Saddened by the Unpopular Hair Opinions Thread

[~Nigeria~]

I just read the original thread.

The thread was called unpopular...No offense OP, but come on! The title explained itself. I read a whole bunch of junk I've thought in my head

It wasn't to call anybody out cuz a good portion of folx in the thread had 16 inches or more of hair.

Maybe I'm missing something No one should be hurt or dissapointed

JG steps out of thread in search of monkey boo-boo for stimulation of hair growth.

Oh, obviously. So I guess if I worded it differently it would be ok. Maybe I should have called it "Uncommon Hair Opinions"... yeah that sounds better.

 

[Faith]

I'm SO hurt and offended right now JG

Not sure if I'm reading this right but it just seems really unnecessary...OY!!! Like you are making fun of the OP's initial hurt feelings. Again, maybe I'm not reading it right...


Not in direct response to quote above:
The OP said what she had to now it seems there are posts in here intended on making the OP feel what? Foolish, dumb, what for even getting upset? Like you all said...we're all entitled to our opinions and that was hers. Even if she missed the title and what the thread was for (unpopular opinions)...she gets it now. I don't think there's any need for all the sarcastic, condescending posts I'm seeing now. It just makes things worse.

 

[JamericanGurl]

It's called monkey ball sweat now get it right!!!!

I'm SO hurt and offended right now JG

My bad
Which is why I say I'm confused

 

[JamericanGurl]

Oh, obviously. So I guess if I worded it differently it would be ok. Maybe I should have called it "Uncommon Hair Opinions"... yeah that sounds better.

I totally got what you were saying. At least i think so? It was a little tongue and cheek...But, there were some valid statements made....I dunno?

 

[Allandra]

Members,

Let's keep on topic here.

 

[macherieamour]

Co-sign. Co-sign. Cosign :notworthy :notworthy :notworthy

We are here to help each other and as JCoily eloquently stated, sometimes the truth hurts and for the most part, its for our own good!

Stop and and over open-minded responses and start being grateful that the ladies on here are telling you like it is!

Ok- I hear what you are saying but just as you have the right to express your opinion, don’t I have the right to NOT want unsolicited advice (whether directly or indirectly). I mean we are all experimenting with different styles, techniques and products. Maybe using Infusium will break off my hair but lemme find out for myself, unless that is, I start a thread called “Is infusium breaking off my hair”?

Also, sometimes your opinion isn’t really constructive criticism. Like lets I have 65 folders in my album (again, not directed at anyone or any post) and you tell me about myself, how is that helping me grow my hair??

This is a great discussion, by the way

 

[Faith]

Because of the historical pattern this type of post always takes. If you've seen it before, you know where the topic is heading. Just my opinion

YEP!!! Having been here almost 4 years and on various hair boards since 1999 you can smell them a mile away.

 

[PaperClip]

I did not venture into the original thread, but when I read this post, I had to respond.... I don't even listen to rap, but when I read this, the chorus from Three 6 Mafia came to my mind:
"There's some cowards in this thang, if you see em point em out!"

In other words, I'm of the school that appreciates going right to the source, in the open, and calling it out. Now if the matter is of a delicate and extremely personal nature and requires some discretion, then we can take it to the PM, but since it's supposedly "only hair" (as I have heard said on this board many times over--and do not agree with, BTW), then it really shouldn't be that deep, right?

And I'm not saying there are cowards here, I'm just saying say it loud and say it proud![/quote]

Imma keep it real here, everyone keeps saying that but nobody really wants none. The minute people start calling names a thread will be closed and everyone will be hollering "childish."

I can clarify this point....

Maybe it depends on what's being called out. And more importantly, it's HOW the call-out happens. Tone is a big deal. Lots of times people are affected more by HOW something is said (tone) versus WHAT is actually being said (CONTENT).

I know I'm probably most popular right now for my "relaxed folks can't celebrate/advocate natural hair" rant highlighted by the classic line "It's hard to hear a celebration about natural hair when all the party decorations scream STRAIGHT".

