She's Mad Because He Didn't Propose...

[Zaynab]

No, my question is how can I know a man well enough in so few dates and little time spent together that I want him to be my husband? I know men can tell who they want to wife in less than 3 months (though I think it's from spending a good amount of time together, not a couple of quick dates). Can the same be said for women?

I think y'all are being too serious about it. We can be a wee bit uptight and too methodical about this. Have clear goals in dating BUT Its not a rigid three month timeline but it wouldn't take more than six -nine months IMO IF you have dating experience and really know what you want. Longer if you don't have experience, in school, younger, etc.The experience from dating multiple men gives you the ability to assess what you want and don't want-lack of options and experience is what stops us from truly finding who we want if that makes sense. You will be able to weed through what you don't like, doesn't seem most compatible, etc.

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

 

[Zaynab]

I didn't mean tell them directly. They can probably tell anyway like you said earlier, ...if you're always busy, facebook comments/twitter mentions; phone constantly blowing up when your on dates with him, lots of guy friends, men constantly hitting on you when you're out with him, the vibe you give off, things you say/don't say. It's pretty easy for a guy to know when he's competing.

I don't think anyone is understanding the question I am asking, so nevermind. Ignore my above posts.

Then turn your phone off . I wouldn't get on the phone during any date. If you're busy one night, that could mean anything. "Oh I am hanging out with some friends". Its ok to not be so available. Men say this all the time. You don't owe anyone to tell them your every move.

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

 

[ThickHair]

Or you can do a Saturday matinee and save the evening for the same guy. It'll save a twist-out.

I love it.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I think y'all are being too serious about it. We can be a wee bit uptight and too methodical about this. Have clear goals in dating BUT Its not a rigid three month timeline but it wouldn't take more than six -nine months IMO IF you have dating experience and really know what you want. Longer if you don't have experience, in school, younger, etc.The experience from dating multiple men gives you the ability to assess what you want and don't want-lack of options and experience is what stops us from truly finding who we want if that makes sense. You will be able to weed through what you don't like, doesn't seem most compatible, etc.

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

Then turn your phone off . I wouldn't get on the phone during any date. If you're busy one night, that could mean anything. "Oh I am hanging out with some friends". Its ok to not be so available. Men say this all the time. You don't owe anyone to tell them your every move.

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

right, folks tryna make this complicated

its simple:

Man #1 calls: my friend's band is playing on friday, wanna go?
You: cool.

Man #2 calls: wanna catch that new movie on friday?
You: sorry, I already have plans.
Him: how's Saturday?
You: cool.

Man #3 calls: wanna go to dinner on friday?
You: my weekend is booked solid, and I'm traveling out of town w/friends next weekend, but I might be able to squeeze you in on friday?
Him: I really want to see you, can we make it sooner? How about lunch on Tuesday?
You: cool.


That's it. Dont report every detail of your life to someone or wrap your time all up in any man that isnt your husband. Plain and simple. Your options are always open and your time & attention are being competed for.
ITS.NOT.THAT.SERIOUS.

 

[Syrah]

right, folks tryna make this complicated

its simple:

Man #1 calls: my friend's band is playing on friday, wanna go?
You: cool.

Man #2 calls: wanna catch that new movie on friday?
You: sorry, I already have plans.
Him: how's Saturday?
You: cool.

Man #3 calls: wanna go to dinner on friday?
You: my weekend is booked solid, and I'm traveling out of town w/friends next weekend, but I might be able to squeeze you in on friday?
Him: I really want to see you, can we make it sooner? How about lunch on Tuesday?
You: cool.

That's it. Dont report every detail of your life to someone or wrap your time all up in any man that isnt your husband. Plain and simple. Your options are always open and your time & attention are being competed for.
ITS.NOT.THAT.SERIOUS.

these chicks are on the let-me-tell-you-every-detail-of-my-life tip. Yea, that mess has to go or you will get your men mixed up.

