Serious BabyMomma Drama

[Skyfall]

My best friend had a baby and I'm the godmother. Things didn't workout between her and the father so they broke up but they live together because of financial restraints. I went to visit them and slept over Mon and Tues night.
Monday night:
I realise that the babydaddy (bd) puts his hand on my butt when he hugs me.
My bf was coming over to visit me there and I was changing in the bedroom the bd walks in on me. (I don't think it was on purpose)
He walks in on my bf and I asleep after being intimate,we were both naked.

Tuesday night:
Same hugging thing
He's always finding a reason to touch me now
Asking me inappropriate things like how does your bf make love to you, well I would do it like this.
Just always talking about sex to me and all the things he does, how big he is, commenting on my body when he saw me naked.

So I came to the conclusion that he was coming on to me and tried to find a way not to be around him.
I was debating whether or not to tell her because she has so much stress and drama in her life, that I didn't want to add to it. But she loves him for some strange reason after all he's done to her and I felt like I had to tell her to expose just how horrible he is. Why would you be coming on to your babymomma's bf and your child's godmother? and the thing is he did it smart, he never told me directly, he went around it, so if she were to confront him he could be like 'oh well I never told her I wanted her.'

I was on the phone with her tonight and she's talking about how she needs to leave and move on with her life but her love for him is holding her back.
I told her, what else did she need to hear to get her *** up and go!!!

She was crying and wanting to go cuss him out and she said that I should have told her when it was happening, so now I feel like I should have told her then or not at all.
What I'm most concerned about is what's gonna happen afterwards. She has no money, no shelter, no car.
I told her to keep her cool until she could go to minnesotta. I would gladly take her in but I'd have to ask my mom first and I can't help her financially because I'm 19 in college dependent on my parents.

Any suggestions, advice, comments
I don't know what to do, I felt like I did the wrong thing cuz its not like she can just get up and go in the middle of the night.

 

[blaqueskimo]

((Sigh))

I'll be back

 

[Mik]

You for real?! erplexed

Um, these are just my thoughts, so you can take them with a grain of salt:

1. You should have punched him in the throat the very 1st time he touched you inappropriately.

2. The coloring with your man when you are visiting someone's house is kind of ummm...my words are escaping me right now.

3. Its not your fault your friend's man is a sexual predator. Do not let him continue to violate you. Your friend did not always live with this dude, I'm sure she has parents or relatives or someone who can help her until she gets on her feet. I sincerely hope that she is intelligent enough to do what she needs to do to get rid of this person.


Sometimes, when I read these threads, I feel like I'm being punked.

 

[poetist]

You for real?! erplexed

Um, these are just my thoughts, so you can take them with a grain of salt:

1. You should have punched him in the throat the very 1st time he touched you inappropriately.

2. The coloring with your man when you are visiting someone's house is kind of ummm...my words are escaping me right now.

3. Its not your fault your friend's man is a sexual predator. Do not let him continue to violate you. Your friend did not always live with this dude, I'm sure she has parents or relatives or someone who can help her until she gets on her feet. I sincerely hope that she is intelligent enough to do what she needs to do to get rid of this person.


Sometimes, when I read the threads, I feel like I'm being punked.

 

[msa]

He walks in on my bf and I asleep after being intimate,we were both naked.

I stopped right here.

What kind of nasty triflin' mess...


Anyway, I don't see why homegirl is trying to leave her residence when she doesn't have anywhere to go. They obviously have extra room (the one you were sexing yo' man in) so she needs to just move herself right on in there and call it a day.

 

[Skyfall]

The colouring was fine with them, in fact my friend was saying that I should get some when he came over.

I didn't curse him out cuz i'm not a confrontational person, seriously, I don't fight or cuss with anybody no matter what you do to me, one of my greatest faults I know. I'd rather just keep quiet and keep it moving, but I told her cuz I don't know what else would get her to leave.

 

[Skyfall]

it's not her house, it's his.

 

[spelmanlocks]

You did the right thing to tell her, hopefully it'll be the push she needs to move out and on her own.

 

[msa]

The colouring was fine with them, in fact my friend was saying that I should get some when he came over.

No comment.

