So my friend "tests" this guy she's dating and feels he failed. What do you think?

Re: So my friend "tests" this guy she's dating and feels he failed. What do you think

dodie said:
I think this may be the answer as to why she did it.:nono:

Now I'll be the first to say, I dont think she's feeling him but she is TRYING hard to feel him..which is fine. All is good, then she calls me last night telling me this mess. :ohwell: She asked me should she see him again and I told her YES. Why discontinue seeing him over this??? Now, that is UNLESS she really doesnt like him..then she's wasting his AND her time. :perplexed But I"m not going to be the one to tell her if she likes him or not. Me personally, if I'm not feeling someone..it probably will not get past 3 dates and I dont need any kind of test for that but I guess she has to learn her own way..I dont know. :ohwell:
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Yeah, she isn't feeling him and I guest she figures he is better than nothing at all. Not cute at all. When I saw her age, I definately knew she wasn't feeling him. Oh well, she is selling herself short if she keeps on playing games with him. Also let him go so he can find a woman who appreciates him.
 
Re: So my friend "tests" this guy she's dating and feels he failed. What do you think

ThickHair said:
Yeah, she isn't feeling him and I guest she figures he is better than nothing at all. Not cute at all. When I saw her age, I definately knew she wasn't feeling him. Oh well, she is selling herself short if she keeps on playing games with him. Also let him go so he can find a woman who appreciates him.
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Yes, this is exactly the case BUT thing is either accept him and stop picking him apart or just leave him alone. She in my eyes is getting desperate at this point, I feel it and see it BUT how do you tell a friend that, you know?
 
Re: So my friend "tests" this guy she's dating and feels he failed. What do you think

we might have the same gf :nono:
 
Re: So my friend "tests" this guy she's dating and feels he failed. What do you think

Lol... maybe he was just trying to compromise and thought, since she asked, she'd be uncomfortable if he insisted on paying.
 
Re: So my friend "tests" this guy she's dating and feels he failed. What do you think

LadyPBC said:
I just never wanted him to think of me as a gold-digger who was never considerate enough to at least offer to pay.
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(Bunny breaks out her golddigger speech.)

I would like for you and pretty much every black woman in the United States of America (and probably the rest of the world) to eliminate the word "golddigger" from your vocabulary, because if you are like 99% of black women living in the Western world, you are not even close to dealing with a man in which true golddigger behavior would even be possible.

Are you dating millionaires or high six-figure makers? My guess is no. Therefore, you are not even dealing with men who would be capable of having golddiggers sniffing them out.

But somehow, black women have got it in their heads that if they expect the COMMON COURTESY of having a man take them on a date and pay for their chicken fingers, that they are potentially exhibiting golddigger behavior. Boy do we REALLY sell ourselves short.

We both realized (while waiting in line to go in) that they did not accept credit cards and neither of us had enough money. I left the line to go to the bank machine to get money then got back in line with him and encouraged him to go do the same so he'd have enough money. Well he never did and when the check came, although he invited me to breakfast, he did not offer to pay for my meal so I paid for my meal and left him on his own. Did he fail (and this was not a test) but hecky yeah.
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Well, you did find out what you needed to know, and good for you for not paying for his meal. But I wouldn't have taken one step out of that line to go to the ATM and wouldn't have even thought to do so. I would have looked RIGHT AT HIM as if to say, "Well, are you going to get some money out of the machine???"

You could have gotten your answer right there without even getting to the breakfast table. That's why I'm saying there's no point in "testing" men, because they show what they're working with (or not) without you having to do one thing. Why even put yourself in position to be screwed over like that?
 
Re: So my friend "tests" this guy she's dating and feels he failed. What do you think

Bunny77 said:
I would like for you and pretty much every black woman in the United States of America (and probably the rest of the world) to eliminate the word "golddigger" from your vocabulary, because if you are like 99% of black women living in the Western world, you are not even close to dealing with a man in which true golddigger behavior would even be possible.

Are you dating millionaires or high six-figure makers? My guess is no. Therefore, you are not even dealing with men who would be capable of having golddiggers sniffing them out.

But somehow, black women have got it in their heads that if they expect the COMMON COURTESY of having a man take them on a date and pay for their chicken fingers, that they are potentially exhibiting golddigger behavior. Boy do we REALLY sell ourselves short.
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I, Syrah, hereby and from this day forward promise to eliminate gold-digger from my vocabulary, unless I am dating and/or married to a man clocking at least $800K annually (at which point, you won't find me on LHCF). :lol:
 
Re: So my friend "tests" this guy she's dating and feels he failed. What do you think

dodie said:
My friend is 35. :look:
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Oh hell, does match.com offer a discount for a lifetime membership? :look:

This was so unbelieveably childish and extra, seriously.
 
