IR Relationships - Ever Been Called a Racial Slur?

[HauteHippie]

This thread reminded me of this post I got from http://microaggressions.com/

• Fiancé and I are in the car, listening to the radio.
• Me:: What is this song about, how hard it is to be a white man?
• Him:: Well, it actually is hard to be white and male. There's all those scholarships and programs to help people who aren't.
• Me:: Those programs are there to level the playing field, not raise anyone up above the other.
• Him:: But you don't have to do anything to get the help. You just have to fit the qualifications. If you're white, you have to apply yourself extra hard and actually prove yourself instead of just sitting around.
• Made me feel sad. Like my non-white-male status was a burden for him. Like maybe I was making a mistake in marrying him.

Ooooh, yeah.... about that. ^^^ I don't think I could do that. I hope that wasn't the end of the conversation. Does he know how hard it is to fit the qualifications! My Black, female behind couldn't even get a Pell grant one year and trust that times were REALLY hard. "You just have to..." boy please!

My ex, a guy who wanted to get married and was already naming our children, once wanted me to go to a Dairy Queen alone in West Virginia under the watch of at least 4 large blowing and billowing confederate flags and their glaring, spitting owners just because he didn't want to park the moving van. He couldn't get why I didn't want to go in alone and was mad at me. Freakin' Californians. This was a few months after a Black girl had been abducted, raped, forced to eat feces, tortured by a group of White people in that state. We had JUST been talking about it.

That conversation began my stealthy retreat out of the relationship.

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[Seraphina]

Nope. Never.

Whether I would leave would depend on what he said the context. If he just said something ignorant, I would do my best to school him and let it go. But if he ever for any reason tried to use my race against me or let a racial slur slip out, the relationship would be over immediately. Even I was married. I wouldn't be comfortable having biracial children with him.

 

[Britt]

A good friend of mine dated white men normally.... 2 of those men on different occasions came out and called her a ni99a. SMDH! I don't know how she didn't flip! One of the dudes she lived with for years, and she said she called him a fagg*t and his reaction was to call her a ni99a . The other dude was someone she just used to mess with and he came out his face and called her a ni99a. Needless to say, that has been a concern of mine too with dating outside my race, I'd think one day if we get into a heated argument dude would call me the n word or something referring to my race ... and all hell would break loose then

 

[Raspberry]

A good friend of mine dated white men normally.... 2 of those men on different occasions came out and called her a ni99a. SMDH! I don't know how she didn't flip! One of the dudes she lived with for years, and she said she called him a fagg*t and his reaction was to call her a ni99a . The other dude was someone she just used to mess with and he came out his face and called her a ni99a. Needless to say, that has been a concern of mine too with dating outside my race, I'd think one day if we get into a heated argument dude would call me the n word or something referring to my race ... and all hell would break loose then

I'm sorry but LOL.. that sounds unhealthy all around. He probably figured that since she took it there he could take it farther...

 

[HollyGolightly]

I've dated out a lot and I've never heard a guy say a racial slur about Blacks or any other minorities.

Amongst the non-white (usually Persian or Asian) guys that I've dated, I would often hear them and their family use racial slurs against whites.

 

[CurlyMoo]

I've dated out a lot and I've never heard a guy say a racial slur about Blacks or any other minorities.

Amongst the non-white (usually Persian or Asian) guys that I've dated, I would often hear them and their family use racial slurs against whites.

I've noticed that openminded White folks in IR don't use racial slurs toward their mate of another race. Keeping fingers crossed. Black, hispanic, asian, will do it toward a White mate. (Usually the men.) Funny.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

So do you ladies think that men who exclusively date BW or have a history of dating more than one BW are less likely to call a woman a racial slur? Rather than, say a man who has never dated outside his race or has never dated a woman of your race?

 

[Optimus_Prime]

HollyGolightly

Amongst the non-white (usually Persian or Asian) guys that I've dated, I would often hear them and their family use racial slurs against whites.

What were the slurs?

 

[HauteHippie]

So do you ladies think that men who exclusively date BW or have a history of dating more than one BW are less likely to call a woman a racial slur? Rather than, say a man who has never dated outside his race or has never dated a woman of your race?

I've only dated one guy who exclusively dates Black/Indian girls, the rest were venturing into uncharted waters.

While they may have said small, ignant stuff, I never heard them or their immediate family say racist stuff towards any race. ...Whereas I have been known to throw out the occassional "If that blondebiotch don't get her *** across the street!" Or "Get yo' Blackass out of the way!" Clearly, I drive while blasting a classic: Ludacris, "Move *****"


ETA: It might be worth noting that I have mostly dated Italian (not American), Jewish, Arabic (not American-born) and Hispanic men. I've only dated 2 White guys (American). I was in a LTR with 2 White guys and one Italian. The Italian never got my racist jokes! Le sigh... Also, all of the Italians have been Southern Italians, regardless of whether they were raised in the South or the North of Italy, they are aware of colorism and have had to deal with it.
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[HollyGolightly]

HollyGolightly

What were the slurs?

The same ones we use, especially "cracker".

The Persians tended to have a classist slant, would call white Americans "redneck", "hillbilly", and "white trash".

 

[MizAvalon]

OMG-NEVER!!

I have dated outside of my race for many years and that has never happened, nor have I ever been in fear of it happening.

