Single women: do you ever feel so lonely that it hurts?

FtrDrO

FtrDrO

New Member
.....I feel this way sometimes. Especially when its getting near that time of the month. I've been single for 2-3 years now, my ex has moved on, most of my friends are in relationships now, and i'm just feeling so lonely that it almost hurts sometimes :sad:. Does anyone else feel like this sometimes?
 
FtrDrO said:
.....I feel this way sometimes. Especially when its getting near that time of the month. I've been single for 2-3 years now, my ex has moved on, most of my friends are in relationships now, and i'm just feeling so lonely that it almost hurts sometimes :sad:. Does anyone else feel like this sometimes?
Click to expand...
:bighug:
I think we all go through times like this. There's nothing wrong with it.
Surround yourself with people who care for you
Do special things for yourself! You are your own best friend
Find a good hobby that makes you happy
I always feel better after church
Join a social group
Meet new people.

HTH!

Also:
I have been single for 5 almost 6 years so I know how you feel.
This weekend I attended the Baltimore meet up and had a BLAST! Treated myself to some new perfume, and the night before, went out with one of my closest friends after Bible study.:grin:
 
:yep: I feel this way. At certain times.

When I see couples in restaurants having a good time...

When I see couples in church together...

When I watch a romantic movie...

When I go to weddings...

I definitely know how you feel. It comes and goes. It makes me feel better to know that it will be my time someday.

ETA: I've been in relationships and felt lonely too. I prefer being truly single and alone. There's nothing like having someone who's there but absent at the same time.
 
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daephae said:
:yep: I feel this way. At certain times.

When I see couples in restaurants having a good time...

When I see couples in church together...

When I watch a romanctic movie...

When I go to weddings...

I definitely know how you feel. It comes and goes. It makes me feel better to know that it will be my time someday.
Click to expand...

I was just telling my mom about this during Sunday dinner.
They are friends with this one couple and they make me believe that true love exists.

The wife must have been going through something and went up to the front for prayer at the end of service. She fell out. He RACED up to her and just held her on the floor and was crying and and wiping her face and hair....:cry2: I was DONE!
I felt really lonely at that moment, but in my mind I was like "see, real love can happen"
Yall gonna have me crying again.
 
I feel like that sometimes, but this is when I force myself to flip the script and remember why your ex is your ex.

There have been times when I've felt lonely but it never lasts long. And it's not because I date alot or because have alot of things happening in my life. You can date dozens of people and still feel lonely. Yet when I think of why I am single and ultimately alone at this moment, its really because the dude that I was with just wasn't acting right. (Not saying that is is you but...) He wasn't treating me the way that I know I am supposed to be treated. Because of that I'll remind myself of what heartache feels like. I'll try to remember when I felt insecure - not because of how I am, but because of how he made me feel. The things that I put up with, trying to be understanding and supportive. Humph.

When I think of those feelings I had in my last relationship, suddenly being alone doesn't seem so bad. I'll take lonely ANY DAY over heartacke.
 
crlsweetie912 said:
I was just telling my mom about this during Sunday dinner.
They are friends with this one couple and they make me believe that true love exists.

The wife must have been going through something and went up to the front for prayer at the end of service. She fell out. He RACED up to her and just held her on the floor and was crying and and wiping her face and hair....:cry2: I was DONE!
I felt really lonely at that moment, but in my mind I was like "see, real love can happen"
Yall gonna have me crying again.
Click to expand...

I know what you mean. There is a young couple at my church...they are so beautiful together. They pray together and he consoles and holds her when she needs to be held. It's so beautiful to see. It doesn't help that I'm all up in there sitting with my mama every Sunday...:nono:
 
daephae said:
I know what you mean. There is a young couple at my church...they are so beautiful together. They pray together and he consoles and holds her when she needs to be held. It's so beautiful to see. It doesn't help that I'm all up in there sitting with my mama every Sunday...:nono:
Click to expand...
*sigh*
I feel your plight!:lachen:
 
Browndilocks said:
I feel like that sometimes, but this is when I force myself to flip the script and remember why your ex is your ex.

