She Thinks My Hair Is Short!

[He_Leads_I_follow]

And I do not want to toot my own horn, but TOOT TOOT.

...[/quote]

Toot toot is right! I was wearin' that doo too , gurl!

 

[DragonPearl]

now lets put the shoe on the other foot..........


would you consider Kimchi's hair length long on someone else of another race???? i wouldnt. im not saying anything is wrong or right with any length, but just being real. and for me it is racist to hold black people up to a different light. so if its use or them i use the same scale. i said in a different thread that to me hair must be PAST BSL to be long......to me.

I was agreeing with you until I decided to apply that logic to butts, and I remembered how different races had different perceptions of what constitutes big butts. My Asian friends and many of my White friends consider big butts anything that we black consider normal size butts. When they think of big butts, they're not even thinking Delishis or Buffy, Beyonce's butts is considered big to them... LOL!

So, I am back to seeing it as a cultural difference. Until the majority of black women are reaching BSL or WL, IMO SL and APL will continue to be considered long by many people in the black community. And it's okay.

 

[He_Leads_I_follow]

Oh yes... because everytime someone tells the truth its a conspiracy theory!

If I say someone has see through ends I'm a hater. If she posts a thread talking about she made BSL and there are 4 strands of hair at her waist and the rest are at her armpit... we're supposed to be all talkin about CONGRATULATIONS your hair is so full and healthy!
If someone says the girl has short or medium length and not long hair then they have their claws out. Girl isn't BSL or APL and just barely got past her shoulders but everyone is supposed to perceive her hair as long. Could have the shortest hair in the room but nobody is allowed to say that.
If someone says a person is relatively dark skinned they hate their own race... person could be Wesley Snipes black with a tan and its still hating to say the person is dark.

What are we allowed to tell the truth about? Is there a list of things that are too sensitive to be honest about so we just have to cater to peoples irrational emotions? So what ive you've had setbacks, so what if you were a TWA last week? Are strangers supposed to recognize that and tell you your hair is long and believe its long in order for you to feel that it is?

You can think your hair is one thing and someone else can think its another, that won't change the fact that it is 6 inches long or whatever it is. I can call someone 5'5" tall and someone else can call the person short... does eithe of our opinions change the height in any way? If not, why is it so hurtful that somene disagrees?

Ugh! I cried!

 

[fluffylocks]

Yea I am pretty blunt now, probably moreso than before IRL and online. I used to sugarcoat things and it got me in trouble. I would rather choose the truth over feelings anyday. Feelings is an excuse to let your pear shaped 240 pound friend get to the club in skinny jeans and a corset (this really happened) when she thought she was modestly dressed. If we worry about how people feel all the time instead of letting them know whats real its only going to backfire down the road. People who are always told lies eventually depend on the opinions of others, so they will never feel that they acheived anything unless somene else can confirm it. Just because something is negative doesn't mean it isn't the truth. And a lot of times negativity is relative too. If you think short hair is bad, that doesn't mean you automatically don't have what others view as short hair. Ruckus thinks black is bad but guess what, he's black. What people think and what he tells himself isn't going to change that.


Anyway, I remember that thread. I laughed at it earlier when I posted because I remember who said it and everything, the funny part is the second time the other person did it... she thought I had been talking about her personally in the thread... so I think her first post was basically just to try to insult me. Then the second one was trying a little harder... The make up thread was just sad because the person obviously felt the only way she could prove her point was attacking how I looked. I've gotten a lot of that, which I understand. I'm thin, so I'm always going to get the "emaciated or anorexic or thin people aren't healthy" cards. Errbody knows I started Accutane, so 9 times out of 10 if an argument happens my face comes into it . I almost expect it now, but I don't care as much as some think I should.

If a preggers woman wanted to know if she looked fat, I would be like... well you are carrying an extra 30 pounds because you are carrying a child... so whether or not you look fat should be the least of your concern.

I like your attitude and see where your coming from-- im so glad i could just talk/type with you without you getting offended or anything starting up (which happens alot on here lol)

 

[fluffylocks]

now lets put the shoe on the other foot..........


would you consider Kimchi's hair length long on someone else of another race???? i wouldnt. im not saying anything is wrong or right with any length, but just being real. and for me it is racist to hold black people up to a different light. so if its use or them i use the same scale. i said in a different thread that to me hair must be PAST BSL to be long......to me.

I see what your saying and can agree----

But i think theres a difference between holding black people in a different light--
And for black people to have different idea of whats short, medium, and long because of what they see around them.

