*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

I can’t believe I’m going to try to put myself out there again and try dating again. I think deep down I had given up since I couldn’t meet my own condition of lose 150lbs before you can be loved. This may be another failure or could allow me to have a quasi normal adult life.
 
Plushottie said:
I can’t believe I’m going to try to put myself out there again and try dating again. I think deep down I had given up since I couldn’t meet my own condition of lose 150lbs before you can be loved. This may be another failure or could allow me to have a quasi normal adult life.
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Girl, put yourself out there!!! It's a journey and a whole adventure. You don't know who's waiting for you on the other side. We (cause I have this mentality too) need to stop tying love to a special number on the scale. Keep working on yourself because it's what you want in your heart. Don't second guess yourself. You're wonderful right now in this moment. Believe it!
 
ckisland said:
Girl, put yourself out there!!! It's a journey and a whole adventure. You don't know who's waiting for you on the other side. We (cause I have this mentality too) need to stop tying love to a special number on the scale. Keep working on yourself because it's what you want in your heart. Don't second guess yourself. You're wonderful right now in this moment. Believe it!
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I receive this message!! I haven’t been on any apps since last year and reading Sis don’t settle has me like you have done the inner work and you are doing what you can physically. I have been drawn to homemaker content lately and I’m going to put the effort of trying because I deserve.
 
abioni said:
Please put us through your dating boot camp
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truly, the biggest rule they are breaking is: just have fun. they are all so serious and stiff. that’s never helped kindle a spark.

I don’t mean appear fun so men can like you. just go out and meet actual people. have fun doing your hair. have fun picking your clothes and trying new restaurants. have fun flirting with alllll the menz (in a way thats authentic of course). just go out and have a blast so you can have something other than work or kids to talk about. :lachen: :lachen:
 
silverbuttons said:
truly, the biggest rule they are breaking is: just have fun. they are all so serious and stiff. that’s never helped kindle a spark.

I don’t mean appear fun so men can like you. just go out and meet actual people. have fun doing your hair. have fun picking your clothes and trying new restaurants. have fun flirting with alllll the menz (in a way thats authentic of course). just go out and have a blast so you can have something other than work or kids to talk about. :lachen: :lachen:
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It really is a mindset. If you go into it thinking that you are the one doing the interviewing, you don’t have to worry so much about impressing anyone. That takes the pressure off. Then it’s okay if the date blows or you just aren’t that interested. I found that having that type of mindset allows me to have more fun.
 
silverbuttons said:
truly, the biggest rule they are breaking is: just have fun. they are all so serious and stiff. that’s never helped kindle a spark.

I don’t mean appear fun so men can like you. just go out and meet actual people. have fun doing your hair. have fun picking your clothes and trying new restaurants. have fun flirting with alllll the menz (in a way thats authentic of course). just go out and have a blast so you can have something other than work or kids to talk about. :lachen: :lachen:
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I agree but for many esp if they are of the professional focus it’s not something as fluid one is conditioned to be focused. I learned a lot over the yrs in experimenting lol. Some ladies have had the freedom to be light and fun. It’s definitely a mental shift.
 
So I need to vent and hopefully it doesn’t come off egocentric so I moved yesterday hired movers. 3 dudes which initially were all proper until the 3rd one a old dude who started asking me my biz but started off with what seemed pretty on par. Then he wanted to know if I was seeing someone and you should have friends blah. I felt so disgusted and wanted to breathe bleach. Like why would I want you like I get it society deems someone like me as less desirable bc of weight but I be damned because I have done too much for anything less.
I kept dodging conversations when he started trying to be flirty like it’s the audacity to me.
It was a eye opener for an area I’m still not comfortable with and just the grossness of male engagement. I was also a bit concerned because he was in my home with me alone which felt like a security breach.
 
BrownBetty said:
@Plushottie
i know the feeling. I wouldn't take it to heart. Certain, most, men will holla at any woman, from a 10 to a 0. In the past I took offense until I realized it was a numbers game.
I would write a letter of complaint to the moving company about the unprofessional behavior. Who wants to be made uncomfortable in their home?
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I was thinking about doing such but didn’t want to ruffle feathers esp them being Black.
 
ckisland said:
@Plushottie I second what @BrownBetty said. Male humans are audacious. He found you attractive, hence he tried to shoot his shot. Males always want to level up above their attractiveness. Don't take it as a slight because of your weight. It has nothing to do with that.
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I am going to try and keep that in mind. I did report him as it felt so unsafe because your alone with some stranger who is trying to be familiar. Audacity to the high degree.
 
As a very single woman when there is heavy lifting I have to go into boy mood which I hate for a variety of reasons but yesterday after transferring units the fridge was defective the maintenance man went over and beyond even taking my boxes from my move. I didn’t do anything except hold the door since he was a one man show. We chatted as it was a Friday evening and he seemed like a nice person. 7 kids with one on the way and truly seemed like a balanced man. I don’t have much positive experience with men but I pray if I’m to ever date I find one with that level of hard work ethic and respect as he never was cheeky.
 