There have been times when I've felt lonely but it never lasts long. And it's not because I date alot or because have alot of things happening in my life. You can date dozens of people and still feel lonely. Yet when I think of why I am single and ultimately alone at this moment, its really because the dude that I was with just wasn't acting right. (Not saying that is is you but...) He wasn't treating me the way that I know I am supposed to be treated. Because of that I'll remind myself of what heartache feels like. I'll try to remember when I felt insecure - not because of how I am, but because of how he made me feel. The things that I put up with, trying to be understanding and supportive. Humph.

When I think of those feelings I had in my last relationship, suddenly being alone doesn't seem so bad. I'll take lonely ANY DAY over heartacke.
Click to expand...

I wholeheartedly agree with your post...being lonely is a fleeting emotion for me too...it hurts for a moment and I keep it moving. Like you, I'm alone by choice and it feels good to know that I deserve much better that what I've gotten in the past.
 
As a newly married person I would still like to reply because it hasn't been long for me.

Yes, I used to feel that way. I had to cut off a relationship with a sweet man (married, seperated for ions) because it was either him or my relationship with Jehovah God. I have never, ever, IN MY LIFE; felt such pain. I felt as if my heart, my arms, my hair, my eyes, my limbs had been ripped apart from my body while awake. I used to call him every day at 1:00 a.m. while he was driving home from work, right. Well, long after the break I would automatically wake up at 1 in the morning, even though I did not want to; and, even though I would make myself stay up as late as possible to try and stay asleep from exhaustion (physical and mental) to no avail. So, YES, I qualify, I raise my hand for knowing what you are going through.

My solution . . .

I dove right into the middle of my congregation, shored up my personal relationship with Jehovah God. Surrounded myself with like-minded people; those who are spiritually running, striving for the same goal as I (1 Corinthians 15:33, ain't no joke).

I commenced to reading. Here are some of the publications that I read (so glad Amazon keeps records):

Healing for Damaged Emotions (Personal Growth Bookshelf)

NIV Womens Devotional Bible [Hardcover] by Zondervan,

He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys (Hardcover) highly recommended

In addition to reading the Bible, I read every book I could get my hands on authored by Michelle McKinney

How to Be Blessed and Highly Favored [Paperback] by Hammond, Michelle Mckinney

Why Do I Say "Yes" When I Need to Say "No"?: Escaping the Trap of Temptation... by Michelle Mc

What to Do Until Love Finds You: The Bestselling Guide to Preparing Yourself... by Michelle Mc. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS FOR WHERE YOU ARE, SERIOUSLY!!!!

If Singleness Is a Gift, What's the Return Policy? by Michelle Mc

Sassy, Single, and Satisfied: Secrets to Loving the Life You're Living...[Paperback]
By: Michelle McKinney Hammond (Author)

And;

How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved [Paperback] by Brown...[Paperback]
By: Sandra L. Brown EVERY WOMEN SHOULD PURCHASE THIS BOOK. When it was recommended to me by a girlfriend I purchased one for each of my daughters. That would be FOUR, count 'em 4 copies!!!!! HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

This list is not exhaustive. Once you start on these you will see others in their appendixes.

Don't know if you're a Christian or not; however, if you are, you are in a fight for your life. Yet, you can come off victoriously if you do NOT give up. Do not do things to corrode your self respect. No doubt, I'll bet you were intimate with your ex (rhetorical ?, am I correct?) Had you not been you wouldn't be feeling like you do. I did not overstand that until I read and meditated, and cried, and meditated, and begged for Jehovah's mercy and forgiveness. Girl, I could go on and on, can't you tell.

If you need to talk, I'm but an e-mail away from a phone number.

Hugzz,

LL
 
LovinLocks said:
As a newly married person I would still like to reply because it hasn't been long for me.