If we're being real, most black women have shoulderlength hair at the longest, so it would only be logical for black women to have a different idea of what long hair is. Untill more/most black women have BSL hair, i can understand that preception. I think it would even be weird for lack of better word, for black women to call the average length of longest hair for them "short" because it doesnt stack up to "long" hair on other races.

There are differences in race, and i dont think theres anything wrong with saying what the average is for one race, and i dont think theres anything wrong with the fact that its different in races. The facts are most black women dont have "long hair", and alot of black peoples/womens ideas of long hair for themselves are going to be different. Even though black hair is something that doesnt have to be shorter, it is right now because alot of us are misinformerd---but right now imo to expect black the average black women (who doesnt know about hair forums or that she can grow her hair), to think her hair is short because of the length of other races would be the same as saying our idea of lightskin/darkskin on black women should be the same as lightskin/darkskin on white, asian, hispanic ect. women. --And women on this board may still have the same perceptions/ideas about hairlength.

I dont think anyone on this forum has ever said, "your hair isnt short at shoulderlength, its long because you/we are black and thats long for us"---but moreso "most black women havent grown their hair past shoulderlength, so your/our perception of "long" hair may be different"

Anyway even though it doesnt matter---my perception is

Short--Above SL
Average-SL
Medium--SL-APL
Long-APL-BSL
Really Long--BSL to Waist

Thats full length hair, and im APL *shrug*

 

[fluffylocks]

I was agreeing with you until I decided to apply that logic to butts, and I remembered how different races had different perceptions of what constitutes big butts. My Asian friends and many of my White friends consider big butts anything that we black consider normal size butts. When they think of big butts, they're not even thinking Delishis or Buffy, Beyonce's butts is considered big to them... LOL!

So, I am back to seeing it as a cultural difference. Until the majority of black women are reaching BSL or WL, IMO SL and APL will continue to be considered long by many people in the black community. And it's okay.[/quote]

Yeah i agree---i didnt even see this.

We as black people are alot different from everyones elses idea of body image, hair, and skin---
Their "dark skin" "curly hair" "big nose/lips/butts" are way different than ours
And right now so is their idea of longer hair, simply because long hair isnt typical of us right now, ---why should women who know nothing of hair, or even us, hold black hair length to the same length standards as other races, knowing most black women dont even know how to grow hair---we dont do that with skin, hair kinkyness and body size/image (or do we )

But im outta here, thats like 3 consecutive pots in a row from me LOL

 

[HappyHairDreams]

My co worker and I are cool. We take breaks together and talk and what not. Anyhow, we took a break yesterday to get some coffee and the subject of hair was brought up by her. Her questions to me were, "Are you going to grow your hair out longer?" Like it's so fawking easy. "Do you like having it short?" The way she was talking in my opinion, made it seem like I have no hair at all. She is Asian and has normal length hair. I know my hair is short in comparison to hers, but I consider my hair to be a decent length. I would like it to be a little longer though. She asked me if my hair was ever longer, I told her maybe a little bit longer back in the day.

A few months back when I got my hair done, I told her that my hair stylist said that my hair grew. My co worker thought that it looked shorter. If she thinks it's short now, imagine if I ever get a Halle Berry or Malinda Williams type short cut. erplexed

Here is a snap shot of what my hair looks like now:

Sometimes you just have to forgive people from other cultures who have not one clue about Black hair (and I think forgiving them is reasonable because look at how many black women don't even know **** about their own hair). I have Asian friends that see Black women with long weaves (which I can obviously tell is a weave) but they think it's the woman's real hair, so when they see my hair, they think it's really short. They see Tyra Banks and Beyonce and think that's their hair. I corrected all that with a lunch hour game of "real or fake" and brief Black hair tutoral. But in general, they just don't know, why would they?

 

[Jynkx]

Originally Posted by al00fone
Oh yes... because everytime someone tells the truth its a conspiracy theory!

If I say someone has see through ends I'm a hater. If she posts a thread talking about she made BSL and there are 4 strands of hair at her waist and the rest are at her armpit... we're supposed to be all talkin about CONGRATULATIONS your hair is so full and healthy!
If someone says the girl has short or medium length and not long hair then they have their claws out. Girl isn't BSL or APL and just barely got past her shoulders but everyone is supposed to perceive her hair as long. Could have the shortest hair in the room but nobody is allowed to say that.
If someone says a person is relatively dark skinned they hate their own race... person could be Wesley Snipes black with a tan and its still hating to say the person is dark.

