So, uh, what if I no man approaches you . . .

[Glib Gurl]

So, the consensus seems to be that men are simple and if a guy WANTS you, he'll come and get you. All of this is cool. But I can't help but wonder . . . uh, what happens if no man comes for you

Let's assume for a minute that you, the woman, are reasonably attractive (at least average, well groomed, etc.). You are not closed off. You are not crazy. But, for whatever reason, no man is darkening your door (for anything other than a booty call, let's say).

What is a girl to do?

Just stay single, I guess. And, even though relationships are wonderful, it *is* better to be alone and be secure with no man . . . than to lose your mind running after half-a-man who doesn't really want you (and shows you as much by being selfish, disrespectful, or what have you).

But let's discuss. Do you think "every pot has a lid"? Or will some of us just end up alone?

 

[LadyPaniolo]

You can get a man, but you may have to go and find him. That doesn't mean you have to chase him down, though. You can meet online and if he wants you, he will show it. Online dating is a great way to meet guys who might not be crossing paths with you on the daily.

 

[snillohsss]

I believe every single pot has a lid. The paths to find said lid will change with each individual. Thats all I got!

 

[Qualitee]

I believe every pot does has a lid but I also believe that some people won't ever get married. Sometimes "the lid" is right in front of us but he don't see it or what it.

 

[jupitermoon]

I think "some of us will just end up alone." Men never approach me besides for sex on rare occasions. Chasing after men doesn't work either. I've tried it. I'm willing to pay a man to marry me but that doesn't work. Some of us are just undesirable. Not everyones meant to have someone.

So, the consensus seems to be that men are simple and if a guy WANTS you, he'll come and get you. All of this is cool. But I can't help but wonder . . . uh, what happens if no man comes for you

Let's assume for a minute that you, the woman, are reasonably attractive (at least average, well groomed, etc.). You are not closed off. You are not crazy. But, for whatever reason, no man is darkening your door (for anything other than a booty call, let's say).

What is a girl to do?

Just stay single, I guess. And, even though relationships are wonderful, it *is* better to be alone and be secure with no man . . . than to lose your mind running after half-a-man who doesn't really want you (and shows you as much by being selfish, disrespectful, or what have you).

But let's discuss. Do you think "every pot has a lid"? Or will some of us just end up alone?

You're right but loneliness is a *****. It's almost a no win situation.

 

[cheetarah1980]

I think every pot has a lid. How a person stumbles across their lid is unique to them. I will say that a woman asking a man to be her lid is usually not the best way to go about it.

Honestly, if you don't get approached in large social settings, then switch up your venues and social scenarios. Instead of going to the big First Friday event, go to a friend's dinner party or game night where there are likely to be people you don't know. Also you can open your home to your friends and ask them to bring guests. I met a new guy just last week by sitting in my living room. A good friend brought him by to watch football. There was no spark or connection but at least someone new came into my orbit. The good thing about more intimate, casual settings is that there's less competition from other women and there's more opportunity for interaction, discussion, etc.
I'm just saying that there's more than one way to meet a man who will pursue you. Find the way that works best for you.

 

[anon123]

Also you can open your home to your friends and ask them to bring guests. I met a new guy just last week by sitting in my living room. A good friend brought him by to watch football. There was no spark or connection but at least someone new came into my orbit. The good thing about more intimate, casual settings is that there's less competition from other women and there's more opportunity for interaction, discussion, etc.

This really works for meeting new people, men and women. I did something similar and told everybody that they couldn't get in unless they brought a non-linguist. Well, not all of them did and I still let them in but it was good to have some different company.

 

[Glib Gurl]

Hey guys -

Thanks for the advice (you know I love it ) but I was really just asking the question in the poll . . . I guess I'm feeling philosophical right now

 

[aribell]

You know, I kind of answered this question for a friend of mine, and I think I may have hurt her feelings. That was not at all the intention, so I hope it's taken well here:

Never being approached by decent men doesn't make any sense. If that's the case, then *something* is just not right. It could be a vibe that's being given off, something physical, not being aware of or responding to appropriate cues, etc. It could be looking for someone that clearly isn't on one's own level--like being average but only falling for hearthrobs. But I would very rarely say that it's just random occurrence that no decent man ever pursues.

