If a guy who is not religious refused to sleep with you, would you think it was odd?

[Farida]

It is kind of a strange reason. I have never met a dude who is celibate without a really strong reason behind it. It takes a lot for most guys not to sleep with a woman they don't find repulsive. Their standards are low. Lol. So for them to succeed they have to be really invested.

But, I think it is telling that he chooses not to be in compromising situations with her. That shows that he chooses not to be aroused; rather than his inability to be aroused by her. It shows that he is a red-blooded male.

Unlike my friend when she was in college she liked this guy and she tried everything to sleep with him. She slept naked with him, groped him, everything short of rape the man and nothing came of it. Then a few years later he came out of the closet. Most guys I know who are or were celibate have very strong boundaries because they know they cannot resist certain things.

So, I would conclude he is pretty committed to his celibacy and if I were his friend I would tell him to break up with her. I don't think it's right to try and cajole, coax, manipulate or steer people away from something that means a lot to them. Especially something like celibacy which is kind of a thing you cannot take back. You can become celibate again but you cannot undo the sex. Not to mention he would end up resenting her for it.

 

[Farida]

But why not to tell her he's celibate? His avoiding the issue is what sounds off.

He should just say he is, because women cling to hope. He said he is waiting for his soulmate and looks like she believes she is the one. Lol.

 

[sounbeweavable]

Re: If a guy who is not religious refused to sleep with you, would you think it was o

It is kind of a strange reason. I have never met a dude who is celibate without a really strong reason behind it. It takes a lot for most guys not to sleep with a woman they don't find repulsive. Their standards are low. Lol. So for them to succeed they have to be really invested.

But, I think it is telling that he chooses not to be in compromising situations with her. That shows that he chooses not to be aroused; rather than his inability to be aroused by her. It shows that he is a red-blooded male.

Unlike my friend when she was in college she liked this guy and she tried everything to sleep with him. She slept naked with him, groped him, everything short of rape the man and nothing came of it. Then a few years later he came out of the closet. Most guys I know who are or were celibate have very strong boundaries because they know they cannot resist certain things.

So, I would conclude he is pretty committed to his celibacy and if I were his friend I would tell him to break up with her. I don't think it's right to try and cajole, coax, manipulate or steer people away from something that means a lot to them. Especially something like celibacy which is kind of a thing you cannot take back. You can become celibate again but you cannot undo the sex. Not to mention he would end up resenting her for it.

This all the way.

Also, the girl in the OP needs to separate pursing a relationship from pursuing sex. Just because am an pursues and woos her doesn't mean he wants sex right away. He might just be courting her in the modern way and doesn't want to introduce sex until later in the relationship (commitment, engagement, or marriage).

If she tries to push the sex issue or create compromising positions when he's already said he's waiting for a soul mate, I wouldn't be surprised if he dumped her. After all, what if the tables were turned and a man was trying to seduce/manipulate a woman who wanted to abstain from sex? I feel like people would react very differently...

 

[Mortons]

Re: If a guy who is not religious refused to sleep with you, would you think it was o

Nope. I would think they are single Not having it

 

[SincerelyJane]

Re: If a guy who is not religious refused to sleep with you, would you think it was o

How is he pursuing but she has to initiate everything? Anyway, she needs to leave him alone. Nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex but she needs to quit chasing him and they aren't on the same page.

Right... he asks her out on dates, calls/texts/skypes her daily, drives long distances to see her. She's not the chasing type, I think in this case she's just attracted to him and would like to progress to the next stage but he won't let it happen for whatever reason.

He won't cuddle though, that seems odd. He left her on the couch and didn't give her the bed.

Have they kissed OP?

They have made out a couple of times... it took awhile for it to get there though.

I'm not religious but I'm choosing to be celibate . I've met dudes with small junk who were still trying to get laid, so I won't think it's that . And obviously STDs, curable and otherwise, haven't stopped men and women from having sex and spreading what they got . Maybe he likes her company, but isn't physically attracted to her. Been there done that, tried to make it work, and it just didn't . Either way, she should stop pursuing him and back off. Obviously, she doesn't do it for him.

He doesn't have a small junk, he has gotten aroused while they kissed and she says she's seen enough to know he's not small.

