it ain't working over here" mentality.

However, the degree of being treated well overall in comparison, I will be honest for me, WM have gone above and beyond to impress. Why that is? I don't know but I know it is not because they are White...maybe more because if they genuinely have an interest in BW it is pure interest. And any man that is purely interested (beyond sex) in you will want to show you his very best.

I definitely don't agree with the BM bashing but why does it matter if someone chooses to date WM because BM haven't been kind to her?

Should she continue to be treated poorly by the group of men she's know to treat her bad?

Should she continue to subject herself to the treatment she is getting just so she can have a brown skinned man?

Should she keep looking at one race so she can have the "beautiful black love" every one is talking about?

If she wants marriage and the BM she encounters either does not want to marry or does not have the economic caliber she desires yet WM she encounters has the economic caliber and the desire for a family, is this not a no brainer?

Would she not began to think that this race of men is simple not working well for her even if she knows its not all of them?

If she has an opportunity to try 'something different' and she finds this 'something different' to work better for her, would she not want to continue go where she is being positively reinforced?

I tell you this. If I go to IHOP (all local IHOPs) and the service is always poor, I bet you Imma start going to Silver Diner if the waitresses are nice, food is good, facility is clean, and they don't mess up my order much. Sure there is probably great service in IHOP in the South but I am in the North and in the North, the service sucks so I'll pass.

Girl, I'm hollering all over this post! I can't even think of anything to add to it.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Speaking for myself only, I wasn't US born and bred so my perspectives on IR dating have nothing to do with how black men have or have not treated me.

I've always been attracted to men of all races but primarily dated black men because to be honest I was comfortable. I flirted with men of other races but didn't feel the need to expand my dating options because I always had a plethora of black men to choose from.

As I got older however, I noticed a trend in that I was surrounded by less and less black men and more and more white and Asian men the further up I went academically, professionally etc.

Black men for the most part had stopped approaching me for whatever reason so naturally I started acting on my attraction (that had always been there) to NBM. It was a natural progression for me due to circumstances and my environment.

For me, I'd date (and marry) a great black man in a heartbeat, just as easily as i'd date a great white, Hispanic, Asian etc man.

It has, nor will it ever be that serious to me.

[mention=13896283]Etherealsmile [/mention].......We are here >>>>> . <<<<<

 

[Etherealsmile]

Do I really need to explain? I mean really. It really doesn't matter who you do date or don't date. All I care about at this point is myself and what I'm doing. I have been here long enough to know there are alot of folks faking the funk.

Fair enough I was just curious as to your stance is all. I was hoping for more clarification but if you don't feel like explaining that's fine

 

[mischka]

Hmmmm at the implication that people start dating interracially because black men don't want them. Personally, I could "get" a black man 10 times easier than a nonblack man... just don't really want them.

 

[Honey Bee]

Hmmmm at the implication that people start dating interracially because black men don't want them. Personally, I could "get" a black man 10 times easier than a nonblack man... just don't really want them.

The implication is that bw start dating out because *the black men that they want* don't want them. It's a sentiment echoed all up and throughout this board, the irr websites, etc.

 

[mischka]

The implication is that bw start dating out because *the black men that they want* don't want them. It's a sentiment echoed all up and throughout this board, the irr websites, etc.

Hmmmm... I guess. I suppose the black men I 'wanted' were whores and wouldn't stop being whores so I suppose that counts

 

[Honey Bee]

Hmmmm... I guess. I suppose the black men I 'wanted' were whores and wouldn't stop being whores so I suppose that counts

I think it does.

 

[mischka]

I think it does.

I bet.

 

[Honey Bee]

I bet.

If the black men you described as whores avoided/refused a monogamous relationship with you, then yep, I'd say it most certainly does count.

 

[mischka]

In case you didn't notice, I agreed with you.

 

[Honey Bee]

In case you didn't notice, I agreed with you.

I didn't. It must have gotten lost in your snark.