She's Mad Because He Didn't Propose...

[PopLife]

Ya, if I went on a planned date with a random dude my SO wouldn't be too happy, nor would I be if he did the reverse to me. My version of backups though is to remain friendly with men I'd may date if I were single or men with a good group of guy friends to choose from. I am pretty happy in my current relationship and like how things are, but I have a timeline and if he doesn't start proposing marriage when I'm about ready I may have to start sending "hey, long time no see" messages...

This is my approach as well.




There is no set way of dating that will guarantee a proposal, marriage or lasting happiness. If that's the case you need to be bottling it up and selling it . We can all get our points across without coming across as condescending/snarky....that's the only problem I have with threads like this.

 

[LaBelleLL]

LMAO that y'all are asking men about this when most of y'all don't even get what dating for marriage is . Keep taking those bones.

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

why are you even saying that? this thread is actually really nice and positive. why be so negative or critical when there is nothing here to critisize?? people here, including me (or only me ) are asking questions in an effort to understand and unpack everything. no one has said anyone is wrong so i don't even understand why you're taking it there. you're harping on the imaginary.

people here just love to put people down when they can. and for no good reason!!

 

[Syrah]

why are you even saying that? this thread is actually really nice and positive. why be so negative or critical when there is nothing here to critisize?? people here, including me (or only me ) are asking questions in an effort to understand and unpack everything. no one has said anyone is wrong so i don't even understand why you're taking it there. you're harping on the imaginary.

people here just love to put people down when they can. and for no good reason!!

She may be responding publicly to questions she's receiving privately.

Zaynab starts dropping (the same) dating advice (she's been spouting for years) and her inbox starts filling up.

 

[LaBelleLL]

She may be responding publicly to questions she's receiving privately.

@Zaynab starts dropping (the same) dating advice (she's been spouting for years) and her inbox starts filling up.

oh.

i guess then! idk why you would bring that to a thread then. but i see what you are saying.

 

[Syrah]

oh.

i guess then! idk why you would bring that to a thread then. but i see what you are saying.

To stop people from asking questions for which they already know the answers...

 

[LaBelleLL]

To stop people from asking questions for which they already know the answers...

...oh
i guess it would be helpful to clarify that (or ignore the people or respond) b/c people like me (or only me ) react negatively to the negativity (& effectively change direction of thread). thanks for clarification! carry on everyone.

 

[Syrah]

...oh
i guess it would be helpful to clarify that b/c people like me (or only me ) react negatively to the negativity

LHCF lesson: unless its specifically directed at you - don't sweat it.

Unless its with FelaShrine, at which point, you'll know she's talking to YOU.

 

[barbiesocialite]

LHCF lesson: unless its specifically directed at you - don't sweat it.

Unless its with @FelaShrine, at which point, you'll know she's talking to YOU.

 

[Zaynab]

why are you even saying that? this thread is actually really nice and positive. why be so negative or critical when there is nothing here to critisize?? people here, including me (or only me ) are asking questions in an effort to understand and unpack everything. no one has said anyone is wrong so i don't even understand why you're taking it there. you're harping on the imaginary.

people here just love to put people down when they can. and for no good reason!!

One thing about me, I will @ you unlike most folks around here. I am generally speaking about my PM box blowing up and I am not gonna answer I am so not negative at all, never, sorry not at you.

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

 

[Zaynab]

She may be responding publicly to questions she's receiving privately.

Zaynab starts dropping (the same) dating advice (she's been spouting for years) and her inbox starts filling up.

There ya go. Yep

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

 

[Zaynab]

oh.

i guess then! idk why you would bring that to a thread then. but i see what you are saying.

Because they can just read it here or the other 1000 threads we've had on this in seven years.

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

 

[Menina Preta]

This is my approach as well.




There is no set way of dating that will guarantee a proposal, marriage or lasting happiness. If that's the case you need to be bottling it up and selling it . We can all get our points across without coming across as condescending/snarky....that's the only problem I have with threads like this.