I wouldn't think it's odd. I know guys who avoid cuddling or being alone with the women they date because they want to avoid temptation and stay celibate. It's almost sad that people think it's weird for a guy to try being abstinent as an adult

Maybe he's trying to avoid temptation? I just know that he's not religious, he's rejected Christianity because he has some issues with the religion and never picked up anything else. He says he's had sex in the past?

I'm wondering if he's gay vs. has something incurable. That's all I got.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

Re: If a guy who is not religious refused to sleep with you, would you think it was o

My friend is dating this guy that won't sleep with her. They've been dating since Dec or so? She initiates everything. He won't even spoon with her and refuses to take his shirt off. He's not religious. He says he is waiting for his soulmate. He is in his 30s.

Would you find it odd?

The key for me is the bolded. He's not saying no sex until marriage or no sex until he's been in an exclusive relationship for a while, he used the term "soulmate" which leaves me wondering if he's really into your friend, OP or if she's just a placeholder until a woman he's actually into comes along.

It's really easy to jump to conclusions like he's gay or has an incurable STD but he's not giving up much to go on. If I were in your friend's situation I'd want more details.

Otherwise yes, I'd think it's odd. When men are really into a woman, they WANT to experience physical intimacy. They need it the same way women need emotional intimacy. But he outright avoids it. So without knowing more yes, there is something not right here.

 

[RocStar]

Re: If a guy who is not religious refused to sleep with you, would you think it was o

3-4 months is not a long time….

Yes, I personally don't see 3-4 months being a long time. It goes back to the whole when is it appropriate to have sex question/debate. I always say there is no right or wrong answer, it just depends on you and your relationship and what feels right to you.

 

[ambergirl]

Could be anything, including what he's saying. Does she like him otherwise? Is she looking for her "soul mate"? Before she pushes this she should get clarity about what she wants and how she feels about this guy.

 

[gabulldawg]

Re: If a guy who is not religious refused to sleep with you, would you think it was o

Has she seen baby pics of him? I would investigate.

Whaaaaat?

I also think he's trying to tell her that he's just not that into her. I don't see anything wrong with waiting, but he's said that he's waiting for his soul mate. It doesn't take men long to realize whether they want to be with a woman or not.

 

[LiftedUp]

Re: If a guy who is not religious refused to sleep with you, would you think it was o

Whaaaaat?

I also think he's trying to tell her that he's just not that into her. I don't see anything wrong with waiting, but he's said that he's waiting for his soul mate. It doesn't take men long to realize whether they want to be with a woman or not.

You think he's a woman?

I found it weird that he didn't want to be seen with his shirt off! I got MTV True Life flashbacks of transgendered nipples .

But seriously though, I'm accustomed with letting men know my boundaries not the other way around so this situation seems weird. The only man who gave me a dissertation about "waiting till he's comfortable then telling the woman he's ready then when she's ready they do the deed " came across controlling to me; then whined in the same breath that his gf was withholding sex from him *shrug*.

 

[hopeful]

............

 

[hopeful]

Right... he asks her out on dates, calls/texts/skypes her daily, drives long distances to see her. She's not the chasing type, I think in this case she's just attracted to him and would like to progress to the next stage but he won't let it happen for whatever reason.

...

I edited my post because I didn't see your reply. Thank you for clearing things up. It sounds like they haven't really sat down and had a mature, heart to heart then. Or they have, and she isn't listening. If I were her, and if I really liked him otherwise, I would fall way back and let him pursue me. I would stop initiating any physically intimate or sexual activity. They've only been dating for like three months, which like someone said is not really that long. If she really wants to have sex or needs more physical affection she should just move on because she's going to end up feeling and looking like a fool.

 

[DayStar]

Re: If a guy who is not religious refused to sleep with you, would you think it was o

Right, she seems thirsty. I don't think he views her how should would like to be viewed. Maybe he is put off by her actions?

ETA: Is she his girlfriend or are they just dating (going on dates/getting to know each other?)

How is he pursuing but she has to initiate everything? Anyway, she needs to leave him alone. Nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex but she needs to quit chasing him and they aren't on the same page.

 

[Sosoothing]

Re: If a guy who is not religious refused to sleep with you, would you think it was o

I don't think there is much to decipher here. He says he is waiting for his soulmate. Clearly it's not your friend.

 

[InsertCleverNameHere]

Re: If a guy who is not religious refused to sleep with you, would you think it was o

I have no advice, just want to add more possibilities My contributions are steroids or recovering sex addiction.

