"SHE NEEDS TO DO SOMETHING WITH THAT HAIR!"

[Softresses]

My partner at work (who is white) frowns his face up and says this EVERY TIME he sees a black woman on TV or anywhere with her natural hair, no matter how good it looks. He even said it upon seeing the "posing girl" on American Idol last night!



Softresses

 

[Healthb4Length]

Just like a$$holes everyone has an opinion! Live and let live, don't let it get to you, but you may have to 'break it down' for me and let him know what's up!

 

[karezone]

What does he expect her to do with it. It is hers and the way God made her or does he simply not like anything ethnic.

 

[melodee]

These are the people that make me mad. Our hair grows naturally from our heads. We weren't born clutching a box of PCJ.
Neatness is expected, but not straighness.

 

[Softresses]

I told him once that GOD made people's hair grow the way it does naturally and that most black women's hair DOES NOT GROW out of their head silky and straight!

He may be a little confused because I have silky yet wavy hair a little below brastrap. I told him point blank that my hair is relaxed, but it was still beautiful the way God created it.

He said "I personally don't like it (natural)."

Same guy said his father is a racist and told him he would have a problem working so many hours with a "n_gger!"





Softresses

 

[Healthb4Length]

I told him once that GOD made people's hair grow the way it does naturally and that most black women's hair DOES NOT GROW out of their head silky and straight!

He may be a little confused because I have silky yet wavy hair a little below brastrap. I told him point blank that my hair is relaxed, but it was still beautiful the way God created it.

He said "I personally don't like it (natural)."

Same guy said his father is a racist and told him he would have a problem working so many hours with a "n_gger!"





Softresses

Okay girl it's officially on now! Why are you worried about what some racist hillbilly has to say? I know he's your partner and all but if he's going to have these stereotypical views even after you've tried and educated him why waste your energy?! It's not even about you most of the time, I'm sure he has some lovely things to say about Jews, Asians and Hispanics too! If he don't shut the hell up then I think your next step should be to take to HR. His feelings are not just about hair, they run much deeeeper than that!

 

[aileenadq]

When you say "partner" I thought law enforcement. Is that correct? If not, you may request a change of partners without too much backlash.

He is, of course, entitled to his opinion, (and so is his idiot father) but you have the right not to be inflicted with it.

I would call him on it. Tell him plainly but graciously that you simply aren't interested in his thoughts on women's hair, and that you would like to keep things professional.

If the comments continue, call him on that, too. Tell him, out of "concern" for him, that his comments "appear to be racist", and although you "know" that he is not, you are worried about how people might percieve him. Kill him with kindness, my dear. Because, at the end of it, you will not always work with this man, but he will always be a jerk.

Best of luck!

A

 

[Softresses]

The thing is that he is a very likeable guy otherwise. We laugh and generally have a great time at work We work 24 hour shifts together. I am the senior partner.

I think he has done what some white people do by accident. He has gotten too comfortable with me and has forgotten to be "politically correct." I think that since he grew up hearing these kinds of things at home he must forget that it could be unacceptable to others.

For example, last night while we were watching American Idol, he also stated that there was "something wrong with the black girls face (the one that sung Get Here If You Can). He stated, "HER LIPS ARE TOO BIG!"

I took a deep breath, and told him, my lips are not all that small, black people usually do have full lips." He said, "yours do not look like hers."

I think that he does not get the picture, not only am I like them I AM THEM!!!

Sorry for the big loud vent

Softressees

 

[baglady215]

The thing is that he is a very likeable guy otherwise. We laugh and generally have a great time at work We work 24 hour shifts together. I am the senior partner.

I think he has done what some white people do by accident. He has gotten too comfortable with me and has forgotten to be "politically correct." I think that since he grew up hearing these kinds of things at home he must forget that it could be unacceptable to others.

For example, last night while we were watching American Idol, he also stated that there was "something wrong with the black girls face (the one that sung Get Here If You Can). He stated, "HER LIPS ARE TOO BIG!"

I took a deep breath, and told him, my lips are not all that small, black people usually do have full lips." He said, "yours do not look like hers."

I think that he does not get the picture, not only am I like them I AM THEM!!!

Sorry for the big loud vent

Softressees

ETA:
I am a Paramedic he is an EMT

I know EXACTLY what you mean! I have a coworker like that. People are bliss in their ignorance... let them be. Don't waste your energy.