I'm not saying that someone can just snap their fingers, think good thoughts, and voila, have men falling all over them. But there's a lot to be said about having the proper attitude and energy, as well as being physically attractive to men. And I hate to say it, but I think that while a lot of men are flexible in what they like in women, attractiveness works like a bell curve, with most of what's deemed "attractive" to "most" men falling near a middle standard. And more times than not, a man's pursuit is going to start with physical attraction.

I'm not saying that all women need to fit a cookie-cutter image in order to get good male attention. Not at all. But if something wasn't clicking, I'd start eliminating all known possible variables to get to where I wanted to be.

ETA: To answer the question, I firmly believe that every pot has a lid! I have seen it over and over again, which is a part of what led me to write the above. Some people won't ever get married. But that's not at all the same as saying those people couldn't have gotten married.

 

[anon123]

Hey guys -

Thanks for the advice (you know I love it ) but I was really just asking the question in the poll . . . I guess I'm feeling philosophical right now

Ah, in that case, some people will end up alone. Or am I missing something? I mean, no need to speculate, we can see that some people never couple long term and live their lives mostly alone and then die. I think that's a small group, though.

Or wait, are you asking if no man approaches you, what do you do? Either you end up alone or you follow advice given here . . . I think I'm not understanding something.

 

[lushcoils]

Direct yourself to the LOA thread.

Well, that's what I'm doing at least since don't know what else to do.

I hope it works soon.

 

[Glib Gurl]

You know, I kind of answered this question for a friend of mine, and I think I may have hurt her feelings. That was not at all the intention, so I hope it's taken well here:

Never being approached by decent men doesn't make any sense. If that's the case, then *something* is just not right. It could be a vibe that's being given off, something physical, not being aware of or responding to appropriate cues, etc. It could be looking for someone that clearly isn't on one's own level--like being average but only falling for hearthrobs. But I would very rarely say that it's just random occurrence that no decent man ever pursues.

Nope, no hurt feelings at all. I hear what you're saying. One of my bff's used to only oogle over heartthrobs and then wonder why she was alone . . . finally I had to say to her, "Uh, don't you think those guys might be a little . . . out of your league?" She cracked up about it and we still laugh about it to this day. I think for her, lusting after the hotties was a way that she really isolated herself . . . if you *know* that, say, Taye Diggs or Vin Diesel are unattainable, you're giving yourself a reason to stay alone.

 

[NappiShawti]

im inclined to believe that if no decent man (not short,not ugly, employed,not a jailbird, lotta kids etc)
EVER approaches you, then the problem may be you & not them.

Not trying to offend but the only women i know who dont get approached alot are the ones who are simply not cute or they are overweight, if even a little bit.
A man's attraction starts w/ the physical but if no one is ever seemingly attracted to you then i would reevaluate some personal things

 

[lushcoils]

A lot of unattractive/unconventional looking women and/or overweight women get approached a lot, so that's not it.

 

[Lucie]

Glib, this thread concerns me. (((HUGS)))

 

[RoundEyedGirl504]

I am going to go against the grain and say I don't believe every pot has a lid, not everyone can, will, or should get married or be in a serious relationship. Not being a pessimist but I just really feel that way. I don't look at it as some type of inherent flaw in the person though.

 

[kayte]

being average but only falling for hearthrobs.

Agree to disagree on this one~

Nope, no hurt feelings at all. I hear what you're saying. One of my bff's used to only oogle over heartthrobs and then wonder why she was alone . . . finally I had to say to her, "Uh, don't you think those guys might be a little . . . out of your league?" She cracked up about it and we still laugh about it to this day. I think for her, lusting after the hotties was a way that she really isolated herself . . if you *know* that, say, Taye Diggs or Vin Diesel are unattainable, you're giving yourself a reason to stay alone.

ah~ but-I wish you hadn't said that to her!
even more importantly ..I wish she hadn't believed you~

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

There is somebody for everybody, living where I live I've seen ALL KINDS get men approaching them. you just have to be ready to get your lid and keep it on.