Can I rant for a sec. These local riff raffs got me in my feelings. The other day a guy I haven’t seen since the beginning of the pandemic came up to me and was doing the whole how-are-you-doing routine. He asked if I had any kids now. I replied with a no. He looked me up and down and said, “oh.” He then went on to another subject and we eventually parted ways.

This is not the first time someone has done this too me this year. It’s official that I have a mom bod yet I’ve never popped out a kid. I really shouldn’t care what these undesirable men potentially think, but I don’t want to be perceived that way.

It reminded me of situations that happened several years back when I was around this weight. Once, I went to the grocery store to simply get milk. The lady at the cash register said that I could use my WIC card on it. I had to explain that I didn’t know what that was and didn’t possess one. She insisted that I knew even though I had never heard of it before. This situation was accompanied by other situations with people thinking I had recently had children.

It’s time for me to get my act together. I have not been fashionable since the weight gain. Shopping is difficult because nothing fits right and I no longer enjoy it. I haven’t wanted to adorn myself with nice clothes because that felt like I was rewarding an ugly body and the bad habits that created it. My closet is still filled to the brim with everything in sizes 4 and smaller that I can’t wear.

Ugh, it pains me to accept that me being obese is not a temporary affliction. It’s still going to take me at least a year to get back to where I was. I’ve done it before and I can do it again. However, I’ve had nearly two years to do something aand I’ve accomplished nothing There is something worse than being fat though. It’s being treated as if I am an impoverish and haggard looking fat mom. Being fashionably fat or posh & plump sounds infinitely better.
 
DVAntDany said:
Can I rant for a sec. These local riff raffs got me in my feelings. The other day a guy I haven’t seen since the beginning of the pandemic came up to me and was doing the whole how-are-you-doing routine. He asked if I had any kids now. I replied with a no. He looked me up and down and said, “oh.” He then went on to another subject and we eventually parted ways.

This is not the first time someone has done this too me this year. It’s official that I have a mom bod yet I’ve never popped out a kid. I really shouldn’t care what these undesirable men potentially think, but I don’t want to be perceived that way.

It reminded me of situations that happened several years back when I was around this weight. Once, I went to the grocery store to simply get milk. The lady at the cash register said that I could use my WIC card on it. I had to explain that I didn’t know what that was and didn’t possess one. She insisted that I knew even though I had never heard of it before. This situation was accompanied by other situations with people thinking I had recently had children.

It’s time for me to get my act together. I have not been fashionable since the weight gain. Shopping is difficult because nothing fits right and I no longer enjoy it. I haven’t wanted to adorn myself with nice clothes because that felt like I was rewarding an ugly body and the bad habits that created it. My closet is still filled to the brim with everything in sizes 4 and smaller that I can’t wear.

Ugh, it pains me to accept that me being obese is not a temporary affliction. It’s still going to take me at least a year to get back to where I was. I’ve done it before and I can do it again. However, I’ve had nearly two years to do something aand I’ve accomplished nothing There is something worse than being fat though. It’s being treated as if I am an impoverish and haggard looking fat mom. Being fashionably fat or posh & plump sounds infinitely better.
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I can really understand this as many gaslight on the interactions of being bigger. This was gut punching to read as I have felt similar yet we are entitled to how we feel. You are driven so you will make things pop.
 
Evolving78 said:
She has no friends…
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She really doesn't.
Her situation made me think of a funny story with an older relative. In her time and social class, it was expected that you would have domestic help, for cooking, etc. At the time of her engagement, she was already a skilled cook, but, she realized that her husband-to-be had a tendency to be a bit cheap when possible. Her fiance had a political career and ran a business, both of which she would have to help with, along with raising whatever children they would have. So she decided to pretend she couldn't cook, so that they would have to have domestic help to do so. They were married 27 years, until his death, and that man went to his grave without ever once tasting his wife's cooking. :lol:
 
Evolving78 said:
She has no friends…
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I bet you she has friends but she is not listening to them. When people are desperately in love, they easily compromise their standards. Often, they think that their situation is different from other people's and come up with every excuse to justify their actions. After a while, you have to be in the if you like it, I love it mode. It's her lesson to learned no matter how much anyone else wants to help her.
 
DVAntDany said:
I bet you she has friends but she is not listening to them. When people are desperately in love, they easily compromise their standards. Often, they think that their situation is different from other people's and come up with every excuse to justify their actions. After a while, you have to be in the if you like it, I love it mode. It's her lesson to learned no matter how much anyone else wants to help her.
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That’s possible too. I’m finding it hard to have that type of mindset lately. It’s one thing to struggle and come to terms with something, it’s another to be totally delusional. I guess I wouldn’t encourage or entertain that behavior or way of thinking. I would be deemed “the hater”. Lol
 
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