Saddened by the Unpopular Hair Opinions Thread

[jasmin]

I knew where that thread would go so I decided not to read it.

 

[Shawn]

All this drama reminds me why I have so few female friends. In the words of Florida Evans: Damn damn damn!

 

[~Nigeria~]

All this drama reminds me why I have so few female friends. In the words of Florida Evans: Damn damn damn!

There's only drama if people let there be drama. Like this post, IMO, was meant to create drama... JMO

Nah....like Bubblin' stated (not in these words), this was just a thread to let people vent what they can't stand and what irks them about other members in a "structured" and "indirect" kinda way....

Even though the intention of the thread I do believe was malicious. It's been a topic before here a long time ago and went the same route. You may intentionally think it's simply about "unpopular opinions that work" but it had it's hidden agenda which was successfully executed (and those who saw the thread on the other board knew EXACTLY where this was going...).

I do agree with those that say they are just peoples opinions, they are free to have them and we shouldn't get all worked up over them. You don't know these folks, they don't know you. I ain't no saint, I laughed at a couple of them...shoot, I share some of those opinions myself, just as well as I may fit into the category of the "unpopular" opinions. Maybe cause I been around on hair boards long enough and have pretty much seen it all, it just doesn't phase me emotionally. As in bad taste as the thread may be, there will ALWAYS be someone who care much for what you do for whatever reasons they may have and you gotta be ready to suck that up when you "put your business out there" I will say. But, it has nothing to do with you trying to meet your hair goals. Let them bask in their glory for "telling you like it is" direct or indirectly, and you do you.

Happy hair growing!!!

 

[LaNecia]

Wow!
I have not read it and I will not after this thread.

Same here...

 

[~Nigeria~]

I respect the people who bypassed or decided not to read the thread but as for other posters who dogged it out and then were the same one's all up in there laughing and agreeing.... .

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Wow, am I reading the same thread?? I didn't realize it was all that serious...

 

[Enchantmt]

While many here can look at a title and know how it is going to come out due to past threads of a similar nature, no one here is a mind reader. We have no way of knowing what the OP's had in mind so please do not publically pass negative judgement on either of these ladies saying they intended to cause discord on the board. Assume the best.

I don't think the either posters had a malicious intent to starting the threads. I think the starter of 'unpoplular opinions' wanted to bring over a fun thread, that turned into a pet peeve list. The OP of this one was simply saddend by what she perceived as veiled attacks or at the very least manifestation of some ugly ideas and attitudes that could hinder someone new or who doesnt have the perfect hair from seeking help and that we (in general on LHCF) *say* we pride ourselves on being above, and that many strive to over come, and she spoke out against it.

Regardless, the deed is done. Some have come in and said they didnt realize what an impact their comments have made, and I applaud them for stepping up to and being accountable for the effects of their comments, even tho they also did not have a bad intention. At the very least I ask that you reexamine what you really believe and take this post and the other in the spirit it was made, and reexamine what was put out there with an open mind willing to grow, and not as someone having to defend themselves or their actions.

 

[DragonPearl]

When I read through the first page of the thread I thought it was going to be along the lines of, "I still use heat/grease/Pantene (insert no no here) and my hair is thriving" kind of thread.

That's what I thought too, that it would be posters stating unpopular opinions about THEIR OWN hair.

Whenever people start commenting negatively about OTHER people's hair, feelings are bounds to get hurt, some people will feel targeted, and drama will be created. Since I don't go to the Hair Care forum for drama, I quickly exited this thread.

 

[Zeal]

IMHO ( I gotta get my 2 cents in too)

I knew nothing of the original thread until I read this one. Then I was curious to find out what had happened. After reading the first page, I had to exit. I too was sort of saddened by the thread also. I guess it is a "Sisterly Affection" thing. Sorry to dredge the thing back up again.

I had small issues with the thread but my main issue is not so much of what was said. But the attitudes towards others being hurt or offended. I can understand expressing your opinions. However we must be very careful "not" to easily give or take offense.

That's what I thought too, that it would be posters stating unpopular opinions about THEIR OWN hair.

Whenever people start commenting negatively about OTHER people's hair, feelings are bounds to get hurt, some people will feel targeted, and drama will be created. Since I don't go to the Hair Care forum for drama, I quickly exited this thread.