Ya, I don't take offense to it, because everyone's situation is different. Some ladies on here wanted to be married as soon as they graduated from college, others want to play the field until they find "the one," and some just want a companion they can grow with...common theme is that most want a man who respects them and shares their relationship views. People are sharing their advice about how to get that respect, but always pick and choose what applies to you, bc you only know what works for you.

 

[FemmeFatale]

I love what Syrah said about the fun in having multiple men compete for you. The feeling is GREAT and it keeps them on their toes and it keeps you from doing foolish things. Your stock actually INCREASES.

Options baby, options.

 

[Syrah]

I love what @Syrah said about the fun in having multiple men compete for you. The feeling is GREAT and it keeps them on their toes and it keeps you from doing foolish things. Your stock actually INCREASES.

Options baby, options.

Exactly. Why anyone would argue against dating as though you are the prize is beyond me. Any man worth his salt will except the challenge, or bow out when he determines he either can't keep up or that you aren't the girl.

And the thing is, if he bows out - it doesn't hurt as much (if at all) because the dating was more based on enjoying each other's company and less about emotional warfare.

People engage in a lot of emotional warfare in relationships. Trying to hurt each other. Doing dumb **** to get a reaction. Checking text messages, emails and Facebook accounts. Testing each other. That crap doesn't happen when he's competing to win.

 

[carcajada]

LHCF lesson: unless its specifically directed at you - don't sweat it.

I need that as a siggy.

 

[Fine 4s]

It's very similar to the Why Men Love *****es IMO and there's good advice there!

Def agree with differentiating between wifely duties and girlfriend duties.
I'm already exclusive (fortunately or unfortunately) so I can't go all out but I'd consider this approach tailored to my personality.

There's no way if want to be married now or even next year! I want everything wrapped up in 4 years though; married and one child.
I'm still assessing if he is the one for ME so I can't understand moving that fast. I feel like we met last month!

 

[Zaynab]

Right. I took a different approach than Zaynab but the main point was still the same. I was in school and not interested in dating at all except for marriage. I had two suitors before dh, one of whom came to a group dinner where dh was. Dh knew he was courting me, too, poor thing So the idea of keeping your options open can be applied at any stage.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

Yes. Its the same thing directed dated for marriage with a plan.

I would absolutely use this same method if I divorced. My whole plan would be to be married asap. It wouldn't take long because I would find some backup dudes I know are still out there

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

 

[lushcoils]

How are you ladies determining that the guy is the one/a soulmate so quickly? If you date multiple men at the same time, how many times did you go out on dates with your hubby and how much time did you spend with him before you told him that he needs to propose before you become exclusive? How are you getting to know him in less than 6 months if you are juggling dates with others and life? It seems like you go on 3 dates with a guy for maybe 3 hours each, he complains about you seeing other guys, and then you say well if you want me, propose to me after spending only about 6 hours with him. This example is probably exaggerating a bit but I need more time to figure out if I want to marry someone. I do like the idea of multiple dating though.

 

[Syrah]

How are you ladies determining that the guy is the one/a soulmate so quickly? If you date multiple men at the same time, how many times did you go out on dates with your hubby and how much time did you spend with him before you told him that he needs to propose before you become exclusive? How are you getting to know him in less than 6 months if you are juggling dates with others and life? It seems like you go on 3 dates with a guy for maybe 3 hours each, he complains about you seeing other guys, and then you say well if you want me, propose to me after spending only about 6 hours with him. This example is probably exaggerating a bit but I need more time to figure out if I want to marry someone. I do like the idea of multiple dating though.

Soulmate? Who said soulmate???

 

[Fine 4s]

I think I talk too much.

 

[lushcoils]

Soulmate? Who said soulmate???

Lol, the one, a guy you want to be your husband, whatever term you want to use. Maybe I need to work harder at work/life balance, but in between work, family, friends, me time, and socializing, if I date 4-5 men at a time, I would be only able to see each only once a week. Texting and Skype are options I guess, but I need in person interaction.