What are we allowed to tell the truth about? Is there a list of things that are too sensitive to be honest about so we just have to cater to peoples irrational emotions? So what ive you've had setbacks, so what if you were a TWA last week? Are strangers supposed to recognize that and tell you your hair is long and believe its long in order for you to feel that it is?

You can think your hair is one thing and someone else can think its another, that won't change the fact that it is 6 inches long or whatever it is. I can call someone 5'5" tall and someone else can call the person short... does eithe of our opinions change the height in any way? If not, why is it so hurtful that somene disagrees?



al00fone, you are my idol..................keep on keepin it real

 

[iasade]

Talk about short hair, my hair is short. It is certainly not SL or CL for that matter. And, I would consider myself on the larger side, but hey, I am happy with me. If people think my hair is short and I am big, I don't care. Why? Because I wear it well. Don't sweat over it and don't take it personal. I have learned to respect others opinions. I don't have to agree with them, but I do respect them and push forward.

We are all here to support each other and help each other through sensitive times like this. Hold your head up!!

 

[Peace in Prose]

Personally, there is no right or wrong answer, there is just differences of opinions. Personally I do not think you are foolish to ask yourself those type of questions, because what we can perceive as harmeless can actually be spite. We are all females in here, we know how WE are. I not trying to read your Asian friends mind because only God knows, but don't let no one invalidate your concerns, however foolish they may be.

Just think about the trivia things we think about a day. "Is my butt to big?" "YES!!!" Is he staring at me? What , is it a booger? Give her a break. Occasionally, my male friends will say "I wish you didn't cut your hair," and my mind wonders like am I not attractive because of my hair, why is this coming up AGAIN. But more often it's compliments from them, but clearly that statement stuck to me more than anything else said clearly.

We all have those things we overanalysis, that's all. BTW continue your BE-AU-TIF-FUL growth.

 

[Peace in Prose]

BTW, I'm trying too, and comments like those, however harmless they are can be mental setbacks, because you can feel like you improved so much.

Furthermore, we are all sensitive. That's why are here. Because with our sensitivity towards our hair we try to strenghten it through the purchase of products and fellowship on boards such as these, so don't be so harsh and brazen on her.

 

[SleepyJean]

There have been many varying opinions in this thread. Some think OP's hair is short, medium, and others beleive its the first step to "on its way to long". Which proves the point that hair length, especially at that length, is highly-subjective and relative.

On a more sensitive note, there is a drastic difference between stating your truth (your perception of what "long" hair is) as your own observation and opinion...AND stating your truth while cutting down someone else's view. There is something to be said about tact and decorum. When one poster states her opinion in a crass manner, it completely overshadows your opinion, which may most likely be valid and insightful. Many women on this board have learned the talent of expressing their views without doing so in a callous tone. Perhaps that comes with maturity, which some members lack. Others however, under the guise of keeping it honest, use that to spout out anything... and in any tone. Some mistake humour and wit, with rudeness.

Sure, some members are more sensitive than others. Some others have skin as thick as armour. That should be taken as a checks and balancing when feelings get hurt. However, it all boils down to having a discussion that "helps" one another, rather than mocking or ridiculing the other's opinions. Disagreement of opinion is not a license to make comments with rude undertones. Many of us here are quite intelligent and can see right through a lot of that cyber hostility.

I agree with your post. I love you Lady Esquire. Even if you don't know it!

I'm glad you said this. If I would have said something, I think I would have just caused more drama. My words can never sound as eloquent as yours!



I also think (like someone mentioned before) that your coworker was trying to make herself feel better. If her hair was a couple of inches past APL, it wasn't much longer than yours.

 

[SerenavanderWoodsen]

Well.... its difficult to say whether your co worker was trying to hurt your feelings or not, people can say things seeminlgly casually or nice but theyre secretly trying to make you feel less than..... maybe she was doing this,, maybe not. To me your hair is fairly short,, but I wouldnt call you out for having short hair....its not like you have a cropped cut.. Its not at a length Id comment on being short,,, but maybe to her.....
Also Ive noticed white people call shoulder length LONG all the time,,, theyll say things like I grew my hair out and its shoulder length and they call it long hair,,Ive seen it sooo many times on tv... the description of a shoulder length or even a bit shorter being described as long haired... this really isnt a black thing

 

[locabouthair]

Well if you're hair's short that's the type of short I wanna be.

OP, your hair looks nice. I wish I had your length right now....


Don't worry about what she said.

