Should you be asking for money and gifts?

[hairenergizer]

This is a topic that have been on my mind for a very long time. As women I think some of us can go in very hard on men. I believe that everything takes time. The question is do you feel that women should ask for money & gifts in the beginning, especially when its only just a sexual or friend thing and nothing else. Not even considered as a couple.
I have a friend who states to me all the time, "did you ask or try him to see if he would give you any money"? Then she'll say, well they don't hesitate to ask you for your arse. Lol This really makes me mad because how can you ask somebody for money right off the top?
So again am I missing something here? Should I be asking for money and other things? Do you operate like this?

Some of you are misunderstanding I think. I agree with some of you to some extinct. However I am not saying I want to commit, because I am not ready to commit to this individual but that doesn't say that you can't have sex with someone. I am saying if I choose to have sex without a commitment then I still feel that it's awkward to be asking for money off the top. For me that's like selling yourself. Now if a man offers to give me something then that's a whole different thing. I'm just not going to be asking for money just because I/we choose to give you sex.
Wanted to see how some of us (women) think on this subject, that's all.

 

[Briabiggles]

Heck no! I would never ask a SO for money....ever! I can provide for myself.

It would be different of we were married but I still can't see myself doing that.

Sent from my iPad mini mini.

 

[Urban]

I would never ask a man for money . Where are they doing that?

I'm not understanding why your friend is making a parallel between asking for money and sex. The way I understand it is that sex is a reciprocal act, as in you're both in it, both enjoying it etc. You shouldn't be doing it just because he asked.

And no man would ever just give you money just because you asked - unless you're married/ in a committed relationship. Otherwise there are usually strings attached . And for your friend it seems like the strings are her sex life. Bad all round.

 

[*CherryPie*]

No. You shouldn't be asking for money...or sleeping with him, if you're not in a committed relationship. But, that's just my opinion. I don't sleep with people that's not committed to me.

Now, if I were in a committed relationship, you can bet your booties I'll be getting something! In relationships, men tend to give me lots of things. But, if I needed something, I would ask.

 

[SandCastles]

I'm married, so I guess I'm too far removed from the dating world to understand. If I really needed help with something, any guy that I'm seeing better OFFER to help me, or he's not the guy I should be dating.

I never just asked for cash, but if he noticed I need my car serviced, he should offer to handle it. That's just an example off of the top of my head. If he's not that kind of guy who offers to help, I wouldn't be dating him. Most men don't just change when you get married. They are who they are all along.

 

[nlamr2013]

No I wouldn't ask. A man should be generous in his giving

 

[Mai Tai]

I have NEVER asked my husband for money or gifts. He has always had it within him to gift different things to me, make sure our house and car is taken care of finanacially and make sure my bank account never goes below a certain number.

Are women really sticking their hands out asking for cash and gifts?

 

[CaraWalker]

if its not a committed relationship your friend shouldnt be asking for anything period. come on son. im gonna need her to get her damn life together.

 

[Layluh]

Otherwise there are usually strings attached . And for your friend it seems like the strings are her sex life. Bad all round.

Yup that tit for tat stuff is so dumb and she's gonna get what she gets because of it.

Your friend sounds immature op.

 

[nlamr2013]

Unless op you are looking for a sugar daddy. That's the only time I've ever heard a woman say she asks her male friend for money

 

[curlicarib]

This is an insult to my soul. I would NEVER ask a man I'm not in a comitted relationship with for money. And by committed, I mean years into the relationship (because you guys already know, I ain't marrying nobody). But the equivilent would be married to - for the marrying kinds out there.

 

[LiftedUp]

I don't think that you should ask for gifts but he should definitely offer some. Especially in the beginning when he's actively vying for your attention.

Secondly, if

its only just a sexual or friend thing and nothing else. Not even considered as a couple.

then you are sex buddies and sex buddies don't give gifts.

Now when I say gift, I don't mean a car or anything but flowers, a pair of earrings, something small.

