*-*Single Ladies Support Thread!!*-*

yaya24 said:
This is 2 hrs long. I'm going to watch it in chunks until I finish it this weekend.

So far so good. Sis is dropping gems.

Click to expand...


So I shared this video with a few girlfriends (different friend groups) who are also single and everyone is fed up..3 different convos with 3 women who don't even know each other.. The dating scene is disheartening.

I tapped out back in August from dating and now I don't know when I am tapping back in lol. In the wintertime, I'm generally not thinking about a man anyway (unless I'm in a relationship).. I'm hibernating and want to be left alone lol.

I'll share a screenshot of one of our girl convos in a little bit. I need to eat some food.
 
So, I had a coffee date this morning with a guy I met online. I wasn't really feeling a connection after he texted some questionable things, but I decided to give it a shot.

He spent half the date telling me how much he wants children so they can take care of him and how he doesn't need to be married first. He insisted on a 50/50 relationship and made it clear that he doesn't like women who expected to be treated like princesses with the man paying for everything. I jokingly told him he was looking for a roommate who would have his children, and he actually agreed, lol.

I need to do a better job at vetting my dates, lol.
 
Meli-Melo said:
So, I had a coffee date this morning with a guy I met online. I wasn't really feeling a connection after he texted some questionable things, but I decided to give it a shot.

He spent half the date telling me how much he wants children so they can take care of him and how he doesn't need to be married first. He insisted on a 50/50 relationship and made it clear that he doesn't like women who expected to be treated like princesses with the man paying for everything. I jokingly told him he was looking for a roommate who would have his children, and he actually agreed, lol.

I need to do a better job at vetting my dates, lol.
Click to expand...

That entire exchange is funny!

I've never been on a coffee date before.
I'm guessing people are starting to be ok with them. I've read online about people who like them.

If asked, I'd have to decline.. I automatically assume that some level of foolishness would be associated with coffee or ice cream dates.

Meeting these strangers I'd need more effort, bc I don't leave the house for strangers to have a beverage unless it involves business/money/networking opportunities... a date? No thank you
 
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@yaya24 I am going to adopt you as a friend if it’s the last thing I do! Your friend is wise and wisdom and reality can feel cold aka cynical.
This will be a wild random thought so I apologize if it’s too deep.

I haven’t looked for a man in a yr after a former friend who was very much in the different dating world told me to get off of apps as it’s not doing anything. The last date I had was Oct 2021 I was def going down then as my depression and weight were at a high. I remember the date was ok he was respectful but I felt after he was open that it must be what I can get being fat. I’m not ugly but weight I don’t care what anyone says gives off this energy that’s not aligned with my desired type.

I have done a lot of the inner work in hopes I would be seen. I felt there must be some veil that’s over me until I get the fat off and do this inner work but after almost a decade of inner work and 70lbs still got another 50ish to go I’m still very invisible. When I have done some readings each time I ask it seems love may not be in this life and it has been hard to accept and it makes me angry at all the work all the sacrifice all the physical risk I have done in hopes I would finally be seen be desired and deserving of the life I have wanted esp after a very brutally abusive start in life much of my youth is gone and once I understood the game I have felt like I’m trying to outrun the sun but nothing seems to work.
I still am processing that I may be one who may look ok as they age but will be one of those who no one wants unless it’s something truly blah or the gross.
My biological father who I have met in person once but had a ok relationship with when I found him at 18 but cut when I had a breakdown in 2017 and started therapy I noticed he was asking weird things and I couldn’t deal knowing I was born of two unstable people and cut him off. He reached out on Christmas then again last Sunday this time saying he wanted to see me. I asked bluntly why and even had a reading done this week to see. Healing can come in many ways and it would be wild if that’s why he is appearing.
When I see men when I’m out I’m grossed out by most so soft and feminine which is repulsive to me as it’s not my opposite. I feel this era of men and women is on purpose and the shift of society.
 
Plushottie said:
@yaya24 I am going to adopt you as a friend if it’s the last thing I do! Your friend is wise and wisdom and reality can feel cold aka cynical.
This will be a wild random thought so I apologize if it’s too deep..
Click to expand...
Awwe yay of course! @ the bolded

Congratulations on the 70 lb weight loss. That's awesome!