I agree. Some people just like drama and think that it is cool and it isn't. And those who think it is cool are usually in the midst of it. Then when you say something instead of look inside they look outside. This kind of stuff goes on in the work place, school, and usually where there are a lot of females. I just keep my distance.

If someone is offended , then they are. I don't feel as though they should be faulted for being offended. Or how you can not understand how or why they are offended. Just as you have the right to feel the way you feel so do they. People say that they don't care what others say about them... But, I am quite sure there is something that could be said to you that would hurt or offend.

I know everyone is not like me, but I care when someone is hurting. Now I am going beyond this board. If you feel this way on the board ...........?. We have enough issues from "others". We need to care for each other. When someone is hurt or offended, take it as that. They are hurt or offended. Don't tell them how the should feel.

Ok. I woke the dead horse. Sorry!

Happy Hair Growing and Good night.

 

[pebbles]

I'm going to address the issue of "calling specific people out" on the open forum to "help them out:"

DON'T!!!!!

If you have something to say to a specific poster/member, and you KNOW that the person's feelings may be hurt because what you are about to tell them is not complimentary, TAKE IT UP WITH THEM IN A PRIVATE MESSAGE! Be considerate of your sisters on this forum. While we all interact with each other via screen names, be mindful of the fact that behind that screen name is a real, flesh and blood woman. Pretend she was your mother, sister, or a much loved friend and treat her accordingly.

I don't have a lot of free time to surf all the threads anymore, but if I run into that type of thing, I'll delete the post or entire thread, and if people are angry about that, well... I don't think the whole forum needs to be a captive audience to comments being made that will hurt a specific person. Some things are better said in private, and people will be more receptive to suggestions if they can interact with you one on one. Done publicly, people will naturally be on the defensive. Please, think before typing!

Thank-you!! :Rose:

 

[punchinella]

That's what I thought too, that it would be posters stating unpopular opinions about THEIR OWN hair.

Whenever people start commenting negatively about OTHER people's hair, feelings are bounds to get hurt, some people will feel targeted, and drama will be created. Since I don't go to the Hair Care forum for drama, I quickly exited this thread.

My sentiments exactly

 

[KiniKakes]

Macherie,

This is a nice thread and I'm totally feeling you. I get great joy from affirming my sisters, not just on the board but period. I'd rather not see black women running other black women down.

ITA. Im glad you created this post Macherie, even if we're in the minority. I did see the "Unpopular Hair Opinions" thread on another board.... and I didnt like it then, and dont like it now. If the thread had remained general/neutral, ie, "Hair grease with cones works for me" then thats one thing.... but the thread became somewhat malicious..... and I wanted no parts of that. *shrug* I dont think this is about folks being "overly sensitive" at all. It just became a negative thread, overall, and by the end I didnt really see any positive purpose to it.

 

[cocowhite]

I haven't finished reading this thread, but wanted to jump right in and say if I have offended anyone that is definitely not my intentions at all. I did agree with that we should not judge or put others down due to there excessive products, methods or regimens. I also added that you should not let you skin sufferer in the quest for longer hair.
The last comment I made was more about myself and my own experience, that I was going through with my skin and trying to reach my hair goals.

So again I apologize if any comment I made or agree too was offensive to anyone. It is already hard enough when opening yourself to show your before and after hair pics for everyone to see.

 

[FeelinIt]

Yeah, it did start to get a little "mean" and a way of people "indirectly" attacking other members...

I know I laughed at a couple early on, and then I noticed the turn in tone the thread was taking...

Then I remember.....we are a forum of females, women... that's just how we get sometimes...

Don't let it get to you! You are here initially for your own benefit and for help in reaching your hair goals. For every person that "can't stand you" for what ever reasons listed in the "unpopular hair opinions thread"...there is someone that is grateful for your membership because you are helping them out tremendously in them reaching their hair goals.

GIRL your ponytail is to DIE for!!!! I can't wait until I get there......again!!!

Alright..back on topic

 

[LovelyLionessa]

All this drama reminds me why I have so few female friends. In the words of Florida Evans: Damn damn damn!

OT (partly because I can't deal with all the drama) but I sure got a kick outta the Good Times allusion!

