Would you stay in a marriage without sex? If the lack was not due to a medical issue, would you hold on. I know sex is not everything but if in 8 months you and the hubby have only colored 10 times, what would you do? I can imagine that has to reap havoc on one's self-esteem. How does one endure that? I know someone in that situation and it's hard not to allow the thoughts to go left. It is also hard to hear that scenario and not call BS as well!
Sexless marriage
- Thread starter syze6
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LivingInPeace
Well-Known Member
Is it a case where one person is fine with the frequency and the other isn't? Are they both content or just resigned to the situation? Do you suspect that someone is getting it from somewhere else? Could there be a medical reason that they aren't aware of, like medication lowering the sex drive?
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
Oh heck no...... 
I couldn't do it.... 
erplexed
If he's not having sex w/me, then I would be wondering who he's having sex with instead....
If it's just not as frequent as you would like, then I would try to have a talk with him about it. Before "the talk" I would try maybe initiating things on MY end first though....maybe catch him by surprise a few times lol
If that doesn't work, then we would definitely have to have "THE TALK".
There's no way I could stay in a sex-less marriage.... Especially seeing as how MOST men want (need??) sex like every week?? Oh heck no....lol.... 
Sorry to be so blunt, but I just couldn't.
I couldn't do it.... erplexed If he's not having sex w/me, then I would be wondering who he's having sex with instead....
If it's just not as frequent as you would like, then I would try to have a talk with him about it. Before "the talk" I would try maybe initiating things on MY end first though....maybe catch him by surprise a few times lol
If that doesn't work, then we would definitely have to have "THE TALK".
There's no way I could stay in a sex-less marriage....
Especially seeing as how MOST men want (need??) sex like every week?? Oh heck no....lol.... Sorry to be so blunt, but I just couldn't.
The one is feeling unattractive and down on herself. There is not medication involved on either part. It's hard to imagine a man who lives with a woman, sleeping in the bed not being bothered by their lack of coloring activities. Not only that but not even trying to initiate contact. He gets in bed and pretty much sleeps on his side of the bed. There isn't so much as a booty rub, or snuggling from the back.
I don't understand a man that a wife approaches after the kids are asleep, not wanting to color. Even when the wife shows interest in coloring, he gives an excuse about just finished eating or something silly. This is after going weeks at a time without connecting. It seems with that much of a stretch a man would be more than happy to connect.
I don't understand a man that a wife approaches after the kids are asleep, not wanting to color. Even when the wife shows interest in coloring, he gives an excuse about just finished eating or something silly. This is after going weeks at a time without connecting. It seems with that much of a stretch a man would be more than happy to connect.
FlowerHair
Reclaiming my time
Is the man depressed? Did they just have a child?
Did he have a high libido before?
Did he have a high libido before?
Oh heck no......
If he's not having sex w/me, then I would be wondering who he's having sex with instead....
If it's just not as frequent as you would like, then I would try to have a talk with him about it. Before "the talk" I would try maybe initiating things on MY end first though....maybe catch him by surprise a few times lol
If that doesn't work, then we would definitely have to have "THE TALK".
There's no way I could stay in a sex-less marriage....
Sorry to be so blunt, but I just couldn't.
Every week? I know some who want it every day. lol
LivingInPeace
Well-Known Member
Some men have low sex drives. He could be under stress that's affecting his interest.
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
If he's not on medication, depressed, sick, ill, has an STD (even then some men will STILL sleep w/you ) , etc, then I'm thinking it's gotta be one of 3 things...
-He's got ED
-He's Gay
-Or he's CHEATING!
YUP!!!!
I was being "skimpy" when I said "every week". I know for MOST men it's everyday, but I was trying to be PC....
Even if you two are only coloring once a week, that's STILL 4 times a month...and in 8 months that would 32 times!!! That just shows how minimal 10 times in 8 months really is... erplexed
) , etc, then I'm thinking it's gotta be one of 3 things...-He's got ED
-He's Gay
-Or he's CHEATING!
