relationships.......& married men

[tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT]

It would be interesting to see what the responses would be if this was an anonymous poll. Unlike the current thread where it would appear that no one here has been involved with a married person knowingly, I tend to think you would see that some people, actually more than some, have been. But alas we will never know.

gurl it's lots ....but it often takes time for some to open up
many of us are followers....not leaders (but that's ok as well)

I remember the MARRIED woman w/ kids standing in my face tell me about my fiance"...smug & reassured to send me a mesg
that we were sharing him....

life is a lesson, her lesson at that time was that i allowed her to live
growth, baby steps

 

[tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT]

Nope.

However, I am the product of an affair. Many people are. While infidelity is wrong and hurts many people, what is even more sad is that I and many others wouldn't be here without it. Makes it a little harder to look at it the same way others look at it when I consider that fact.

the good, the bad, and the ugly

gurl you just reminded me of my next post lol

BY THE WAY...I'M SO GLAD YOU SHARED
HOW DO U FEEL ABOUT THAT? ARE YOU INDIFFERENT? DO YOU FEEL SOME BLAME IS INVOLVED? ANGER?

(MY MOTHER WAS TOO BY THE WAY)==> a lifetime of hurt & rejection behind that relationship
very reason we should acknowledge truths....where would i be without that union

but did that union do other things

 

[TinyT]

BIG ups to u sis..... i'm laughing cuz u're like "hasn't"
do u think u guys may become exclusive? feel he is your soulmate? (to be honest...i think that can happen)

now if i can just get my damn grandma to talk about all the incestuous ...molestation acts that rumor within our family when we were younger....i believe we could grow!

i hate seeing these "secrets" destroy women (well men as well) as they become older b/c they were abused & then ostracized b/c of it

At the bolded, yes such secrets are truely toxic.

 

[Blkrose]

Yeah Editing again cause I think I should just keep my mouth shut lol

 

[JewelleNY]

Was just going to warn those who were considering sharing to really reconsider as I do not believe it will go over well, JMO.

Consider a therapist instead if you need someone to talk to, a message board is not the place unless all of you personal identifiers are absent

 

[tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT]

Was just going to warn those who were considering sharing to really reconsider as I do not believe it will go over well, JMO.

Consider a therapist instead if you need someone to talk to, a message board is not the place unless all of you personal identifiers are absent

consider your pastor

consider talking to a "big mama" ....you know everyone has a grandma in there family called big mama (jk)

definitely consider talking to an significantly older family member/ family friend/ministers of the church/ etc.

large majority of individuals cannot afford therapists, many more have lost that affordability due to this economy....most insurance carriers are not covered therapy outside of the umbrella of a diagnosed mental illness

but i do encourage....anyone who doesn't want to share to share with someone they may talk to

I ENCOURAGE ANYONE WHO DOES WISH TO SHARE ....to talk openly to the younger ladies on her who many will be in the same footsteps in the future....BUT noone has to site personal accounts in order to lend knowledge to others

 

[tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT]

for sure this "hair forum" encompasses so many topics & areas in which we share and grow

i look at the confessional thread (on several hair boards) and was thoroughly impressed (at their courage), but so hurt & angry by what so many ladies have gone thru; most admitted to never getting help, their family never admitting their doings

now i'm like "If we are more inclined to admit forcible rape, molestation, incest, domestic abuse..all things they CERTAINLY did not cause or illicit in any way into their lives

but any of our own commissions we are deathly afraid to engage or bring to the light

at all cost...I THANK ALL OF YOU LADIES FOR SHARING

meanwhile....I'm like dang now that i think about it (lol) shouts out to all those ladies who were cheating with my dad....& MY BROTHer.....

 

[tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT]

1 thing i want to say now

i am adopting a new (possibly unhealthy) outlook on this situation from a man's standpoint
wow

 

[yeahisaidit]

^^ How can you say your outlook is unhealthy if you won't share it for the rest of us to determine that??

And by the way, you have gone beserk with all the new threads!! I love every last one of them though, especially the "This or That" thread.

As you were... ​

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

*lights up a newport one hunnit n sits back in ma rockin chair*

interesting topic. .

 

[tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT]

^^ How can you say your outlook is unhealthy if you won't share it for the rest of us to determine that??

And by the way, you have gone beserk with all the new threads!! I love every last one of them though, especially the "This or That" thread.

As you were... ​

lol! yaah...trust me, i'm a little ADHD i like to share & express a lot of things...i'm having fun...but i'm here to grow as always

I feel that i can learn from anyone, whether it's thru their good or bad points

WHEN I SAID I'M STARTING TO SEE THE MEN DIFFERENTLY....
I mean that i've always educated my nieces, friends, younger (step sisters), etc. etc. on the secrecy of men, just things to expect, signs to look for , things not to fall for. I use to think so many men were dogs, b/c when it comes to monogamy. But as I grew I started to attempt to absorb the responsibility for me and my gender as well.

As i mentioned, why are so many men attacking, raping, molesting younger & younger children, robbing, and killing our very own??? I had a very old caucasian patient ask me point blank: Why do so many black men kill each other. Why is there so much black on black crime?

i was taken back, a little defensive, then opened my mind ......My response was 2 fold (girl took hours) lol ....but i said simply "I felt" that they have nothing to loose. "I felt" if you have nothing to loose (little education, no jobs, low paying jobs, poor moral compass, no fear of dying b/c nothing to live for)...you fear NOTHING! NO FEAR OF GOD, NO FEAR OF DYING....SO you do what you want in the streetz.

Often this happens within our own communities b/c they KNOW if you travel outside of your familiarity MORE LIKELY TO GET CAUGHT. IF YOU TRAVEL TO WHITE OR WEALTHY AREAS....POLICE RESPOND FASTEST. THEY PROSECUTE U HARDER!

U KILL IN BLACK COMMUNITIES....to them sometimes their like, just another one, they've become numb

When i say we start absorbing the responsibility....I mean I stopped and began to think....WHO'S RAISING MOST OF THESE MEN? HOW MANY BLACK MEN THESE DAYS WERE "ACTUALLY" RAISED IN 2-PARENT HOUSEHOLDS? ....so i began thinking is it our fault? or are we partially to blame? are the mothers not doing enough? not doing the right things?

nothing applies to everyone across the board....never has ...never will

however: IF WE FACE THE FACTS....what's the issue? better yet, why are things becoming worse & not better in black communities?

I also meant', that if we don't start admitting what's going on, desecration of the black family unit , not teaching, backing away from creating a foundation in our children to fall back on (spiritual, educations, financial training, moral guidelines)<-----(GIRL THIS IS ANOTHER THREAD) I we don't start admitting our own mistakes....we will never restructure them. I'll children & their children & their children learn to repeat the same. Younger ladies watch us, they emulate what they see. (even from a toddler, walking around in your high hills) ; younger men often have noone to emulate....say they watch the men in the neighborhood, their friends, RAPPERS, BALL PLAYERS, they are desperate and find what role model they can
Each one teach one....I know i'm learning tons from you ladies...."I won't be waisting my $6 dollar membership) jk

 

[justicefighter1913]

@Tee: you are hilarious!

 

[tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT]

it's so hard (i understand completely) for us to talk freely, even if for our own good about personal relationships that we aren't comfortable with

I hope this opportunity to simply share doesn't bite us in the azzzzz (lol)
what if the woman that are partner meets, and begins a relationship with ...."our sisters husband, or best friends spouse" OUR OWN?????.....is on this very site?

COULD LEARNING FROM EACH OTHER IMPROVE our lives?

who will teach us about love? relationships?