', so my perspective may be different than most. At this point, he's working to meet the conditions for me to marry him. I don't see why I'd deprive myself of regular D. 
I shacked before marriage for 2 yrs. When we met we both knew the end point was marriage. I had never shacked and was against it but my friend made me think about the free rent meaning extra money to shop with
While shacking I did not cook, clean or do his laundry. All I was responsible was stocking the fridge. Soon after we did get cleaning service and continue to use them.
That's the safest way to do it, I think. Like I said, I only cook cuz I like cooking and I gotta eat.
, and they've seen how well I feed him, they've come to love me.
Lmao I love to cook but it's too much. I love Nigerian food, he doesn't. I'm not making 2 diff meals and I looooove eating out unfortunately.
As an unrelated side note, let me just say this. I been with this man a looooong time. The only reason we're not already married is because *I* had things I needed to handle first. The major one was health. I became disabled a year or so into our relationship. (It's not anything you would ever notice, but it's extremely painful, to the point that I'm unable to work outside the home.) When that happened, as noted, we were still early in our relationship. I gave him to option to break up many, many times and he insisted on staying with me.
I would not have left my mother's house without those assurances. He has known from the beginning that I'm very serious about my birth control, there will be no oops babies here, but because of who he was (black, middle class, well-educated with good prospects) his family, I think, were suspicious of me initially. Not his mom, she's great, but everybody else. And I didn't gaf. Over time, as I've managed NOT to get pregnant
My health is slightly better now (thanks solely to my brain and his money) and his career is moving along, so we might get married soon but, if you think of me as an 'accomplished shacker', lol, understand that while I may be conducting the train (the timeline), we already had an agreed-upon destination (marriage). I made him declare his intentions about two weeks into the relationship.
I swear to you, I only cook because I don't work. I would be completely unwilling to do it if I was actually bringing in money (cuz then I'd feel free to order take-out of the same quality as the food I cook. He okays it on those occassions when I don't cook, of course, but I wouldn't want to be frivolous with somebody else's money on a regular basis.).
I've been having sex almost 20 years now and I've never been pg. I don't know what people are doing out here, what kinda risky behavior they've been engaging in, but I still have a hard time believing those 'Oops, I got pregnant' stories. I mean, I guess, butI hope your health issue has improved. As for oops babies....well let's just say I'm pro choice
.
dude.....I know. SmhI swear to you, I only cook because I don't work. I would be completely unwilling to do it if I was actually bringing in money (cuz then I'd feel free to order take-out of the same quality as the food I cook. He okays it on those occassions when I don't cook, of course, but I wouldn't want to be frivolous with somebody else's money on a regular basis.).
I've been having sex almost 20 years now and I've never been pg. I don't know what people are doing out here, what kinda risky behavior they've been engaging in, but I still have a hard time believing those 'Oops, I got pregnant' stories. I mean, I guess, but
Exactly, and that's the only amenity I feel duty-bound to provide.
A large part of doing a thing is deciding to do a thing... no?
Sharing our decision-making processes may help someone reading this. Many bw struggle with the decision to shack or not. It might be helpful to them to know that they are, in fact, allowed to set their own parameters for the relationship.
I understand. I talked about my situation and my parameters cuz... that's the point of this thread.
Nobody has to do it how I'm doing it. I do think I'm doing it well, though, and that my experiences may be helpful to someone else who would like to be on the shack-then-marry track . But, no, I don't care if people plan to get married or not. I commended carawalker's decision to find a guy for rent and amusement. I certainly didn't get the impression she planned to marry him.
In this hypothetical situation, I'd inquire about her preferred outcome. If she's just messing around and he's hitting it right and regular, sheeeeiiiiit, I ain't mad. Enjoy the D and the side benefits, whatever they may be. I'd probably try to discourage babies (if she were heading in that direction), but other than that, hey, get in where you fit in.
I like shacking.
But I dont think it means the same thing to me that it means to other women.
For me it's a matter of convenience. If we're in a relationship, I'm not driving back and forth, going through the hassle of arranging mutually compatible schedules, waiting on someone else's time or treating someone like a guest or being treated like a guest. If we're having sex regularly and always sleeping in the same bed I ain't knocking on his damn door and damn sure ain't getting up to let him in when he's here every damn day. lol I need to comfortable. To be relaxed around and with someone things need to be personalized and feel organic. Otherwise I'm uncomfortable feeling like I'm in somebody's else's space or dealing with them invading mine..
Oh, ok. The way it was written, it sounded like one of those "
" posts.Oh, ok. The way it was written, it sounded like one of those "
The answer was there the minute to the hour to the day the first met someone. But for some reason it seems some people choose not to believe it. Instead they waste time hoping in things that are not there with the wrong people in deadend situations that was already doomed from the start.
We don't have one so I thought, why not?
Let's use this place to talk about *how* to do this shacking up thing.
Are you shacking while engaged?
Are you shacking indefinitely?
Are you shacking with babies?
Do you cook and clean and do laundry?
Basically, what are your boundaries? How far are you willing to let this thing go?
Discuss!
eta: @Theresamonet, @mzpurp, @prettyinpurple
I'm mad that I've been shacking for forever and we're just now getting our own RT at the tail end of my stint.
Ikr?!
Was that your intent going in? If so, was he aware of your intent?
