*sighs* This story reminds me of me (although my fiance, now husband had a different set of challenges--at least in my mind)
Before I start my rant, let me preface --I will not suggest staying or leaving but if you want things to improve, please proceed--
( I write this b/c it sounds like you love this man for some reason and don't want to necessarily break things off)
What I realized early on (after being upset on numerous occasions) is the moment we got engaged, I was adamant about creating a mini-me (or big-me). I wanted everything done MY way and when he didn't fall in line..I was convinced that he was "losing" in those areas. I would fuss, vent, argue, etc and he stayed losing
Like another poster put he's staying true to who HE is. Your strengths aren't necessarily his strengths. I am by no means making excuses for him...it is what it is! You have to accept that or move on to someone more like you!
ANywho, for the most part most men LOVE to see their fiances/wives happy and do whatever it takes (within reason)
with the right kind of motivation.
Although he won't radically change his core being, with the right kind of grace/influence he can get better at the things you want him to (in HIS own way, not your way)
because he respects you and wants to see you HAPPY!
If you take a masculine stance of taking authority, men will generally either fight or unplug and become passive and let you take over. There's no sense in him being a man when he has you.
Meanwhile, you will find yourself consistently fussing, screaming, yelling and being disappointed. He has no reason to try to make you happy because he's too busy protecting himself from your criticism, bossing him around, arguing, complaining, etc.
I believe woman have so much POWER in relationships and we can turn them into an all out war zone and it's every man for himself.
When a wife tries to act like the authority and leader, that repels her husband and she pays the price by losing out on emotional/spiritual/physical intimacy with him. And, even worse, when she expects him to submit to her, she is asking him to emasculate himself and take on a wife’s position of biblical submission in marriage. That is not God’s design. It is actually a good thing that our husbands don’t cooperate with us when we try to take over – it shows that they have backbone and that God designed them to be the leaders in the marriage. If they did everything we told them to do and catered to our every demand, we would actually respect our men LESS, not more. I’m not sure we realize that. But that is exactly what happens when a wife is very strong and dominant and the husband does decide to submit to her. We lose all respect for our husbands and they lose respect for themselves. Then everyone loses.
^^If you decide to marry this man, I suggest you strongly consider the aforementioned (and I'm really not trying to preachy at all...but changing my perspective/approach has helped me a great deal)
His family is a whole different topic. They need to stay out your business and you need to keep them out! Point.Blank.Period.