Yes, I used to feel that way. I had to cut off a relationship with a sweet man (married, seperated for ions) because it was either him or my relationship with Jehovah God. I have never, ever, IN MY LIFE; felt such pain. I felt as if my heart, my arms, my hair, my eyes, my limbs had been ripped apart from my body while awake. I used to call him every day at 1:00 a.m. while he was driving home from work, right. Well, long after the break I would automatically wake up at 1 in the morning, even though I did not want to; and, even though I would make myself stay up as late as possible to try and stay asleep from exhaustion (physical and mental) to no avail. So, YES, I qualify, I raise my hand for knowing what you are going through.

My solution . . .

I dove right into the middle of my congregation, shored up my personal relationship with Jehovah God. Surrounded myself with like-minded people; those who are spiritually running, striving for the same goal as I (1 Corinthians 15:33, ain't no joke).

I commenced to reading. Here are some of the publications that I read (so glad Amazon keeps records):

Healing for Damaged Emotions (Personal Growth Bookshelf)

NIV Womens Devotional Bible [Hardcover] by Zondervan,

He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys (Hardcover) highly recommended

In addition to reading the Bible, I read every book I could get my hands on authored by Michelle McKinney

How to Be Blessed and Highly Favored [Paperback] by Hammond, Michelle Mckinney

Why Do I Say "Yes" When I Need to Say "No"?: Escaping the Trap of Temptation... by Michelle Mc

What to Do Until Love Finds You: The Bestselling Guide to Preparing Yourself... by Michelle Mc. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS FOR WHERE YOU ARE, SERIOUSLY!!!!

If Singleness Is a Gift, What's the Return Policy? by Michelle Mc

Sassy, Single, and Satisfied: Secrets to Loving the Life You're Living...[Paperback]
By: Michelle McKinney Hammond (Author)

And;

How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before You Get Involved [Paperback] by Brown...[Paperback]
By: Sandra L. Brown EVERY WOMEN SHOULD PURCHASE THIS BOOK. When it was recommended to me by a girlfriend I purchased one for each of my daughters. That would be FOUR, count 'em 4 copies!!!!! HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.

This list is not exhaustive. Once you start on these you will see others in their appendixes.

Don't know if you're a Christian or not; however, if you are, you are in a fight for your life. Yet, you can come off victoriously if you do NOT give up. Do not do things to corrode your self respect. No doubt, I'll bet you were intimate with your ex (rhetorical ?, am I correct?) Had you not been you wouldn't be feeling like you do. I did not overstand that until I read and meditated, and cried, and meditated, and begged for Jehovah's mercy and forgiveness. Girl, I could go on and on, can't you tell.

If you need to talk, I'm but an e-mail away from a phone number.

Hugzz,

LL
Click to expand...

Thank you sooo much LL!! I'm definitely going to check out those books that you recommended. And yes, you're right. I was intimate with my ex...he was my first everything and we were together for 4.5 years.:sad: So, you're probably right about that having an effect.

daephae said:
:yep: I feel this way. At certain times.

When I see couples in restaurants having a good time...

When I see couples in church together...

When I watch a romantic movie...

When I go to weddings...

I definitely know how you feel. It comes and goes. It makes me feel better to know that it will be my time someday.

ETA: I've been in relationships and felt lonely too. I prefer being truly single and alone. There's nothing like having someone who's there but absent at the same time.
Click to expand...

This is how I feel when I see all of these situations. I usually smile because I'm such a sucker for love. Its such a beautiful thing and I just admire those who are in such loving relationships. Its just that sometimes those feelings kick in and I just want to be there too.

Browndilocks said:
I feel like that sometimes, but this is when I force myself to flip the script and remember why your ex is your ex.