 

[dynamic1]

I am trying to understand some of the reaction. I have lurked on this board for quite some time (even before joining) and nothing in that thread is surprising. I am giving people the benefit of the doubt because I don't think the posters (including me) were singling anyone out. I have seen threads on:

trim vs. anti-trim,
natural vs. relaxed,
curlies- to define or not to define,
fotki passwords,
protective vs. so in so wears their hair down everyday and it's still long.
bone straight or underprocessed.
MTG controversy
Keep it simple, etc............

Why did this thread create such emotion? The same unpopular opinions were voiced in individual threads. Everyone uses different methods, even though the goals may be similar.

Be easy.

 

[cmw45]

This is the comment I left on the Unpopular Opinions Board:

"Someone posted on this board that they wished that this forum was more accepting of "unpopular opinions." I personally think it is. I think the problem with a lot of "unpopular opinions" is the way in which they're phrased...almost like they're attacking people who do any of the things they mention...for example: "I think cowashing is stupid." Now, the person who said that cowashing was a good idea, certainly did not say, "You stupid if you don't cowash." My two cents is that if more people came at it like, "Cowashing really hasn't worked for me and I don't reccommend it." then I think that a lot more "unpopular opinions" would be shared and appreciated. (Someone mentioned someone else posting a comment that they needed a trim, but in a nasty way. Think of how much better this expeirence could have been for both people (the woman who got the tip might have been willing to dialogue and the person who posted wouldn't have felt the need to be so anonomyously shaddy.)"

Oooohh and, I noticed that a lot of the regulars...i.e AJamericanDiva, Southerngirl, etc. didn't post on this thread, I don't know if it was for fear of backlash or whatever, but ladies (you know who you are with your BSL or longer self, or just really healthy hair) I will always be stalkin' your fotki albums and you can feel free to give my arse as much advice about what has worked for you that you are willing to part with.
__________________

Also, I think that it was interesting to see how many people unlinked their Fotiki's after the "Unpopular Board" was posted. I know some people PMed me saying they were considering it...I may not though, b/c my fotiki if for my record of my journey and if you don't lke it...well, I'm not making you look.

 

[cmw45]

I feel the thread had opinions as well as bashing other's hair care techniques.

I think what saddened me the most is the people that I "highly admire" were participating.

ITA. I was like

 

[peacelove]

Everything you think does not always need to be expressed. I think most people know that, but we women love our drama. And there you have it - cause this ain't got NOTHING to do with haircare.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Big arse co-sign.

I read the thread and alot of those suggestions needed to be said. I would only make one request and say that folks should specify WHO they are referring to so that everyone else doesn't have to wonder "is it me they're speaking about?"

I wholeheartedly disagree for two obvious reasons. 1) It could be just an opinion of things you have noticed on a regular from quite a few people (those on and off the boards). 2) Does it need to be said that it would cause tons of hurt and drama? Especially when things are worded in a way that is not productive. If it really was constructive to one person why call them out on the board? Send em a pm and show that you respect them as a person.

 

[Yellowflowers]

Im not gonna lie. I was slightly bothered by the Unpopular Hair Opinions thread last night. It started off nice enough and was started with good intentions. But after a while, I started getting saddened by some of the comments. Making comments about how many photos people have in their fotkis, not truly having enough hair to make bra strap length, when you should have update photos, what determines “true texturized and natural hair”, I mean it just seemed a way to indirectly attack members of the board without telling them to their face. Im sure there were plenty of people reading these comments who felt horrible and embarassed.

Its easy to say, “don’t be so sensitive” or “I wasn’t talking about you” but we are all sensitive about our hair. We are WOMEN. If someone talks about a “detailed product heavy regimen” or “just because you have long hair doesn’t mean you should give advice” naturally Im gonna think you are talking about me.

Lets all remember that we are all in different stages of hair growth and experimentation. Can we try to not make judgments about each other’s regimens, signatures, fotkis or styling preferences? This includes me. I commented on the thread and if I offended anyone, I apologize. We are all here to learn from each other. I always felt like this is board built on applauding efforts, not criticizing decisions.

I totally agree. I read some nasty hater comments. Very negative indeed. Why did some of them even join the board if they felt so negative about some of tips offered on the board. Some women with beautiful hair do not even care to share thier hair care secrets, but when some of the women are generous enough to take the time to share, there are some who stand by ready to make negative comments and snide remarks, An older relative in my family is fond of the expression "throwing a rock an hiding thier hand."

