Spin Off: Cutting Him Loose?

[loolalooh]

This is a spin off from the "Irritated" thread. I have more details and an update...

Dude and I have been getting to know each other for 3 weeks now. This weekend he invited me to a function and introduced me to his male and female friends as his friend. I was a lil irked at first. We're not official, so I didn't expect to get the "girlfriend" intro. However, something about the way he said friend made me feel like there was no distinguishing between me and his female friends at the function.

As the function progressed, I wasn't sure how to feel or respond. He paid for my dinner, which is a plus. He touched the waists and rubbed the backs of me and his female friends, which made me go hmm. He sat next to me, which is a plus. But he talked to his female friend sitting on his other side majority of the night.

Afterwards, we all went to a lounge. He danced with one of the female friends. He didnt dance with me at all. At one point, the group broke up. I was off on my own; he was off talking with a female stranger. (Not friend, but stranger.) I eventually walked over, told him I was tired, and he drove me home.

We've talked since, but I don't know whether I saw red flags or am I reading too much into his behavior. Context is important so I'll try to give more details of the weeks before this function...

We've had a talk about what we're looking for and agree that we're not looking to have fun but for something serious. We've gone out a number of times and he always pays. I went apt hunting and he joined me. He kisses me each time we meet up and calls to make sure I made it home safely. On the flip side, he says he's open to getting other women's numbers because we're not exclusive ... Just getting to know each other.

Your thoughts? Should I cut him loose or give it more time? Other?

 

[Ediese]

I would give it more time. Why are you not dating other people or 'open' to receiving other numbers? You guys aren't exclusive, so you can't really expect anything more from him. I would explore other options until he's ready to bring up the relationship convo again. If he's not, at least you're not just waiting on him.

ETA: it is a little weird that he invited you, someone that he's dating, but ended up talking to other women that night. Why bring the sand to the beach?

 

[loolalooh]

^^ Thanks, Ediese. I'm beginning to open myself up to that option. There was a guy I shot down last week and now I kinda regret it. I'm not used to dating multiple men at a time, but that might have to change.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

I don't like his behavior at the function he invited you to. What was the point of him bringing you if he only left you floating out there alone. How awkward. I understand that nothing is defined yet and you both are feeling your way but for him to act single while at a function with you really isn't acceptable to me. you might want to let this one go.

 

[Demi27]

Now that we have a little more back story, I would personally kick him to the curb. I see it like this: If you're dating someone (not even talking about boyfriend/girlfriend yet) and we go out, you should be all about me. I'm not saying you need to be all hugged up on me, but you damn sure are not going to be spending the majority of your night talking to and dancing with other females.

If he really cared about your feelings (even as a friend), that's not something that he would do. Shoot, even most dogs (men) would fake the funk and make you think you're the only woman in the world because he would want to get intimate.

I would dump him.

 

[hopeful]

Thanks for the additional details. I would be ghost, sorry. Touching your waist & back, as well as his female friends? Dancing solely with one female friend and not you? Talking to a new female he did not know, as you said, a stranger? Girl, leave him alone. He is a player. Trust, he will bring you nothing but heartache. He is doing everything he can to make sure you don't feel special.

 

[qchelle]

Oh hell no. I would chuck the deuces.

Sent from my WX445 using WX445

 

[TrueToHair]

.....................

 

[Esthi777]

^^^ITA with the last 2 posters. I'd want (I now have one ) a man who is so much into me that no one else matters. Some of the best relationships I've had have been the ones where we are completely and utterly into each other and that no one else holds a candle to him/her.

 

[Theo]

Hmm... well if your instincts are telling you one thing I would probably trust them. You know better than the rest of us.

Based off of everything your posted, including the context, I wouldn't let him go just yet. But like others have said, you should try dating multiple men at one times. I know it may seem weird at first, but then you'll realize that's the only way to go

ETA: You know, I was just thinking. There was one time when I guy I was dating invited me to a house party he had. I was supposed to go with some friends, but some stuff happened so I ended up going by myself. This was early when we started dating. Anyways, he had a lot of friends there, at first I felt uncomfortable cuz he was talking to a lot of different people, and I didn't know anyone, I was standing by myself for awhile. Then I started talking to a few different people, including myself in conversations around me, I even made some contacts for some stuff I had going on.... I made it a point to not try and place myself around him or in his line of vision or anything like that, and I didn't need to cuz by the end of the party I couldn't get that dude off of me. I had seen him talking to some other girls there (I didn't know who she was, I assumed they were friends), but by the end he was completely focused on me, and was ignoring everyone else. But whether he had changed his behavior or not, I thinl would have had a fun time regardless.