 

[sylver2]

Full length Shoulder and beyond is long to ME. differenet for each person.
and OP I kno how u must of felt when she said your hair was short. I went thru blood, sweat, tears growing my hair out from an actual 'short' halle berry cut to finally finally shoulder legth. If someone had made the same comments to me after I just finally grew my hair out..I'da been like

 

[Mortons]

I'm trying to figure out when fat people entered into the conversation. erplexed


OP I dont think she was trying to hurt your feelings, but sometimes people are unaware of others sensitivity and struggles. Keep up your good work!

 

[memee1978]

your hair is beautiful and healthy and thats whats matters most.trust me,ive seen long haired women with unhealthy hair and thats not cute.good job with your hair.!!!!

 

[ebonylocs]

How does she not know you like your hair that length?

Why is it that when a black woman has short hair, it's because it won't grow or something's wrong with it?

Black women + short hair = Something wrong, unable to grow, desperately seeking long hair

Non-black women + short hair = they cut it, they like short hair
....

If you weren't even talking about hair, why would she bring it up?

Actually, they WERE talking about hair.

Second, the Asian woman didn't assume OP didn't like her hair long, that's why she ASKED, "Do you like your hair short?".

Third, I see no evidence that Asian woman thought OP can't grow her hair, that's why she asked, "Do you keep it short because you like it short? Do you want to grow it out?" To her it's probably not a big deal. It's the kind of thing she would probably ask one of her Asian girlfriends, because in her world, if you want to grow your hair long, you just grow it long, no biggie. So no evidence of malicious intent in what the OP posted.

I think this thread got blow way out of proportion. I think maybe OP was just asking a simple question in surprise that shoulder length hair is considered short.

And yes, nothing is inherently wrong with short hair, as I've often pointed out myself. But we ARE on LONG hair care forum where most people are trying to achieve long hair, so it's a bit disingenuous to try to act like OP is so wrong / unusual on this site for valuing long hair at this point in time. It's all about what you're trying to achieve and what you've put effort into. E.g. there is nothing wrong with yellow walls in the kitchen per se. But say what I'm trying to achieve is a orange colour. And I mix and mix colours and paint. But then when I'm done painting, someone comes in and says, "Oh, I see you've painted your walls yellow". I would be a little taken aback, and think, but it looks orange to me, and I worked HARD for orange, wah! (Not that anything is wrong with yellow, it ya see what i mean)

Anyway OP, you know your goals and where you started from. Only you can determine if your hair is where you want it to be or not. Someone else's opinion doesn't count that much.

 

[Chanteuse]

There have been many varying opinions in this thread. Some think OP's hair is short, medium, and others beleive its the first step to "on its way to long". Which proves the point that hair length, especially at that length, is highly-subjective and relative.

On a more sensitive note, there is a drastic difference between stating your truth (your perception of what "long" hair is) as your own observation and opinion...AND stating your truth while cutting down someone else's view. There is something to be said about tact and decorum. When one poster states her opinion in a crass manner, it completely overshadows your opinion, which may most likely be valid and insightful. Many women on this board have learned the talent of expressing their views without doing so in a callous tone. Perhaps that comes with maturity, which some members lack. Others however, under the guise of keeping it honest, use that to spout out anything... and in any tone. Some mistake humour and wit, with rudeness.

Sure, some members are more sensitive than others. Some others have skin as thick as armour. That should be taken as a checks and balancing when feelings get hurt. However, it all boils down to having a discussion that "helps" one another, rather than mocking or ridiculing the other's opinions. Disagreement of opinion is not a license to make comments with rude undertones. Many of us here are quite intelligent and can see right through a lot of that cyber hostility.

Excellent post!!!

 

[Kimiche]

Actually, they WERE talking about hair.

Second, the Asian woman didn't assume OP didn't like her hair long, that's why she ASKED, "Do you like your hair short?".

Third, I see no evidence that Asian woman thought OP can't grow her hair, that's why she asked, "Do you keep it short because you like it short? Do you want to grow it out?" To her it's probably not a big deal. It's the kind of thing she would probably ask one of her Asian girlfriends, because in her world, if you want to grow your hair long, you just grow it long, no biggie. So no evidence of malicious intent in what the OP posted.