Those that date 4-5 men at a time and date most of them several times a month while keeping a work life balance, please offer time management tips!

 

[Fine 4s]

How are you ladies determining that the guy is the one/a soulmate so quickly? If you date multiple men at the same time, how many times did you go out on dates with your hubby and how much time did you spend with him before you told him that he needs to propose before you become exclusive? How are you getting to know him in less than 6 months if you are juggling dates with others and life? It seems like you go on 3 dates with a guy for maybe 3 hours each, he complains about you seeing other guys, and then you say well if you want me, propose to me after spending only about 6 hours with him. This example is probably exaggerating a bit but I need more time to figure out if I want to marry someone. I do like the idea of multiple dating though.

I think the pros will say you don't have to TELL him or even discuss the matter if he's marriage minded to begin with. That coupled with the multiple dating options he will know what time it is. All he needs to know from jump is that you are dating for the purpose of getting married. The rest is on him. In the meanwhile you date others and enjoy until someone steps up with serious plans to marry at X time in the future.

 

[lushcoils]

I think the pros will say you don't have to TELL him or even discuss the matter if he's marriage minded to begin with. That coupled with the multiple dating options he will know what time it is. All he needs to know from jump is that you are dating for the purpose of getting married. The rest is on him. In the meanwhile you date others and enjoy until someone steps up with serious plans to marry at X time in the future.

No, my question is how can I know a man well enough in so few dates and little time spent together that I want him to be my husband? I know men can tell who they want to wife in less than 3 months (though I think it's from spending a good amount of time together, not a couple of quick dates). Can the same be said for women?

 

[barbiesocialite]

How are you ladies determining that the guy is the one/a soulmate so quickly? If you date multiple men at the same time, how many times did you go out on dates with your hubby and how much time did you spend with him before you told him that he needs to propose before you become exclusive? How are you getting to know him in less than 6 months if you are juggling dates with others and life? It seems like you go on 3 dates with a guy for maybe 3 hours each, he complains about you seeing other guys, and then you say well if you want me, propose to me after spending only about 6 hours with him. This example is probably exaggerating a bit but I need more time to figure out if I want to marry someone. I do like the idea of multiple dating though.

1. dating other people is not a broadcast event or announcment. I dont even annoucnce to my mom or friends who Im dating. People know that theres a reason you dont have time for them which is the big hint. I'm pretty chill, laid back and accessible for the most part. Im also an introvert so if im not answering the phone, telling someone to call me back or am out somewhere and its not my w/my cousin or homegirl I do lunch/happy hour with, I'm probably with a man. Im not really a game player. If I send a man (or anyone for that matter) straight to voicemail or reply with a one line text you already know it means I'm "busy" busy = w/a man.

2. being that time/attention = my expression of interest men usually dont have to ask if I'm seeing other men. They know by my actions: Barbie is only busy if she's with a man. So if I'm doing any of the above and a man doesnt like he, he does things he thinks will grab my interest/attention to get me to spend time with him vs other men. This improves the quality of my dates and courtship presents lol #jussayin

3. Ive never been engaged more than a hot second and since I believe in emotional guarding, theres never been a man as of yet that has completely had my undivided attention as of yet. Again, no man has struck me as "the one" where Im making conscious effort to make time specifically for him or making effort to include a man in my life or daily planning. In the meantime, this means men know they are competiting (not always with another man tho, but competition nonetheless).

4. If a man wants to stop competitng or is tired of it like my guy friend. THEY TAKE YOU OFF THE MARKET. or at least they try lol. Which means engagement or steps toward engagement (ring shopping mixed w/you being included in a lot of his future plans). Ive stated this in several threads but when my guy friend is ready to marry and wants to take me off the market which led him finally ask "how many men am I competing with? what do I need to do to make them go away?" the converseation ended (we were on a date) w/him asking about how I like to be taken care of and if I like jewelry. My other friend before him that I was also dating around the same time also wanted to marry and in order to stop comepteting he tried to dissuade me from moving to Texas by offering to pay for schooling and buy me a new car but it was around the idea of us marrying and me being able to be a sahm (this is the fool that bought me the stupida$$ earrings tho to bleh lol--think he did it on purpose lol) eta: for my situation Ive known my current guy friend for 2 years now and the other is a long-term platonic friend who I officially dated for 5-6months before his attempt @ engagement. believe it or not I didnt /dont see either one very often. It averages from monthly to weekly. a couples of multiple times a week situations. I talked to them regularly tho.

