She Thinks My Hair Is Short!

[aloof one]

No. I was addressing a specific post where the first thing out of the poster's mouth is "well its not long". That right there is negativity, not an opposing opinion because the OP already stated that she knew her hair was not long. So why let that be the first thing out of your mouth? Like I said, typical drama seeking.

Whether its first or last, its the truth.

I'm not going to coddle people, some like to patronize, I don't. I mean if you know your hair isn't long don't act confused when someone says its short...

 

[healthynhappy]

Whether its first or last, its the truth.

I'm not going to coddle people, some like to patronize, I don't. I mean if you know your hair isn't long don't act confused when someone says its short...

That makes no sense whatsoever. Tomatoe - tomato. That's like saying if you think you are healthy, don't act confused when someone calls you emaciated.

Its not about coddling or patronizing, its about tact.

 

[mnemosyne]

I don't think she meant anything bad by it. It's not like she assumed you couldn't grow your hair, she just wondered why it wasn't longer than it is. Maybe she was just seeing how you liked your hair at that length, you know?

 

[Nola Darling]

Your hair is at a nice healthy medium length. I think you will be a long hair girl soon

 

[Soliel185]

Thanks Kurlee. This is my first time having a discussion about hair with a non black person, so I guess I didn't know what the heck they think long or short is.

At least she assumed you were keeping it short by choice rather than you can't grow it long. When I got my hair cut, most of my co-workers waited a few days to say anything. I think they just assumed I'd taken my weave down or something and didn't want to offend me by asking the wrong way. It may not have even occured to her that black women might have issues growing their hair long. I don't think she meant it to make you feel "bald" she's probably never had shoulder-length or shorter hair was was curious as to why you liked it that length rather than longer.

 

[Caramela]

I don't think she meant anything bad by it. It's not like she assumed you couldn't grow your hair, she just wondered why it wasn't longer than it is. Maybe she was just seeing how you liked your hair at that length, you know?

That's what it seems like to me too.

 

[Lady Esquire]

Its not about coddling or patronizing, its about tact.

SMDH. There is a certain finesse when expressing one's views, even opposing views. Wise people understand the power and respect that comes with tact and diplomacy, while others are so self-righteous, they confuse it with coddling. At a certain point, there is no need to continue talking to such a person, because they are deafened by their own loud and proud babble.

We done hijacked the OP's thread, when all ole girl was tryna do was vent her frustrations.

 

[Kimiche]

I was trying not to bump this thread, but it's being bumped so I'll comment. Thanks for all of your words of encouragement, etc. Yes, I had to vent. Now I'm good thanks to some of your responses, they really helped. I know that people have different opinions about length. I now understand that her definition of short is different from my definition. Didn't mean to really spark any debates.

I'm out....

 

[healthynhappy]

SMDH. There is a certain finesse when expressing one's views, even opposing views. Wise people understand the power and respect that comes with tact and diplomacy, while others are so self-righteous, they confuse it with coddling. At a certain point, there is no need to continue talking to such a person, because they are deafened by their own loud and proud babble.

We done hijacked the OP's thread, when all ole girl was tryna do was vent her frustrations.

Sorry OP. I'm out.

 

[Lady Esquire]

Glad you found some of the responses helpful, OP.

 

[aloof one]

That makes no sense whatsoever. Tomatoe - tomato. That's like saying if you think you are healthy, don't act confused when someone calls you emaciated.

Its not about coddling or patronizing, its about tact.

well if you think having tact = lying to make people feel good, sure.

Sure it makes sense... If you don't have the longest hair on the planet (and you know you don't)... don't expect everyone you come into contact with to be fussing about how long your hair is. Sure some will, but don't let it ruin your day if someone says its short. It is just hair, nothing to be getting upset and crybaby-ish about...

BTW I'm not confused some people would call me emaciated... I know folks just wish they had my abs

 

[FlawedBeauty]

tell 'em why u mad al00fone

Why would Allandra lock the thread? Are you reporting posts where people are being honest? You are just as defensive as the OP. It is silly. If I tell a fat person she is "big" while we're talking abou weight or something, then that is what it is. I'm not going to lie to people to boost their self esteem. I don't expect others to do it to me. The other day in an anthropology lab someone told me I had a wide nose. Some black people are up in arms with that comment because they think its an insult, and I used to be that way because I thought it was one. But now I just laughed and was like, "Yea, don't I?" and we moved on. The person wasn't being cruel, they were just stating a fact. How am I going to be mad at somebody for telling me the truth? Had I taken offense and come home and told somebody how upset I was I would have looked like a fool.

The title of the thread may as well have been, "She stated the obvious!"

Why does the truth hurt so much, especially when it is nothing negative?

 

[fluffylocks]

alf00ne....im sure you know you get into a couple of debates every now and then dont you? Its becasue you sound rude LOL, nothing wrong with that, you are just very blunt (remind me of that poster who made the thread about black people reading in off topic) Your going to be the grandma that just flat out tells people their ugly or fat LOL. You do take it like you dish it i give you that....just wondering if you knew you were on the other extreme of being too nice/coddling.

