So he made me cry, and Im still crying.

lcherilu

lcherilu

New Member
Well let me give you a little background information about me and him. we've been together for awhile now and we have been having problems only just recently the last 2 or 3 months.

Today he sent me a text right before my classes saying "when can i c you again bae" and i said "today if you want" keep in mind this is my only day off from work i know i should have been studying then spending time with him. He has a tendency to stop texting so i can never really get a direct answer from him.

After my classes i called him but he didn't pick up. He did however text me saying "wats up bae?" and our conversation went on as this


2:00 pm
ME "are we guna spend some time together"
SO "yes bae"
ME "when?"
SO "its up to you"
ME "4 or 5" (i still need to study!)
SO "thats too late"
ME "right now then?"

and of course he doesn't text back
he does later text at 5:00 "i dont think il be able to see you today"
so im studying and finally 7:00 comes around and he is like come over bae
and i know i should have said no but i am so weak for him
so before i head over there i go to the store to get some school supplies and i head to his house. i guess i was taking to long so he's like nevermind bae but i was already two streets over! (he lives on the other side of town). so i call him and i tell him im in front of his house and are you home re replies with no so i kept calm and said ok bye. I was furious!! He made me drive all the way over there for no reason and then he texts me 5 minutes later saying "lol why you actually left?" WHAT THE @*#(? so of course i had some words to say to him and of course he didnt text back and i cried the whole way home...

Now ladies he is the most loyal and honest person i know so im pretty sure he isnt a cheater (for the most part) and just a week ago i poured out all my feelings about him in a letter letting him know how i felt about his actions and he has really been trying to change. one of the points was him choosing to hang with his friends before me. we only see each other about once a week, two at the most. And the text thing. That bothers me so much. But i care greatly for him.I don't know what to do any more.

Ladies please give me some advice on him.
 
I HATE when people waste my time. I'm pretty easy going, but that is the one thing that gets under my skin the most.

If I were you, I would call him - stop with this texting - and if he doesn't pick up, leave a voicemail about how you don't appreciate him and his wishy-washy ways. He wasted YOUR TIME that you could've been using to study, like you should've been. Why did you even go over there, when nothing was for certain? If he wants to see you, you should've had a TIME and PLACE agreed upon from the beginning. And don't wait around for him to text either. Give him an hour and if he doesn't text back, tell him that he missed his chance and you have other things to do with your time. If he wants to see you, TRUST, he will do what he needs to do to make it happen.

Take a break from him. Don't go out of your way to see him when clearly he isn't willing to do that same. Focus on your studying and kick him out of your mind for a little while.

I know I sound harsh, but I hate when women are played for the fool when they are perfectly capable of making their own decisions. I know a lot of women have logic, and I trust you're one of them, so don't let your feelings cloud that. You had a feeling from the jump that plans were shaky, so don't go out of you way to stick to them! Deal with CERTAINTIES, not SPECULATION.
 
He sounds manipulative. I can't imagine that this is the first time he's been manipulative. I wouldn't waste my time worrying about him. Focus on school and doing what you need to do to better yourself. That should be priority number one for you. A true friend shouldn't stand in the way of you and your goals. I wouldn't compromise my studies for him. Let him know when you have class, when you need to study, and when you have time to spend with him. He can either respect you and get with the program or keep it moving.
 
Drop him like a bad habit. I don't want to point out your indescrepancies but you say he is the most loyal, honest person you know. However, his actions show that he is a manipulator and inconsiderate to your needs. A man that cares for you would not want you to miss out on your studying. I think you know what to do but don't want to do it. The decision is ultimately yours. I wish you all the best. :)
 
thanx. he has stood me up so many times before and acts as if nothing happens until i bring it up. I don't know why i get so weak fro him sometimes and i always give in. I guess im to kindhearted. And he still hasn't called or text me. He's the type of dude with "pride." He's probably goin to wait til i text him first and doesn't believe he was wrong in the situation because he was "joking." I can already image the conversation
 
Dee-Licious said:
i don't believe in text-based relationships


that is prolly a lot of your problem
Click to expand...

I agree. He can text all day long, but can't take a few hours out of his day to be with you:nono:--I don't know sweetie but it sounds like you have more invested into the relationship than he does. He's not ready for a relationship (at least not with you) yet. Not trying to sound harsh, but I think you'll holding on to something that's just not there.
 
lcherilu said:
thanx. he has stood me up so many times before and acts as if nothing happens until i bring it up. I don't know why i get so weak fro him sometimes and i always give in. I guess im to kindhearted. And he still hasn't called or text me. He's the type of dude with "pride." He's probably goin to wait til i text him first and doesn't believe he was wrong in the situation because he was "joking." I can already image the conversation
Click to expand...