I don't advocate game playing or anything, but if you're ever in a situation like that, I would just make it a point to enjoy myself and have fun, whether the dude is being a gentleman or not.

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

At the function his actions toward you were disrecpectful. I would definitely put a lot of distance between him and myself.

Sent from my HTC Glacier using HTC Glacier

 

[loolalooh]

Thanks, ladies. I've just cut him loose.

I made it a point to enjoy myself at the function regardless, but by the end of the night (when he was talking to the female stranger), I was done. Additionally, as I reflected, I recall him walking up to me and one of his boys who was talking to me and asking if he (ie, his boy) wanted my number. Weird. Anyway, he's been cut loose.

 

[tropical-punch]

We've had a talk about what we're looking for and agree that we're not looking to have fun but for something serious. We've gone out a number of times and he always pays. I went apt hunting and he joined me. He kisses me each time we meet up and calls to make sure I made it home safely. On the flip side, he says he's open to getting other women's numbers because we're not exclusive ... Just getting to know each other.

Your thoughts? Should I cut him loose or give it more time? Other?

Perhaps he's looking for something serious with someone else

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Thanks, ladies. I've just cut him loose.

I made it a point to enjoy myself at the function regardless, but by the end of the night (when he was talking to the female stranger), I was done. Additionally, as I reflected, I recall him walking up to me and one of his boys who was talking to me and asking if he wanted my number. Weird. Anyway, he's been cut loose.

He asked his friend if the friend wanted your number? Yeah, he's not into you and you have no reason to now be into him. Next!

 

[ChasingBliss]

I dont even know why I stay shocked at the stupid weird shiit some of these men do. I'm glad you cut him loose op.

Lollygagging with his other woman friends more than with you, chatting up strange women, trying to give you away to another dude...what? Peace homie!

 

[Seraphina]

I take no issue with him meeting and dating others. But doing so while on a date with you is unacceptable. What I find especially offensive is that he just left you to fend for yourself amongst people that you don't know. I would even be offended if we weren't dating to be honest. Example: a male friend and I take each other as dates to weddings and stuff like that if we are both single at the time. There is zero romantic interest there. But I would be livid if he abandoned me at one of these events. It's just rude and goes against everything that I think a real man is.

 

[Theo]

Thanks, ladies. I've just cut him loose.

I made it a point to enjoy myself at the function regardless, but by the end of the night (when he was talking to the female stranger), I was done. Additionally, as I reflected, I recall him walking up to me and one of his boys who was talking to me and asking if he (ie, his boy) wanted my number. Weird. Anyway, he's been cut loose.

Ugh **stank face**

Good for you. You can do much better. I'm glad you were able to enjoy yourself tho.

 

[Naveah2050]

Oh hell no. I would chuck the deuces.

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.
Amen sister....am sure those girls knew you were not just a friend yet he had you looking like a fan infront of them, I wouldnt expect him to call me a gf or anything but he could have just used your name without elaborating further and let his affectionate behaviour towards you speak about your relationship.

 

[*5+5]

This is a spin off from the "Irritated" thread. I have more details and an update...

However, something about the way he said friend made me feel like there was no distinguishing between me and his female friends at the function.

But he talked to his female friend sitting on his other side majority of the night.

He danced with one of the female friends. He didnt dance with me at all. At one point, the group broke up. I was off on my own; he was off talking with a female stranger. (Not friend, but stranger.) I eventually walked over, told him I was tired, and he drove me home.

And you stayed? I would've called someone to come and get me and politely left with a smile and then ignored dude.

 

[Naveah2050]

Thanks, ladies. I've just cut him loose.

I made it a point to enjoy myself at the function regardless, but by the end of the night (when he was talking to the female stranger), I was done. Additionally, as I reflected, I recall him walking up to me and one of his boys who was talking to me and asking if he (ie, his boy) wanted my number. Weird. Anyway, he's been cut loose.

go girl!! He is a loser, good for you!