How do I tell my friend that she needs to wash her hair?

[Hysi]

I would just tell her just as casual as girlfriends talk to one another, " Girl, nah you know you need to wash that hair. I can smell it. What yo dude gon say?" wait for response...."nah you know I don't have a dude right now. No bustas for me."

"Well, anyway, wash that stuff chicka. You can do it right now. Go in there and get a towel and I'll get the poo. Only because I love you will I let you use my good hair prods and wash your hair at my crib." ♥

ETA: sorry I hadn't read the entire thread. I didn't realize she was going throu. But on a side note, the relationships with my GF's, we're cool enough that I could tell her anyway, hell, I might even get her to laugh."

 

[acapnleo]

I didn't read the whole thread, but maybe you can suggest a "girls time" where you can act like you have shampoo and conditioner / products you really wanna try on "her" or offer a make over that includes shampooing her hair...

Hope this goes well

 

[imaccami]

You could just lie and say something like, "Oh, you started using X product like I told you about?" (Continue on so that she can't answer) "Well, I was just reading on LHCF that it makes your hair smell, sorry I recommended it to you, but yeah, it's true, I can smell your hair. They say just a shampoo will get the smell out."

She'll know that she didn't use any product, but she won't know that you know that. So, she'll know that her hair stinks without you coming right out and telling her that her hair is funky.

Or you could say, "I was reading on LHCF about dandruff and most people said that it was completely cured when they washed their hair at least once a week. Maybe you could try it and see if it works for you."

She has to know that she has dandruff, it's probably only in the back because she picks out the flakes in the front that she can see in the mirror.

 

[Shadiyah]

Wow, some of yall responses had me CRACKING up in here. She just left to go home. I was going to mention it tonight but I felt like it was just too random to mention this late at night, maybe I will somehow try to bring it up tomorrow.

I've noticed that some people say that if I was really her close friend I would be able to tell her. Yes we are close but I really don't want to hurt her feelings. She's very sensitive and her mom has Stage 5 cancer. I don't want to come off as criticizing her or making her feel self-conscious about her hair. It looks fine, it just needs to be washed. I want to just mention it to her but in a way that she gets the hint that she should wash her hair weekly and I'm not coming off as offensive.

well you have to be close if you are letting her cook in your kitchen and eating her food.... I couldn't do it and I am always in someone hair as soon as they come through the door... my grandsons even know I am not letting them get by.

 

[reeko43]

Have you ever thought that maybe your friend is depressed? When a person is depressed, they don't care about hygiene or much of anything else. I know if my mother had stage 5 cancer, I don't think I could even think about hair. Has her mother been recently diagnosed or has she been dealing with this for some time?

As far as you being disgusted about even thinking about washing her hair for her, I can understand that. However, a true friend would do whatever it takes to help the person she cares about. My friends though the years have cared for me through all kinds of situations and vice versa. I have wiped the snot off a dear friend's nose and helped her with her bath because she was overwhelmed by her divorce and didn't bathe or move from her bed for days. Friends have helped me when I was sick vomiting all over and didn't have the energy to do much for myself. Hate to go into gross details but just trying to paint the picture.

Why don't you come to your friend with compassion. Ask her what is going on with her with true concern. Let her know that you have noticed the condition of her hair. Telll her that you know she is going through a lot and may not have the time or care. Offer to wash her hair. Ask her how you can be of help to her. Sometimes it isn't all about us. You never know when you may be in a bad situation and may need the help of a caring friend.

 

[delitefulmane]

I think this has been mentioned BUT I want to reinterate that if she is your "friend" I think it is best to do it nicely! Especially if you value your friendship! There is always a nice way to say something. You could simply mention how the weather causes your hair and body to be drier and to make sure it has the moisture it needs, it needs to be washed. You could then explain how a stale wash leds to odor.

Im sure she will get what you're hinting without you blatantly saying to her "Girl your hair is making me sick"!

I have been taught that you should make sure your words are sweet because sometimes you might have to eat them! JMHO!

 

[Bnster]

When she is over just turn to her, make the sniffing sound and get your nose close to her hair and tell her "oh its your hair - its smellllls. I was smelling a stale odor and couldn't pin point it." Then look at her hair and say "It does look a little greasy." Then leave it as that. She will be embarrass and hopefully will do something about it. No need to give her a long speech about it.