He is not worth your time at all. :nono: I would say find you someone else who actually wants to be with you.
 
the sad thing about it is this is the most healthy relationship ive been in and aside from all that he is really sweet and he is nothing like other dudes i know when he isnt acting that way. I dont want to let go of him cuz again we have been together for quite sometime and i would hate to see him with another women.
 
he sounds like a guy (one of many) that have no interest in putting effort in. he knows you care about him, and I'm sure he cares for you in some way, so he takes advantage of that.

men like this are used to being able to kick back with their kool-aid and let the girl do all the work. all they have to do is shoot a little text with a smiley face and they've done their part. even though he may like you, maybe not enough that you need to deal with him.

men are not rocket science. if they like you, they will show you.
 
he's honest and loyal

ok

if he's so loyal, then he wouldn't be putting other ppl before you all the time.
if he's honest then you guys need to have an honest talk and he needs to tell you how he feels about you and where he sees this relationship going.
it really sucks because i can tell you really care for this guy. i feel like if you saw these signs from the beginning you should have cut it off then, instead of waiting so long. b/c now its gonna be a million times harder, and from the way you sound it doesn't seem like you'll leave him anyway.
one thing i've learned from this forum and will do w. my next relationship is to use my mind and not my heart, esp in the beginning of the relationship. See what type of person he is before you let yourself fall for him.

Question: what did he say when you wrote him that heart-felt letter? How did he say he felt about you?
 
thank you all for the help i think i will give him a break for awhile. Figure out what i really want from this relationship and reflect on it.
 
lcherilu said:
the sad thing about it is this is the most healthy relationship ive been in and aside from all that he is really sweet and he is nothing like other dudes i know when he isnt acting that way. I dont want to let go of him cuz again we have been together for quite sometime and i would hate to see him with another women.
Click to expand...

I am sad for you because it seems that you are focusing on all the wrong things. You are beautiful and deserve all the best this world has to offer. Please don't settle because of the pereceived "time" you've spent together. You can just as easily spend time with a man who will treat you like the prize that you are. You look young but please learn from others mistakes. A man will treat you the way you allow him to treat you.
 
runwaydream said:
he's honest and loyal

ok

if he's so loyal, then he wouldn't be putting other ppl before you all the time.
if he's honest then you guys need to have an honest talk and he needs to tell you how he feels about you and where he sees this relationship going.
it really sucks because i can tell you really care for this guy. i feel like if you saw these signs from the beginning you should have cut it off then, instead of waiting so long. b/c now its gonna be a million times harder, and from the way you sound it doesn't seem like you'll leave him anyway.
one thing i've learned from this forum and will do w. my next relationship is to use my mind and not my heart, esp in the beginning of the relationship. See what type of person he is before you let yourself fall for him.

Question: what did he say when you wrote him that heart-felt letter? How did he say he felt about you?
Click to expand...


he said he loved me and had no idea i felt that way.
 
Like others have said, focus on your studies, be good to yourself, and he'll come around if it's meant to be. But remember, you're young, smart, and beautiful, you deserve the best treatment and if he doesn't respect that, let some one else deal with that crap.
 
Lucie said:
I am sad for you because it seems that you are focusing on all the wrong things. You are beautiful and deserve all the best this world has to offer. Please don't settle because of the pereceived "time" you've spent together. You can just as easily spend time with a man who will treat you like the prize that you are. You look young but please learn from others mistakes. A man will treat you the way you allow him to treat you.
Click to expand...

ITA, my sister tells me this all the time. Her advice is to yell, scream, and curse at him until he starts to change basically get on his A** (she has been with her babys father for 4 years ) but i just dont see this as the way out of a problem
 
i was thinking about acting the same way towards him but ultimately that wouldn't solve anything either.
 
*sigh* young love.... :look: The truth is that he doesn't deserve you BUT since you are young and is really feelin this dude, the chance of you dumping him is probably less than 5% at this time. (i think the majority of women can speak from experience) So i would just say that u need to understand that this IS the relationship that you have signed up for. There is no "we are getting better, and i'm training him". It will always be like this. he's not going to change, he's not going to start doing anything different. He has made up his mind what type of "effort" you are worth. This is what he is willing to give to you. Either accept it for what it is, or move on. likely you'll deal with it for a few more months, then you get over your 'infactuation' and then you will move on. i say the sooner the better, because your self-esteem is at stake....
 
This is what you said correct?

Now ladies he is the most loyal and honest person i know so im pretty sure he isnt a cheater (for the most part) and just a week ago i poured out all my feelings about him in a letter letting him know how i felt about his actions and he has really been trying to change. one of the points was him choosing to hang with his friends before me.

I don't know how old you are and I am not sure if you are trying to turn this into a marriage proposal. But if you are this is not going to work the way it is.

