Relocating for a relationship.....

[BillsBackerz67]

So I just found out that my SO will most likely be moving out of state to take a job as an assistant professor at a college.... In exchange he will get a nice salary and they will pay for the rest of his law school...which is a good deal for him because he is an international student and his tutition is bananas right now.

We've been together for 4 months and things are going really well. So he asked me would i eventually consider moving there to see if things would work out and right now Im leaning towards yes.

I know a lot of people say wait until Im enagaged and we have talked about that. However, I wanted to move anyway regardless if Im with him or not. Right now Im an RN and I figured after I get some more experience I can apply for a job there and see what happens, or become a travel nurse and take different assignments in that area and see how we do.

If it doesnt work out I can leave, due to the type of job I have it wont be too difficult to find another area to work or move back home.

Stupid? yes no maybe so?

 

[Ballerina_Bun]

.....................................

 

[Rastafarai]

If I was you I would wait it out and not play house until he at least puts a ring on your finger with an anticipated wedding date. Of course this depends on if you can see yourself married to the man.

It is still a fairly new relationship and things can/will change. Even if you were to move for career purposes, I would advise you get your own place and not move in with him. If you do decide to relocate just make sure your finances are in place.

As a side note, what about family and friends? Would you be OK with the idea of leaving them behind? What's their opinion on the matter?

 

[BillsBackerz67]

My gut says do it I really dont have doubts but there are some things that I havent thought about or havent considered until someone brings it to my attention. I consider myself a free spirit and that personality has its pros and cons unfortunately.

Im more comfortable with moving there just because I know I would be okay if things did not work out. I told him that it wouldnt be a good idea to move in or share a place, just because we dont do that now. Granted i am over his house 80% of the time now , but there are still days where i go home and sleep in my own bed. He would rather me stay with him but he said whatever makes me feel better. If I can find a travel nursing position they can pay my rent for me.

Family wise Im fine. I went out of state to college for a year and a half and then i went to school 7 hours away and only came home during the summer. They have no choice but to accept the decision...Im 26

 

[Bunny77]

In general, I don't advise this, BUT from what I remember about your posts over the years is that you've pretty much been in the same place for a long time. This could be a great opportunity to experience something else.

So if you feel that there's nothing to lose professionally, financially, etc., then why not? Like you said too, if it doesn't work out, you're in a better spot than Buffalo.

I agree though with what everyone said about not moving in with him though. Get your own place.

And girl, I'm like you... bump family and friends. I moved to Orlando at age 22 and did not care. Of course, my family was used to that anyway though... people were asking if my family cared that I'd be moving to Ohio to be with my man and i'm like, "Uh, it's closer than Florida was!"

Plus, I'm 32!

 

[mrsjohnson75]

I did it. We had been dating for a year and it was serious. I got a job there first. We moved in together. Got married 3 years later. Life is GREAT.

BUT if I had to do it all over again..

I would have gotten my own place since we were not married.

 

[Syrah]

So I just found out that my SO will most likely be moving out of state to take a job as an assistant professor at a college.... In exchange he will get a nice salary and they will pay for the rest of his law school...which is a good deal for him because he is an international student and his tutition is bananas right now.

We've been together for 4 months and things are going really well. So he asked me would i eventually consider moving there to see if things would work out and right now Im leaning towards yes.

I know a lot of people say wait until Im enagaged and we have talked about that. However, I wanted to move anyway regardless if Im with him or not. Right now Im an RN and I figured after I get some more experience I can apply for a job there and see what happens, or become a travel nurse and take different assignments in that area and see how we do.

If it doesnt work out I can leave, due to the type of job I have it wont be too difficult to find another area to work or move back home.

Stupid? yes no maybe so?

Not stupid. The question was not about NOW but about the possibility of LATER.

Continue to think through it. Look for opportunities in that area - what is the nursing "economy" looking like in that area. Consider the economic and emotional reality of moving there, and the possibility that you may have to move again. If those are risks you are willing to take, then I say go for it.

If you go, are you living with him or are you getting your own spot?

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I think its great that he actually asked you to go with him. Some guys just bounce and have a 'long distance' until you fight enough and break up.

And like bunny said, if you have nothing to lose and more to gain by moving, than why not.

I hope this works out for you.

So I just found out that my SO will most likely be moving out of state to take a job as an assistant professor at a college.... In exchange he will get a nice salary and they will pay for the rest of his law school...which is a good deal for him because he is an international student and his tutition is bananas right now.

We've been together for 4 months and things are going really well. So he asked me would i eventually consider moving there to see if things would work out and right now Im leaning towards yes.

I know a lot of people say wait until Im enagaged and we have talked about that. However, I wanted to move anyway regardless if Im with him or not. Right now Im an RN and I figured after I get some more experience I can apply for a job there and see what happens, or become a travel nurse and take different assignments in that area and see how we do.

If it doesnt work out I can leave, due to the type of job I have it wont be too difficult to find another area to work or move back home.

Stupid? yes no maybe so?

 

[BillsBackerz67]

Thanks! Yes I do not want people thinking Im moving there solely for him. Im not all googly in love or anything like that, but Im very curious to see our potiential together, right now we are doing great. Yes its early but so far things have been consistent.