There have been times when I've felt lonely but it never lasts long. And it's not because I date alot or because have alot of things happening in my life. You can date dozens of people and still feel lonely. Yet when I think of why I am single and ultimately alone at this moment, its really because the dude that I was with just wasn't acting right. (Not saying that is is you but...) He wasn't treating me the way that I know I am supposed to be treated. Because of that I'll remind myself of what heartache feels like. I'll try to remember when I felt insecure - not because of how I am, but because of how he made me feel. The things that I put up with, trying to be understanding and supportive. Humph.

When I think of those feelings I had in my last relationship, suddenly being alone doesn't seem so bad. I'll take lonely ANY DAY over heartacke.
Click to expand...

My ex and I never really broke up on a bad note, and we were friends up until recently when he tried to lie about having a girlfriend, and then in a punk attempt to push me away since he realized that his attempt to have his cake and eat it too wasn't going to work, he tried to put me down, blame me, and make me feel bad about myself. The things he said still hurts. How quickly he forgot, just like you mentioned, the attempts I made at understanding, putting up with his and his family's stuff, and even after the fact, still being a good friend. :rolleyes: So, you're right, I would take being alone over that stuff anyday.
 
You know what my hair sis; that's what it's all about. I've peeped that I'm old enough to be most of yawll's mamma, if not grandmamma (49 in 14 days), right. That's what we're supposed to do. You know the saying, "It takes a village . . . "? It may be speaking about raising children, but even as adults we are able to look to our elders for advice and guidance. Now, is not the time to sit back, noses in the air talkin' 'bout, "Naw, nope, I don't have a clue what you're going through" [whatever it may be]. But, the day is drawing near and we are getting ready to go through some serious times. We'll need all the love, help, and guidance we can get (and give).

Many of our young ladies do not/did not have the benefit of a loving, ENGAGED father. I finally have an inkling as to why that is so important for a little girl growing up. So, we're kinda limping along, as-it-were, trying to get it right, now. It's okay. Ain't never too late. And, as long as we continue to share the wealth [of knowledge] with one another, we shall survive.

I love yaw'll, as my little Black sistahs. We gon' get through this (this meaning life). And, FtrDrO, by golly you gon' get through this too. My mamma used to say, "And this too shall pass!" Thinking of writing a book with the self-same title - 'cause it certainly shall, it certainly shall!
 
LovinLocks said:
You know what my hair sis; that's what it's all about. I've peeped that I'm old enough to be most of yawll's mamma, if not grandmamma (49 in 14 days), right. That's what we're supposed to do. You know the saying, "It takes a village . . . "? It may be speaking about raising children, but even as adults we are able to look to our elders for advice and guidance. Now, is not the time to sit back, noses in the air talkin' 'bout, "Naw, nope, I don't have a clue what you're going through" [whatever it may be]. But, the day is drawing near and we are getting ready to go through some serious times. We'll need all the love, help, and guidance we can get (and give).

Many of our young ladies do not/did not have the benefit of a loving, ENGAGED father. I finally have an inkling as to why that is so important for a little girl growing up. So, we're kinda limping along, as-it-were, trying to get it right, now. It's okay. Ain't never too late. And, as long as we continue to share the wealth [of knowledge] with one another, we shall survive.

I love yaw'll, as my little Black sistahs. We gon' get through this (this meaning life). And, FtrDrO, by golly you gon' get through this too. My mamma used to say, "And this too shall pass!" Thinking of writing a book with the self-same title - 'cause it certainly shall, it certainly shall!
Click to expand...
:cup: :grouphug: :flowers: :werd:
 
LovinLocks said:
You know what my hair sis; that's what it's all about. I've peeped that I'm old enough to be most of yawll's mamma, if not grandmamma (49 in 14 days), right. That's what we're supposed to do. You know the saying, "It takes a village . . . "? It may be speaking about raising children, but even as adults we are able to look to our elders for advice and guidance. Now, is not the time to sit back, noses in the air talkin' 'bout, "Naw, nope, I don't have a clue what you're going through" [whatever it may be]. But, the day is drawing near and we are getting ready to go through some serious times. We'll need all the love, help, and guidance we can get (and give).

