TayMac
Well-Known Member
Yes to both. Very aware.
**shacking Random Thoughts**
- Thread starter Honey Bee
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Honey Bee
Well-Known Member
And y'all were on the same page? What happened?
shespoison
Well-Known Member
Today was a good day. I love when I put a bug in his ear and he comes through.
TayMac
Well-Known Member
I really think he just Went along to appease me but he did give a timeline before which has obviously passed.
Honey Bee
Well-Known Member
Dang, girl.
Did you notice any red flags?
TayMac
Well-Known Member
Dang, girl.
I have a theory that I'd rather not go into but like Barbie said some of us suck at trusting our gut. So I "felt" some way but there were a lot of pros to the arrangement at the time.
Theresamonet
Well-Known Member
My relationship ebb and flows with SO's career and it just really gets on my nerves. It's always been this way. Things go great for him at work, our relationship is GREAT. But if he's having a hard time at work, things SUCK for me. I don't even think he can help it.
Bette Davis Eyes
The "OG" Product Junkie
Turned my den into a mancave for him. I will not have him nested up under me.
Honey Bee
Well-Known Member
He's been away all weekend and I've been home chillin. I just went to pop some popcorn in the kitchen and there is a bee in the living room!I'm back in the bedroom now with the door closed lol. I wish he were here to kill the bee
Honey Bee
Well-Known Member
I find this to be true for us too and I can't stand no sulking man. It took me many years to figure it out: encourage him to do better. Meaning, if he's being annoying about his job, how much they suck, etc, encourage him to get a new one. Be gentle and 'neck turning the head' about it, of course (to whatever degree your man requires), but the reality is, if he's busy brooding up the house, can't nobody have fun or chill and ish. It puts a black cloud over the whole house, just sucking out all the energy. Don't let him be an energy sucker.
Also, if you can get him to get a better job (higher paying, better perks, opportunity for upward mobility), you win there too.
SlimPickinz
Summer where are you?
For those of you shacking up long term do you share bank accounts with SO?
SheenaVee
Well-Known Member
Sorry, this is off topic but I had no where else to put it:
I'm salty as hell that the off topic RT thread got poofed.
That's better.
Now, on topic: I'm shacking till I get married. I didn't want to at first but then I thought, hold on, what if living with him is a nightmare and I only find out this ish after I've married him? His mum was actually the one who encouraged us to live together after we got engaged.
I'm salty as hell that the off topic RT thread got poofed.
That's better.
Now, on topic: I'm shacking till I get married. I didn't want to at first but then I thought, hold on, what if living with him is a nightmare and I only find out this ish after I've married him? His mum was actually the one who encouraged us to live together after we got engaged.
SheenaVee
Well-Known Member
my FH is on the cusp of Leo and Virgo and all this time I thought he had mostly Leo traits but then we were reading Virgo traits and it was spot on his personality. I felt like I'd been duped!Anyway, I stopped doing his laundry too because he didn't like the scent of the detergent I used. He now buys his own one and does it himself because who has time to have to wash his clothes separately using a different detergent? Not me.
Honey Bee
Well-Known Member
SlimPickinz
Summer where are you?
I wanna ask why it got poofed but I know what happens to threads when u ask questions so I'll leave.
FlowerHair
Reclaiming my time
We don't have one so I thought, why not?
Let's use this place to talk about *how* to do this shacking up thing.
Are you shacking while engaged?
Are you shacking indefinitely?
Are you shacking with babies?
Do you cook and clean and do laundry?
Basically, what are your boundaries? How far are you willing to let this thing go?
Discuss!
eta: @Theresamonet, @mzpurp, @prettyinpurple
LOL @ this thread!
I have shacked for 10+ years.
My boundaries are that I own the place where we live and he pays money to me monthly and I handle the finances. We have a soon to be 4 year old son and we split the cooking, cleaning and laundry and any other household chores. We take turns to pick up our son and drop him off to day care etc.
I like this lifestyle. I don't see any financial or any other motivation for me to get married. We have written wills in each other's favor, we have everything on paper if we should ever separate.
We have one joint account where we save money for DS. Sometimes we save towards a common goal, such as a trip etc.
My brothers are married, but their wives make considerably less than they do, so there is that motivation for them to be married. Me and SO are pretty equal when it comes to money, I make a little more than he does. My sister makes good money and she is not married. She is shacking with her boyfriend the potato farmer on the countryside lol and she still has her condo in Stockholm where she can go when she needs to be here. She was married for 10 years earlier in life, but not to her sons' father.
People have to look at their finances and current situation and make a decision whether it benefits them or not to be married. With the law in the USA being what it is, there seems to be huge benefits in case of a divorce etc since you can get alimony. We don't have that here at all. When people divorce here, everything is just split 50/50 and then it's bye-bye. Everyone is supposed to support themselves. And we have very solid laws for co-habitating couples.