I didn't curse him out cuz i'm not a confrontational person, seriously, I don't fight or cuss with anybody no matter what you do to me, one of my greatest faults I know. I'd rather just keep quiet and keep it moving, but I told her cuz I don't know what else would get her to leave.

Why would you encourage her to leave when she doesn't have an alternative place of residence?

it's not her house, it's his.

And is he putting her out? Because if not, she needs to stay there. Like I said, they don't have to be together for her to live there. And you already said they have financial strain. This is not the time for her to be moving out, obviously.

 

[poetist]

My best friend had a baby and I'm the godmother. Things didn't workout between her and the father so they broke up but they live together because of financial restraints. I went to visit them and slept over Mon and Tues night.
Monday night:
I realise that the babydaddy (bd) puts his hand on my butt when he hugs me.
My bf was coming over to visit me there and I was changing in the bedroom the bd walks in on me. (I don't think it was on purpose)
He walks in on my bf and I asleep after being intimate,we were both naked.
As someone else said, why are you sexing at someone elses house. So inappropriate - esp since there seem to be no locks on the doors.

Tuesday night:
Same hugging thing
Why are you hugging him?
He's always finding a reason to touch me now
Why are you letting him touch you?

Asking me inappropriate things like how does your bf make love to you, well I would do it like this.
Just always talking about sex to me and all the things he does, how big he is, commenting on my body when he saw me naked.
And you're just listening to this while doing what? smiling? frowning? im sooo confused
So I came to the conclusion that he was coming on to me and tried to find a way not to be around him.
mmmkay
I was debating whether or not to tell her because she has so much stress and drama in her life, that I didn't want to add to it. But she loves him for some strange reason after all he's done to her and I felt like I had to tell her to expose just how horrible he is. Why would you be coming on to your babymomma's bf and your child's godmother?
because he can, i guess. he's trife.

and the thing is he did it smart, he never told me directly, he went around it, so if she were to confront him he could be like 'oh well I never told her I wanted her.'
Smart? I mustve missed something. He physically and verbally disrespected you. Touching your body and making sexual comments are just....beyond.....i dont even know.

 

[Skyfall]

I'm afraid once she confronts him he will and she said she doesn't want to stay there after I told her. She could go to her moms but she dont have no money either and is about to lose that house and she doesnt work either, doing surgeries, spreading cancer.
It's just one big soap opera mess.

 

[poetist]

The colouring was fine with them, in fact my friend was saying that I should get some when he came over.

you're joking, right?

 

[Skyfall]

I dont let him touch me he would just quickly touch me either on my back or thigh.
and when he was saying the inappropriate things I told him to stop, it was making me uncomfortable.
and he would hug me in greeting, in front of her.

 

[msa]

I'm afraid once she confronts him he will and she said she doesn't want to stay there after I told her. She could go to her moms but she dont have no money either and is about to lose that house and she doesnt work either, doing surgeries, spreading cancer.
It's just one big soap opera mess.

So why would you tell the girl this mess in the first place?

Your friend 1)is under financial strain 2)has a baby to worry about 3) is living with her ex 4) and has a mom who's sick and about to lose her house...and yet you felt it was appropriate to tell her something like this that would make her even more emotionally distraught and liable to get put out on the street (because of course she's going to confront him)?

I don't understand this at all.

 

[Skyfall]

no i'm not joking, some people don't mind their friends having sex in their house, in a room with the door closed (I thought I had closed it and turned the lock but I didnt pull the door in enough).

 

[Mik]

Dani, we cool and all, but you can't spend the night at my house.

Like you mentioned it is a big soap opera mess. Your original post had a very "JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!" vibe to it.

I do feel bad for your friend though, and wish her the best. In the meantime, please stay away from your molester.

 

[MissJ]

OP, please don't color in other people's houses. I don't care what your friend said. It wasn't her house anyway. And stay away from this guy. I was surprised your friend didn't get upset with you for telling her about her man. Where does the surgery and spreading cancer stuff come in?

 

[msa]

no i'm not joking, some people don't mind their friends having sex in their house, in a room with the door closed (I thought I had closed it and turned the lock but I didnt pull the door in enough).

I'm sure her man didn't mind you sexing in the other room since he already has such an interest in you.

