I'm trying to learn how to be more content in my single season. I'm currently in ncnw, I occasionally go to young urban league events, I'm going to try and join national coalition of black women, I joined a mentoring group for girls, I work out. I plan on doing the hot chocolate 5k next month , I go to events around my city . I'm in some meet up groups but haven't been consistent with them. I still find myself preoccupied at times with thoughts of being single. I just don't want to sit in the house and dwell anymore Any ideas?
Single ladies..... how do you stay busy?
- Thread starter Kutie85
- Start date
*SkolarStar*
Well-Known Member
I'm busy, but it's not on purpose. A lot of my focus right now is on work because I want to be a better teacher so I can have a smooth year. That takes up about 70% of my time. I'm working on my bedroom because I still looks like I just moved in. That's about 10%. I joined ok cupid about a month ago and I have my 4th date tomorrow. So maybe that's 10%. The last 10% goes to time for myself such as cooking and working on my master plan.
So I'm busy, but it's not a healthy busy because it's so work focused. Does ot keep me from thinking about being single though? Yup.
So I'm busy, but it's not a healthy busy because it's so work focused. Does ot keep me from thinking about being single though? Yup.
Hobbies are good. Do you like to do any crafts. I also agree that working on yourself careerwise, spiritually, physically are all good uses of time. Taking a class at the local community college can be fun. Travelling and planning to travel. What do you like? Start there.
I am actually so busy sometimes I don't think I have time for a relationship. Do what you love to do. Other than my busy job I am taking time to revamp my wardrobe, planning a vacation to France, learning a little French lol, expanding my blog, making some business contacts by expanding and changing around my social media.
C@ssandr@
formerly known as "keyawarren"
This is key. Because when you really love doing something, you think of nothing else. For me, that is my dance classes.
Keshieshimmer
Active Member
I love shopping but my bank account doesn't agree. I need to look into dance classes.
Smiley79
Well-Known Member
Just some ideas that popped to my mind...hth
Organizing/Cleaning/Rearranging- Give your nest a new look, scent and arrangement. Give your eyes something new to see when you come home. Do the same for your closet.
Hobbies/Community Classes- It can either be something that you've never done before and always wanted to learn OR it can be something that you used to love but stopped doing it. There's so much such as sewing, cake decorating, learn a foreign language, instrument, etc.
Reading- Because it involves the mind...your mind will hopefully be consumed in a really good book that you won’t have time to think about less important things. Go to a bookstore or library and look at shelves and shelves of books that may interest you. If you're a believer of God, the Bible is an awesome book to read daily.
Solo Outings- Grabbing a quick bite to eat, a cocktail, shops, movie, anything. I know this is a two-edged sword because it can either make you more depressed or on the bright side, it gets you in touch with your best friend…YOU. I can’t describe the feeling but it’s a great balance to occasionally enjoy some solo time.
Writing- Journals are an awesome way to unload the mind and get in touch with your feelings. When your single , especially when your single not by choice, there’s nothing wrong with feeling in funk once in a while, you’re human, so let it out in a way that allows you to let go and make some progress emotionally. Writing is one of those ways…even blogging is good.
Self-Maintenance- Small things that cater to your personal needs…whether you pay for the service or pamper yourself…do your nails, hair removal, a cut or new color, keep up with your brows, etc. When you look good, it does help to feel a little better.
Working Out- No gym required, go to the park or stay home and use videos or even Instagram for some ideas.
Volunteer or just help a friend in need- Whether it's your time or just giving a listening ear, often times when you lend yourself to others, you have little time to remember that your'e single or broken-hearted.
Stop Being busy- I learned that one from my therapists...Sometimes its okay to stop "staying busy" and just internalize or assess how you're really doing. Are you okay? Are you hurting? Are you disappointed? Are you just having a bad day? Assess it and then you'll know how to deal with it. Sometimes "staying busy" causes us to avoid or not deal with how we really feel. So an occasional moment of doing nothing to "stay busy" can be beneficial. It may involve tears, just laying in bed, just sitting on the porch alone, or praying deeply to God; whatever it involves it can feel very refreshing afterwards. And best of all, overtime, you'll notice that you feel better and you can look back at the progress you've made in accepting your singleness in a more positive and productive light. (I hope this makes sense)
Organizing/Cleaning/Rearranging- Give your nest a new look, scent and arrangement. Give your eyes something new to see when you come home. Do the same for your closet.
Hobbies/Community Classes- It can either be something that you've never done before and always wanted to learn OR it can be something that you used to love but stopped doing it. There's so much such as sewing, cake decorating, learn a foreign language, instrument, etc.
Reading- Because it involves the mind...your mind will hopefully be consumed in a really good book that you won’t have time to think about less important things. Go to a bookstore or library and look at shelves and shelves of books that may interest you. If you're a believer of God, the Bible is an awesome book to read daily.
Solo Outings- Grabbing a quick bite to eat, a cocktail, shops, movie, anything. I know this is a two-edged sword because it can either make you more depressed or on the bright side, it gets you in touch with your best friend…YOU. I can’t describe the feeling but it’s a great balance to occasionally enjoy some solo time.
Writing- Journals are an awesome way to unload the mind and get in touch with your feelings. When your single , especially when your single not by choice, there’s nothing wrong with feeling in funk once in a while, you’re human, so let it out in a way that allows you to let go and make some progress emotionally. Writing is one of those ways…even blogging is good.
Self-Maintenance- Small things that cater to your personal needs…whether you pay for the service or pamper yourself…do your nails, hair removal, a cut or new color, keep up with your brows, etc. When you look good, it does help to feel a little better.
Working Out- No gym required, go to the park or stay home and use videos or even Instagram for some ideas.