 

[Syrah]

I think y'all are being too serious about it. We can be a wee bit uptight and too methodical about this. Have clear goals in dating BUT Its not a rigid three month timeline but it wouldn't take more than six -nine months IMO IF you have dating experience and really know what you want. Longer if you don't have experience, in school, younger, etc.The experience from dating multiple men gives you the ability to assess what you want and don't want-lack of options and experience is what stops us from truly finding who we want if that makes sense. You will be able to weed through what you don't like, doesn't seem most compatible, etc.

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

...IF YOU REALLY KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.

 

[Fine 4s]

I'm tired-

 

[snillohsss]

I gotta say...when reading these threads...it makes dating sound so complicated...so many rules. It can make appear that one needs some sort of score card to survive.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I'm an Aspie. Sensory overload. I'm out this thread ya'll. deuces.

 

[LongiLox]

how would I know he is sexing someone? I'm not asking him about sex unless we are sexing. And we arent sexing until its serious, and it isnt serious until we are engaged or almost-engaged. I don't understand this "need" for single people to have sex, sex is used purposefully in my world....

Furthermore, I date respectful men. They dont answer the phone or take certain calls in my presence. This includes work related things (minus my anesthesiologist ex). Again, when you go looking you will find. So unless I go probing or poking around, honestly, there is no way to no if a guy I'm dating is talking to other women. Nor do I really care to be honest so I damn sure am not going to go looking.....My husband is a different story.

You did not answer the question. Regardless of how you might have found out, would you continue to date the guy if he was sleeping with other women?

 

[lushcoils]

That's it. Dont report every detail of your life to someone or wrap your time all up in any man that isnt your husband. Plain and simple. Your options are always open and your time & attention are being competed for.
ITS.NOT.THAT.SERIOUS.

Okay, again, I never said that you have to tell the men all the details of your life. As said before, a man can tell he has to compete from the vibes you give off, actions you take, and how other men react to you as someone posted earlier.

Just to use as an example:
-"DH had laid his plans out that "you're the person I want to marry" in three weeks."
-how long did you date around before your DH proposed?
-"Eight months."

Questions were...how do you know someone well enough that you know you want to marry him/her in 3 weeks-8 months especially while your dating 4-5 other men at the same time? Any suggestions for work/life balance while keeping 4-5 men to date in your roster at the same time?

 

[snillohsss]

Okay, again, I never said that you have to tell the men all the details of your life. As said before, a man can tell he has to compete from the vibes you give off, actions you take, and how other men react to you as someone posted earlier.

Just to use as an example:
-"DH had laid his plans out that "you're the person I want to marry" in three weeks."
-how long did you date around before your DH proposed?
-"Eight months."

Questions were...how do you know someone well enough that you know you want to marry him/her in 3 weeks-8 months especially while your dating 4-5 other men at the same time? Any suggestions for work/life balance while keeping 4-5 men to date in your roster at the same time?

I assume they mean that they (the woman) knows who the "one" is....and the other gentlemen she is dating are just there to fill in time. They aren't serious about them.


I guess it is no different than when you hear men say they know instantly when they meet the woman they want to marry.

I could be wrong because dating mutiple men right up until marriage was never my approach.

 

[barbiesocialite]

You did not answer the question. Regardless of how you might have found out, would you continue to date the guy if he was sleeping with other women?

IDGAF who a man is sleeping with if I'm not sleeping with him. My requirement for sex is engagement or almost-engagement as I said. Monogamy is required for a fiancee and a spouse LIKE I SAID. But yea, what man is voluntarily like "I'm f*ckin all these b*shes in the meantime." I'm not going to ask either bc its irrelevant if we arent sexing. Seriously, IDGAF unless it's my husband (who I'm f*ckin) or my soon to be husband (who I may or may not be f*ckin)

ETA:seriously, this is my final post here. Its been fun folks! PM for any more direct questions or chat. Have a goodnight.

 

[Zaynab]

Okay, again, I never said that you have to tell the men all the details of your life. As said before, a man can tell he has to compete from the vibes you give off, actions you take, and how other men react to you as someone posted earlier.