I think this thread got blow way out of proportion. I think maybe OP was just asking a simple question in surprise that shoulder length hair is considered short.
And yes, nothing is inherently wrong with short hair, as I've often pointed out myself. But we ARE on LONG hair care forum where most people are trying to achieve long hair, so it's a bit disingenuous to try to act like OP is so wrong / unusual on this site for valuing long hair at this point in time. It's all about what you're trying to achieve and what you've put effort into. E.g. there is nothing wrong with yellow walls in the kitchen per se. But say what I'm trying to achieve is a orange colour. And I mix and mix colours and paint. But then when I'm done painting, someone comes in and says, "Oh, I see you've painted your walls yellow". I would be a little taken aback, and think, but it looks orange to me, and I worked HARD for orange, wah! (Not that anything is wrong with yellow, it ya see what i mean)

Anyway OP, you know your goals and where you started from. Only you can determine if your hair is where you want it to be or not. Someone else's opinion doesn't count that much.

LOL! I thought this thread was dead, but oh well. Well said, that's exactly how I felt. Thanks for your words of encouragement.

 

[MizAvalon]

i kind of agree with you. it's like we have to lower the bar for ourselves... if you speak proper English, you "talk like a white person." like slang and jumbled jibberish is the best we can do as black people. and no i don't always speak proper English, but you get what i'm saying. i had some more examples but didn't feel like typing all of them...

just because it may be less common to see black women with WL hair (for WHATEVER reasons), doesn't mean we should make APL the new WL.

Completely agree with this. That "long for a black person" stuff is nothing but a backhanded compliment. It's like, "Aww, it's pretty long for someone like YOU."erplexed

I gauge hair length the same for everyone. Race is not a factor.

 

[Blu217]

Don't different people have different ideas of what short and long are? I was walking behind an Indian woman the other day who had the thickest, shiniest braid--it was healthy and so long she could sit on it. My hair is just passing APL again--to her, my hair would almost certainly seem "short." I certainly can't compete with that kind of length and it wouldn't bother me to have my hair classified as short by any comparison to longer-haired people.

Some people think of a pixie when they hear "short." Some think of SL or even APL. I would agree that hair isn't really long in what I think is the traditional sense until it's at least a healthy, full BSL. BUT when someone with less length than that is making mad progress and her hair is the longest and healthiest it's ever been, it's long to HER. I think it's all a matter of perspectives.

 

[aloof one]

I have no idea how people are so silly as to believe this poor Asian girl was supposed to just know that this girl was trying to grow her hair out... and that she was supposed to tip toe around her when discussing hair.

I bet had she been like "I'm sorry, I would talk to you about hair and all, but since you're black I know its a touchy subject so I will just say you have long hair and not another word... Because of course for black people anything past a buzz cut is long, and because I am Asian, I am not allowed to have an opinion on the length of someone who is African American.." I'm sure people would freak out and be up in arms too...

The girl said nothing offensive, and it was only taken as offensive because the girl was growing her hair out and it seems like she half expected people to be dousing her in compliments and telling her what she wanted to hear. I mean had the girl lied and been like "Your hair is soooo long!" this thread wouldn't even be here... strangers and acquaintences aren't obligated to care about you and your obsessions or goals. They shouldn't have to guard everything they say to you especially since they don't know you. She isn't your hair dresser, so why should she have to sugarcoat things? Why should she be made into the bad guy for thinking your hair is short? Why are people calling her names and acting like she is the enemy when all she did was just tell the truth about what she thought?

For the people saying she should have known better... I have to wonder if yall know better. Was this girl seriously wrong for saying her hair was short? I had no idea there was some kind of unwritten rule that non-blacks have to lie to black women about their hair, or that they are supposed to know about our hair goals and patronize us and "know" that anything past neck length is considered long... Is there some kind of memo out there being handed around?

 

[Tarae]

Well, I have nothing to add other than your hair looks great, OP.

All your hard work is obviously worth it.

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

I'm trying to figure out when fat people entered into the conversation. erplexed


OP I dont think she was trying to hurt your feelings, but sometimes people are unaware of others sensitivity and struggles. Keep up your good work!

 

[Christa438]

"fat" is definitely Not a positive word though unless you mean phat. I wouldn't seriously call someone that and not expect a fight lol. {I just thought of that scene from Friday where smokey suppose to meet his own "Janet" lol}...anyways, even the word "fat" is different by perception. I had a friend of another race and she said that a lot of people would think of her as fat. But to me, she sho could've used some more meat and potatoes, lol.


Don't worry OP, your hair looks great and healthy...all you got to do now is keep taking care of it and watch those inches appear in no time. Then you'll have all that Waist length hair and look back at this thread and laugh and be like "Yeah my hair was short/much shorter, but still pretty!"