 

[Seraphina]

So do you ladies think that men who exclusively date BW or have a history of dating more than one BW are less likely to call a woman a racial slur? Rather than, say a man who has never dated outside his race or has never dated a woman of your race?

I would guess that it would be the other way around. A lot of white people who are around black people a lot (whether it's dating or having a lot black friends) can get to a point where they assume that they have some sort of pass. I haven't noticed a pattern with men I've dated, but I have noticed it with various white friends. Those who are not used to being around black people tend to be too scared to utter such words.

 

[ebsalita]

Being called a racial slur wasn't a fear until it actually happened to me. When I was younger I went out with a white upper middle class guy for a while. Unfortunately he had some serious problems and yes one night, he was drunk and when I expressed my displeasure at him being drunk (again) he called me a n1gger under his breath - kinda mumbled it - I was shocked and demanded what he'd just said cause I couldn't believe he'd gone there. He passed out... but I'm 99.9% sure he called me a n1gger.

Needless to say I finished with him. I have never been out with a white guy since - I don't think I could contain myself if this happened again. I know it's unfair to tar all white men with the same brush - after all I'd had other white boyfriends/ dates who had behaved respectfully, but it just left a really bad taste in my mouth. At least though, getting burned like that made me actively look to find a good black guy, and I did

 

[Dommo]

My BF now and my ex-BF were White and they've never used any racial slurs towards me or anyone Black (at least not when I was around). In fact, I get the most respect from them and their families.

The crazy thing, I hear more racial slurs coming from the mouths of blacks and Hispanics dealing with skincolor and hair texture. The last two black guys i "dated"(few dates) basically told me that I was special because they don't F* with Black Chics and if I were to get an attitude about something, it was a because I was Black. Or, "Wow, you know how to swim and get your hair wet?" I can't deal with it. I had a guy say, you don't act black. Ummmm what. Im over them for now anyways.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Resurrection.

 

[cluelezz]

Never. My ex never even called me a b***h. He was a "self-hating" white boy with mostly black friends. He said his mom and sisters led him to believe all white women were beyotches. His only previous gf was half white, and since I'm full and in his opinion less of a b than she was, he attributed it to her white side. Lol. I don't think I realized how ridiculous he was at the time.

 

[O-ren]

Nah. crazytalk.

 

[meesch]

ive never been called a racial slur by anyone (to my face anyway) - friend, romantic partner, or stranger.

 

[BonBon]

So do you ladies think that men who exclusively date BW or have a history of dating more than one BW are less likely to call a woman a racial slur? Rather than, say a man who has never dated outside his race or has never dated a woman of your race?

I think its more symptomatic of the type of person who likes to go below the belt when arguing.

Like those people who can't wait to bring up how fat, how dirty someones house is, their cancer (yes really), face, race, sexuality etc.. as soon as they get into an argument, or fall out with people.

I avoid friends and bfs like this like the plague, or as soon as I realise they are like that. Pick my SOs very carefully regardless of colour when it comes to character, views and the way they treat others. I've never had an argument with an SO where physical appearance, or race came into the argument.

All of my white/non- black SOs never had black girlfriend before.

If an SO or Husband said something about me being black, or my physical appearance during an argument I'd leave them. I think that would be a sign that the love was totally lost.

 

[BGT]

No he has not, and I would never let a black man call me the B word. It's just as bad to me.

 

[O-ren]

I think its more symptomatic of the type of person who likes to go below the belt when arguing.

Like those people who can't wait to bring up how fat, how dirty someones house is, their cancer (yes really), face, race, sexuality etc.. as soon as they get into an argument, or fall out with people.

I avoid friends and bfs like this like the plague, or as soon as I realise they are like that. Pick my SOs very carefully regardless of colour when it comes to character, views and the way they treat others. I've never had an argument with an SO where physical appearance, or race came into the argument.

Very true Vanthie

 

[YasashiiSekai]

It's kinda funny because my SO and I got together because of a word he said that I found crazy.
He never called me the word or referenced me to it in any way.
I never heard anyone use thatword before, and I wanted an explanation for why he used it.
He has dated black women before and he was friends with black people so he thought it was ok because he actually got it from a black friend.
I told him it was not ok.
I think he sincerely thought he was being funny and meant no harm by it. Now, he's embarrassed every time I mention it because he realized how dumb of a word it was.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

It's kinda funny because my SO and I got together because of a word he said that I found crazy.
He never called me the word or referenced me to it in any way.
I never heard anyone use thatword before, and I wanted an explanation for why he used it.
He has dated black women before and he was friends with black people so he thought it was ok because he actually got it from a black friend.
I told him it was not ok.
I think he sincerely thought he was being funny and meant no harm by it. Now, he's embarrassed every time I mention it because he realized how dumb of a word it was.

You know that I am super curious now, right?

 

[Love Always]

You know that I am super curious now, right?

You're not the only one. I want to know too but there must be a reason why she didn't mention what that slur is because the thread might go up in smoke.

 

[WhippedButterCreme]

Nope, and I've dated a Hispanic and Asian guy before. Sadly if anything I've gotten more self-hating/racial/ color stuff from Black guys. :/

I also figured the day a friend of mine was dumb enough to use the n word around me, I'd just up and leave lol!