 

[felicia]

start saying dumb things to him. ask him how do people with no lips kiss? jk. like everyone said, just ignore him if you can

 

[Softresses]

I know what you mean, it saddens me though. It seems to me he would like to think that he is not like his father. I have not noticed any malice in him, but really you never know until a person is truly tried.

He got offended when I asked him why it seems that white women always get as naked as possible to go out and run/exercise. His face got really tight and he got really quiet. Also we do talk about who the attractive stars on TV are male and female are. But if I make a comment about a woman's butt being flat (if she happens to be white) he will go all quiet and his face will tighten up again. However if I say the SAME THING about a black woman, or anything negative about a black woman, he will chime back in.

He is quick to admire all of the mixed race black actresses though!!

 

[PhonyBaloney500]

The thing is that he is a very likeable guy otherwise. We laugh and generally have a great time at work We work 24 hour shifts together. I am the senior partner.

I think he has done what some white people do by accident. He has gotten too comfortable with me and has forgotten to be "politically correct." I think that since he grew up hearing these kinds of things at home he must forget that it could be unacceptable to others.

For example, last night while we were watching American Idol, he also stated that there was "something wrong with the black girls face (the one that sung Get Here If You Can). He stated, "HER LIPS ARE TOO BIG!"

I took a deep breath, and told him, my lips are not all that small, black people usually do have full lips." He said, "yours do not look like hers."

I think that he does not get the picture, not only am I like them I AM THEM!!!

Sorry for the big loud vent

Softressees

ETA:
I am a Paramedic he is an EMT

Aww he's accepted that you're not like "them people." Congrats!

 

[Softresses]

PB 500

I know! I think he believes I have graduated or something!

He just doesn't know I love my brown skinned lusciousness!




Softresses

 

[beadedgirl]

I believe his a$$ is secretly in attracted to black women,and his twisted ways make negative comments like that to justify the brainwashed racism he was forced feed all his life by his father!! ...........i wouldn't be suprised at all!!

 

[karezone]

I believe his a$$ is secretly in attracted to black women,and his twisted ways make negative comments like that to justify the brainwashed racism he was forced feed all his life by his father!! ...........i wouldn't be suprised at all!!

sadly that is usually what it is. And b/c of his brainwashing he makes negative comments to cover the fact that he loves him some chocolate.

 

[Softresses]

You know I would not be suprised. Especially since he has been denied our goodness.


BUT HE WON'T GET IT HERE!!!


One day I wore my hair loosely pinned in a clip, usually I protect it in a really snug "wet bun," I had blow dried and flat ironed my hair the day before, I pulled out the clip and shook out my hair. He had NEVER seen it down before. He was like you should wear your hair like THAT to work. I told him that was not going to happen. It attracts the wrong type of attention .

I think he liked it because it looked more "American Standard of Beauty," (if you know what I mean).

I do think that this is a struggle with people who have been denied association with other races growing up.

Softresses

 

[karezone]

You know I would not be suprised. Especially since he has been denied our goodness.


BUT HE WON"T GET IT HERE!!!


One day I wore my hair loosely pinned in a clip, usually I protect it in a really snug "wet bun," I had blow dried and flat ironed my hair the day before, I pulled out the clip and shook out my hair. He had NEVER seen it down before. He was like you should wear your hair like THAT to work. I told him that was not going to happen. It attracts the wrong type of attention in an emergency situation.

I think he liked it because it looked more "American Standard of Beauty," (if you know what I mean).

I do think that this is a struggle with people who have been denied association with other races growing up.

Softresses

It is a struggle. I think that either they don't realize what they are saying is offensive or they don't care. Either way point out that you don't appreciate his comments about ethnic features.

 

[BerrySweet]

I told him once that GOD made people's hair grow the way it does naturally and that most black women's hair DOES NOT GROW out of their head silky and straight!

He may be a little confused because I have silky yet wavy hair a little below brastrap. I told him point blank that my hair is relaxed, but it was still beautiful the way God created it.

He said "I personally don't like it (natural)."

Same guy said his father is a racist and told him he would have a problem working so many hours with a "n_gger!"





Softresses

Gurrllll don't make me have to come down there and break bad all over some honky! Why is he telling you this stuff???? Who cares what his preference is black women's hair is???? Is he gonna date one????? ignorance, just ignorance!

 

[Softresses]

Kare,

You are right about letting him know. My approach has been to try to get him to appreciate all the different types of beauty by pointing out beautiul things in ALL the races of people we see. I told him that our beauty is another variety and just as with anything different you have to try to like it.

I feel more sorry for him than mad at him.