Since I've shared this, I've seen references to this point, some have been directed to me, saying they simply don't agree, or they do agree, or they share their opinion about it. That's fine. And what made it fine was because 1)they have a right to say what they want to say just like I do and 2) they responded in a respectful way.

So to me, it's childish when someone has something to say but they say it to somebody else or they say it in an attacking, accusatory way.

 

[Faith]

Nah....like Bubblin' stated (not in these words), this was just a thread to let people vent what they can't stand and what irks them about other members in a "structured" and "indirect" kinda way....

Even though the intention of the thread I do believe was malicious. It's been a topic before here a long time ago and went the same route. You may intentionally think it's simply about "unpopular opinions that work" but it had it's hidden agenda which was successfully executed (and those who saw the thread on the other board knew EXACTLY where this was going...).

I do agree with those that say they are just peoples opinions, they are free to have them and we shouldn't get all worked up over them. You don't know these folks, they don't know you. I ain't no saint, I laughed at a couple of them...shoot, I share some of those opinions myself, just as well as I may fit into the category of the "unpopular" opinions. Maybe cause I been around on hair boards long enough and have pretty much seen it all, it just doesn't phase me emotionally. As in bad taste as the thread may be, there will ALWAYS be someone who care much for what you do for whatever reasons they may have and you gotta be ready to suck that up when you "put your business out there" I will say. But, it has nothing to do with you trying to meet your hair goals. Let them bask in their glory for "telling you like it is" direct or indirectly, and you do you.

Happy hair growing!!!

ETA: Disclaimer (lol...gotta do it these days) NO, I'm not saying that everyone who posted in the thread was doing it maliciously to point out things they don't care for specifically regarding other members of the board.

Well said...

 

[myco]

Ok- I hear what you are saying but just as you have the right to express your opinion, don’t I have the right to NOT want unsolicited advice (whether directly or indirectly). I mean we are all experimenting with different styles, techniques and products. Maybe using Infusium will break off my hair but lemme find out for myself, unless that is, I start a thread called “Is infusium breaking off my hair”?

Also, sometimes your opinion isn’t really constructive criticism. Like lets I have 65 folders in my album (again, not directed at anyone or any post) and you tell me about myself, how is that helping me grow my hair??

This is a great discussion, by the way

I think "vents" like what you describe in your last paragraph are what get things off track and people start calling open season on others. That's why I don't believe they end well.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

JC,

I hear you and can appreciate that. I was actually just thinking how hypocritical it was in the end. Sigh…I jut hope you can see what I was trying to say, even if I didn’t articulate/structure it well…..

No worries.

You said what was on your mind and that's fine.

It's my belief that folks don't have to apologize for speaking what they feel is the truth. Just be prepared to take whatever criticism or praise that goes along with sharing those beliefs and your basis are covered.

 

[MissYocairis]

I didn't really understand that thread. I personally couldn't care less if someone presses their hair all of the time or when they decide to call their hair a certain length. It doesn't have any effect on my hair or my journey.

But I guess people needed to vent about those things for some reason. The thread was fairly predictable, though...as was the way it made some people feel.

This is what I didn't get.

 

[MissYocairis]

This may be OT, but it is burning a whole in my gullet so I'mma jes speak.

First let me open by saying I'm an opinionated, assertive, brazen heffalump. YES LAWD! I admit that and wear my big mouth badge wit' pride and dignity!

I can certainly can agree to disagree. I don't mind getting dissed every now and again. That's part of the fun and why I like this board. I don't mind the assertive folks being assertive or expressing their opinions, I just wish they were less rude.


Don't call me a lying, bald-head, 'con using, MTGing, coochie creme loving 'B' in one post and then try to get all "ed-u-ma-cated" and say you didn't in another post.

....And NO, I'm not gonna let it go 'til the situation has been properly addressed. Those that know what I'm talking about, know what I'm talking about!

*dead*

 

[MissYocairis]

one more thing.....isn't this really just about manners? And, some folks see more value in diplomacy and discretion when it comes to their personal opinions about others. Others live by a different m.o. wherein you see something you disagree with or don't like and you point it out. Different schools of thought. Some prefer to take a more sensitive approach. Others feel it is more beneficial (or just enjoy it more) to take a vocal, blunt approach.

