apemay1969
Well-Known Member
Not sure what I need from the forum but I do know that I'm becoming indifferent to this man. Maybe I need similar experiences with a plan to leave instead of an impulsive quick move-out. I have a six month plan before separating my husband. He doesn't know this and he won't until he comes home and I'm gone. I will blog about this once I leave. Not the private parts but the idea of a safety plan for leaving a relationship.
Major things about him that I can't get over or deal with:
Sometimes not, which is even scarier because I don't want to chicken out at the last minute over some nookie.
How I'm feeling:
Major things about him that I can't get over or deal with:
- Told me he had an affair with a 21 year old with serious issues - he's 40. So am I.
- Eventually claimed he was lying about the affair because I was hounding him about his suspicious email to her stating that 'he's sorry he put her in an awkward position when he tried to give her a ride to work and her boyfriend saw him. Although he'd like to put her in any position."
- Talked with the girl he was 'lying about' to tell her that I hounded him and she laughed hysterically when I asked her to be honest with me about it after he reneged his confession.
- Dumb as hell because he doesn't realize that I have keystroke tracker on my computer which he's using to communicate with her and that's how I saw the email in the first place. I bought it to check on my adult son's activity on my computer. Caught my hubby instead.
- I'm becoming frighteningly indifferent to him,
- I love my home.
- I've stopped contributing to the household bills.
- He's getting a settlement and I want some before I go. I know that I could get half in a divorce settlement but it would be gone by then. We have a joint account so I'll just shop a lot.
- I'm not in any danger from him. I'm 98 percent sure. I'm watching my back and so is my brother for the other 2 percent.
- I have support from friends and family.
- Opened credit cards in maiden name which my mother keeps because they are mailed to her home.
- Started a new savings account in maiden name where I've saved security, first months and last months rent. Same deal on the address.
- Let my mother and brother know in case he gets weirded out when I do leave. Even though there's been no indication that he would hurt me and I've known him for a long time even before we were married, you never know what a dude will do when you leave. They schiz on you sometimes.
- Research and locate affordable housing near my parent's so that my daughter can stay in her great school and I can use them as a support system. I don't want my daughter and I to suffer because he's a butt head.
Sometimes not, which is even scarier because I don't want to chicken out at the last minute over some nookie.How I'm feeling:
- I'm beginning to feel silly about the financial and emotional games that I'm playing. I'm having a hard time not just snapping out on him whenever he opens his mouth.
- I pray every day for strength because I don't want to live with family or friends. I also pray for somebody to give me a car, a furnished apartment and a legal way out of our lease. Still waiting.
- I feel evil and pitiful.
- I also feel like I'm in denial.
- I'm ashamed because I'm getting older and my body will never be 20 years younger no matter how much I work out.
- I'm sad because I thought that he was my friend and he betrayed me. I miss my friend.
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Not only him but my stepdaughter as well. My computer was coming up with a lot of problems so I stopped them from using it unless it was for job and school purposes. I found out that my stepdaughter was on facebook most of the time and my son, well, nevermind. I've since uninstalled the trial version because I just didn't want to find out anything else about anyone else's business. Plus i want to remain calm enough and I found something else out about my husband, I might smother him in his sleep.