Re: So my friend "tests" this guy she's dating and feels he failed. What do you think

Bunny77 said:
(Bunny breaks out her golddigger speech.)

I would like for you and pretty much every black woman in the United States of America (and probably the rest of the world) to eliminate the word "golddigger" from your vocabulary, because if you are like 99% of black women living in the Western world, you are not even close to dealing with a man in which true golddigger behavior would even be possible.

Are you dating millionaires or high six-figure makers? My guess is no. Therefore, you are not even dealing with men who would be capable of having golddiggers sniffing them out.

But somehow, black women have got it in their heads that if they expect the COMMON COURTESY of having a man take them on a date and pay for their chicken fingers, that they are potentially exhibiting golddigger behavior. Boy do we REALLY sell ourselves short.



Well, you did find out what you needed to know, and good for you for not paying for his meal. But I wouldn't have taken one step out of that line to go to the ATM and wouldn't have even thought to do so. I would have looked RIGHT AT HIM as if to say, "Well, are you going to get some money out of the machine???"

You could have gotten your answer right there without even getting to the breakfast table. That's why I'm saying there's no point in "testing" men, because they show what they're working with (or not) without you having to do one thing. Why even put yourself in position to be screwed over like that?
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You always have the best posts!

I think part of the reason why some women get called gold diggers is that they expect men to do EVERYTHING. I have this case in my own family. The woman is willing and able to work and make good money. However, she refuses to do so and the husband is struggling financially to provide for the family. By struggling I mean, he makes probably 150k a year. The wife expects a 300k lifestyle but refuses to work. Now, the guy is all angry and resentful now. Mind you, she was working making 90k a year at one point and quit pretty much without the husbands consent. I think this is why guys get scared and label people gold diggers. People are not pulling their weight equally in a relationship so it ends up being a financial burden for the guy.

I even had one of my close guy friends comment about how much money he saved once he stopped dating. A lot of girls just go on dates for the free meal. If you aren't serious about dating the guy, don't go. Let him save his money for better things.

But yes, true gold digging isnt until you hit over the million mark for me at least.
 
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Re: So my friend "tests" this guy she's dating and feels he failed. What do you think

dodie said:
Girl, that is the same exact question that I asked. I asked her was there MORE to this. She dated another dude for 2 years on and off and he finally just up and left her..literally. Then within one month she started going on match.com. I told her to heal from the previous relationshiop first. Now, she's trying to pick this guy all apart but I dont even think she's ready for a new relationship. And she's being trying to find fault with him from day one:

-he's too short
-she does most of the talking
-he made her go dutch at the 6th date :lachen:(thats what she gets for testing him tho)
-he was late for one date

So maybe Thickhair is right, maybe shes just not feeling him and making excuses??
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Then she needs to leave him alone and let him go find someone who is feeling him.

Why is she wasting his time AND hers, especially at 35 like she has all the time in the world to be playing games?
 
Re: So my friend "tests" this guy she's dating and feels he failed. What do you think

1st date it's a test. 5th date it's just setting the man up for failure no matter what the turn out :nono:
 
Re: So my friend "tests" this guy she's dating and feels he failed. What do you think

Simple beezy of the week. *smh*

Tests. Bi.sh if y'all ain't in school what the hell is a test for?
 
Re: So my friend "tests" this guy she's dating and feels he failed. What do you think

Bunny77 said:
(Bunny breaks out her golddigger speech.)

I would like for you and pretty much every black woman in the United States of America (and probably the rest of the world) to eliminate the word "golddigger" from your vocabulary, because if you are like 99% of black women living in the Western world, you are not even close to dealing with a man in which true golddigger behavior would even be possible.

Are you dating millionaires or high six-figure makers? My guess is no. Therefore, you are not even dealing with men who would be capable of having golddiggers sniffing them out.

But somehow, black women have got it in their heads that if they expect the COMMON COURTESY of having a man take them on a date and pay for their chicken fingers, that they are potentially exhibiting golddigger behavior. Boy do we REALLY sell ourselves short.



Well, you did find out what you needed to know, and good for you for not paying for his meal. But I wouldn't have taken one step out of that line to go to the ATM and wouldn't have even thought to do so. I would have looked RIGHT AT HIM as if to say, "Well, are you going to get some money out of the machine???"

You could have gotten your answer right there without even getting to the breakfast table. That's why I'm saying there's no point in "testing" men, because they show what they're working with (or not) without you having to do one thing. Why even put yourself in position to be screwed over like that?
Click to expand...


