Single women: do you ever feel so lonely that it hurts?

[MzLady78]

Yep.....

And that's all I have to say about that.

 

[nappystorm]

Well I just started about 3 weeks ago. I went on a horrible date. I went to a concert on campus. I got my hair done. I went to my co worker's baby's bday party. I went to an event at church and played bingo. I redid my bathroom. One Sat I went to test drive cars I know I don't have a shot in hell of affording. I took myself to dinner. This weekend I will I going to a pole dance class and going to homecoming.

Most of these things I did alone. I'm incredibly quiet so I haven't made new friends but at least I am enjoying doing things I want to do. And it takes the edge of your impulse to call, take calls and email.

 

[nappystorm]

I've met plenty of new guys but I keep myself so busy that I don't get caught up in that desperate on the rebound cycle we go through after a break up.

 

[PoeticJustice]

I have nothing else to add from all the great suggestions from the ladies. But one thing my mom told me once, you may get lonely but you're never alone. I never understood that until I went through a rough separation and divorce. I learned to love me and accept me and my own all over again. I slowly but surely started loving my own company, getting out and picking up a hobby. I adopted that time to work on me.

It's usually then, you find yourself more susceptible to a new friendship that could blossom into something you've been wanting and desiring. I wish you peace and joy.

 

[MD_Lady]

.....I feel this way sometimes. Especially when its getting near that time of the month. I've been single for 2-3 years now, my ex has moved on, most of my friends are in relationships now, and i'm just feeling so lonely that it almost hurts sometimes . Does anyone else feel like this sometimes?

Girl, let me give you a first off. I may be happily married now, but I will NEVER forget some of the pain and loneliness I felt as a single woman. Now don't get me wrong, it's not like everyday was a bad day and I do know that there are plenty of single ladies who are absolutely loving life , but it's perfectly okay for you to feel the way you do. Whoever said "and this too shall pass" in their comment is ABSOLUTELY right! I'm all about acknowledging your feelings, but make sure you grab happiness wherever you can. Don't ever let your negative feelings drag you down so much that you don't enjoy the wonderful things all around you because, as quiet as it's kept, there is power and strength in being fulfilled in your "you time" because, when you meet "him", you'll know it's because you want him (not need him) to be part of your life.

 

[prettypuff1]

i am here right now.....

I dont have any advice that i can give you, since i am hurting right with you.

 

[dreysonsmommy2011]

I am so there right now. I moved out of state (away from family and friends) with my ex. We had our whole future planned...We recently broke up and now I am trying to start over in a place where I know noone other than my co-workers. But I live by the motto" If I never stop trying then how can I fail?" So I am trying to go-out more, do more things for myself, to heal. I'm just grateful enough that I had the strength to leave. I am finding my way to happiness...trying to keep lonliness from getting in the way

 

[BlueNile]

.....I feel this way sometimes. Especially when its getting near that time of the month. I've been single for 2-3 years now, my ex has moved on, most of my friends are in relationships now, and i'm just feeling so lonely that it almost hurts sometimes . Does anyone else feel like this sometimes?

I remember that feeling. One day, when you least expect it....

 

[FtrDrO]

Wow....i'm so sorry to hear this. I can't even imagine. But i'm glad you are staying positive about it!!!

Group hug for everyone struggling with this. We will all get through this time in our lives!!

I am so there right now. I moved out of state (away from family and friends) with my ex. We had our whole future planned...We recently broke up and now I am trying to start over in a place where I know noone other than my co-workers. But I live by the motto" If I never stop trying then how can I fail?" So I am trying to go-out more, do more things for myself, to heal. I'm just grateful enough that I had the strength to leave. I am finding my way to happiness...trying to keep lonliness from getting in the way

 

[FtrDrO]

I remember that feeling. One day, when you least expect it....

Funny that you should say this. I always tell my friends that men fall from the sky, whenever you least expect it. Funny, everyone I told this to, literally had their men pop out of no where not too long after our conversation. lol. I'll be waiting for mine to make his surprise appearance
In the mean time, i'll do what everyone says and find some time to enjoy being me!

 

[Theo]

See, I think that's part of the problem. I'm currently in med school and it takes so much of my time, that I barely get to go out and meet people. I think it's this very reason why I feel more alone, wondering how I'm going to meet people (because they certainly aren't in my school)....i guess I need to get out and find some moments to do something. Otherwise, I'm scared that I'll be married to my books by the end of this whole thing.