I feel a shift too, and understand the frustrations. We all joke & say "some of these ninjas wanna be bad b*ches so bad"..gross lol

All we can do is continue to be greatful for the things that we DO have.. Stay expectant that all good things are your portion and are working for your good. Unfortunately alot of these dating prospects are not "good things" for us at particular seasons.. so it's a blessing when they do not work out.

I let go a long time ago of trying to figure out why these men do/are "xyz".. I gave up many years ago. I just enjoy the experience and pivot if necessary.

My big 4 that keep me optimistic- (while dating life sorts itself out)..

1. Prioritize myself (physically and mentally)
2. Engage and love on the people & things that bring me joy
3. Live a full life
4. De-center these strange men

You are the Love of your life. If healthy romantic love comes (and stays) that is a bonus.

& as far as your Dad- protect your peace my friend. Continue saying no to crappy experiencs, even if it's a blood relative..
PEACE over nonsense.
 
yaya24 said:
:sad:
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View attachment 494285
Click to expand...
I have not
finished listening.
I need to do
it piecemeal coz
it is a lot
and these days
my attention span
when it comes
to relationship talk
is like that of
a fruit fly.

I think I was
almost an hour
in when I decided
to find something
else to do
but the talk
did not make
me feel as
if "women have
to do all the
work". Rather it
said to me "women
should know their
worth and not
let rose-colored
glasses of "new
love" blind them
to the fact
that the person
they are considering
being with is
a waste of their
time." I like the
interview/job analogy.
"Would you hire
someone who does
not seem qualified
for the job now
and for the
long haul and
where you
hope to take
the business?"

We are our
worst enemies with
our nurturing, "benefit
of the doubt"-giving
:moon:-es. Always
lowering our expectations
to accommodate losers
when guys never
do that for us. :rolleyes:

I think we need
to listen without
letting emotion or
any unfinished mourning
for failed relationship
get in the way
and we will see
how much control
we do have.

Incels exist because
women woke up
and stopped settling.
The only way men
will start putting
in the work is
when the "hiring
market is open
only for the qualified".

And I don't mean
guys need to have
all their ducks
in a row, but
if jobs are not
hiring or keeping
unqualified folk,
who bring nothing
to the table
and are not
team players,
why are we?
 
yaya24 said:
Awwe yay of course! @ the bolded

Congratulations on the 70 lb weight loss. That's awesome!

I feel a shift too, and understand the frustrations. We all joke & say "some of these ninjas wanna be bad b*ches so bad"..gross lol

All we can do is continue to be greatful for the things that we DO have.. Stay expectant that all good things are your portion and are working for your good. Unfortunately alot of these dating prospects are not "good things" for us at particular seasons.. so it's a blessing when they do not work out.

I let go a long time ago of trying to figure out why these men do/are "xyz".. I gave up many years ago. I just enjoy the experience and pivot if necessary.

My big 4 that keep me optimistic- (while dating life sorts itself out)..

1. Prioritize myself (physically and mentally)
2. Engage and love on the people & things that bring me joy
3. Live a full life
4. De-center these strange men

You are the Love of your life. If healthy romantic love comes (and stays) that is a bonus.

& as far as your Dad- protect your peace my friend. Continue saying no to crappy experiencs, even if it's a blood relative..
PEACE over nonsense.
Click to expand...
You always have good wisdom. I can’t quite articulate what this shift is and it’s been going for a while. The flip of masculine and feminine even those who advertise as feminine coaches are not.
At this point in my life I have to prep myself that there may not be anyone but me and try to save and do my best to stay agile.
Im grateful for the experiences but if had I known that love in the intimate or even platonic may not be I could have enjoyed self wo pressure of needing to be x size as no one may be coming.
 
Plushottie said:
You always have good wisdom. I can’t quite articulate what this shift is and it’s been going for a while. The flip of masculine and feminine even those who advertise as feminine coaches are not.
Click to expand...

Thank you ♡
I agree with you that there is a shift and lots of weird things happening. I blame social media (lbvs).. & the pandemic.

Any improvements that we do should be for ourselves. Health is very important.
 
yaya24 said:
Thank you ♡
I agree with you that there is a shift and lots of weird things happening. I blame social media (lbvs).. & the pandemic.