Volunteer or just help a friend in need- Whether it's your time or just giving a listening ear, often times when you lend yourself to others, you have little time to remember that your'e single or broken-hearted.
Stop Being busy- I learned that one from my therapists...Sometimes its okay to stop "staying busy" and just internalize or assess how you're really doing. Are you okay? Are you hurting? Are you disappointed? Are you just having a bad day? Assess it and then you'll know how to deal with it. Sometimes "staying busy" causes us to avoid or not deal with how we really feel. So an occasional moment of doing nothing to "stay busy" can be beneficial. It may involve tears, just laying in bed, just sitting on the porch alone, or praying deeply to God; whatever it involves it can feel very refreshing afterwards. And best of all, overtime, you'll notice that you feel better and you can look back at the progress you've made in accepting your singleness in a more positive and productive light. (I hope this makes sense)
Smiley79
Well-Known Member
I'm just like you...and it's how Im feeling today as a matter of fact, I live a busy life regardless, but I infuse activities in my life that keep me satisfied, happy and with little time to dwell on woe is me, BUT, like today, I will have moments where I feel a little funky about being single or feel down wondering if something is wrong with me, etc. What helps me is that I just accept that some days I will have moments like this and i just let it pass and keep it moving. I have way more good days than bad days and that is a tremendous improvement compared to just a year ago.So that's what works for me.
Great thread though Kutie85!
Smiley79
Well-Known Member
Do it!
Taking the African/Belly Dance classes at my local gym was the BEST thing ever!!!! I can't describe enough how it released so much tension and feelings of inadequacy out of me and put a lot of energy, confidence and sensuality back into me. I stuck to it regularly for months and saw results physically and emotionally.
tuffCOOKiE
Well-Known Member
Absolutely awesome response, Smiley79 . 100% agree with you.
What I keep imagine is you're not going to have a lot of time when you get with your boo and it's usually then women try to get their affairs in order.
Maybe you already have some hobbies or interests of which you aren't aware?
I:
Read - like when you're sitting across the table with this guy, what does he have to offer? You should have some topics to bring up besides what they do for work.
Don't like reading? Listen to some podcasts while working out (that's what I do - I'm not implying you need to) I listen to a lot of NPR, DAve Ramsey, Tim Ferris (just some suggestions)
I'll also add cooking. I just found out I love cooking. I don't do it often but I can make 4-5 dishes really well.
What I keep imagine is you're not going to have a lot of time when you get with your boo and it's usually then women try to get their affairs in order.
Maybe you already have some hobbies or interests of which you aren't aware?
I:
Read - like when you're sitting across the table with this guy, what does he have to offer? You should have some topics to bring up besides what they do for work.
Don't like reading? Listen to some podcasts while working out (that's what I do - I'm not implying you need to) I listen to a lot of NPR, DAve Ramsey, Tim Ferris (just some suggestions)
I'll also add cooking. I just found out I love cooking. I don't do it often but I can make 4-5 dishes really well.
Smiley79
Well-Known Member
Thank you tuffCOOKiE!!! 
This thread really cheered me up, lol.
And i agree with you mentioning cooking, that's another good one, and I always invite a few people over and it helps to keep my home warm with the company of guests.
This thread really cheered me up, lol.And i agree with you mentioning cooking, that's another good one, and I always invite a few people over and it helps to keep my home warm with the company of guests.
Holla
Well-Known Member
Workout at the gym or in a park.
Of all the things you could be doing, working out will probably attract the most attention and lead to you increasing your pool of men to choose from IRL. The other stuff is cool too but men are physical creatures; when a woman has an amazing body, there is nothing (read: no one!) else that can compare. Even other women turn heads for a woman with a great figure. It's magnetic.
I emphasize that only because you are single and dating came up.
Of all the things you could be doing, working out will probably attract the most attention and lead to you increasing your pool of men to choose from IRL. The other stuff is cool too but men are physical creatures; when a woman has an amazing body, there is nothing (read: no one!) else that can compare. Even other women turn heads for a woman with a great figure. It's magnetic.
I emphasize that only because you are single and dating came up.
Smiley79
Well-Known Member
Kutie85 I should have asked this first but it seems like you already have several things that keep you busy and having a good time, but even with an active life, the feelings of loneliness still creep in from time to time; so are you looking for more ideas of things to do to stay busy or are you looking for ideas on how to deal with the singleness blues when it kicks in from time to time?
I do think I have enough activities. I have a masters not planning on going back to school anytime soon. I do plan on studying for a test for another work related license. I am pretty busy with my students so that takes up the majority of my time during the school year. I travel when I'm off every summer. I recently found some cooking classes I liked at at sur la table and I do work out throughout the week. Probably just have some bouts of loneliness.
Duchesse
Well-Known Member
Not single, but live several hours away from my bf. I just recently signed up for a French class and I'm going to take a bikram yoga class. Also, luckily I have a few close girlfriends that I go on dates with to fill in the free time.. So I guess find a hobby or hang with friends.
KimPossibli
Supergirl
I work out. I love like lifting weights and my personal trainer is also like a good friend so its relaxing and cathartic. I'm researching entering a bikini fitness competition
I do yoga. I love it.
I hang out with my existing friend circle. Not that much since I am generally an introvert but if I dwell in my feelings too long they will come get me.
I play in my makeup. I love doing this. This is actually really relaxing for me.
I work on how to refine my blog. I really enjoy working on my blog. It isn't this big career like some but it makes me feel happy to share my experiences.
I read a lot.
I do yoga. I love it.
I hang out with my existing friend circle. Not that much since I am generally an introvert but if I dwell in my feelings too long they will come get me.
I play in my makeup. I love doing this. This is actually really relaxing for me.
I work on how to refine my blog. I really enjoy working on my blog. It isn't this big career like some but it makes me feel happy to share my experiences.
I read a lot.
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