And I'm stating this from experience.

Money, I know of men who give their girlfriends money or pay for specific things (e.g. car maintenance, groceries etc.). But it just flowed in the relationship. I was never in the position to need any of the above so I cannot speak on that.

 

[DarkJoy]

I never ask. Men who really wanted something as in engagement or deep relationship always offered on their own accord. Some men I've barely hinted and needing somethng and they provided.

Shallow men or broke men never offered even if I was hurting pretty deep.

So asking straight up? No. Hinting and seeing how he'll respond...well...

 

[TayMac]

No I don't ask. Many men are generous and will offer if they see a need or just enjoy giving gifts.. it doesn't have to be lavish.

You don't want to start off with the asking. It sets the tone for things later. Just see what comes naturally to the man.

 

[*CherryPie*]

We must recognize that every relationship is different, just like all people are different. So, there's really no right or wrong way to something like this within a committed relationship.

The problem is, there are too many "rules" floating around. The saying "what works for some, might not work for you" is true in every area in life.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Asking a sex buddy for money seems like prostitution.

If a man is trying to pursue a woman (dating not just sex buddies) they will usually offer cash & gifts. More often than not I hear women talking about their hair & nail money was supplied by their men. It could be lies but it's something I noticed at a nail salon I used often some years ago before they went out of business.

I've never asked a man that I was dating for money or gifts but it did raise a red flag when he didn't offer to help out with things or buy me anything on a gift giving holiday.

 

[LiftedUp]

In some cultures (like mine) you get extra points if you bring her mother a gift (flowers, box of chocolates etc.)

 

[hairenergizer]

No I don't ask. Many men are generous and will offer if they see a need or just enjoy giving gifts.. it doesn't have to be lavish.

You don't want to start off with the asking. It sets the tone for things later. Just see what comes naturally to the man.

You totally get it. Thanks. Im thinking the same way.

 

[Prettymetty]

I would feel uncomfortable asking a man for money. If he chooses to buy gifts on his own that is different.

 

[lux10023]

i was thinking the same thing--like way a minute--homegirl friend sound like she working the block?? errr ummmm


do not take any advice from that friend OP

Asking a sex buddy for money seems like prostitution.

If a man is trying to pursue a woman (dating not just sex buddies) they will usually offer cash & gifts. More often than not I hear women talking about their hair & nail money was supplied by their men. It could be lies but it's something I noticed at a nail salon I used often some years ago before they went out of business.

I've never asked a man that I was dating for money or gifts but it did raise a red flag when he didn't offer to help out with things or buy me anything on a gift giving holiday.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Heck no! I would never ask a SO for money....ever! I can provide for myself.

It would be different of we were married but I still can't see myself doing that.

Sent from my iPad mini mini.

This makes me wonder .... does he know the game would change once you're married? How you start is how you finish, right?

Anyway, is your friend asking for money like just because? Is this gas money for coming over? If she really needs it, for a legit reason, I feel like a man you're screwing should feel somewhat obligated to help. But if she means payment for the sex then ....

 

[CaraWalker]

This makes me wonder .... does he know the game would change once you're married? How you start is how you finish, right?

no. when you date a generous man, you dont have to ask then and you dont have to ask now.

 

[*CherryPie*]

What if he's not generous? She never said he was generous.

no. when you date a generous man, you dont have to ask then and you dont have to ask now.

 

[nlamr2013]

What if he's not generous? She never said he was generous.