 

[lovelexi]

But her friend already thinks she's obsessed with hair and hair care forums. Wouldn't she know it's her?

We all see how this idea worked out on Jersey Shore I'm a straight forward person. I would just say your hair smells kind of funny...when did you last wash it? And if the friend tries to cop an attitude I would explain to her that its stinking up my pillows and such. And my friends would eventually get over my bluntness because its my personality type.

 

[divachyk]

Well honestly you said her mother is in Stage 5 cancer, when my grandfather was in the final stages of cancer I doubt any of us even remembered that we had hair on our heads. erplexed

AGREE!!! My dh had cancer. I don't remember shampooing my hair and I didn't go to the salon either. Yes, my hair broke but honestly, my hair was the least of my worries at that point in time. Praises go up that post surgery we learned his was detected early and wasn't staged but even through his situation, I looked a hot mess!! Health before hair!

 

[HappilyLiberal]

OP...

Has she always been like this or is this something recent? If it is something recent, your friend could be suffering from depression. One of the signs of depression is someone all-of-a-sudden not taking care of things like personal hygiene. This could be a lot more serious than a simple "too nasty to wash hair" situation.

 

[Renewed1]

GIRRRRLLLLLL.......You sound like me and my friend. All the way down to the computer! I have to literally clean and disinfect when she leaves.

I just told her one day to wash your hair. She did....and all was right in the world.

 

[RayRayFurious]

Way too hype for an update!

I had a friend like this in college except her hygiene problems were her underarms and lady parts, so...

 

[Janet']

Any updates, OP?

 

[ellebelle88]

Any updates, OP?

Yes. So we are at the event. Right before the show starts, her phone rings. She ignores it and then checks her voicemail. After listening to her voicemail she immediately jumps up, saying "I gotta take this." When she comes back to get her jacket and pocketbook, tears are streaming down her face. Her mother had passed.
Yall I felt so bad. I felt bad for even coming there with the thought of telling her she needed to wash her hair as if I'm always on point with everything I do. I know that I only meant her good but I felt a bit guilty for even starting this thread and plotting on how to tell her to wash her hair. I went and spent time with her the other night and she is holding it together but I can tell she is really sad. She is leaving tomorrow to fly back home and she did mention that "she has to wash her hair because it is so dirty" among other things she has to do before she leaves.

To those who had asked whether or not she was neglecting her hair because her mother was ill, no she wasn't. She was just never one to wash her hair regularly. She'll be gone for the rest of the semester but if the problem still persists next semester, I will tell her that I noticed her dandruff problem in a nice way and that regular washing helps to combat it. No more "plotting" on her.

 

[LuvlyRain3]

I'm sorry to great that her mother passed. But You shouldn't feel bad. You were trying to help her. You had no idea her mother was going to pass. Right now all you can do is just be there for your friend.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I897 using Long Hair Care Forum App

 

[suburbanbushbabe]

I would tell her exactly what I see and how it affects me. "Are you aware that there's dandruff and other stuff falling from your hair onto my computer?" And I'd giver her a towel and tell her to put that underneath her hair when she puts her head on my furniture. That should start the convo rolling.

 

[Ishtar]

I changed my post. Sorry for the news. If she's fallen of taking care of herself, then now she will really need your help. It can get worse, in worse ways.

 

[ellebelle88]

I'm sorry to great that her mother passed. But You shouldn't feel bad. You were trying to help her. You had no idea her mother was going to pass. Right now all you can do is just be there for your friend.

I know. That's what I keep telling myself. But I guess I feel a bit guilty because I also keep telling myself that making a thread talking about this was just mean, especially now as I read some of the comments.

 

[Mrs. Verde]

I'm sorry her mother died. However, you shouldn't feel bad. Please believe others have smelled her hair and seen the dandruff. You don't want someone ignorant telling her about her hair. Obviously, you have to wait and have "the conversation" with her. But you can say it out love. Heck, you can start the conversation off just like that. ~~~~~Sweetie, what I am about to say is said out of love because you are my girl. I hope you take this with the spirit that this is intended. I know you think that I am hair obsessed, but this is about basic hair care...blah, blah, blah...