 

[so1913]

YEP!!! Having been here almost 4 years and on various hair boards since 1999 you can smell them a mile away.

Oh that's right, you are from the 1999 crew too! Who else of us is left? LOL!

 

[Tee]

That's what I was thinking. If someone's hair is in a V-shape and the point of their V is bra-strap--I would consider that bra strap.

Yes, I would think that is bra strap. I dont see why it wouldn't be. Our hair grows differently.

 

[Allandra]

Oh that's right, you are from the 1999 crew too! Who else of us is left? LOL!

Me too *raising hand*.

 

[*ElleB]

macherie,

i agree. I read a few pages before I closed it.

Me 2....It bothered me so much that I said "Oh hell naw" and left it....

 

[JazzyDez]

I didn't really comment in the thread either because I saw where it was going. And it did get confusing because you didnt know if the person meant what they said in their post or viewed it as an unpopular view not necessarily of theirs. But anyway here is my $.02:

1: I dont give a dang if I only had 3 strands of hair at brastrap. The fact that I got there and the rest isn't far away is good enough for me (note: not at bsl myself....on my way, but this can apply to more than just being at bsl IMO). Thats like saying you are better than me since I barely passed my exam with a 70 and you passed with a 90. Shoot....we both passed the test hun. But in respose to the comment about the bra resting on your shoulderblades?? Yeah... ummm... no comment . But then again a 5'11 girl has a much longer way to go reaching bsl than a 4'11 girl. So in reality someone may not be at bsl but their hair is still longer than anothers who is. I guess the sure way to know is to measure in inches.

2. Oh and about the 50 million pics in someones fotki thats their business. It can get tiresome yes but if you are that interested in the persons hair than you shouldn't complain. I mean you are looking at their fotki, likely for inspiration and advice, free of charge.

I agree that it does boil down to manners, more specifically tone...and since this is an online board, that is not always easy to determine. But if you are directly or indirectly stating that any particular routine or thing that you have seen is stupid or useless or unnecessary then you should expect others to get offended and be prepared for their reactions. Some may get saddened, some may get pissed. Bottom line, if you can't take the heat, get your *** out the kitchen

Note: This was not directed to anyone AT ALL....JMO

 

[Candiss]

YEP!!! Having been here almost 4 years and on various hair boards since 1999 you can smell them a mile away.

I haven't been here that long but I knew after the first few pages that things were going to go downhill. I think you just have to avoid those types of threads if they offend you. Some people feel, that in a thread like that, they should be able to say what they really feel. No matter how rude. It's waht I call a "let it all hang out" thread. Some people need to just stay out of them.

 

[ubavka123]

I haven't been here that long but I knew after the first few pages that things were going to go downhill. I think you just have to avoid those types of threads if they offend you. Some people feel, that in a thread like that, they should be able to say what they really feel. No matter how rude. It's waht I call a "let it all hang out" thread. Some people need to just stay out of them.

If it's any consolation, it went downhill on the other discussion board from which the original thread idea was taken, and would go downhill on any other hairboard, as well, IMO. This is the internet, and it is a discussion forum. We are going to have people here who are more direct, those who are frank, blunt, passive, passive aggressive, shy, outspoken, brash, meek, etc. When you get all of these personalities and opinions together, what you get is the effect in these types of threads. I could see how things could appear personal when mentioned, but I have a feeling that with the majority of the ladies here that was not the case. I think that everyone on this board wants to help one another, and the fact that LHCF is still in existence and growing after all this time is evidence of that. Sometimes other's opinions offend because we are sensitive about these things ourselves. That doesn't mean that the person's intent was to offend. If we have to police ourselves to the point that we try to read each other's minds and censor our feedback, the board won't have the richness of discussion that it has. If I know a thread is going to bother me, I avoid it. I never go in the relaxed vs. natural threads for ex. We have the right to refrain from participating in discussions, as well. I believe that the very nature of a discussion forum is the exchange of all ideas, not just the feel-good ones, while respecting and not directly attacking a person on a personal level or to purposely hurt feelings. I don't think nettiquette entails only expressing opinions which are favorable to others. If someone writes that co-washing is stupid because it made their hair break, I am not going to feel offended if I just posted that I love co-washes. To each his own.

