Sexless marriage

[bklynbornNbred]

I don't think he's gay but the more I hear the less I care. She deserves better. I hope you and your friend are able to help her get through this. The hard reality is this didn't come out of nowhere. Before she gets to dating again she needs to figure out what red flags she ignored when they were dating.

 

[syze6]

Mmmmmmm.......erplexed

WOW.... This is a red flag to me. Has he expressed these concerns to her before all of the lack of sex?? Or, did he just stop cold turkey?? Because if it's the latter then I would be very concerned if I were her. I need my husband to be able to communicate verbally with me if there is something that I'm doing to turn him off. Deliberately denying sex just because he's upset and doesn't want to verbally express his feelings is kind of hurtful and cruel imo. I'm hoping this isn't the case.

Then again, maybe he really does feel emasculated when she isn't supportive and that translates into him not feeling like she trusts him, and so therefore he feels less of a man. THAT (emasculation) could definitely cause a man not to be able to get it up....

I'm really hoping that it's more so the fact that he feels emasculated and not that he's just deliberately denying her sex because he's not getting his way. The latter just sounds so passive to me.... erplexed

At least it seems as though they are now talking about their issues/problems, so that's a good start.

Mmmmmmm.......erplexed

WOW.... This is a red flag to me. Has he expressed these concerns to her before all of the lack of sex?? Or, did he just stop cold turkey?? Because if it's the latter then I would be very concerned if I were her. I need my husband to be able to communicate verbally with me if there is something that I'm doing to turn him off. Deliberately denying sex just because he's upset and doesn't want to verbally express his feelings is kind of hurtful and cruel imo. I'm hoping this isn't the case.

Then again, maybe he really does feel emasculated when she isn't supportive and that translates into him not feeling like she trusts him, and so therefore he feels less of a man. THAT (emasculation) could definitely cause a man not to be able to get it up....

I'm really hoping that it's more so the fact that he feels emasculated and not that he's just deliberately denying her sex because he's not getting his way. The latter just sounds so passive to me.... erplexed

At least it seems as though they are now talking about their issues/problems, so that's a good start.

Welp...she said he told her when he comes home he feels empty. She said he bought up something that happened between them and she had no idea he had been holding that against her.

 

[Ganjababy]

Having sex 10 times in 8 months is considered a sexless marriage? Serious question...


What should a man do if it's the woman that is denying him sex through no fault of his own?

 

[bklynbornNbred]

Having sex 10 times in 8 months is considered a sexless marriage? Serious question...


What should a man do if it's the woman that is denying him sex through no fault of his own?

Unless there's a medical problem, file for divorce. And yes 10 times in 8 months is next to nothing.

 

[Ganjababy]

I have ptsd from being raped since I was 6 years old (not my shame so I don't mind sharing). I feel sorry for my husband. You would think things would get better after 15 years of marriage but I am regressing.

Unless there's a medical problem, file for divorce. And yes 10 times in 8 months is next to nothing.

I guess I need to fix it before dude cheats on me or divorces me...

 

[bklynbornNbred]

I have ptsd from being raped since I was 6 years old (not my shame so I don't mind sharing). I feel sorry for my husband. You would think things would get better after 15 years of marriage but I am regressing.

I guess I need to fix it before dude cheats on me or divorces me...

I would never make light of your serious situation. If you haven't been doing it more than that before he married you then clearly my opinion wasn't directed at you or your current situation.

In general IMO if one switched up on him (having more sex when dating then switching to nothing after marriage) then counseling would need to be in order and him leaving after no change would not be out of order.

 

[Ganjababy]

We did do it more before marriage. The excitement of new peen overrided the ptsd. I guess I owe it to him to at least try and fix it. I feel so worthless at this moment. I am such a man hater but at this moment I feel sorry for him...

I would never make light of your serious situation. If you haven't been doing it more than that before he married you then clearly my opinion wasn't directed at you or your current situation.

In general IMO if one switched up on him (having more sex when dating then switching to nothing after marriage) then counseling would need to be in order and him leaving after no change would not be out of order.

 

[bklynbornNbred]

I feel like I keep putting my foot in my mouth. Get help for yourself. If he's not complaining then he may more understanding then you are giving him credit for. Please don't feel worthless. Yours is a serious situation that is different from what the OP shared.

 

[Ganjababy]

When we do not have sex he gets depressed and irritable. I don't know how he has put up with it so long. He came on to me this morning and I felt so angry and annoyed. He always tells me I am so beautiful and sexy and this is what he gets in return.

I feel like I keep putting my foot in my mouth. Get help for yourself. If he's not complaining then he may more understanding then you are giving him credit for. Please don't feel worthless. Yours is a serious situation that is different from what the OP shared.

Your posts made me realize that I have a responsibilty to my husband. So you have not put your foot in your mouth.

 

[MomofThreeBoys]

When we do not have sex he gets depressed and irritable. I don't know how he has put up with it so long. He came on to me this morning and I felt so angry and annoyed. He always tells me I am so beautiful and sexy and this is what he gets in return.

Your posts made me realize that I have a responsibilty to my husband. So you have not put your foot in your mouth.

Are you in therapy? Maybe it would help to see someone. I've been married 20 years and although I don't share your story on abuse, it's very easy to get complacent in long term relationships when it comes to intimacy and sex.

 

[Ganjababy]

I am in therapy. To be honest, there are so many issues in my life that this is not at the top of my agenda as yet. I am just trying to stay alive and keep my job.

Are you in therapy? Maybe it would help to see someone. I've been married 20 years and although I don't share you story on a use, it's very easy to get complacent in long term relationships when it comes to intimacy and sex.

 

[MomofThreeBoys]

Having sex 10 times in 8 months is considered a sexless marriage? Serious question...


What should a man do if it's the woman that is denying him sex through no fault of his own?

Dangerously close to it. I believe 1x a month or less is considered a sexless marriage. I can't remember where I saw the definition.

 

[MomofThreeBoys]

I am in therapy. To be honest, there are so many issues in my life that this is not at the top of my agenda as yet. I am just trying to stay alive and keep my job.

Your sanity and health should be your top priority.

 

[MizAvalon]

No sex without an explanation? Sex is an integral part of marriage, I don't think I would be able to handle that.