Many of our young ladies do not/did not have the benefit of a loving, ENGAGED father. I finally have an inkling as to why that is so important for a little girl growing up. So, we're kinda limping along, as-it-were, trying to get it right, now. It's okay. Ain't never too late. And, as long as we continue to share the wealth [of knowledge] with one another, we shall survive.

I love yaw'll, as my little Black sistahs. We gon' get through this (this meaning life). And, FtrDrO, by golly you gon' get through this too. My mamma used to say, "And this too shall pass!" Thinking of writing a book with the self-same title - 'cause it certainly shall, it certainly shall!
Click to expand...

:bighug: Thank you so much!!!!
 
LovinLocks said:
You know what my hair sis; that's what it's all about. I've peeped that I'm old enough to be most of yawll's mamma, if not grandmamma (49 in 14 days), right. That's what we're supposed to do. You know the saying, "It takes a village . . . "? It may be speaking about raising children, but even as adults we are able to look to our elders for advice and guidance. Now, is not the time to sit back, noses in the air talkin' 'bout, "Naw, nope, I don't have a clue what you're going through" [whatever it may be]. But, the day is drawing near and we are getting ready to go through some serious times. We'll need all the love, help, and guidance we can get (and give).

Many of our young ladies do not/did not have the benefit of a loving, ENGAGED father. I finally have an inkling as to why that is so important for a little girl growing up. So, we're kinda limping along, as-it-were, trying to get it right, now. It's okay. Ain't never too late. And, as long as we continue to share the wealth [of knowledge] with one another, we shall survive.

I love yaw'll, as my little Black sistahs. We gon' get through this (this meaning life). And, FtrDrO, by golly you gon' get through this too. My mamma used to say, "And this too shall pass!" Thinking of writing a book with the self-same title - 'cause it certainly shall, it certainly shall!
Click to expand...


Word!

I realized that I need some engaged older men in my life to help me even at the age of 33. Thank God for my best friend's uncle, he's given me more sounds guidance than I could ever imagine......I love my dad but he was always too scared to talk about anything or give me guidance.
 
nychaelasymone said:
Word!

I realized that I need some engaged older men in my life to help me even at the age of 33. Thank God for my best friend's uncle, he's given me more sounds guidance than I could ever imagine......I love my dad but he was always too scared to talk about anything or give me guidance.
Click to expand...

I wish I had that.
 
LovinLocks said:
You know what my hair sis; that's what it's all about. I've peeped that I'm old enough to be most of yawll's mamma, if not grandmamma (49 in 14 days), right. That's what we're supposed to do. You know the saying, "It takes a village . . . "? It may be speaking about raising children, but even as adults we are able to look to our elders for advice and guidance. Now, is not the time to sit back, noses in the air talkin' 'bout, "Naw, nope, I don't have a clue what you're going through" [whatever it may be]. But, the day is drawing near and we are getting ready to go through some serious times. We'll need all the love, help, and guidance we can get (and give).

Many of our young ladies do not/did not have the benefit of a loving, ENGAGED father. I finally have an inkling as to why that is so important for a little girl growing up. So, we're kinda limping along, as-it-were, trying to get it right, now. It's okay. Ain't never too late. And, as long as we continue to share the wealth [of knowledge] with one another, we shall survive.

I love yaw'll, as my little Black sistahs. We gon' get through this (this meaning life). And, FtrDrO, by golly you gon' get through this too. My mamma used to say, "And this too shall pass!" Thinking of writing a book with the self-same title - 'cause it certainly shall, it certainly shall!
Click to expand...

Thank you for sharing your experiences and knowlegde. I have the books on my "to read" list. The Michelle McKinney books sound awesome.
 
so called friends that are in relationships don't make it any better, one girl started to act like us single girls were getting the way. it seems she has removed herself from us...good grief. she was very close friends with this one girl, and then just pushed her away. i don't have time to deal with people like that, and if I get with someone, I don't feel that my friends deserve to be treated like that. it can hurt my feelings when people act this way, because how is me being friendly wrong?
 
daephae said:
:yep: I feel this way. At certain times.