If he takes the position I would not move there right away. Id give it 6 months to a year and then make my move. I know that LD doesnt last too long if one of the individuals doesnt have intentions of moving. There's no point in wasting anyones time if thats the case IMO. And if I move there and it doesnt work out, then hey I can always meet someone else. No biggy

Yes family and friends dont pay my bills so and I can move and make more friends and make my own family I love my mom and gram but i cant be in my childhood room typing to LHCF for too much longer. I do really well with readjusting so I know in that aspect I'll be fine.

In general, I don't advise this, BUT from what I remember about your posts over the years is that you've pretty much been in the same place for a long time. This could be a great opportunity to experience something else.

So if you feel that there's nothing to lose professionally, financially, etc., then why not? Like you said too, if it doesn't work out, you're in a better spot than Buffalo.

I agree though with what everyone said about not moving in with him though. Get your own place.

And girl, I'm like you... bump family and friends. I moved to Orlando at age 22 and did not care. Of course, my family was used to that anyway though... people were asking if my family cared that I'd be moving to Ohio to be with my man and i'm like, "Uh, it's closer than Florida was!"

Plus, I'm 32!

 

[BillsBackerz67]

Thank you yeah when he told me that, I initially said "ummmm so are we going to still be friends when you move?" He got pretty heated that I said that, but in all fairness we havent been together that long to even talk about relocating together, plus it would have been kind of stupid to assume that he wanted to try LD for awhile. So it felt good to see that he at least wants to try. IDK we'll see.

I think its great that he actually asked you to go with him. Some guys just bounce and have a 'long distance' until you fight enough and break up.

And like bunny said, if you have nothing to lose and more to gain by moving, than why not.

I hope this works out for you.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

Billz...haven't seen u in a minute.

since i'm olda than most of you, let me say it like this. This life is not a rehersal, as you only get one shot. You're young, so I'd say go for it.

let's check out da stats. u have no chirren and it's only you. i'd say go visit him first and see if you even like the area, see how he acts with the long distance thingy, then base your decision from there.

But hey' i'm even liking the idea of being a traveling nurse...omg..the possibilities!!!! the only drawback is you have to stay in a hotel...

a friend of mines is a traveling nurse, and she said her favorite place is Hawaii...can you imagine?

 

[kismettt]

as long as you have something else to move for.


you don't want to be that girl that chased her man to the other side of the world to be dumped when you get there. idk why but that is a story i heard too many times in college ("she switched schools for him and he dumped her 2 weeks later").

 

[BillsBackerz67]

^^^^^ If I was still in college then I would not do this. But now that I have a career and Im almost 30 years old, my judgement is a little bit more sound than it was almost 10 years ago

Also I would never have considered moving if he had not had expressed interest in me possibly moving down there to join him. That would have been an awkward situation if I had assumed otherwise.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

Thanks for your advice. the nursing ecomnomy is pretty good where I would like to go and my SO has given me print outs of the cost of living and so forth which is almost the same if not cheaper than Buffalo. If I can find a travel nursing position that woul be great then they can pay my rent for me, and Im not coming out of pocket.

Not stupid. The question was not about NOW but about the possibility of LATER.

Continue to think through it. Look for opportunities in that area - what is the nursing "economy" looking like in that area. Consider the economic and emotional reality of moving there, and the possibility that you may have to move again. If those are risks you are willing to take, then I say go for it.

If you go, are you living with him or are you getting your own spot?

 

[mscocoface]

You are at the right time in your life to do something like this but be sure to get your own place.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Uhm...I say that moving IN with him is a no. But since you've already got that covered, I think to do it for YOU. Meaning you say it will be fun to be a travel nurse. He just happens to be the bonus. If it works it works, if it doesn't you wanted to move out anyways.

 

[locabouthair]

I agree with everyone else. As long as there are good job opportunities and you can support yourself financially then go for it. Like luckiestdestiny said, he will be the bonus.

I didnt know you were done with school. Congrats!!

 

[foxxymami]

Ok. I read this thread earlier but wanted to wait to reply. (Didn't wanna run the risk of the replies being skewed).

I moved for a relationship about 2.5 years ago. I was just like you in the sense that I was young (welp, still am I like to think ), no children, and was able to maintain employment in the new city. I had NEVER left my hometown and always wanted to experience life in a new city for a few years. We were in a long distance relationship-8 hours apart. Well, after much soul-searching I decided to move. I moved into my own place and established friends and employment in the new city as well. And now here it is, we'll be celebrating our 1 year anniversary of being husband & wife in a few months .

I think the others gave good advice about how to proceed if you do decide to move out there. I just wanted to share my story with you to let you know that relocating for a relationship can definitely have a happy ending

 

[naijamerican]

Billz, everyone else has already said what I was thinking. I say go for it! I'm knocking on 30's door too and am contemplating making a major move. I figure you only live once and you only get opportunities to do things of this nature once in a while. If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out, but at least you will not have to look back and wonder what could have been.

The only thing I would add is to perhaps make sure that you make friends outside of your relationship with him. You seem like a pretty cool chick so that should be no problem for you.