Let the members of the 1st church of LHCF headed by Rev. Dr. Bunny say amen.
 
Re: So my friend "tests" this guy she's dating and feels he failed. What do you think

dodie said:
She met him on match.com. They've been out on 5 dates and he's paid for them.

Now yesterday she decided to test him. So after dinner she says "Ill pay."

He says "No, you dont have to do that. We can go dutch if you want".:look:
So they go dutch.

SHe was VERY disappointed and says he should've insisted on paying for the meal. :ohwell:

WHat do you guys think? :look:
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I don't see why she was upset. Why can't a woman pay after a guy has already paid so many times? Its not that serious.:ohwell:
 
Re: So my friend "tests" this guy she's dating and feels he failed. What do you think

mscocoface said:
Not a good way to build a relationship. He may be considering her a little suspect after that. :nono:

If she wants to test something ask her how well has he treated the waiters/waitresses?

Let him talk about his family, his mother and father, siblings. Is his discussion negative, positive, suspect?

What are his beliefs are they compatible with hers?

Is school or education background important? Has she checked that?

Does he have any children, ex spouses? Is he supporting them?

If she has had 5 dates then they had to have or come close to discussing some of these topics and viewing his behavior around others?
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I totally agree with this. This behaviour(testing) makes many women miss out on good dudes. We test the wrong ish. He already proved that he was not cheap. I understand not wanting a cheap dude, but puhleeze:rolleyes:
 
Re: So my friend "tests" this guy she's dating and feels he failed. What do you think

If she had no intention of paying she shouldn't have offered. I always offer to pay my half because its my instinct but I actually intend to pay. However almost always the guy offers to take care of the bill entirely and I'll admit I like that.:yep: I also don't want guys to think I'm a gold-digger. But I think its very childish to 'test' a guy like that then get mad at him when he doesn't do what you want. Especially when the guy's paid for previous dates. Times are tough right now. And you say this woman is 35? Good lord...
 
Re: So my friend "tests" this guy she's dating and feels he failed. What do you think

*sigh*

Expecting someone to pay for a date THEY asked YOU on is not gold digging.

Expecting someone to fund the totality of your life style as you scurry through their bank accounts, personal holdings and stock options as the sole purpose of DEALING with them, however...qualifies.
 
Re: So my friend "tests" this guy she's dating and feels he failed. What do you think

ScorpioBeauty09 said:
If she had no intention of paying she shouldn't have offered. I always offer to pay my half because its my instinct but I actually intend to pay. However almost always the guy offers to take care of the bill entirely and I'll admit I like that.:yep: I also don't want guys to think I'm a gold-digger.
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I'm going to have to ask you to read Post #38 in this thread, k? :D
 
Re: So my friend "tests" this guy she's dating and feels he failed. What do you think

They had only been out 5 times and she is already testing him? I agree with what was said above, its high school and I didn't see anything wrong with him suggesting they go dutch. She's basically still a stranger to him.
 
Re: So my friend "tests" this guy she's dating and feels he failed. What do you think

Bunny77 said:
I'm going to have to ask you to read Post #38 in this thread, k? :D
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Maybe because I am a bit older, but I will never ever ever understand this mindset and I ALWAYS hear this mess from BLACK WOMEN not women of other races.

Why the hell are women concerned about being considered gold diggers because a man is paying for your meal, entertainment etc. I mean really yall, really :nono:
 
Re: So my friend "tests" this guy she's dating and feels he failed. What do you think

dodie said:
Yes, this is exactly the case BUT thing is either accept him and stop picking him apart or just leave him alone. She in my eyes is getting desperate at this point, I feel it and see it BUT how do you tell a friend that, you know?
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Just tell them. I JUST got finished telling this dude I know to figure out why he keeps picking women who have a certain trait in common. After awhile, you have to figure out what it is you're doing to keep ending up in the same sitch.
 
Re: So my friend "tests" this guy she's dating and feels he failed. What do you think

That was a dumdum move on her part. She needs to get her head together, mature a bit switch up her values and hopefully land a quality relationship.
 
Re: So my friend "tests" this guy she's dating and feels he failed. What do you think

LOL.

According to LHCF, I should make the man pay for all the dates.

I followed this advice to the T and my current SO was paying for everything, until a few months ago.

He thought it was "American style", but confessed his salary was half that of mine. He said he has a kinda male pride to pay, so he wouldn't take me out to a nice dinner and then expect me to fork over the $$$. But I now pay for coffee and dessert if we have it or the tolls on the road when we go on a trip.

In my opinion, all tests usually suck and fail. Men are not incredibly complex creatures, but I'm not that much of an expert.
 
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