Softresses

 

[Country gal]

start saying dumb things to him. ask him how do people with no lips kiss? jk. like everyone said, just ignore him if you can

Next time it rains ask him how come white people's hair smells like a wet dog.

 

[Poohbear]

My dad and brother are like that too when they see natural haired women... they even say "You need to do something with your hair" or "you need to straighten it" to me... I just ignore them... plus they can't talk, they got natural hair themselves!!! I sometimes say something like this: "why don't you put chemicals in your hair to do something with it?" and they just shut up.

 

[Softresses]

Berry,


I am a very easy going person. I blend in well with all races. I think that because of this he has simply gotten too comfortable and feels like it won't bother me.


Either way it is his opinion, and he is entitled to it. I am just sorry for him, he has to be limited to such narrow views on attractiveness.

I think Peanut Butter sandwiches are great, but I don't think that they are the only great sandwiches there are. I wish he could see how limited he really is.

Softresses

 

[Softresses]

Poobear GREAT POINT!!!


Actually he has only said these things about black women. It really saddens me that he feels that a natural black womans beauty is substandard, but it would hurt me if any of the black men/women I know thought that!

Softresses

 

[coolhandlulu]

Sounds like in your profession, you need to have some bit of intimacy with your partner in order to have the best working environment. If he is somewhat likeable, take it on the chin. I think its hard for us to understand how white folks can survive in their little bubbles. Must be nice. We will never have that luxury. I tend to think that he unconsciously realizes that he has a lot of learning about AAs to do since he has become your partner. You probably shatter a lot of stereotypes that he holds dear. And I wouldn't be so touchy about the hair thing. Black folks have said a lot worse...and he has probably been around a few when they've voiced their disdain for natural hair.

 

[Softresses]

Coolhandlulu,

You have hit the nail on the head. 24 hour shifts can last a looong time. He is a good partner. His good points at this time outweigh any discomfort from those statements.

He is brand new and I have been teaching him a lot. He knows that it is important to be able to work well with me because with all patient care I call the shots. I am also the senior partner and am basically in charge. He respects me because of my knowledge and professionalism and because I am always willing to teach him (I hekp him with his homework too). Our supervisor told him that he would do well to listen to me and that he would learn a lot from me.

I guess a lot of the stereotypes he has learned are being shattered. Others have commented on how highly he speaks of me. He even told me that he feels he was assigned the best partner and he is glad he works with me.

That being said I do still wonder how much his respect of me is from me being a nice person, and how much is from me being his partner, teacher and being in charge. When someone manifests some racial tendancies it is sometimes hard not to wonder how they really feel.

 

[Poohbear]

Poobear GREAT POINT!!!


Actually he has only said these things about black women. It really saddens me that he feels that a natural black womans beauty is substandard, but it would hurt me if any of the black men/women I know thought that!

Softresses

Well, my dad not only dislikes natural hair on black women... he also hates long haired natural styles on black men like dreads and even cornrows. And if he sees a brotha with wavy or texturized hair, he'll say they're gay (he's so stereotypical). I still don't understand how he can dislike natural hair on black women when he grew up during the 60s & 70s and most of the women back then sported the big afro and even my mom had natural hair all the way up until they got married. I guess it all ended after they got married and my mom relaxed her hair straight (back in 1977). Like you mentioned earlier to someone else, my dad has a limited view of what beauty is. He's been socially conditioned by these ideologies of society. So sad.

 

[Softresses]

Pooh,

I wish people of all races would open up their views on beauty. Black MEN are sporting some of the MOST BEAUTIFUL natural hair I have seen in a long, long time. I love the neat trimmed afros with the nicely trimmed mustache and goatee. I like the fresh gleaming braids, not too long or unkempt. I think nicely groomed dreads are SO SEXY. I even like the precision cut tapelines our brothers sport. Come to think of it I am not too fond of the really low cut wave dos. On the extreme opposite though I LOVE BALD men as well.

Softresses

 

[Poohbear]

I like the variety of hairstyles too.

I also think nicely groomed dreads are sexy!!! I've even told my boyfriend to grow his hair out in dreads just so I can see how sexier he can be! I've even had a dream of him with dreads in his hair.

Okay, back on topic!

 

[Softresses]

I saw this one bother tall, muscular, dark chocolate skin, dimples, nicely done dreads, need I say mucho droooolation going on!


I just don't see how other races can be oblivious to the beauty of black people!!! It makes me feel so sorry for them.


Softresses

 

[UmSumayyah]

They're not. We wouldn't come in 39 shades were that the case.