 

[Zaynab]

How are you ladies determining that the guy is the one/a soulmate so quickly? If you date multiple men at the same time, how many times did you go out on dates with your hubby and how much time did you spend with him before you told him that he needs to propose before you become exclusive? How are you getting to know him in less than 6 months if you are juggling dates with others and life? It seems like you go on 3 dates with a guy for maybe 3 hours each, he complains about you seeing other guys, and then you say well if you want me, propose to me after spending only about 6 hours with him. This example is probably exaggerating a bit but I need more time to figure out if I want to marry someone. I do like the idea of multiple dating though.

How would he know you were going out with other men? Don't tell him. Men actually like mystery and women who aren't always available.

I think we focus too much of emotions/feelings which hides itself as lust when we should be focusing on practical compatibility. This is what sustains a relationship. You're determining he is the one by compatibility, shared goals, if you could fall in love. You don't lead with love and soulmate. That's how you end up giving too much and sticking in a relationships that's go nowhere because you are emotionally invested.

You would spend most of your time with the man that interested you the most, the one you are more compatible with and the one who most shares your desire to get married. All your options won't be marriage candidates, some are just to refine your dating and communication skills with men, as well as to boost your confidence. If you go out with a troll who tells you how awesome, beautiful and wonderful you are and how much he wants to be with you but you do not feel the same way-his purpose is served in showing you your worth and boosting your confidence. Every date or opportunity to connect is key.

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

 

[bajandoc86]

There is TRUTH being served up in this thread.

 

[Zaynab]

That was also my question.

I stated in another thread that I wanted a ring in 2.5 years and that that was a comfortable timeline for me.

I'm still learning him and I give MYSELF 2 years for data collection. If by then Im still unsure I will expand my options or move on completely.
It all starts with knowing whether you even WANT to be married. I'm not even sure I can be a good wife. Do I have to cook everyday? Can I substitute cooking for sex? lol

Seriously though, there's no way I can say I KNOW him well enough to be the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. SO knows this and would fall flat on his face if he asked now. You know if someone is a person you can possibly marry in a few months BUT now you need to test that. There are things SO and I are still negotiating.

There's getting married and then there's staying married. I want to be really sure that I'm ready and so is he no matter the age.

After a year of dating just him, I would think you would know by now. And I am not being glib. If you don't feel it or feel there are computability issues, don't push that feeling because it could be time wasted and too much emotions invested where it could be 'settling because I put all this work in'. Just evaluate who you are, who he is and its a sustainable longterm relationship for marriage

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

 

[greight]

My only contribution to this thread is if you are going to date multiple guys, please use a spreadsheet or take some kind of notes to take for names or jobs/etc, key facts, etc.

I have the wonderful habit of calling a man the wrong name . Some people have better memories. I don't.

ETA - Also, my dates were sometimes lunch or after work. Weekends are fine as well, but it's easy to date multiples when you don't devote your weekends to them.

Or you can do a Saturday matinee and save the evening for the same guy. It'll save a twist-out.

 

[lushcoils]

How would he know you were going out with other men? Don't tell him. Men actually like mystery and women who aren't always available.

I didn't mean tell them directly. They can probably tell anyway like you said earlier, ...if you're always busy, facebook comments/twitter mentions; phone constantly blowing up when your on dates with him, lots of guy friends, men constantly hitting on you when you're out with him, the vibe you give off, things you say/don't say. It's pretty easy for a guy to know when he's competing.

I don't think anyone is understanding the question I am asking, so nevermind. Ignore my above posts.

 

[snillohsss]

I was wondering why this thread was so long.