Do you ever feel bad for your single girlfriends?

[noemi]

Can you help me?

I'll be glad to!

 

[MD_Lady]

I don't, but that's because there's a thin line between "feeling bad" for someone and pitying them... and most people resent that.

As far as your friend goes, she's doing better than a whole lot of folks if she thinks her time is too precious to waste. A lot of women would save themselves a lot of emotional scars and baggage if they weren't constantly in "wait and see" mode. At the same time, if there's always "something" wrong with a guy it might be a good idea for her to take a step back and do an honest assessment of her dating pool. Acknowledging that there are no perfect men is not the same as settling, but most women don't see it that way.

 

[lisatamika]

I don't, but that's because there's a thin line between "feeling bad" for someone and pitying them... and most people resent that.

As far as your friend goes, she's doing better than a whole lot of folks if she thinks her time is too precious to waste. A lot of women would save themselves a lot of emotional scars and baggage if they weren't constantly in "wait and see" mode. At the same time, if there's always "something" wrong with a guy it might be a good idea for her to take a step back and do an honest assessment of her dating pool. Acknowledging that there are no perfect men is not the same as settling, but most women don't see it that way.

ITA with the bolded. There have been a couple that I thought she was being hard on at first glance. I later found out that she was right about them all along.

 

[Bunny77]

I wish it was that easy. We've been friends for so long that she knows just about everybody I know (or at least knows OF them) and, unfortunately, DH doesn't have any friends that I think would be a good match for her.

Yeah, I can understand. I'm still single, but I wish I could hook up some of my girls or my cousins with some dudes that I know. But all the dudes that I know... ick, no.

To answer your question, I feel "bad" for all of us in the same boat, but I remain optimistic that if we work together and help each other out, we will find love.

 

[ThickHair]

I wish it was that easy. We've been friends for so long that she knows just about everybody I know (or at least knows OF them) and, unfortunately, DH doesn't have any friends that I think would be a good match for her.

Why don't you let her decide. You said she is smart, yadda yadda yadda.

 

[lisatamika]

Why don't you let her decide. You said she is smart, yadda yadda yadda.

I would if I thought there would be even a SLIGHT interest.

 

[1Aleeesha]

Not really because I see why most of them are single... I don't know any single lady who has been looking and can't find a man to marry, with whom I see exactly why they can't snag one and keep one.

The ones I know, it's usually THEM... They are the reason why they can't keep a man.

Then they want to give me marital advice...

ETA: These are the few women that I KNOW, that I'm referring to...

 

[BlackMarilyn]

how is she going about meeting the men that she's previously met?

has she ever tried or considered online dating?

 

[lisatamika]

how is she going about meeting the men that she's previously met?

has she ever tried or considered online dating?

She meets them in "normal" ways, just out and about, through a few networking groups she belongs too, clubs/parties, etc. She's done speed dating too.

I have been trying to get her to try online dating. She won't budge.

 

[Bunny77]

She meets them in "normal" ways, just out and about, through a few networking groups she belongs too, clubs/parties, etc. She's done speed dating too.

I have been trying to get her to try online dating. She won't budge.

Sounds like she might need to make a little more effort if she doesn't want to be single. If she doesn't want to do online dating, she should probably choose other types of places to meet people that aren't the typical party/club/networking group thing.

I guess it all depends on how much she wants to do that.

 

[hopeful]

Yeah, I can understand. I'm still single, but I wish I could hook up some of my girls or my cousins with some dudes that I know. But all the dudes that I know... ick, no.

To answer your question, I feel "bad" for all of us in the same boat, but I remain optimistic that if we work together and help each other out, we will find love.

Bunny you know it's hard to fix people up. I personally don't know any available men from 30-50. All of my dh's friends are married which is a good thing. We are on the lookout for our daughter though so that is easier because our friends and dh's associates do have children our kids' ages. Also this day and age it's scary fixing someone up with someone you don't know really really well. What with AIDS and all of the undercover stuff folks do on the internet and whatnot, you don't want to feel responsible for fixing someone up with a monster. Years and years ago I fixed up two different friends with what seemed like educated, nice black guys. In the end both guys dogged my friends out. I gave up after that because I felt so guilty. Everybody is not good at fixing folks up unfortunately.

 

[Bunny77]

Bunny you know it's hard to fix people up. I personally don't know any available men from 30-50. All of my dh's friends are married which is a good thing. We are on the lookout for our daughter though so that is easier because our friends and dh's associates do have children our kids' ages. Also this day and age it's scary fixing someone up with someone you don't know really really well. What with AIDS and all of the undercover stuff folks do on the internet and whatnot, you don't want to feel responsible for fixing someone up with a monster. Years and years ago I fixed up two different friends with what seemed like educated, nice black guys. In the end both guys dogged my friends out. I gave up after that because I felt so guilty. Everybody is not good at fixing folks up unfortunately.

Oh yes, I certainly do understand!

And I really haven't fixed anyone up either, because I don't know many single and DECENT available guys. I'd fix my brother up with someone, but he's still pretty young and all of my female friends are in their 30s, so that wouldn't work too well.

My parents have both tried also, but the dudes they suggested turned out to be rather immature.

Definitely easier said than done!

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

^^^Have you ever introduced her to any of your DH's single friends or any decent single men you might know?

(I know, that's not what you asked, but that was the first thought that entered my mind! I'm a proponent of matchmaking... if the person is open to it!)

I feel bad for my single girlfriends, especially the intelligent and inspiring ones. I'm always on the lookout for a nice guy for them that meets what they are looking for, but on the other hand, my friends don't seem to ever look out for me. They tell me my time will come, and yada yada, but they never go out of their way to introduce me to male friends of etc. I don't expect them to play matchmaker because it's their choice....but.....dang! If you know what I mean...

 

[Gigi-07]

I sure hope none of my "taken" friends feel bad for me. I don't even pity myself, so why should they pity me? I swear, sometimes single life is deemed such a pitiful state for no reason, like hell on earth or something. Single women still live productive, fulfilling lives. Those who are desperate for men need to re access what's important in life (btw getting hitched and popping out kids is not the beginning and end of the life of a woman) We have so much to offer as individuals to the world, let's not get hung up on things like this. Que sera, que sera; one should not dwell on that which on cannot change.

 

[Bunny77]

I sure hope none of my "taken" friends feel bad for me. I don't even pity myself, so why should they pity me? I swear, sometimes single life is deemed such a pitiful state for no reason, like hell on earth or something. Single women still live productive, fulfilling lives. Those who are desperate for men need to re access what's important in life (btw getting hitched and popping out kids is not the beginning and end of the life of a woman) We have so much to offer as individuals to the world, let's not get hung up on things like this. Que sera, que sera; one should not dwell on that which on cannot change.

I assume that the OP meant this only referring to the single women who didn't want to be single anymore... that's the impression I got.

If a person is single and perfectly fine being single, then I absolutely wouldn't feel bad for them at all.

Oh, and I think a person can desire to not be single but not be desperate for a man either.

 

[Theo]

I hope my taken friends don't feel bad for me either. I'm not going to lie, it was difficult being single when I initially broke up with my ex, but I'm having a good time now. I am quite happy actually.