Honey Bee
Well-Known Member
This is well-arranged. So, let me ask you, I'm assuming there's a culture that supports this non-marriage thing y'all are doing. (How long has it been this way btw?) Is there an attendant culture of teaching young women to protect themselves financially, etc? Or do they not even have to protect themselves, will the government work things out fairly?
but smart girl.
FlowerHair
Reclaiming my time
This is well-arranged. So, let me ask you, I'm assuming there's a culture that supports this non-marriage thing y'all are doing. (How long has it been this way btw?) Is there an attendant culture of teaching young women to protect themselves financially, etc? Or do they not even have to protect themselves, will the government work things out fairly?
Yes, people aren't very conservative about marriage here, so the laws have accomodated to that. Some choose to marry, some don't. Women don't need protection here, since women work full time most of the time and have money of their own (we don't have housewives, or at least they are very very rare).
I think this all started in the 60s and 70s, it probably has something to do with the extremely secular culture we have here. There are of course non-religious weddings too, but those are mostly for financial reasons IMO. When people start owning property together, then it's time to get married - especially if one or both have kids from previous relationships. Our law clearly states that a child cannot force any one of the parents out of their house/home until both have passed, so it's a good way to protect those type of couples.
Me and SO only have one child together and no previous children, so that doesn't apply to us.
My sister is a bit of a free spirit lol, but she sees her condo as a way to invest money for her old age. Prices are always rising here in Stockholm, ca 10% per year, so it makes sense.
I think the culture is similar in all of Scandinavia. Ca 50-60% of all kids here are born out of wedlock. In fact, I read that ca 40% of all children in the EU are born out of wedlock, but most of these children have parents who live together and have lived together for a while. My guess is, that the majority of unmarried couples are in the Northern parts of Europe, the non Catholic parts. My nephew is a good example too, he has lived with his girlfriend for 8-9 years and they're expecting their first child in November.
fuchsiastar
Well-Known Member
That is the most annoying thing ever, and I can completely relate! Some successful men tie their whole dang on attitude and LIFE to how well they make money/have career success. It can be great when they are winning (and you are shopping, vacationing, going to galas, chilling) but terrible when they are in the process of working on a deal/project/whatever that isn't going the way they want. It's like they are on an extended PMS!!!
LOL...I just ranted. I'm done now....LOL!
C@ssandr@
formerly known as "keyawarren"
As far as I know it got poofed "just because". There was not an ounce of drama in that thread...unless I missed it on the last few pages. Smh.
Anyhoo,
I'm not currently shacking, but after my 4 year shacking experience I decided that I will only shack if I am engaged. In my case we discussed marriage. When he first proposed the idea he wanted to be engaged w/o a ring. I was like ehhh, no. He turned out to be cray anyway, so I dodged a bullet. He was the attempt-to-impregnate-you-on-purpose-to- trap-you type.
I currently live with my mum. I refuse to hop from under her to lay up under someone else (again). I'm getting my own place this winter. I'll say this though, shacking was a cool experience, it has definitely taught me about partnership and boundaries.
Farida
Well-Known Member
@FlowerHair I do think cohabiting in Sweden is very different than in the states. There is so much structure around it that it is like an alternative form of marriage. In the U.S., it's a whole different ballgame. I have seen some very modern couples come up with a very defined contractual marriage, where they made their own rules and boundaries. It is very interesting.
FlowerHair
Reclaiming my time
It is, and I agree 100%.
MCMLXXXIV
Well-Known Member
No, I lived with my ex for almost 6 years and we never shared accounts. If something needed to be brought for the house he gave me his card and I had the pin number. I never had reason to give him my card and he didn't want it or access to my accounts. We did discuss it though. Basically we talked about that fact that we didn't need to have access to each others money but we did need a plan for what I should do in the instance that something happened to him. We had this discussion (as well as others) periodically over the years as our financial situations changes and because I was paranoid after having so many women in my family end up in horrible situations after their husbands left them. We called them business meetings.
In hindsight, it paid off.
khadicurls
Well-Known Member
I have never shacked up because I always felt it was wrong but now that I'm a lot older I'm starting to feel differently. I'm moving and I'll most likely have a constant weekend visitor. I'm excited about the idea of having him around. I wonder how I'll feel about it in practice even though he won't be a full live in partner. I guess I have to start somewhere.
ScorpioLove
Well-Known Member
Why not? If it doesn't work out, you'd have to move. I hate moving so I'm curious as to how that situation is beneficial.
barbiesocialite
Well-Known Member
It's emasculating and starts the relationshiop on an unhealthy weak male power balance. Men are supposed to be provided and protectors. Living off a woman. In a woman's house is the antithesis of that.
ScorpioLove
Well-Known Member
Would that assume the man isn't paying a good portion of the bills?
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