 

[equestrian]

something along the lines of

"Hey your hair is looking a little greasy and I see you have some dandruff, Have you washed it lately? Maybe you should start washing it once a week, just to keep it clean and free of any dandruff.



I honestly wouldn't do the indirect approach.(ex: I have a really good shampoo do you want to try it). Most people can detect that. I actually get more irritated with that then when someone tells it to me straight, because I know what they're trying to tell me.

 

[LuvlyRain3]

I know. That's what I keep telling myself. But I guess I feel a bit guilty because I also keep telling myself that making a thread talking about this was just mean, especially now as I read some of the comments.

You made a thread trying to get ideas on the right way to approach her about her hair without hurting her feelings or being inconsiderate to her family situation. I wouldn't have even did that. My thread would have said "i told my friend her hair stinks" to be honest. Your a good friend. You seem to have the best intentions in mind.


Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I897 using Long Hair Care Forum App

 

[reeko43]

I am so sorry to hear about your friend's mother. I hope you don't beat yourself over starting the thread. Seems like you wanted to just really get some advice and didn't want to hurt your friend. When your friend comes back you can address the subject of her hair. Some people have given great suggestions about a girls day. After everything she will have gone through, I am sureyour friend will appreciate this, even if she isn't big on doing her hair. Maybe you can share some of your knowledge from the forum, little tips so that she won't be overwhelmed. You never know, she may end up being a hair growth partner and a member of several hair blogs one day

 

[Janet']

Yes. So we are at the event. Right before the show starts, her phone rings. She ignores it and then checks her voicemail. After listening to her voicemail she immediately jumps up, saying "I gotta take this." When she comes back to get her jacket and pocketbook, tears are streaming down her face. Her mother had passed.
Yall I felt so bad. I felt bad for even coming there with the thought of telling her she needed to wash her hair as if I'm always on point with everything I do. I know that I only meant her good but I felt a bit guilty for even starting this thread and plotting on how to tell her to wash her hair. I went and spent time with her the other night and she is holding it together but I can tell she is really sad. She is leaving tomorrow to fly back home and she did mention that "she has to wash her hair because it is so dirty" among other things she has to do before she leaves.

To those who had asked whether or not she was neglecting her hair because her mother was ill, no she wasn't. She was just never one to wash her hair regularly. She'll be gone for the rest of the semester but if the problem still persists next semester, I will tell her that I noticed her dandruff problem in a nice way and that regular washing helps to combat it. No more "plotting" on her.

I am so sorry to hear that her mother passed. I think that your heart was and still is in the right place so things will work out...After all, she acknowledged that she needs to wash her hair...but for now, there are more important things that need to be addressed than hair, so be there for her as a friend. Blessings to you and your friend...

 

[Vashti]

Have you ever thought that maybe your friend is depressed? When a person is depressed, they don't care about hygiene or much of anything else. I know if my mother had stage 5 cancer, I don't think I could even think about hair. Has her mother been recently diagnosed or has she been dealing with this for some time?

As far as you being disgusted about even thinking about washing her hair for her, I can understand that. However, a true friend would do whatever it takes to help the person she cares about. My friends though the years have cared for me through all kinds of situations and vice versa. I have wiped the snot off a dear friend's nose and helped her with her bath because she was overwhelmed by her divorce and didn't bathe or move from her bed for days. Friends have helped me when I was sick vomiting all over and didn't have the energy to do much for myself. Hate to go into gross details but just trying to paint the picture.

Why don't you come to your friend with compassion. Ask her what is going on with her with true concern. Let her know that you have noticed the condition of her hair. Telll her that you know she is going through a lot and may not have the time or care. Offer to wash her hair. Ask her how you can be of help to her. Sometimes it isn't all about us. You never know when you may be in a bad situation and may need the help of a caring friend.

I agree. It could very well be the case that she's going through a deep depression. However she still needs to know from a friend. Just tell her as tactfully as you can. Even if it hurts her feelings she needs to hear it from a friend who cares before she hears it from someone who isn't and doesn't care about her situation or what she's going through.

 

[TamedTresses]

I'm sorry to hear that your friend's mom passed, OP. I wouldn't tell her about it now that she is grieving. I would be cautious because she is going through a lot. Maybe you can treat her to a visit in the salon and you two can make it a girl's day out to help her de-stress.