 

[Lovelylife]

Please, some women are more willing to settle and that's why you have the divorces,marital abuse, men cheating etc. I'm not ugly, my aquaintances are certainly not ugly and most are nicer than me and 90% of them are perptually single. most guys just want sex or they suck and that's why i'm(we're) not willing to settle. i'm not asking for someone perfect, i want an person like myself that may be struggling but is ambitious and willing to love for a lifetime. there are more women than men so someone is going to end up alone. i've had some decent guys approach but you can just tell when it's not going to work. i'm not willing to have a series of breakup. i'm not worse than any of these mediocre men and neither are the women on lhcf.

 

[phynestone]

I think there are a few variables that one has to consider. For example, physical appearance, attitude and location. The latter turned out to be the thing for me. Now that I am in a new location and the fact that I have changed my physical appearance somewhat, has aided in my receiving an increasingly amount of suitors. Are they all decent? No, but some are.

 

[NappiShawti]

A lot of unattractive/unconventional looking women and/or overweight women get approached a lot, so that's not it.

thats true of course, but i meant approached for something more than "a good time" or "a nite in". im only speaking on what i have personally seen & what i know to be true.

 

[lushcoils]

I get what you're saying, but based on the experiences from overweight and/or not so pretty women facially on this board and on other boards I've visited, they get tons of decent men too.

 

[aribell]

I'm surprised at the poll results. I have to think that believing, "Well, some of us just end up alone," would probably affect one's attitude and effort in the dating process and end up confirming that reality. I wish I could post pictures and bios of friends who've gotten married in the past few years--there's really no magic formula or anything.

Oh, and statistics are a description of current reality, not probabililty, and certainly not probability for any individual woman. idk, just felt a need to say that...

 

[GoingNatural]

that OP is my life... ugh bah hum bug

 

[lushcoils]

Hmm, I noticed that some of us with this issue live in the DMV area. Interesting. I started a thread awhile ago about places to go in the DMV area where men approach women. It didn't get many responses, but maybe it will help some of you. Let me go find it.

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/re...where-do-you-get-approached-specifically.html

Actually, someone in this thread gave the suggestions. lol

 

[Katherina]

We're being philosophical?

IDK....it could be so many things.

I voted that every pot has its lid, and I was surprised to see that twice as many people voted for the other option.

When I was younger (high school) I was very lonely. Not just for men, but for friends as well. A very close family member had died and I felt a void. I also hadn't met any men (boys ) who I felt loved me for anything besides my outer appearance. It bothered me to think that men could quite possibly only be interested in me for my looks (that I didn't even believe I had). I thought I'd just have to accept being alone forever because it was the trend of my life.

Change your thinking, change your life. I went to college and met someone who loved me for ME. And ever since him, I haven't felt the same. He helped me to see that a man could get past externals and love who I really am. And he didn't leave me, even though our relationship didn't work out. We're still friends. Maybe it helps to have this type of affirming experience to change your thinking about men and relationship potential. But I do think it also works to self-affirm (I just wasn't able to do that at the time).

Anyway, I meet Glib's qualifications above but I'm single right now. (Quality) men who I don't know don't approach me. Instead, I get most interest from guy friends. Maybe having more guy friends is a good alternative. You can meet a good guy, and actually get to know him so that you don't have to worry as much about character issues and the like down the line (you already know what he's about).

 

[chocolat79]

Well, I opted for some of us will end up alone, however, I think it could be both (I'll explain later).

I don't get approached that often and I think I'm attractive, height-weight proportionate (yada yada and all the ++++ qualities) and I've lately started to change my attitude to reflect that. The problem is that these guys aren't quality. Well, not MY quality or anyone I'd want to settle down with.
I'm more concerned about quality men approaching me. If I didn't know any better, I'd think I wasn't quality (based on the guys I attract), but I DO know better, so that's not it, LOL.