 

[aloof one]

alf00ne....im sure you know you get into a couple of debates every now and then dont you? Its becasue you sound rude LOL, nothing wrong with that, you are just very blunt (remind me of that poster who made the thread about black people reading in off topic) Your going to be the grandma that just flat out tells people their ugly or fat LOL. You do take it like you dish it i give you that....just wondering if you knew you were on the other extreme of being too nice/coddling.

I'd rather tell the truth and hurt feelings (that shouldn't be hurt by honesty in the first place) than be that girl who lies and makes people believe what isn't necessarily true.

Not exactly directed at fluffylocs: Why is it the only way we can be confident is if other people say what we want to hear? If I look in the mirror and see somebody healthy and pretty thats what I see. Why do I need a stranger or acquaintance to confirm this? And if they don't agree why should I feel bad?


What is so negative about short hair? Am I missing something?

You all are acting like I called her ugly when I said her hair wasn't long, like that Asian girl cursed her or something. Plenty of girls on this board have shorter hair and they are problably just as confused... You keep saying hair is hair but you are still implying that the shorter = the worse off. If you really knew how long your hair was and was really comfortable with it... IT WOULD NOT MATTER WHAT THAT GIRL SAID!

 

[StLucianSweetie]

That's just the point. You don't hold the truth in your hands. Hair length is a relative thing. I agree she should'nt be bummed out by what her Asian friend said, because the Asian chick's truth or view about hair length is different from the OP's, so at the end of the day, who cares?

But your tone and your comments about self-esteem went a little too far, IMO.

And to answer your other post, obviously you're not a docter
As for the OP's hair length, I never said it was long, I merely stated that I didn't think it was short. There is a thing in between called 'medium'.

True dat. But then again many of her comments go too far. And thats telling the 'truth'.

 

[PatTodd]

Your hair is beautiful.

 

[fluffylocks]

I'd rather tell the truth and hurt feelings (that shouldn't be hurt by honesty in the first place) than be that girl who lies and makes people believe what isn't necessarily true.

Not exactly directed at fluffylocs: Why is it the only way we can be confident is if other people say what we want to hear? If I look in the mirror and see somebody healthy and pretty thats what I see. Why do I need a stranger or acquaintance to confirm this? And if they don't agree why should I feel bad?


What is so negative about short hair? Am I missing something?

You all are acting like I called her ugly when I said her hair wasn't long, like that Asian girl cursed her or something. Plenty of girls on this board have shorter hair and they are problably just as confused... You keep saying hair is hair but you are still implying that the shorter = the worse off. If you really knew how long your hair was and was really comfortable with it... IT WOULD NOT MATTER WHAT THAT GIRL SAID!

I dont think anything is wrong with short hair, and dont feel like you said anything extremly rude,---imo i just think you are a really really blunt person and i've seen you get into a couple of little debates/talks so i was just makeing an observation/wondering if you could see that

But anyway, i agree that if your confident about something, then no-ones opinions should matter
But then i guess at the same time if your working toward something, and someone in a position that your not at yet puts you down/sets you back/gives you a reality check without even knowing they did it or not, it can shake you and people just respond differently.

I was posting in that one thread with the acne remark, and actually thought you took it better than most people would have *shrug*, i think you have thicker skin than alot.

I dont have an opinion positve or negative on the way you responsed in the this thread though, was just stating how blunt i thought you are once again.

If a pregnant lady was sad asked you if she looked fat, and she kinda did---ETA--How would you answer her?

 

[sprungonhairboards]

I think it's short.

I'm black.

Carry on.

 

[ladylibra]

If a pregnant lady was sad asked you if she looked fat, and she kinda did---would you tell her yes?

i know you didn't ask me that question... but i'd laugh and say, "get outta here, you're pregnant! there's a person growing inside you! that's different than being fat!"

i typically don't answer questions that are fishing traps though... i weasel my way out of them.

 

[fluffylocks]

i know you didn't ask me that question... but i'd laugh and say, "get outta here, you're pregnant! there's a person growing inside you! that's different than being fat!"

i typically don't answer questions that are fishing traps though... i weasel my way out of them.

I ment to ask Alf00ne "HOW WOULD YOU ANSWER HER"---if she see's this LOL

But i think theres truth and lie, and hurting peoples feelings or making them feel good

And i think you can tell someone the truth while making them feel good (while not having to lie) ...dont think the truth always has to hurt/sound rude or mean

 

[ladylibra]

I ment to ask Alf00ne "HOW WOULD YOU ANSWER HER"---if she see's this LOL

But i think theres truth and lie, and hurting peoples feelings or making them feel good

And i think you can tell someone the truth while making them feel good (while not having to lie) ...dont think the truth always has to hurt/sound rude or mean

ahhhhh ok i see what you're saying...

 

[PinkPeony]

I guess we are supposed to lie...