I understand how you feel. As a fellow med student, I feel married to my books right now lol. However, I think getting to know other people should a be a priority. Is your med school located on a larger campus? Maybe you could find some other grad students to hang out with/ date. As for me, the loneliness comes and goes. I am blessed in that my roommate is my classmate who is also a single Christian woman so we hang out a lot, but even she has a budding relationship going with another classmate, so sometimes I feel a little left out the loop.

I definitely try to make time to go out and do things. I went to a gospel concert last night which was a lot of fun. Didn't meet anybody, but it was still fun. I've also been trying to branch out of my comfort zone (i.e., hang with the white folks more lol), so I'm planning on following some classmates on an overnight camping trip they're planning . We'll see how that goes. Other wknds I've spent clubbing.... but that can get expensive and just really costly in terms of time and energy lol. I mean, it can be fun, but I don't know... the return just isn't all that great to me.

I have also been putting more time and effort into looking pretty. Sometimes in the rare instance where there is no studying to be done, and I have no place to go.... I just work on beautifying myself. Nails, hair, makeup, eyebrows... there is always something to I can do.... Nobody to impress now, but when I do, I'm gonna be looking FIERCE. I'm getting into exercise as well.... I'm surprised nobody mentioned it, the gym is full of healthy men, getting all sweaty and sexy. Its always fun to have something nice to look at while you're bettering yourself.

The amount of time that I have to sit and mope is limited... if I don't have any studying to do, then I could always be volunteering, reading my Bible or reading for leisure, exercising, catching up with friends and family, cleaning, clinical shadowing, finding a new boyfriend....

I definitely think that if you're ready for a relationship, you should actively try to find someone willing to pursue you, because #1, our free time is so limited we better use it wisely, and #2, I'm discovering that this single, sexy and fabulous lifestyle is highly overrated.

Anyways, I don't know how helpful this can be because I'm essentially in the same boat with you, but good luck to the both of us, I guess lol.

 

[cutiebe2]

I feel you

right now I really want someone to cuddle with. There is a boy I am crushing on hard. He is such a good person. He is quiet and not too much in the spotlight. I have known him for a while which is how I know his character. Plus he is not a total hottie (although he is to me ) so its not like I would have to compete with tons of girls. But my insecurity is getting in the way... We talk but he doesn't know I like him...I would have no one to blame but myself for being a punk if I never tell him how I feel

ANYWAY....so yeah. I feel you. I'm lonely. But sometimes I feel I should take time to improve myself..

(((hugs))) to everyone

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

I often find myself feeling lonely, but I have to realize that I really need to work on myself. I need to work on my insecurities, and flaws that I could change such as attitude and mindset. I DO get bored sitting in one Saturdays though just looking dumb. I even went on collegeluv.com to meet a guy.....they're all idiots. I haven't met a single one whose 1st or 2nd sentence doesn't revolve around seeing me naked. Can we say NO! I'm deleting my account ASAP

 

[LivingDoll]

I feel this way and I’m in a relationship.

My SO is sooo bland, it’s boring. He doesn’t talk or communicate much, he’s very quiet. I’m very talkative. I don’t see this relationship going anywhere. I consider myself single.

I know what u mean. The last guy I dated was a nice guy but his personality was just blah...I ended it after a few weeks. I just couldn't do it.

Yes, I feel like that now. I have never had a "serious" relationship and so I was wrapped up it the false cocoon of "you can't miss something that you never had". Well guess what? I woke up one morning not to long ago and had this longing and ache that I had never felt before. For a few days I was wondering and searching and trying to figure out what it was and then it hit me smack in the face. I am lonely. This horrible ache reared it's ugly head around my birthday more than two weeks past and it still has not subsided. I hope this feeling is not a long term one because if it is I am liable to do something really foolish.

That worried me when I read it. (((HUGS))) to you.

i am here right now.....

I dont have any advice that i can give you, since i am hurting right with you.

(((HUGS))) to you.