You cannot build a relationship via text and just a little time together. Both have to sacrifice. I would like to suggest you both think about this, you have classes and are trying to reach a goal to complete school, some can do both but not many folks can handle school and a relationship to build towards something permanent. Especially if it is like this and he doesn't seem to be putting in the effort.

Also you are pretty sure he doesn't cheat for the most part? Too much contradiction going on in here. Focus on the school work, it is hard when this is the most healthy relationship you have been in but you need to set the standard of what you will or will not put up with.

You are an incredible lady and you deserve the best no second hand treatment. Texting you 90% of the time. Naw. You have every right to expect the best treatment possible in a relationship.

Don't go into desperation mode because you don't want to see him with another women that is not healthy and you will settle for much less.
 
lcherilu said:
thanx. he has stood me up so many times before and acts as if nothing happens until i bring it up. I don't know why i get so weak fro him sometimes and i always give in. I guess im to kindhearted. And he still hasn't called or text me. He's the type of dude with "pride." He's probably goin to wait til i text him first and doesn't believe he was wrong in the situation because he was "joking." I can already image the conversation
Click to expand...

Oh dear. It's clear that he's just stringing you along. He is not a "nice" guy. If he were, he wouldn't have stood you up so many times nad he wouldn't be so inconsiderate of your time.
He knows that he can keep doing these things and you will keep coming back for more.
You have to step back from him and let him truly pursue and make time for you. If not, then let him go.
 
lcherilu said:
the sad thing about it is this is the most healthy relationship ive been in and aside from all that he is really sweet and he is nothing like other dudes i know when he isnt acting that way. I dont want to let go of him cuz again we have been together for quite sometime and i would hate to see him with another women.
Click to expand...

It gets better...much better. This does not sound like a healthy relationship.
 
lcherilu said:
ITA, my sister tells me this all the time. Her advice is to yell, scream, and curse at him until he starts to change basically get on his A** (she has been with her babys father for 4 years ) but i just dont see this as the way out of a problem
Click to expand...


leave her advice alone
 
lcherilu said:
ITA, my sister tells me this all the time. Her advice is to yell, scream, and curse at him until he starts to change basically get on his A** (she has been with her babys father for 4 years ) but i just dont see this as the way out of a problem
Click to expand...

Bad advice. Acting a fool doesn't solve a thing. I wouldn't waste my time trying to get his attention. If you find yourself thinking about what you could do to get his attention and get him to act right, it's time to go. You want to be in a relationship with someone that wants to be with you not someone you have to force to be with you.
 
Last edited:
i just dont know what to do anymore!

i talk to my friends and they all say hes cheating (typical of them)
my mom LOVES him so shes on his side

I hate being young. he is my everything at this point in my life and it will be hard letting him go...i feel like crying thinking about it
 
He seems like he is playing games and I don't do games. First don't let him believe that he is more important to you than you are to him. Don't drop studying ( i'm currently in school finishing a degree also) to run over to him.. Why can't he come sit with you while you study ( being supportive of your goals) the you guys can kick it a little after you get your work done. I'm sorry but I feel like until you get married or there is a ring on that finger you are your first priority. I have a 14 year old daughter and I am always telling her, stop fitting in everyone elses schedules. I agree with previous post no more text messages. For one I am a grown woman and when I got something I want to say I want to talk to you. The only time I text my hubby, even before we were married was when I new he was in a meeting or something and he always hit me right back. He is a very inconsierate gentleman and It ticks me off cause I can tell you are very kind hearted (almost to a fault) and he is taking adavantage of that. Good luck

*It's not funny, but everytime one of my girlfriends was having trouble I would tell them. "Girl go watch Two Can Play That Game." That's was my movie. In anycase please don't feel you you are doing something wrong. The only thing you do was do a little more than your part. Oh and Girl go watch Two Can Play That Game.
 
Mizani_Mrs said:
*sigh* young love.... :look: The truth is that he doesn't deserve you BUT since you are young and is really feelin this dude, the chance of you dumping him is probably less than 5% at this time. (i think the majority of women can speak from experience) So i would just say that u need to understand that this IS the relationship that you have signed up for. There is no "we are getting better, and i'm training him". It will always be like this. he's not going to change, he's not going to start doing anything different. He has made up his mind what type of "effort" you are worth. This is what he is willing to give to you. Either accept it for what it is, or move on. likely you'll deal with it for a few more months, then you get over your 'infactuation' and then you will move on. i say the sooner the better, because your self-esteem is at stake....
Click to expand...
Well stated Mizani Mrs. ITA:yep:
 
I am really wanting to understand based on your comment here.

I hate being young. he is my everything at this point in my life and it will be hard letting him go...i feel like crying thinking about it


Are you under 25 years of age?

I will give you this advice never ever make ANYONE your EVERYTHING. Love them and support them with all your being but never ever ever make them your EVERYTHING.

It is not healthy for them or you.
 
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