So why date him

 

[Crackers Phinn]

In the immortal words of Trina

No panties comin' off
My love is gonna cost
Cuz ain't no way that you gone get up in this for free
~~~~~~~~
You should absolutely be compensated for access to your vagina. What kind of fool sits on a gold mine and gives the bricks away for free?

I don't know how dudes have remixed the game to where women actually believe the playing field is level when it comes to sex, but this nonsense needs to stop.

From the hood dude to the boardroom dude, they will all do as much or as little as you require them to. So aim high and negotiate a happy medium if necessary.

And as far as being called a <insert derogatory name> well, I'll be dat. But what I won't be is walking away with a wet a-- and a dry pocketbook.

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

Uhhh. You shouldnt have to ask. A man that cares about you OR if you're not at the "care about" stage yet, a man that is trying to get to know and want you to be interested in him will offer. Of course you shouldn't depend on a man you aren't committed to to fully support your lifestyle, but men should already come into it knowing that they need to show their ability and willingness

If he puts you in a position to ask, he's probably (and I know I'm generalizing and I'm cool with it ) one of those new school "I'm the prize" dudes that you don't want anyway. And then if a woman is uncouthly asking for stuff from day 1 and putting herself in a position to beg before he can offer then...she may possibly be a bird

So in summary, you should not be asking for money or gifts, no. But you should feel confident in your access to such. Naturally, as time progresses, you may have specific things you need to make him aware of, but the man should lay the groundwork to make you feel comfortable about that. Or else, ew.

 

[Tolle]

Im married now but I have asked guys ive dated for money. I never felt like a prostitute either..

 

[CaraWalker]

In the immortal words of Trina

No panties comin' off
My love is gonna cost
Cuz ain't no way that you gone get up in this for free
~~~~~~~~
You should absolutely be compensated for access to your vagina. What kind of fool sits on a gold mine and gives the bricks away for free?

I don't know how dudes have remixed the game to where women actually believe the playing field is level when it comes to sex, but this nonsense needs to stop.

From the hood dude to the boardroom dude, they will all do as much or as little as you require them to. So aim high and negotiate a happy medium if necessary.

And as far as being called a <insert derogatory name> well, I'll be dat. But what I won't be is walking away with a wet a-- and a dry pocketbook.

nobody said you shouldnt get anything

in fact everyone said the opposite.

you shouldnt have to ASK to be given things. unless your gold mine aint really all that gold...

 

[SelahOco]

Asking a sex buddy for money seems like prostitution.

If a man is trying to pursue a woman (dating not just sex buddies) they will usually offer cash & gifts. More often than not I hear women talking about their hair & nail money was supplied by their men. It could be lies but it's something I noticed at a nail salon I used often some years ago before they went out of business.

I've never asked a man that I was dating for money or gifts but it did raise a red flag when he didn't offer to help out with things or buy me anything on a gift giving holiday.

I couple years ago, this older man came in the nail salon with his SO - they were in their 50s.

He came in with her to help her pick what she wanted and he was looking at the prices saying 'don't you want this foot wrap, you'll like that...give her this too. You want French tip, that looks good on you. Get that.'

And get really seemed to enjoy that dance and he was making it clear to her not to worry about money at.all!

He paid and then sat in the car and waited on her. It was really cute.

I could tell that she can just hint that she wanted something and he was pulling out his billfold.

They didn't seem married, but they may have been.

 

[CaraWalker]

you know,

kind of a tangent, but im just thinking a little more specifically about how you get things if you dont ask for them. and in my experience its literally just mentioning it, and he offers.

for example last night, boy wanted to come over. it was 90 damn degrees. i told him we'd be too hot, and i needed to buy another fan but didnt really feel like getting up. ill stop and pick one up on the way, he says.

a couple of weeks ago my car got towed, and those fees were so not in my budget. i called him to give me a ride to pick it up, explaining what happened. "how much you need?" he says. (i didnt take that money but he knew to offer.)

if i mention im hungry he (any he) should know to bring food without asking.

was once lying in bed with my ex and my sister texted me some sob story about waiting til payday but needing to buy some sneakers for my niece for cheerleading. i explained to him and hes like, "i'll get it." pulled up his amazon and bought them right then.

i mean... theyre just supposed to offer... right? isnt that how it goes? you give them the opportunity in your presence and they just offer. doesnt everybody else have similar experiences?

ive only been in one serious relationship with a man whose ears fell deaf to my "opportunities" that was enough... i dont think ill ever do that again.