Let's live and let live, keep it real, and respect each other, while having the freedom to express differing opinions openly. It can be done. I think that it is done well here on this board more often than not. I hope no one goes into hiding because of that thread, or feels like they should not contribute. It's just one thread among thousands and does not speak for the spirit of this board, which I think remains positive and very conducive to healthy, balanced discussions most of the time. Have a great day ladies!

 

[Chanteuse]

Dang ya'll erplexed ! I can not believe that people were offended by me saying that I don't get why people post 20 pics of the same day/hair in their albums. That comment was so lighthearted and was honestly something that I have wondered about. I didn't say "I hate it when . . ." or that "it gets on my last nerves when . . ." - just that I didn't understand why. I even called myself about for commenting on people's fotkis when mine is not posted. It was really not that serious.

I know there were other posts that people were offended by in that thread, but my little ole post was referenced alot in here so I had to speak on it. I do hate that people were offended by it but I can't apologize for something like that b/c I honestly don't believe that I have anything to apologize for.

 

[~Nigeria~]

I'm so over this thread. The only thing I'm sorry for is apologizing. HHG

 

[sareca]

Dang ya'll erplexed ! I can not believe that people were offended by me saying that I don't get why people post 20 pics of the same day/hair in their albums. That comment was so lighthearted and was honestly something that I have wondered about. I didn't say "I hate it when . . ." or that "it gets on my last nerves when . . ." - just that I didn't understand why. I even called myself about for commenting on people's fotkis when mine is not posted. It was really not that serious.

I know there were other posts that people were offended by in that thread, but my little ole post was referenced alot in here so I had to speak on it. I do hate that people were offended by it but I can't apologize for something like that b/c I honestly don't believe that I have anything to apologize for.

Apparently that one hit a nerve. I thought it was funny.

 

[Trini"T"]

Dang ya'll erplexed ! I can not believe that people were offended by me saying that I don't get why people post 20 pics of the same day/hair in their albums. That comment was so lighthearted and was honestly something that I have wondered about. I didn't say "I hate it when . . ." or that "it gets on my last nerves when . . ." - just that I didn't understand why. I even called myself about for commenting on people's fotkis when mine is not posted. It was really not that serious.

I know! Some people just can't hang! I saw an "Unpopular Hair Opinions" thread on another board as well and they had me dying. Those ladies were sooo funny, they were just mad RAW! They had pictures and everything! I was thinking if people were offended by what was said here they would have been clinically depressed if they read what the ladies over there had to say!! It is called a "Forum", that term usually means different opinions will be voiced. However, I can see the other side of it too. The idea of "Oh well I can say whatever I want to say bcuz it's my opinion" can be wrong too. Yeah it may not offend you but it may offend someone who your opinion can be directed to. I think this attitude gave birth to the "I can do whatever I want to do because it's my prerogative"(no matter if I'm hurting myself or others) but that's another topic

 

[jaded_faerie]

I haven't been here that long but I knew after the first few pages that things were going to go downhill. I think you just have to avoid those types of threads if they offend you. Some people feel, that in a thread like that, they should be able to say what they really feel. No matter how rude. It's waht I call a "let it all hang out" thread. Some people need to just stay out of them.

agreed...hence the reason i stopped reading after the first page ...the only reason I even checked it out was because of this thread

 

[Chanteuse]

I know! Some people just can't hang! I saw an "Unpopular Hair Opinions" thread on another board as well and they had me dying. Those ladies were sooo funny, they were just mad RAW! I was thinking if people were offended by what was said here they would have been clinically depressed if they read what the ladies over there had to say!!

I was thinking the exact same thing (as the bolded part) but didn't say it b/c I didn't want to "call out" the other board. I'm tiptoeing around everything now

 

[Syrah]

I know I'm late - but I'm going to take a different direction.