Any improvements that we do should be for ourselves. Health is very important.
Click to expand...
I feel this shift has been going for at least 5-6 yrs pre pandemic the pandemic blew it up more. The more I learn about spirituality the more I value clarity. Health is extremely important esp for those who have not been.
 
yaya24 said:
:sad:
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Your friend made some great points. It may distress some but it is wonderful if more and more woman are doing the work, having boundaries and increasing expectations even if men aren't doing the same. That will keep the dusties away and protect our peace.

I do feel bad for those women who desire children and marriage. They have to be OK waiting for the right partner or not having those things (marriage/kids) or having kids using a sperm donor and with no partner (if being a mom is important).

Peace is priceless and that is what I value above everything.
 
Women are the balancers in life and the more women make choices and be discriminate to men the better. The way this shift has gone women have failed prey to lies and the distinct hate for the feminine. Everyone wants to be hyper male quality and cut of the feminine ones to be accepted. If more women embrace being in their expression and don’t feel like just having a man like one of those plush collector items is sufficient the better. Just my thought lol.
 
yaya24 said:
That entire exchange is funny!

I've never been on a coffee date before.
I'm guessing people are starting to be ok with them. I've read online about people who like them.

If asked, I'd have to decline.. I automatically assume that some level of foolishness would be associated with coffee or ice cream dates.

Meeting these strangers I'd need more effort, bc I don't leave the house for strangers to have a beverage unless it involves business/money/networking opportunities... a date? No thank you
Click to expand...
I thought let me try it in case I wanted to leave early which turned out to be a good thing. I'm definitely not doing it again though.
 
I haven't cried in quite a long time. Although tomorrow is Valentine's Day, I thought I would be unconsolably sad. I am not. I feel alright today. I wonder what's so different...

Anyway, I've been listening to Anita Baker's Fairytales today. I wonder if I'm still stuck in bitterness, or if I have reconciled. I still wonder, "What if?" sometimes, or what it would be like. These past two years have been difficult for me. I've lost all my family members, some people who I thought were friends, the last guy I dated. I just feel like I keep getting disappointed by people... oh well...

On another note, I really wish my styling was better. Like if I had the money. I'll see certain women sometimes and wish I were them. Gorgeous, long shiny hair, nice teeth, slim, perfect face. Maybe guys would like me if I looked more like them? Oh well... I don't have the money for that right now, so I guess I'll just deal with it.

I've been going to a lot of ladies event and I've exchanged numbers with a lot of people. I'm going to brunch this weekend. At least I've stopped crying. Maybe I was just lonely?
 
Happy Valentine's Day single ladies!!

Self love and loving on those that are important to us is key this year.
I'm not mindlessly scrolling on sm/ the internet today lol.

I have a couple of work things to knock out before 3pm cst and then I want to watch some of the new season of Love Is Blind on Netflix.

My brother (bless his beautiful soul) just called me and asked me out on a sibling date at the Improv Comedy Club for 7pm tonight. I said yes bc .. yes!

This is my first un-entangled/ single single Valentine's day in a LONG time. I just love LOVE.. and can't wait to laugh and have a good time with my Day 1.

Fun fact- my brother was engaged back in 2021 and his engagement ended 4 months later... same story for me (engaged then ended engagement at 4 months) -- So we are both ex fiancés lol.

He's 40 yrs old, I'm 39.. He'll be 41 this May. If you are into star signs etc, my north node is Taurus his rising is Taurus so I know a lot about myself through him.

Anyway he is handsome, single and in the Dallas area... works in tech (great career /money). No baggage. Eligible bachelor. I guess we will need to play matchmakers for each other lol. Any Dallas ladies in here?? (looks around) lbvs
 
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yaya24 said:
Happy Valentine's Day single ladies!!

Self love and loving on those that are important to us is key this year.

I'm not mindlessly scrolling on sm/ the internet today lol.

I have a couple of work things to knock out before 3pm cst and then I want to watch some of the new season of Love Is Blind on Netflix.

My brother (bless his beautiful soul) just called me and asked me out on a sibling date at the Improv Comedy club for 7pm tonight. I said yes bc .. yes!

Fun fact- my brother was engaged back in 2021 and his engagement ended. -- So we are both ex fiancés lol.

He's 40 yrs old (41 in May) single in the Dallas area, works in tech (great career /money). No baggage. Eligible bachelor. I guess we will need to play matchmakers for each other lol. Any Dallas ladies in here?? (looks around) lol.
Click to expand...
Hey how you doing and how is your bro lol, I’m in the burbs of Dallas.
Oddly I have seen nothing vday minus ulta sending me notices. I won’t go near any store I like because it’s not wise but self love which is something of a journey. I think of bell hooks quote that self love is not easy in isolation. When I read that I had to exit the book because it hit hard. I always believed if you do all the work you will alter reality yet that’s not true for all.
 