Lemme go to OT and post a thread saying someone told me my abs were tight and buff and cut up like a knife fight... I mean... they had no right to tell me that, right? Even if it is "relative" who do they think they are calling me swoll? I mean... what if I think that is bad, can they really say that about me? What if I want to believe I have a more flat stomach without all the muscle definition? They are just haters to be telling me what I don't want to hear after all my setbacks of trying to lose this manly torso!

I do understand your point but on the other side I remember you were pretty upset someone made comments about your lupus even though in their opinion this might have been the truth.
There is a fine line between truthful and hurting someone with being tactless if those comments hurt you maybe you can understand why some other comments about weight or whatsoever would hurt other ppl.

 

[PinkPeony]

OP I think your hair is very pretty but IMO it's short and I don't think your co-worker meant to offend you,I don't think she has any idea how much your hair means to you.
Either way from the look of it your hair seems very healthy and you are on the right track to longer hair.

 

[PinkPeony]

People are always going to state the obvious. Here's two examples where people have told me what I didn't want to hear. One where the person meant no harm and the other where they clearly did.

Me and my friend were talking about acne for some reason (he is an asian/white male and had some bad cystic acne at the time) and he mentioned that I had a lot of scars and some pimples too but mostly scars. I just about jumped on him at first then I realized...

1. We were talking about acne.
2. I did have scars, in fact a lot more than he did. Was he supposed to lie?
So I was like, yea I do have them.. I guess I should get on Accutane again... and here I am scars gone and no zits, so obviously it helped more more than hurt didn't it?

And another example. A make up thread got locked (I think it was make up?) and a siggy thread got locked... Both were not locked (well one disappeared) before someone felt the need to insult me based on my acne or the medicine I take for it. The funny thing is I didn't even report any of the posts, I was just like man... that's all you got? You don't like what I said about the thread so you have to personally attack me? It stung a bit but its not like I can get mad. I do take Accutane. So if someone types the word Accutane as an insult (amongst whatever else was said)... can I really be offended? What's wrong with it anyway,.... that stuff has me looking good, just like there is nothing wrong with short hair or SL hair... if anything what she said should have motivated you to keep growing it out... she was just like my friend pointing out the scars. No malicious intent. Unless she said it in an argument or was being sarcastic I still don't get why it was offensive...

Yes that's the thread I was talking about.I was under the impression she hurt your feelings with this comment(which was out of the line btw) but I'm glad you didn't took it to heart then.

 

[firecracker]

alf00ne....im sure you know you get into a couple of debates every now and then dont you? Its becasue you sound rude LOL, nothing wrong with that, you are just very blunt (remind me of that poster who made the thread about black people reading in off topic) Your going to be the grandma that just flat out tells people their ugly or fat LOL. You do take it like you dish it i give you that....just wondering if you knew you were on the other extreme of being too nice/coddling.

Well Fluff you ain't lying and I am getting outta the mirror nowwwwww!
Alf you have stank delivery like me!

 

[fluffylocks]

Well Fluff you ain't lying and I am getting outta the mirror nowwwwww!
Alf you have stank delivery like me!

Yeah, you to LOL, --Your a grandmother gettin on people about your grandbabies hairstyles arent you? LOL

Just dont do this one day (heres my grandmother) "What in the world is your mom doing to your hair?! Its getting so short! It looks a hot mess!" "your almost ******** arent you? your hair used to be so pretty" heres me on the inside---- Thats the truth gone wrong right there lol.

 

[Cinda2503]

I think most people consider shoulder length hair as toward the end of the short hair group. For example SHORT hair is anywhere from a twa to shoulder length. MEDIUM is past shoulder length to BSL. LONG is Past BSL and beyond. I think this is a pretty average opinion of most people so hey you are almost in the medium hair length group. IDK. I'm just trying to help!!!!

ITA!!!!

 

[tocktick]

i think you may be taking things a little too personally. saying you have short hair isn't necessarily an insult, to some people it's a "fact", depending on their perspective. for example, only you really know what you mean by "normal length hair". i have no idea what that's supposed to entail. in my eyes, your hair isn't long nor short. i'm going to assume that your friend comes across hair that is longer than your own on a regular basis. so yes, if you had a halle berry type cut, she'd most likely think that your hair is super short. nothing wrong with that. you brought up the conversation about hair so maybe she thought it was fine to talk about your own. i probably would have also since hair is not a sensitive topic to many.

we often misinterpret what people say when we are closely attached and/or insecure about the thing they're commenting on. so comments that aren't compliments can automatically seem suspicious or negative. from what i can see, your hair look lovely and healthy. i wouldn't take what she said as an insult.

 

[ACRawlins]

Well, your hair isn't necessarily short by "our" standards. lol I guess it's kinda more medium length? When my hair was shoulder length I considered that medium. My hair is apl right now and I consider that in the medium/long range.

I wouldn't place to much stock in what "other" people think of your hair length. I think you know was well as the rest of us in here that their standards are different. My assistant is caucasian and she has a shoulder length bob that we consider short. I suppose that if she was black I'd give her the benefit of the doubt and call it medium. I dunno...

 

[wannabelong]

I don't think your friend meant to be rude. She just has a different perception of what long/short is.