Just to use as an example:
-"DH had laid his plans out that "you're the person I want to marry" in three weeks."
-how long did you date around before your DH proposed?
-"Eight months."

Questions were...how do you know someone well enough that you know you want to marry him/her in 3 weeks-8 months especially while your dating 4-5 other men at the same time? Any suggestions for work/life balance while keeping 4-5 men to date in your roster at the same time?

Alright. I feel like this being explained. This will be my last post on this subject.

How did I know? : I didn't say I knew he was the one in three weeks, he knew I was but I wanted to pursue the relationship with him because I was into him the most and immediately liked him. As to NOT get sucked into an emotional commitment only, I kept my feelings in check which made me more confident. I dated enough BEFORE this so I knew what I did and did not want.

Dating and time: I was dating 3-4 but I wasn't seeing the others on a regular basis, DH was getting most of my time but I would make time for lunch, brunch, coffee, let's go to bookstore, dinner, concert, etc. I was single and I was working so it wasn't hard to find time to date. I am a very outgoing person so i liked being out, 2-3x a week. The more I got close to dh, the less I actively dated. It was casual enough but I knew these men wanted to date me seriously and I kept them on the hook.

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

 

[LovelyNaps26]

Oh, and no one seems to say it so I will: having sex and getting emotionally and spiritually tied up will keep you with someone a lot longer than you would otherwise. Most women don't separate body from emotions and will be all 'sprung' over some joker. You could have dated him for 3 months and realized he's mr. wrong. no but now you feel hurt 'cause now he knows what all your panties look like and you want to still figure out if he's the 'one' because if he's not you end up on the wrong side of Broken Heart Alley and Butthurt Lane.



regarding multiple dating partners: i understand the logic of what has been said but dating multiple men right up until marriage takes a certain personality type and energy. when i say personality type i mean the ability to be totally objective. I am not that way and I won't change. The quality that makes up for that is I am impatient and literally log the time. When i access progress at certain time points if certain objectives are not reached then I make an executive decision to move on Within 6 months there should be a discussion of marriage, viable cities to live in, goals, # of kids, meeting of parents, etc. Yeah, this may seem fast but I'm grown and if the person is grown they should be ready. I've seen people date for years and in that time other done got engaged, married and started a family. Dating for years for what? *sucks teeth* Dating is about collecting 'data', once you have enough, analyze it and make a decision. If you don't know in 6 months, he is either not the one or you ain't never gonna know. Next! If I'm meet a man in their "not ready" stage of life then they can go be "not ready" with someone else. I can enjoy 3-6 months of company and outings and realize its going nowhere. Doing this for years...

While my approach is different I think its expedient for someone who doesn't have the personality type to casually date multiple people. Plus some women date several men for years simultaneously and that is exactly expedient. Based on my personality type if i were to do that it would indicate that I wasn't marriage minded. B/c I know what I want dating multiple men isn't going to make that any more clear. I can figure it out fairly quickly and once I do you either make the cut or don't...again I'm impatient.

The point is dating someone when you are a grown woman aimlessly for 2+ years is pointless if you are marriage minded. If the plane isn't going to your destination unhook the seat belt and de-board the plane immediately.

 

[FemmeFatale]

Act like a lady, date like a man. The end.

 

[Truth]

two Quotes come to mind after reading some of these essays. My Mom said " it's a pitty poor rat who only got one hole" and My pastor "Ladies, unless you are married you are single, and you may say But pastor, he's my boyfriend, we're in loooove. Is there a ring on ya finger? no? does he plan on putting it on ya finger? no? ..then you're single."

 

[barbiesocialite]

two Quotes come to mind after reading some of these essays. My Mom said " it's a pitty poor rat who only got one hole" and My pastor "Ladies, unless you are married you are single, and you may say But pastor, he's my boyfriend, we're in loooove. Is there a ring on ya finger? no? does he plan on putting it on ya finger? no? ..then you're single."

or my favorite: what do your taxes say? lol

 

[isioma85]

Y'all. She gave me some info last night that makes things a bit clearer.