I am so there right now. I moved out of state (away from family and friends) with my ex. We had our whole future planned...We recently broke up and now I am trying to start over in a place where I know noone other than my co-workers. But I live by the motto" If I never stop trying then how can I fail?" So I am trying to go-out more, do more things for myself, to heal. I'm just grateful enough that I had the strength to leave. I am finding my way to happiness...trying to keep lonliness from getting in the way

(((HUGS))) to you as well...

 

[FtrDrO]

I understand how you feel. As a fellow med student, I feel married to my books right now lol. However, I think getting to know other people should a be a priority. Is your med school located on a larger campus? Maybe you could find some other grad students to hang out with/ date. As for me, the loneliness comes and goes. I am blessed in that my roommate is my classmate who is also a single Christian woman so we hang out a lot, but even she has a budding relationship going with another classmate, so sometimes I feel a little left out the loop.

Its good to know that someone is at least in the same boat as I'm in! No, my campus isn't particularly big. We do have a grad school, but they have most of their classes in the evening, so I rarely run into them But, the loneliness does come and go for me too. Once it hits near that time of the month though, its over. lol

I definitely try to make time to go out and do things. I went to a gospel concert last night which was a lot of fun. Didn't meet anybody, but it was still fun. I've also been trying to branch out of my comfort zone (i.e., hang with the white folks more lol), so I'm planning on following some classmates on an overnight camping trip they're planning . We'll see how that goes. Other wknds I've spent clubbing.... but that can get expensive and just really costly in terms of time and energy lol. I mean, it can be fun, but I don't know... the return just isn't all that great to me.
I think I just need to go out and do things period. I'm always trying to wait to do something with my classmates, but we can't ever stick to a plan and in the end they just fall apart.So, I think I need to just do things on my own. I guess it wouldn't hurt me to make an attempt to hang out with the noncolored folks more. lol. I'm not much of a club person though, just for that very reason you mentioned. Its too much energy just to have men saying "Ay girl" and pulling you just so that they can grind on you.

I have also been putting more time and effort into looking pretty. Sometimes in the rare instance where there is no studying to be done, and I have no place to go.... I just work on beautifying myself. Nails, hair, makeup, eyebrows... there is always something to I can do.... Nobody to impress now, but when I do, I'm gonna be looking FIERCE. I'm getting into exercise as well.... I'm surprised nobody mentioned it, the gym is full of healthy men, getting all sweaty and sexy. Its always fun to have something nice to look at while you're bettering yourself.

I recently decided that I need to keep myself looking more pretty. Usually, I find it pointless to look good going to class, since the people I'm seeing are my classmates, none of whom I'm interested in. However, I realized recently, that there is a chance that I might run into someone worth impressing and it would behove me to not look a hot messSo, I just went shopping and got some more decent looking clothes.

The amount of time that I have to sit and mope is limited... if I don't have any studying to do, then I could always be volunteering, reading my Bible or reading for leisure, exercising, catching up with friends and family, cleaning, clinical shadowing, finding a new boyfriend....

I definitely think that if you're ready for a relationship, you should actively try to find someone willing to pursue you, because #1, our free time is so limited we better use it wisely, and #2, I'm discovering that this single, sexy and fabulous lifestyle is highly overrated.

Agreed!!

Anyways, I don't know how helpful this can be because I'm essentially in the same boat with you, but good luck to the both of us, I guess lol.

Thanks alot Freelove! This was definitely helpful in getting more of an idea of some things to do and having someone to relate to. Good luck to both of us!! What year are you in btw?

 

[LovinLocks]

Word!

I love my dad but he was always too scared to talk about anything or give me guidance.

Woooo honey, tell me 'bout it. I think I recall mine giving me some sage advice . . . "Buy shoes that fit; don't be like those women that go out and sit there with their shoes off". If I weren't trying to be a Christian today, I'd say "wt ___" ; but I ain't sayin' it.

 

[LovinLocks]

ST, those totes are slammin'. Hey, why not fill more of your time and sell some to us??????

 

[MACgirl2k2]

I do. I get depressed and wonder if there is something wrong with me...then I do some retail therapy, get me a pint of butterpeacan hagan daaz and continue with my life...lol.

I did have a crying spell today because my mom sadly confessed that she wants some grandbabies.

 

[FtrDrO]

Aww I know the feeling. (((HUGS))) Don't cry!! You'll find someone. It's things like this that make me sad too. Mom always seems to neglect everything else I'm doing to ask, "have you found someone" or if i'm talking about school, she'll just say "just make sure you find someone and get married and have babies" as if nothing I said matters, since she thinks the med school process is too long. So I do feel your pain.