It is really awful to stumble onto those king of comments when the rest of us are on a quest for knowledge to better care for our hair.

If they don't have the intelligence to contribute anything but negative comments, I wish they would just stay out these threads so the rest of us can learn!

One thing I do like is that when some of these negative posters, post something that may be hurtful to someone, the beautiful sisters step up and turning it around into something positive. Beautiful sisters keep up the good work.

 

[Yellowflowers]

Macherie,

This is a nice thread and I'm totally feeling you. I get great joy from affirming my sisters, not just on the board but period. I'd rather not see black women running other black women down.

ITA. This is the very negative side of the black female perspective and mostly a minority. Some feel so insecure and feel the need to come on the board and "slick bash". It is plain wrong to feel free to insult other women on the sly and then try to minimize it by saying people shouldn't be so sensitive.

There is a difference in being assertive and being downright ugly. It is not productive and totally uncalled for.

 

[metalkitty]

ITA. This is the very negative side of the black female perspective and mostly a minority. Some feel so insecure and feel the need to come on the board and "slick bash". It is plain wrong to feel free to insult other women on the sly and then try to minimize it by saying people shouldn't be so sensitive.

There is a difference in being assertive and being downright ugly. It is not productive and totally uncalled for.

I agree, there's nothing wrong with having a different or conflicting opinion but when you act like a nazi about it people understandably get upset....

 

[dynamic1]

Ladies, how are some of these responses good examples of uplifting the sisterhood? How did the beautiful sisters turn this around into something positive? I do not think macherieamour intended for this thread to go in this direction either.

The lesson here is, do not disagree, or speak negatively about other people's hair care practices. If you do, you may be an insensitive, malicious, negative, insecure, ugly, slick bashing hater. You are a person who enjoys drama, so stop bringing down the sisterhood. Leave the hair alone or your intelligence, spirit, and personality are fair game.

If someone slaps us, forget about turning the other cheek, I guess we should shoot her! So what if they try to apologize or clear up any miscommunication (which some of the sisters attempted to do).

What happened to taking it PM? This was suggested quite a few times, somewhere in the midst of the condescension.

Disclaimer: This post was not intended to hurt anyone's feelings. It was written in humor and not in outrage. I like the term "slick bashing" and I LOL when I read it." Some of the unpopular opinions actually applied to me but I did not take them seriously. I will wear my bun faithfully and proud.

 

[jd_bdfly]

Wow, am I reading the same thread?? I didn't realize it was all that serious...

Lol! This was my exact reaction. I was thinking to myself "Seriously? Ppl are this upset about that tame thread?" Judging by the level of outrage, you'd think people were up in there spewing racist propoganda or something... It's called an opinion. It was a place to voice opinions about HAIR. It's just not that serious.

 

[Aalize]

Lol! This was my exact reaction. I was thinking to myself "Seriously? Ppl are this upset about that tame thread?" Judging by the level of outrage, you'd think people were up in there spewing racist propoganda or something... It's called an opinion. It was a place to voice opinions about HAIR. It's just not that serious.

Ditto. Besides, A LOT of that stuff needed to be said anyway.

 

[SoAnxious12]

i posted in that thread too. I hope no one got offended. I was just joking around.

 

[SoAnxious12]

if i could find th thread i would delete my monistat comment. If was extremely offensive for anyone who uses that for growth. I'm really sorry. I forget sumtimes that people are very different and feel differently about things. But i wanted to say again... If my comment offended you i was only playing around. If your truly hurt then please pm me.

 

[Mystic]

I couldn't have said this any better - well said!

Everything you think does not always need to be expressed. I think most people know that, but we women love our drama. And there you have it - cause this ain't got NOTHING to do with haircare.

 

[CurleeDST]

Wow sounds like I missed some drama. There is a GOD. But seriously, isn't there a message board called BULLSH*T where people can make their negative comments and be free flowing with insults, negative opinions and whatever else catches their fancy? Sounds like that board was more appropriate for the Unpopular Hair Opinions Thread.

Just thought I would help. Happy hair growing ladies!

ETA: Or maybe the board was called Talking SH*T...either way...there is a message board dedicated to this type of trash talking.