YUP!!!!
I was being "skimpy" when I said "every week". I know for MOST men it's everyday, but I was trying to be PC.... Even if you two are only coloring once a week, that's STILL 4 times a month...and in 8 months that would 32 times!!! That just shows how minimal 10 times in 8 months really is...
erplexed
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
Something tells me that men can STILL have sex even when they're "stressed" though.
They may not be into foreplay lol, but I can't imagine a man being sooooo "stressed" that he REPEATEDLY turns down sex. erplexedI think only women get so "stressed" that we can't have sex. Men tend to be able to separate sex from feelings pretty well imo....
It's we WOMEN who can't turn it off lol...He has no problems watching porn on his phone and downloading images. So he has interest in sex in some capacity.
FlowerHair
Reclaiming my time
Porn is less demanding than a real life person, so it might feel "easier" for him.
The real problem here seems to be that he's not acknowledging the problem and not seeking help for it either?
LivingInPeace
Well-Known Member
What was their frequency before?
Something tells me that men can STILL have sex even when they're "stressed" though.
I think only women get so "stressed" that we can't have sex. Men tend to be able to separate sex from feelings pretty well imo....
Some men do, some men don't. Everyone processes stress/depression differently.
If something really bad happens at work, or with money my SO isn't in the mood.
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
I'm not saying stress doesn't affect men and make them lose interest.... I'm just finding it hard to believe that there would be so much stress that you're not in the mood for 8 months...
erplexed 8 months??? That's almost a year. 
Has he been asked what is going on or what's wrong? If it's depression then I definitely understand.... But stress?? There's gotta be something deeper going on if he's not depressed.
FlowerHair
Reclaiming my time
I'm not saying stress doesn't affect men and make them lose interest.... I'm just finding it hard to believe that there would be so much stress that you're not in the mood for 8 months...
Has he been asked what is going on or what's wrong? If it's depression then I definitely understand.... But stress?? There's gotta be something deeper going on if he's not depressed.
8 months is a very short time if you're living together for the rest of your lives. There will be sickness, pregnancies, surgeries, depression, joblessness etc etc that will affect your relationship (including the sex life) from time to time.
The question isn't if it's going to happen, but when and how are you going to handle it. The "how" is what determines the outcome of the relationship, IMO...
LivingInPeace
Well-Known Member
Could it be that he isn't physically attracted to her anymore?
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
Right, I understand all of that.
But she's saying that it's not due to medical reasons, depression or anything major (or else I assume she would have mentioned the event/situation)...that's why I'm kind of confused and wondering. 8 months is a LONG time to be refusing sex or making excuses without knowing what is wrong. If there's a death in the family, or illness, or depression or whatever, then that's understandable. But if there's nothing else (otherwise mentioned) going on, then I don't understand, and as a wife I WOULD be definitely concerned.
I definitely know that sex isn't everything, but if my husband can't communicate to me what is wrong and why his libido has changed then there is a problem. Maybe digging a little deeper is necessary?? Idk... to me it's just not normal.....
erplexed Plus if he's still into porn as it was mentioned, then that's also gotta be a little demoralizing and a blow to the self esteem as a woman. There's gotta be something going on. Maybe the OP does know but doesn't want to share...and that's okay. But to me 8 months is a long time for a MAN (not necessarily a woman) to be refusing sex if nothing else (visibly seen/mentioned) is at play. There's something up I would think.
FlowerHair
Reclaiming my time
Right, I understand all of that.
If there's a death in the family, or illness, or depression or whatever, then that's understandable. But if there's nothing else (otherwise mentioned) going on, then I don't understand, and as a wife I WOULD be definitely concerned.
Maybe digging a little deeper is necessary?? Idk... to me it's just not normal.....
Absolutely. And it seems both the wife and the husband are avoiding the real issue, with focusing on the sex.