 

[Guitarhero]

Honestly? 4 months and he's asking you to follow him? He needs to be following you. It's a great opportunity for him and you have your choices as an RN to travel anywhere and develop your own career. I'm like the other poster, engagement! If none, he can do the chasing and come up and visit YOU. Other than that, I don't think it's likely it will turn out well. It's too soon. If you had been in a relatinship with him for many months and he was talking marriage, sure.

Edit: I just read where you said you're not moving solely for him. Good. I'm like the others, develop your own down there. You'll have great opportunities as an RN. Congrats on school and the like. I hope it becomes something great between you too.

 

[kismettt]

^^^^^ If I was still in college then I would not do this. But now that I have a career and Im almost 30 years old, my judgement is a little bit more sound than it was almost 10 years ago

Also I would never have considered moving if he had not had expressed interest in me possibly moving down there to join him. That would have been an awkward situation if I had assumed otherwise.

no i wasn't implying that. by "chased" i mean, he told her he wanted to be together at the same school/they talked about it (as i can only assume from the stories i hear). but she had no real reason to be at that school other than him.

 

[GeorginaSparks]

girl, do it.

 

[TayMac]

If you can find a job there, do it.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

I dont think Im "chasing" anyone....just taking a chance His career is less flexible than mine so i dont mind relocating. Im actually glad he asked me because it shows that he's willing to want to continue despite the new location. I totally was not expecting him to even inquire about me moving there. He is talking marriage BTW I just didnt include every detail. However Im not going to tell him to propose to me just to get me to move down there. I surely wouldnt appreciate that ultimatum this early in the game if the shoe was on the other foot.
Hopefully things will work out.

Honestly? 4 months and he's asking you to follow him? He needs to be following you. It's a great opportunity for him and you have your choices as an RN to travel anywhere and develop your own career. I'm like the other poster, engagement! If none, he can do the chasing and come up and visit YOU. Other than that, I don't think it's likely it will turn out well. It's too soon. If you had been in a relatinship with him for many months and he was talking marriage, sure.

Edit: I just read where you said you're not moving solely for him. Good. I'm like the others, develop your own down there. You'll have great opportunities as an RN. Congrats on school and the like. I hope it becomes something great between you too.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

Im totally looking forward to making new friends! Right now we're not too clingy of eachother because we both have our own friends. But moving there and not knowing anyone can cause us to be attached by the hip and I do not want that to happen. I have a few ideas of my sleeve to increase my social circle

Billz, everyone else has already said what I was thinking. I say go for it! I'm knocking on 30's door too and am contemplating making a major move. I figure you only live once and you only get opportunities to do things of this nature once in a while. If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out, but at least you will not have to look back and wonder what could have been.

The only thing I would add is to perhaps make sure that you make friends outside of your relationship with him. You seem like a pretty cool chick so that should be no problem for you.

 

[Seraphina]

My last SO wanted me to do this and I was considering it but we broke up for other reasons before it really became an issue.

I, like you, would have loved to move anyway. I've grown bored with where I am now. The one thing that really made me hesitate that I suggest you think about (that is, if you haven't already) was that I was very uncomfortable with the idea of being too dependent on him out of not knowing anyone in the area. I generally make friends pretty easily, but I've still seen couples have sorta co-dependence issues. I say follow your heart, but just make sure that you establish a life for yourself (job you like, keep up with any activities that you like, get a couple of good girlfriends, etc.).

 

[Angelicus]

I moved to be with someone... and had the nerve to almost do it again.

He needs to be moving to be closer to you. You can go move to another city without following someone.

Get your own apartment with your own stuff and move. You're a nurse so it's easy to get a job. Don't move for him, though-- move for yourself.

 

[Ladybug33]

I did it!!! My lesson learned is that I should have gotten my own place. Keep your finances in order and have some F--- Y-- money ......just in case.

 

[htown2DAboot]

I dont think Im "chasing" anyone....just taking a chance His career is less flexible than mine so i dont mind relocating. Im actually glad he asked me because it shows that he's willing to want to continue despite the new location. I totally was not expecting him to even inquire about me moving there. He is talking marriage BTW I just didnt include every detail. However Im not going to tell him to propose to me just to get me to move down there. I surely wouldnt appreciate that ultimatum this early in the game if the shoe was on the other foot.
Hopefully things will work out.

@ the bolded: I'm doing this as we speak. My SO's job is like that, so we decided it would be easier for me to move to where he is. (SO is talking marriage as well. We actually have a plan in place. ) But he wouldn't let me move UNLESS the move benefited me and my career, ie more money, more responsibility, a step up in my career. And as soon as we agreed upon it, a job opened up that fit alllll those qualifications. I got it, and I'm moving! So good luck! You seem like a very smart cookie...You'll be fine, either way it goes! Keep us updated!

 

[southernstyle]

Good luck on your decision; you've got to do what's best for you.
I'm in exactly the same situation only in reverse; my finance is coming to my town as I have the better job, but we're going to marry 1st; I'm giving him exactly what I'd need if it were in reverse; I would need the committment of marriage before making the decision to relocate for reasons that involved another person