I do. I get depressed and wonder if there is something wrong with me...then I do some retail therapy, get me a pint of butterpeacan hagan daaz and continue with my life...lol.

I did have a crying spell today because my mom sadly confessed that she wants some grandbabies.

 

[MACgirl2k2]

Oh lord, my mom says the same thing too. She even shows me baby clothes. When I'm going to school in the evening, she calls me to find out what I'm wearing, and to remind me to smile and be confident. "There are good men everywhere, just be outgoing", she always says. I'm like ma, I just want my degree right now.lol. But the sad face always gets me. I just bought two betta fish to keep her busy...lol. She calls them her grands.

Congrats on med school by the way!!!!

 

[new-life]

Yes I've found myself feeling lonely lately...that's why i started talking to my ex recently...It's crazy because I've been without him so long that now that we're talking, I'm not so enamored with him anymore. I've had so much time to myself after the breakup that I started thinking about what I really want in life, and honestly, he's not it. But whuddya know? Now he's putting so much effort into us and he's calling me everyday just to see how my day went, and he's trying to make plans. I feel bad because I feel like I'm leading him on and I know I should stop. I tried to drop hints to him about moving on and letting go, but he acts like he doesn't hear it and starts talking about other things. I don't feel like we'll compliment each other if we were to be married or very serious because I'm sure about my goals in life, and I'm not sure if whatever goals (or non-goals) he has in his will be in alignment with mine. I think we really need to be apart for a good while to mature and figure out where we're headed, and I know I should end this, but I just don't want to be lonely sometimes...ugh...yea, I need to stop.

 

[Mis007]

Yes I've found myself feeling lonely lately...that's why i started talking to my ex recently...It's crazy because I've been without him so long that now that we're talking, I'm not so enamored with him anymore. I've had so much time to myself after the breakup that I started thinking about what I really want in life, and honestly, he's not it. But whuddya know? Now he's putting so much effort into us and he's calling me everyday just to see how my day went, and he's trying to make plans. I feel bad because I feel like I'm leading him on and I know I should stop. I tried to drop hints to him about moving on and letting go, but he acts like he doesn't hear it and starts talking about other things. I don't feel like we'll compliment each other if we were to be married or very serious because I'm sure about my goals in life, and I'm not sure if whatever goals (or non-goals) he has in his will be in alignment with mine. I think we really need to be apart for a good while to mature and figure out where we're headed, and I know I should end this, but I just don't want to be lonely sometimes...ugh...yea, I need to stop.

OMG this reads so familiar, my ex sorry children's father and I are more civil to one another but I know that i do not want to enter into a relationship with him. He is talking about marriage and i am too much water under the bridge I really do not want to go back there. As of late I have spent time getting to know who I am and it has been fun, I have been on dates this has also been fun...But I will say ladies justas we have bouts of loneliness so do men...Finding someone seems to be getter harder for all involved...To feel lonely is natural just don't let it be more than just a phrase that you are going through...I always think of this saying...those who aren't married want in...those who are married want out....nothing happens before its time....​

 

[FtrDrO]

Oh lord, my mom says the same thing too. She even shows me baby clothes. When I'm going to school in the evening, she calls me to find out what I'm wearing, and to remind me to smile and be confident. "There are good men everywhere, just be outgoing", she always says. I'm like ma, I just want my degree right now.lol. But the sad face always gets me. I just bought two betta fish to keep her busy...lol. She calls them her grands.

lol, Exactly how I feel!

Congrats on med school by the way!!!!

Thank you!!

 

[MuseofTroy]

.....I feel this way sometimes. Especially when its getting near that time of the month. I've been single for 2-3 years now, my ex has moved on, most of my friends are in relationships now, and i'm just feeling so lonely that it almost hurts sometimes . Does anyone else feel like this sometimes?

It happens to everyone but you really need to focus on yourself and how to improve your own life. Get involved in the community, travel, and expand your social network. Don't sit at home worrying about having a significant other. You need to be able to have a fullfilling life on your own. I believe that if you focus on the joys in your life instead of what you don't have, everything will fall into place. Besides most of time people find love when they aren't looking.