Plushottie said:
Hey how you doing and how is your bro lol, I’m in the burbs of Dallas.
Oddly I have seen nothing vday minus ulta sending me notices. I won’t go near any store I like because it’s not wise but self love which is something of a journey. I think of bell hooks quote that self love is not easy in isolation. When I read that I had to exit the book because it hit hard. I always believed if you do all the work you will alter reality yet that’s not true for all.
Click to expand...

You are in the Dallas area?!

We need to link up one of these days! I had no clue.

That can be true "Self-love is not easy in isolation"...
so we have 2 choices: become comfortable in isolation (this will make it easy) or get out of isolation (go outside)! The choice is ours. The cool thing about today's world is that we can "meet" and have community from the comfort of our homes or anywhere in the world. Opportunities are endless.

Interesting - I had a conversation with a friend yesterday online and said "be watchful for men and women that cannot be alone".. I won't expand on the conversation but self love is work. Fearlessness and freedom are byproducts of it (one of many).

I'm cool with both (staying to myself or touching grass).

I absolutely love solitude and being alone in the comfort of my home (because I truly believe that I am magical lol) but I also enjoy getting outside and cultivating/sustaining relationships & community. I plug into those outlets when my body and mind lead me there.
 
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yaya24 said:
You are in the Dallas area?!

We need to link up one of these days! I had no clue.

That can be true "Self-love is not easy in isolation"...
so we have 2 choices: be comfortable in isolation (this will make it easy) or get outside! The choice is ours. The cool thing about today's world is that we can "meet" and have community from the comfort of our homes or anywhere in the world. Opportunities are endless.

Interesting - I had a conversation with a friend yesterday online and said "be watchful for men and women that cannot be alone".. I won't expand on the conversation but self love is work. Fearlessness is a byproduct of it (one of many).

I'm cool with both (staying to myself or touching grass).

I absolutely love solitude and being alone (because I truly believe that I am magical lol) but I also enjoy getting outside and cultivating/sustaining communities. I plug into those communities when my body and mind lead me there.
Click to expand...
Yes ma’am, I so thought you were Houston.

I do agree with the go outside notion. I think in bell hooks view is that people throw around self love this but it’s much deeper than that and takes community which for some can be easy or challenging to get.
I am very comfortable solo it’s almost hard to go out unless I can find things that click. In the past that hasn’t been easy.
 
Plushottie said:
Yes ma’am, I so thought you were Houston.

I do agree with the go outside notion. I think in bell hooks view is that people throw around self love this but it’s much deeper than that and takes community which for some can be easy or challenging to get.
I am very comfortable solo it’s almost hard to go out unless I can find things that click. In the past that hasn’t been easy.
Click to expand...

I'm originally from Houston but I moved here when I was really young with my family.
 
yaya24 said:
:sad:
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I've been saying forever that being a straight woman is a wild concept. You're attracted to a group of people that wish you direct harm and really don't even like you like that. Men don't really "have" to do anything because they know that their presence validates you. They don't have to work on themselves. They don't have to offer anything truly meaningful like companionship or affection. Them showing up is enough. Everything is rigged in their favor.

I really did not understand the effects of sexism and how they played out in the world until

1. I started dating as an adult
2. Started working within the corporate world

I've stopped dating indefinitely because it never gives me a good experience. Or maybe my expectations were just too high in the first place.
 
GraceJones said:
I've been saying forever that being a straight woman is a wild concept. You're attracted to a group of people that wish you direct harm and really don't even like you like that. Men don't really "have" to do anything because they know that their presence validates you. They don't have to work on themselves. They don't have to offer anything truly meaningful like companionship or affection. Them showing up is enough. Everything is rigged in their favor.

I really did not understand the effects of sexism and how they played out in the world until

1. I started dating as an adult
2. Started working within the corporate world

I've stopped dating indefinitely because it never gives me a good experience. Or maybe my expectations were just too high in the first place.
Click to expand...

I understand your frustrations.
I hope dating gets better & more rewarding for you in the future, when you decide to start again.

Blessings.
 
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