Is infidelity ever acceptable?

intimacy
I open myself up for you to look "into me and see" me, all of me

my fears, insecurities, dreams, loves, feelings everything

sex doesn't necessarily equate to intimacy,however being open during sex does and even if she could manage to get him to touch her or do anything if he's not willing to open up to her about what is going on with him it won't be a truly intimate encounter

years is a long time to go without sex without knowing what the reason or cause is and not being honest about it, there is a definitely a lack of intimacy and honesty going on

obviously this is a thru "sickness, thin, worse" time

so the question is does a marriage hold a bond if both people aren't committed to it and each others well being....?

some honesty is gonna have to come into play real soon

he's gonna have to be honest about what is really goin on with him whether its equipment failure or loss of interest, sexuality issues, another person,

she's gonna have to be honest about what she is really feeling, even about wanting to step out...and not just by posing a hypothetical questions about

what would you do if

tell him exactly what she is feeling, what she is really thinking about doing, why she is thinking about it, wanting to do it

the truth has to come out one way or another even if "hurt" feelings have to come into play
 
I don't want to start any drama..but are you sure buddy isn't gay..and someone brought out his homosexuality..and now NANA doesn't do it for him anymore? I'm just saying..maybe he never was that into NANA..but he just did it because that's what men are suppose to do.
Anyway..solution..she needs to talk to him and ask him does he have any kinky fantasies..maybe he will open up. If it's too kinky for her..she needs to bounce..if it isn't they may both like it!
 
loveurself84 said:
I don't want to start any drama..but are you sure buddy isn't gay..and someone brought out his homosexuality..and now NANA doesn't do it for him anymore? I'm just saying..maybe he never was that into NANA..but he just did it because that's what men are suppose to do.
Anyway..solution..she needs to talk to him and ask him does he have any kinky fantasies..maybe he will open up. If it's too kinky for her..she needs to bounce..if it isn't they may both like it!
Click to expand...

Honestly, I was wondering the same thing. Given his personality that would seem more likely to me then him having an affair with a woman.
 
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It is if you decide it is. I think it's so easy to say "no way, no how" when you're not in the situation and you don't know the circumstances. And I don't think we should :rolleyes: at women who CHOOSE to say, because we don't know their situation or their circumstances. And choosing to stay does not necessarily make one desperate or a doormat.

That being said, no sex for a decade is a symptom of a MUCH bigger problem. Why she waited 10 years to address it, or even consider it is beyond me.
 
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ETA: I'm answering the theoretical question in the title, not necessarily guessing what's happening with this couple.

I'm going to take the "maybe he's cheating, too" issue of the table because I think in such a case, it's much more clear-cut what needs to be done.

I'm even going to take a "mental block to sex" off the table, because at least he could make a show of good faith by going to therapy, counseling, etc to try to relieve himself of the block.

In the event of a true physical/ physiological inability to have sex, the issue is much harder. Then you have a person who is not only faultless but for whom no amount of good faith can fix the problem.

Like some of the other posters, I have heard of couples who come to a sort of 'Abraham and Sarah" agreement (only minus the childbearing) so the sexually active partner can still have sex, with their partner's blessing. Each couple can make their own limits and boundaries about what sexual acts can be performed, where and when, with whom, etc.

But what if even bringing this subject up is a terrible blow to him and he's not on board?

ouch, what a situation. I feel for both parties in such a case. :perplexed:

True, he will be brutally crushed to be told "I want a divorce because you are physically unable to have sex." Wouldn't YOU be devestated to be told that by your partner to whom you've been a loving and loyal friend and companion? :perplexed:

But it seems so cruel and unethical to keep him in happy ignorance while all the while cheating on him. I just can't get with that. It seems like two evils being offered up instead of one.

I guess my answer to the title is: "infidelity [by definition, sex done without the partner's knowlege or blessing] is never acceptable."
 
I dont think she should cheat behind his back it will come out and end up hurting him -these things always end up getting emotional especially if its an old flame - i know this really sounds heartless but she is still young and has her life ahead of her and who wants to be trapped in a loveless marriage for the next 20-30 years? I would tell him if he didnt consider therapy to work this out i was bouncing or taking someone else on the side...
 
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ThickHair said:
So you would understand if your husband wanted to divorce you in the same situation? WOW
Click to expand...


Yes... I would expect it. How can you hold someone sexually hostage for ten years and not expect it to be an issue in your marriage? I would rather divorce than than introduce another sexual partner into my relationship. I know I could not handle that, him coloring with someone else then crawling up in bed with me. I.AM.NOT.THE.ONE.

Granted my answer is based on the situation given as is. My response may vary if I knew why he was not having sex with his wife (health reasons vs. psychological issues vs. him plain ol' getting it elsewhere)
 
:nono: I couldn't stay in this marriage. One of the bonuses of marriage is sex and if I'm not getting any I'm not going to be a happy camper. They need to go to counseling.
 
In this case, I'd say yeah. He's not trying to address the issue? Hecky nah.

I can't imagine being married and living together and not getting any.
Even when I was at the lowest point in my last relationship, we would still "touch & agree."

He's probably cheating or ghey.
 
luving me said:
It's not acceptable to me. I have a friend who's hubby is on dialysis and he can't get his crayon up, but he's selfish because he won't do anything else sexually for her (toys, use his fingers, tongue, etc) and she's getting antsy. I told her to talk to him about it, she did and said that he said no go. Now that would lead to divorce for me.
Click to expand...

Things like this make me feel like marriage is overrated. How is he selfish when he's on DIALYSIS? OMG. But of course sex takes priority over his health I suppose or how he's feeling in general. :rolleyes:

As far as the op: infidelity is never okay. But I would be hesitant here to say he's selfish. Truthfully no one here knows the whole story. We are only receiving the information that his wife is giving the OP. I think there may be more to the situation. And I guess I'm just different because I don't understand why there is such an emphasis on sex that people would be willing to divorce. aren't there other aspects of marriage that make it worthwhile? You can get sex from ANYONE. There should be much more than sex that ties you with your spouse and creates a bond. Sex does not always equate to intimacy. In this situation, maybe he feels embarrassed and pressured. I know men who shut down when they feel they can't live up to certain expectations and it appears that they don't care, but deep down they are afraid of failure. And you already mentioned that they tried Viagra and it wasn't great. So it is clear that he DID in fact try something.

I think your friend just wants to have an affair. You should probably just listen but avoid providing any advice.
 
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People do cheat in the daytime too.:look:

And don't you hear folks saying "wow I never would have thought he/she would do something like that".

The quiet homebodies can be sneaky too. Maybe that's why he's home every night.:lachen:

....maybe that's his alibi.:look::lachen:

ambergirl said:
Never say never but knowing this guy, I think it would be highly unlikely he's stepping.

Yeah she asked him and he kind of hems and haws around it....I'm thinking he's having equipment issues.
Click to expand...
 
Wonder if hes on blood pressure pills and/or SSRIs that will kill the dyckin real quick

No adultery is not acceptable. She should divorce if thats becoming a deal breaker.

personal note: I am very serious about my penis. I wouldn't have been with my ex husband half as long if he wasn't laying pipe like his life depended on it :look:


Oh! I see yer update....and damn this is ancient! ! Nvm. Carry on.
 
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