She tries to come on to him and seduce him (knowing they need to sit down and talk instead) and he talks about a belly ache or something (knowing that he needs to come clear to her about his problems).
It's a sort of game.
When she brings it up he makes it seem as if it's not a big deal and that her count is wrong. When he gets time off work after them going long periods with out sex, she doesn't get a chance to suggest coloring, because he wants to go out and hang. It's like he isn't on the same page with her in their lack of sex.
She's thinking after all the responsibilities of life and finally being able to get together. When she makes it home, he already has plans to meet up with his guys on his day off and is out the door. He doesn't even try to stay in and make up lost times.
It just screams uninterested and I try to keep from saying uninterested in his wife.
She's thinking after all the responsibilities of life and finally being able to get together. When she makes it home, he already has plans to meet up with his guys on his day off and is out the door. He doesn't even try to stay in and make up lost times.
It just screams uninterested and I try to keep from saying uninterested in his wife.
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
Absolutely. And it seems both the wife and the husband are avoiding the real issue, with focusing on the sex.
She tries to come on to him and seduce him (knowing they need to sit down and talk instead) and he talks about a belly ache or something (knowing that he needs to come clear to her about his problems).
It's a sort of game.
Yea see.....something else is going on here....and the lack of sex is just a culmination of a much deeper issue that isn't being talked about.
erplexedI hate to think that it's simply a lack of interest in his wife, but maybe that could be it as well....
She has thought of this and it makes her sad, because she makes sure she keeps herself up for him. I told her it needs to be for YOU so you can feel good about YOU! She is a very pretty girl and when she goes out the men and women are trying to get at her. The woman is ole faithful to a T. She only has eyes for her hubby no matter what ups and downs they have. Even his friends find her attractive and so did he when he pursued her to no end.
I'm not saying stress doesn't affect men and make them lose interest.... I'm just finding it hard to believe that there would be so much stress that you're not in the mood for 8 months...
Has he been asked what is going on or what's wrong? If it's depression then I definitely understand.... But stress?? There's gotta be something deeper going on if he's not depressed.
Yeah, I think depression is more likely. Although I have personally experienced stress for 2 months straight.
If there was no explanation at all then I would be pretty upset by 1 month lol.
FlowerHair
Reclaiming my time
This might be one of the roots of the problem!!
Not saying that she should cheat on him, but please buy her a copy of "Why men love bit..es".
He may feel too safe with her. She should shake him up a little to get through to him.
MD_Lady
Well-Known Member
Oh noooooooooooooooo. That wouldn't impact my self-esteem (as I wouldn't see myself as the one with the problem ), but I'd be very upset about DH dialing down frequency to THAT degree without an explanation or (apparent) cause AND gaslighting me on top of it... 
I'm not saying I'd leave, but until he opened up about what was really going on and worked WITH me to find a compromise that worked for both of us, I'd light him... on the regular. Absolutely. And it seems both the wife and the husband are avoiding the real issue, with focusing on the sex.
She tries to come on to him and seduce him (knowing they need to sit down and talk instead) and he talks about a belly ache or something (knowing that he needs to come clear to her about his problems).
It's a sort of game.
She says she sits with him and have talks and ask him what is wrong. She has asked if her wants to be married? Is he happy? Is she not sexing him as he like, if so tell her what he wants. He will bring up issues with him not feeling he gets support from her.
She says, when he is right she supports him, but can't support him when he is clearly being inconsiderate, petty and provoking about things. I was telling her about our talk about narcissism and how he could be using sex as a mean to punish her, since he knows she feels rejected. He probably feels vindicated to hear her come to him, as payback for her not supporting him. He just wants to feel like she is on his side, no matter if he is dead wrong. This is even when it comes to the children and she finds it hard to encourage his irrational behavior. I told her to read up on the personality. He could very well deny himself the pleasure just to make her feel less then. IDK
MD_Lady
Well-Known Member
She says he said she never takes his side. She say's she supports him as her hubby but he does things that is not good for their overall health of their household.
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