And it's a tad funny that he just left her on the couch Even if they have sex, that's not to say he is going to want to spoon and cuddle if she is that type of gal and he's not that type of guy. I find spooning and cuddling to be really obnoxious unless there was some paynus/vagina action going on.

 

[Leesh]

Re: If a guy who is not religious refused to sleep with you, would you think it was o

Or possibly a small penis

or void of one...

 

[ambergirl]

Re: If a guy who is not religious refused to sleep with you, would you think it was o

One more thought. To me this is a classic example of someone getting caught up in what's going on with him and what he wants rather than being clear about what's going on with her and what she wants.

Regardless of what's going on with guy, is this someone she wants a serious relationship with? Is this a man who she feels she can build a relationship with on all levels? How does she feel when she's around him , especially regarding this behavior, but other things as well? Is their relationship fulfilling and promising holding aside the sex?

If dude is saying he only wants to sleep with his soulmate then she should meet him there if that's where she is too. She needs to just have a conversation with him about her own intentions for the relationship and her concerns about his behavior....not just the sex, but also the other stuff he is doing that is not feeling right to her.

But if he's not ringing her bell in that way, then why bother?

 

[Leesh]

Re: If a guy who is not religious refused to sleep with you, would you think it was o

Seriously, As stated upthread, maybe a STD and is considerate enough to not pass it on as others have done beknownst to themselves orrrrrrrr Just not into her.

 

[Allandra]

Re: If a guy who is not religious refused to sleep with you, would you think it was o

Is he from / living in the South? Who knows, maybe that has something to do with it.

 

[Kurlee]

Re: If a guy who is not religious refused to sleep with you, would you think it was o

Maybe he's not that into her, or he prefers to wait for things to get serious before they have sex?

 

[ms.mimi]

i would assume he had an std, to be totally honest.

Or a vagina.

 

[Kindheart]

:he s gay and he s looking for a gf as a cover up

 

[Miss_C]

I would make the following assumptions:
1. Gay
2. Micropenis
3. Bad in bed
4. Incurable std
5. Sex addict

Basically, run.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I would make the following assumptions:
1. Gay
2. Micropenis
3. Bad in bed
4. Incurable std
5. Sex addict

Basically, run.

Lmao. Y'all killing me.

 

[ThirdEyeBeauty]

Re: If a guy who is not religious refused to sleep with you, would you think it was o

I would make the following assumptions:
1. Gay
2. Micropenis
3. Bad in bed
4. Incurable std
5. Sex addict

Basically, run.

Does he show affection or interest in her?

If not the above, then maybe he feels she is trying to trap him. Maybe he is getting his life together (finalizing a divorce, finishing school, etc).

Sounds like he only wants a friend for now. He has not decided whether she is something he wants for a serious romantic relationship. Not right now.

 

[Ganjababy]

Re: If a guy who is not religious refused to sleep with you, would you think it was o

Maybe something is wrong with his penis.


I knew someone who dated a guy for months and he kept putting off sex. She finally forced him to take his pants off and she said his penis looked eaten away. There was just a raggedy looking stump.

He was rich and offered to look after her and she could quit her job and live in his mansion. Eventually marriage. But she refused. A good penis was high on her list of needs.

When I heard the story I was a teen and was not interested in the peen. I would have taken up the offer as long as I would not have to see his busted peen.

 

[NGraceO]

It is kind of a strange reason. I have never met a dude who is celibate without a really strong reason behind it. It takes a lot for most guys not to sleep with a woman they don't find repulsive. Their standards are low. Lol. So for them to succeed they have to be really invested. But, I think it is telling that he chooses not to be in compromising situations with her. That shows that he chooses not to be aroused; rather than his inability to be aroused by her. It shows that he is a red-blooded male. Unlike my friend when she was in college she liked this guy and she tried everything to sleep with him. She slept naked with him, groped him, everything short of rape the man and nothing came of it. Then a few years later he came out of the closet. Most guys I know who are or were celibate have very strong boundaries because they know they cannot resist certain things. So, I would conclude he is pretty committed to his celibacy and if I were his friend I would tell him to break up with her. I don't think it's right to try and cajole, coax, manipulate or steer people away from something that means a lot to them. Especially something like celibacy which is kind of a thing you cannot take back. You can become celibate again but you cannot undo the sex. Not to mention he would end up resenting her for it.

VERY well said.