So, technically I could've voted for both. I think every pot has a lid if you don't mind an ill-fitting lid; but, if you want the perfect fit (and I mean perfect for you, not literally perfect), you may just end up alone. I think I'll be in the latter category and that's not negativity, that's just a realistic view. I bring a lot to the table and I think it's getting harder to find a guy who will too. Plus, there are plenty other women just like me who bring a lot to the table, so if I'm destined to end up alone, so be it. There are worse things than being alone. #kanyeshrug

 

[Lovelylife]

Well, I opted for some of us will end up alone, however, I think it could be both (I'll explain later).

I don't get approached that often and I think I'm attractive, height-weight proportionate (yada yada and all the ++++ qualities) and I've lately started to change my attitude to reflect that. The problem is that these guys aren't quality. Well, not MY quality or anyone I'd want to settle down with.
I'm more concerned about quality men approaching me. If I didn't know any better, I'd think I wasn't quality (based on the guys I attract), but I DO know better, so that's not it, LOL.

So, technically I could've voted for both. I think every pot has a lid if you don't mind an ill-fitting lid; but, if you want the perfect fit (and I mean perfect for you, not literally perfect), you may just end up alone. I think I'll be in the latter category and that's not negativity, that's just a realistic view. I bring a lot to the table and I think it's getting harder to find a guy who will too. Plus, there are plenty other women just like me who bring a lot to the table, so if I'm destined to end up alone, so be it. There are worse things than being alone. #kanyeshrug

I agree.
I'm definitely not perfect but dang.....I read the everything was find until he.. thread and I'm like nono:
In fact just a week a classy friend and a guy that she was with for 2 years and almost 6 months just broke up. I would have never gotten with him, mainly because he's a semi jerk( the semi jerks are the worst). She's a quality girl, was hardly approached and if she had rejected him she probably would have been single. But what's worse, being single for those 2 years or having a guy waste them.
Don't really know.
update: another heart wrenching breakup...
these past two years were all a lie.. im glad you 100% regretted everything. all i have left to say is I wish i had never met ...... "
See I'm not nice. I won't go on facebook posting stuff. I would just kick his a$$.
Another reason why I'm single,

 

[RegaLady]

thats true of course, but i meant approached for something more than "a good time" or "a nite in". im only speaking on what i have personally seen & what i know to be true.

There are plenty of classically single pretty women that I know who are approached with the thought of having a 'good time' or a "nite in". And I mean plenty.

I don't by the whole appreance thing. YES, it is a factor. But I think mostly it is energy. Some women are more approachable then others. One has to evaluate body language. Is the person confident? Not fake, because people smell that too. But are they really, really in love with themselves. I will tell you the truth, if a man is insecure with himself, I don't care how much his muscles are oozing from his shirt, how 'fine' he is, he is going to get the 'meh'. People like confidence and are drawn to people, ugly or not, who really, truely love themselves.

 

[anon123]

I'm surprised at the poll results. I have to think that believing, "Well, some of us just end up alone," would probably affect one's attitude and effort in the dating process and end up confirming that reality.

I voted that some of us will end up alone. But in my head I won't be in that group. To me that's just a fact about life in general, not about my life. Like saying "some of us will never travel to Asia," even though I have already done it. But I don't think it's set in stone who will be those people who end up alone (or never go to Asia). I think there are things you can do about it, and also think that the group who will never find love is small.

Celina, you are suffering from depression and extremely low self-esteem that is not connected to any reality any of us can figure out. My advice is to go out and do as much charity group work as you can. This serves multiple purposes. It gets you to help people and get your attention on something other than yourself. Other people's lives are improved. You get a boost of confidence in making a difference for others. And if you join a charitable group, you meet some new people. Even when you don't feel confident, make an effort to smile, look up, make eye contact, and keep your hands free (not in your pockets, folded across your middle). Consider it an acting job. Then try out a couple of dates through a dating site and practice it. If you work in an office, organize a happy hour. You need more practice properly interacting with people. Observe how your peers interact and learn some new behaviors. I can say these things because I've struggled with social awkwardness and anxiety myself . . . .