 

[Skyfall]

because she can go to minnesota to her sister's house like she's been planning to for months but was staying cuz she loved him. In minnesota she would be taken care of, that's where all her family and friends are, but I still don't know if she's gonna leave.

 

[poetist]

no i'm not joking, some people don't mind their friends having sex in their house, in a room with the door closed (I thought I had closed it and turned the lock but I didnt pull the door in enough).

I guess.

 

[msa]

What I'm most concerned about is what's gonna happen afterwards. She has no money, no shelter, no car.
I told her to keep her cool until she could go to minnesotta. I would gladly take her in but I'd have to ask my mom first and I can't help her financially because I'm 19 in college dependent on my parents.

because she can go to minnesota to her sister's house like she's been planning to for months but was staying cuz she loved him. In minnesota she would be taken care of, that's where all her family and friends are, but I still don't know if she's gonna leave.

Either she can or she can't go to Minnesota, which is it?

You said she has no shelter, she can't go to her mom's house, and she can't come to yours. So what is she supposed to do in the meantime? Hang out on the corner?

You also said she has no money and no car. How is she going to get to Minnesota?

 

[Mik]

deleted because someone clarified for me and now I feel special (ed).....

 

[hopeful]

^^^I think she meant the mother's cancer is spreading throughout her body. I've heard of very agressive cancer spreading to other parts of the body.

 

[Skyfall]

she was planning on taking the greyhound bus. she can go to her mom's to stay till she leaves but she just cant live there.
oh and I forgot she also doesnt want to leave her sick mom alone, but her mom refuses to budge I dont know why.......
this whole situation saddens and confuses me. the answer is so clear to me but I guess its cuz she lacks self-confidence, shes afraid to take the initiative, her mom is no better either.

 

[Mik]

^^^I think she meant the mother's cancer is spreading throughout her body. I've heard of very agressive cancer spreading to other parts of the body.

Thank you, hopeful, cause I honestly didn't get it. If thats the case OP, I wasn't trying to be flip. Sorry.

 

[Skyfall]

the cancer is spreading throughout her body..................

 

[Skyfall]

its ok MIK

 

[hopeful]

Danibeeja gyal, I used to get involved in this kind of drama with people, I'd be up at night worried about folks, but you know what? Now I understand that some people will always have some type of drama. It usually drives the friend mad but the person involved in the situation actually enjoys the drama on some level, and until something clicks in them, there is nothing you can do. If I were you I'd pray for her, loan or give her some cash if I had it, offer to babysit if she needs that kind of help and if I had the time, and again pray. That's it, trust me she and her bd will drive you crazy.

 

[msa]

she was planning on taking the greyhound bus. she can go to her mom's to stay till she leaves but she just cant live there.
oh and I forgot she also doesnt want to leave her sick mom alone, but her mom refuses to budge I dont know why.......
this whole situation saddens and confuses me. the answer is so clear to me but I guess its cuz she lacks self-confidence, shes afraid to take the initiative, her mom is no better either.

Does her ex abuse her (physically, emotionally, mentally)? Are they able to live together amicably without being "together"? Is there any other reason, aside from her emotional attachment, that would make the situation a negative one?

If the answer is no to those questions, she needs to stay IMO. I don't see why she should move out of the house if they have no problem with their arrangement. And that way, her baby gets to have both parents, she can stay close to her mother, and she can start getting herself together so that she can move out eventually. Moving out over some mess that could just be a misunderstanding is unnecessary. And you need to get out of their relationship. If you want the best for her, help her figure out a plan to get herself together.

 

[msa]

I just want to say, I'm speaking from experience. I'm 23 and am godmother to my friend's 2 year old. I've known my friend T for almost 10 years. She and her child's father have had drama from day 1 and I used to get so involved in it. Um no. We had the exact same situation (her dude touched me inappropriately) and I told her and after all the drama she stayed. I learned my lesson then. I am not saying ANYTHING because she's grown and can make her own decisions.

All I can do is encourage her to make more positive decisions for her and her child but I do not interfere anymore. And I definitely do not get involved in drama. Why? Because if she didn't like the situation she wouldn't stay in it. Home dude is in jail right now for beating her down 5 days after she gave birth and guess what, she's steady writing him letters. And guess what else? It ain't none of my doggone business.

Stay out of her mess.