When I see couples in restaurants having a good time...

When I see couples in church together...

When I watch a romantic movie...

When I go to weddings...

I definitely know how you feel. It comes and goes. It makes me feel better to know that it will be my time someday.

ETA: I've been in relationships and felt lonely too. I prefer being truly single and alone. There's nothing like having someone who's there but absent at the same time.
Click to expand...


Soooo true. I've been in so-called relationships when the person isn't all the way there. It's better to be alone.
 
I feel this way and I’m in a relationship.

My SO is sooo bland, it’s boring. He doesn’t talk or communicate much, he’s very quiet. I’m very talkative. I don’t see this relationship going anywhere. I consider myself single.
 
Yes maam. I just got the "it's not you its me" speech about a month ago. I've been finding creative ways to fill my time though. Last week I went to a church picnic and played bingo with old ladies. This week I am going to start pole dancing lessons. Next week I am going to visit family.
 
This is when you need to take the focus off yourself.
Do more stuff ... volunteer... workout... get out there and do stuff
you will find Mr. Right there because maybe he's out do-gooding and
being active too. You'll forget you're lonely because you'll be too pre-occupied
doing other things... I think when you start feeling this way, it's the perfect time
to start a new hobby... and then that just makes you a more well rounded person
with more stuff to talk about when you do meet Mr. Right.

When I felt this way, I was in a relationship that sucked but I started practicing for the LSAT and focused on getting into law school... in the end I was accepted to several schools, but that was my goal I didn't go... I just needed something to fill my time.

Maybe try joining a sorority... something I'm thinking of doing.
 
Yes, I feel like that now. I have never had a "serious" relationship and so I was wrapped up it the false cocoon of "you can't miss something that you never had". Well guess what? I woke up one morning not to long ago and had this longing and ache that I had never felt before. For a few days I was wondering and searching and trying to figure out what it was and then it hit me smack in the face. I am lonely. This horrible ache reared it's ugly head around my birthday more than two weeks past and it still has not subsided. I hope this feeling is not a long term one because if it is I am liable to do something really foolish.
 
See, I think that's part of the problem. I'm currently in med school and it takes so much of my time, that I barely get to go out and meet people. I think it's this very reason why I feel more alone, wondering how I'm going to meet people (because they certainly aren't in my school:look:)....i guess I need to get out and find some moments to do something. Otherwise, I'm scared that I'll be married to my books by the end of this whole thing.


SouthernTease said:
This is when you need to take the focus off yourself.
Do more stuff ... volunteer... workout... get out there and do stuff
you will find Mr. Right there because maybe he's out do-gooding and
being active too. You'll forget you're lonely because you'll be too pre-occupied
doing other things... I think when you start feeling this way, it's the perfect time
to start a new hobby... and then that just makes you a more well rounded person
with more stuff to talk about when you do meet Mr. Right.

When I felt this way, I was in a relationship that sucked but I started practicing for the LSAT and focused on getting into law school... in the end I was accepted to several schools, but that was my goal I didn't go... I just needed something to fill my time.

Maybe try joining a sorority... something I'm thinking of doing.
Click to expand...
 
Yeah I'm in graduate school and I have the same problem. I wrapped myself up in that to the point where I hardly know anybody even though I been in Atl for almost 3 years. I just started going to things by myself. I figure that way I can make friends who do the same things I like to do.
 
Sorry about your breakup. I know how those feel; especially the its not you, its me. How has this going out alone thing been working out for you? What kind of things do you do?


nappystorm said:
Yeah I'm in graduate school and I have the same problem. I wrapped myself up in that to the point where I hardly know anybody even though I been in Atl for almost 3 years. I just started going to things by myself. I figure that way I can make friends who do the same things I like to do.
Click to expand...
 
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