I think a lot of what was said in there needed to be said because although we are all here to support each other, like anything LHCF is cliquish - there are certain things that are popular or accepted and other opinions that are not. While I think some folks took things to far, there's some truth to it:

1. The natural vs relaxed argument. And note: I'm natural (no relaxer, no highlights...noneya). There's a tendency for natural folks to get on the case of those who are relaxed and vice versa. As if black hair can not be healthy and beautiful in ANY texture. Some Naturals claiming relaxed people have self-esteem and self-acceptance issues. WHAT?! Some Relaxed heads claiming that natural black hair is ugly.

2. The argument between LONG hair vs HEALTHY hair. Some folks want long hair so badly, that health is being sacrificed. I KNOW...because I did it. I wanted to be "Brastrap" length - so I let my hair grow and grow and grow and kept these scraggly ass ends until I hit brastrap - and then realized the last 3 inches of my hair looked a hot mess.

3. The heat vs no heat discussions. Some folks see heat as the nemesis, others see it as a necessary evil, others as a necessary CHOICE. If it works, cool. But I've seen some posters come down on others who use heat religiously and others who claim that protective styles make people "ugly" - as if a sister is only attractive when her hair is out.

The point. DO YOU! Do what works for you. What works for me might not work for you, but I'm entitled to my opinion as you are yours. If I choose to use Mineral Oil and it works - why not celebrate that rather than preach on what's wrong with mineral oil and why it didn't work for you.

The whole point is that hair health and growth for black females has a lot to do with self-acceptance - cuz for so long we've been told 1) our hair WONT grow and 2) black hair IS NOT beautiful, regardless of its state, condition, health or length.

Some folks need to stop acting like the hair messiah and take notes.
Others need to quit keepin secrets and fess up to what they're doing (haha!).

And at times, I think we ALL fall on both sides of the spectrum. THATs what we need to remember. Cuz even the old heads (and by old, I mean have been here for a while) like Isis - with her gorgeous head of hair - admits to learning things from newbies.

Note: any "you"s weren't directed at anyone in particular - but generally - as were "naturals" and "relaxers" etc.

 

[caltron]

Im not gonna lie. I was slightly bothered by the Unpopular Hair Opinions thread last night. It started off nice enough and was started with good intentions. But after a while, I started getting saddened by some of the comments. Making comments about how many photos people have in their fotkis, not truly having enough hair to make bra strap length, when you should have update photos, what determines “true texturized and natural hair”, I mean it just seemed a way to indirectly attack members of the board without telling them to their face. Im sure there were plenty of people reading these comments who felt horrible and embarassed.

Its easy to say, “don’t be so sensitive” or “I wasn’t talking about you” but we are all sensitive about our hair. We are WOMEN. If someone talks about a “detailed product heavy regimen” or “just because you have long hair doesn’t mean you should give advice” naturally Im gonna think you are talking about me.

Lets all remember that we are all in different stages of hair growth and experimentation. Can we try to not make judgments about each other’s regimens, signatures, fotkis or styling preferences? This includes me. I commented on the thread and if I offended anyone, I apologize. We are all here to learn from each other. I always felt like this is board built on applauding efforts, not criticizing decisions.

Thank you for posting this! I was thinking the same thing, but didn't want to seem too goody goody.

 

[MizaniMami]

I know! Some people just can't hang! I saw an "Unpopular Hair Opinions" thread on another board as well and they had me dying. Those ladies were sooo funny, they were just mad RAW! They had pictures and everything! I was thinking if people were offended by what was said here they would have been clinically depressed if they read what the ladies over there had to say!! It is called a "Forum", that term usually means different opinions will be voiced. However, I can see the other side of it too. The idea of "Oh well I can say whatever I want to say bcuz it's my opinion" can be wrong too. Yeah it may not offend you but it may offend someone who your opinion can be directed to. I think this attitude gave birth to the "I can do whatever I want to do because it's my prerogative"(no matter if I'm hurting myself or others) but that's another topic

Yeah I know where ya'll are talking about. I thought this board's version was the nice version compared to them. But it seems like they are more "in your face" than us (which is not necc. a good or bad thing)