She thinks she's pregnant. She's taken three tests, two said positive and one said negative. She thinks she's about 10 weeks or so along, but hasn't been to the doctor yet.

The problem is she had been kicking it with this club promoter/car dealership owner here in town pretty recently - and she's not sure if the baby is for her SO or for the other dude

 

[barbiesocialite]

Y'all. She gave me some info last night that makes things a bit clearer.

She thinks she's pregnant. She's taken three tests, two said positive and one said negative. She thinks she's about 10 weeks or so along, but hasn't been to the doctor yet.

The problem is she had been kicking it with this club promoter/car dealership owner here in town pretty recently - and she's not sure if the baby is for her SO or for the other dude

NERVERMIND THE REST OF THE THREAD yall.

She's a heaux.

and a dumb one at that

 

[Truth]

Y'all. She gave me some info last night that makes things a bit clearer.

She thinks she's pregnant. She's taken three tests, two said positive and one said negative. She thinks she's about 10 weeks or so along, but hasn't been to the doctor yet.

The problem is she had been kicking it with this club promoter/car dealership owner here in town pretty recently - and she's not sure if the baby is for her SO or for the other dude

 

[barbiesocialite]

but yea she needs to go with the first dude that proposes or agrees to marry her after she tells them she's pregnant as the daddy. yea I said it. its grimey. watever.

eta: then again, she might be a real dumb one that doesnt know how to pick men. Which is why you only date men you know as fact want to marry you, even if you dont want to marry them initially. She might have picked the wrong ones and never dated marriage-material to begin with...... and that folks, is how babymamas are made.

 

[Lola28]

barbiesocialite I HATE YOU!!!

 

[barbiesocialite]

@barbiesocialite I HATE YOU!!!

This is real life lol

That's what I'd tell her if she were my friend.

This is the only time I feel plotting and scheming with men is perfectly acceptable. bleh. I'm not one of those self-righteous females thats above it all in my opinions. If you get knocked up, you need to figure out how to get married ASAP. And if you don't know who the daddy is, pick one.

 

[Lola28]

barbiesocialite
And you are speaking nothing but the truth! Picking the wrong men and having sex will have you spiritually tied to them(sorry I don't want to get all spitiritual)and that's the truth! And you are even more right in regards to baby mommas being made like that....


But how you goinna tell everyone to basically abandon the thread because she a dumb heaux, I'm hysterically laughing over here!

 

[barbiesocialite]

@barbiesocialite
And you are speaking nothing but the truth! Picking the wrong men and having sex will have you spiritually tied to them(sorry I don't want to get all spitiritual)and that's the truth! And you are even more right in regards to baby mommas being made like that....


But how you goinna tell everyone to basically abandon the thread because she a dumb heaux, I'm hysterically laughing over here!

my bad, I didnt know what else to say

ITA with your post tho. Women have to be mindful of the men they date. Don't date a dude just because you like him and hes fun to hang out with thats silly. I'd never date a man just because I liked him or he had money Only date those that you know would make suitable spouses and want to be husbands, and also you know desire to marry you. My daddy knocked up my mama. He was marriage material tho, thats why he built her a house from the ground up and married her within in 3 years of their follish ****-up babymamas arent so lucky bc they fool around with the wrong men.....


This is sorta useful for the thread tho. Chick in the OP was dating, albeit doing the unrecommended sexing (smh), multiple men. She has multiple options to at least try in case one falls through

 

[isioma85]

I'm still in shock. This chick dun played the game all wrong. She said she wasn't on BC because it made her gain weight. Whew lawd

 

[Tolle]

Uuumm she needs to head straight to the clinic.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I'm still in shock. This chick dun played the game all wrong. She said she wasn't on BC because it made her gain weight. Whew lawd

Although none are in this thread, there are a a few popular/notorious posters that have pulled this shenanigan to get their rang. They're still married too.

 

[Honi]

So what she gonna do now???? So many options...so little time.