 

[Carrie A]

Hmm she probably would accept that she has a dandruff issue so you could approach it from here. Say you read about a great treatment for itchy scalp. Weekly washing with an application of diluted tea tree oil. Then as an aside say. Not only will you have less dandruff but you hair will smell fresher too..... because some days it smells pretty strong.

OOps didn't read about the grieving part.

 

[Irresistible]

Well honestly you said her mother is in Stage 5 cancer, when my grandfather was in the final stages of cancer I doubt any of us even remembered that we had hair on our heads. erplexed

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

I discovered oil washing thanks to depression of facing possible breast cancer and the loss of my best friend at the same time due to breast cancer. Talk about hell and depression. I just poured a bottle of olive oil over my head and squeezed it out good and called it a day. I am sure she is profoundly sad and the last thing on her mind is her hair, I think I could stand by her with love and support and realize some things might be neglected right now. That kind of Grief is soul ripping and gripping

 

[Irresistible]

Have you ever thought that maybe your friend is depressed? When a person is depressed, they don't care about hygiene or much of anything else. I know if my mother had stage 5 cancer, I don't think I could even think about hair. Has her mother been recently diagnosed or has she been dealing with this for some time?

As far as you being disgusted about even thinking about washing her hair for her, I can understand that. However, a true friend would do whatever it takes to help the person she cares about. My friends though the years have cared for me through all kinds of situations and vice versa. I have wiped the snot off a dear friend's nose and helped her with her bath because she was overwhelmed by her divorce and didn't bathe or move from her bed for days. Friends have helped me when I was sick vomiting all over and didn't have the energy to do much for myself. Hate to go into gross details but just trying to paint the picture.

Why don't you come to your friend with compassion. Ask her what is going on with her with true concern. Let her know that you have noticed the condition of her hair. Telll her that you know she is going through a lot and may not have the time or care. Offer to wash her hair. Ask her how you can be of help to her. Sometimes it isn't all about us. You never know when you may be in a bad situation and may need the help of a caring friend.

Indeed .....this is knowing.....LOVE :Rose:

 

[SuchaLady]

AGREE!!! My dh had cancer. I don't remember shampooing my hair and I didn't go to the salon either. Yes, my hair broke but honestly, my hair was the least of my worries at that point in time. Praises go up that post surgery we learned his was detected early and wasn't staged but even through his situation, I looked a hot mess!! Health before hair!

I totally agree. I think my family would have looked at me sideways if I questioned why we werent deep conditioning our hair.

 

[divachyk]

Yes. So we are at the event. Right before the show starts, her phone rings. She ignores it and then checks her voicemail. After listening to her voicemail she immediately jumps up, saying "I gotta take this." When she comes back to get her jacket and pocketbook, tears are streaming down her face. Her mother had passed.
Yall I felt so bad. I felt bad for even coming there with the thought of telling her she needed to wash her hair as if I'm always on point with everything I do. I know that I only meant her good but I felt a bit guilty for even starting this thread and plotting on how to tell her to wash her hair. I went and spent time with her the other night and she is holding it together but I can tell she is really sad. She is leaving tomorrow to fly back home and she did mention that "she has to wash her hair because it is so dirty" among other things she has to do before she leaves.

To those who had asked whether or not she was neglecting her hair because her mother was ill, no she wasn't. She was just never one to wash her hair regularly. She'll be gone for the rest of the semester but if the problem still persists next semester, I will tell her that I noticed her dandruff problem in a nice way and that regular washing helps to combat it. No more "plotting" on her.

Your post is very touching. Don't beat yourself up. You were only trying to be a good friend. I'm very sorry to hear of your friend's loss. I'm not trying to dismiss the situation or make light of your friend's loss but rather than beating yourself up, let's spin this (you trying to help your friend) and turn this into a positive. After everything settles, your friend will need to a pastime to get her mind off things, maybe at that time you can introduce her to the HHJ and girl pampering concept and you two can share in that journey together - do hair, get mani/pedis, etc. Don't force it, don't rush it, don't consider it plotting. Instead, consider it you helping mentor a friend. xoxoxo