Question.

[zzirvingj]

Can someone answer this for me:

WHY is it that when you ask a man about his feelings on you and him dating other people....and he says it's fine to do that and that it's "part of the process" (whatever that means)...

....why would the same man turn around and be upset when he sees you're out dating someone else?

And not want to date you anymore because of it?

Just hypothetically asking, of course

 

[karezone]

Simple. Because men are stupid.

They really don't want to accept that you have other options, dating-wise, besides them. They also like to think that you are available to them at all times

 

[natural2008]

They want to have their cake and eat it too. They are confused and often times need to mean what they say and say what they mean.

 

[dannie]

Simple. Because men are stupid.

They really don't want to accept that you have other options, dating-wise, besides them. They also like to think that you are available to them at all times

Couldn't have said it better myself. They like to play the game, but they like to be the only one playing it.

It's childish. I figure if you really wanted me, you wouldnt entertain the thought of me being with someone else.

 

[zzirvingj]

Let me clarify the situation. It's not like I asked about us dating other people and not dating each other anymore; there was a conversation about "where we stand" and the topic of us dating other people at the same time as each other was brought up (basically clarifying whether we are exclusive or not).

Now, there was no shock in him stating that he was okay with us dating other people.

But, I was pretty surprised of his reaction after he'd seen me out with another person. After that happened, he was like, "But I thought I was special though...we were spending alot of time together...were you seeing him as much as you were seeing me?"

Really? Isn't this the way you wanted it to be? In my mind, if it isn't exclusive, you aren't "special". So now he says he's still "processing things" and he seems uncomfortable with the idea of us going out. Which doesn't make sense to me because weren't you assuming I was seeing other people since you were the one who said it's fine to do so? Why did actually seeing me out with someone else have to change things?

 

[ThickHair]

Cuz you are only suspose to want him, because he is the greatest. He knows this because he has no shortage of other dates, while you have to sit at home and wait your turn.


Man, I got all of that out without .

 

[chocolatedoll18]

Men dont like to admit their feelings especially if you're just dating. he may not want to appear to be too into you and if you didnt come right out and say you wanted to be exclusive then he may not know where your head is and not want to make a fool of himself. now if yall were already exclusive and heading towards love he porbably wouldve spoke up IMO.

 

[Syrah]

Because for men its about pride. If you uplift their pride and their ego's they'll stick around forever. The second you start to gnaw away at that, during the dating stage, you can believe your days become numbered.

And along those lines - him seeing you out with someone elses means (in his mind) that he was inadequate.

 

[Evolving78]

men don't like others invading their territory.

 

[Jazala]

There's a double standard with this (among other things) as far as some men are concerned. I was dating a guy for a few months and overheard a conversation he was having with one of his buddies. His buddy was asking him how his date went on Friday (a Friday that he was not with me) so I presumed he would not mind if I was dating other people as well. When I asked him about exclusivity he stated that he wasn't ready to be in a committed relationship at this point. So I said ok then you won't mind if I date others. He got really bent about it and then two days later he stood me up and pulled a disappearing act LOL.Never to be seen or heard from again.

 

[chocolat79]

LOL, I think it's one thing to suspect/think and it's quite another to witness it. His pride/ego was hurt because he assumed he'd be the only one dating multiples while you were sitting at home waiting on him to call. Believe that these men know the statistics and struggles of BW dating, so he thought he could do what HE wanted and you'd be home because he's the only "good and special BM" in the area. Ha ha! He essentially got played, LOL.

I hope you told him, well, you seemed ok with it when we discussed it.

Also, probably too, he was still "deciding" OR had decided and just hadn't said anything yet. Oh well, don't believe the hype, bro.
In the words of Bey, "If you liked it...." you know the rest!

 

[zzirvingj]

Men dont like to admit their feelings especially if you're just dating. he may not want to appear to be too into you and if you didnt come right out and say you wanted to be exclusive then he may not know where your head is and not want to make a fool of himself. now if yall were already exclusive and heading towards love he porbably wouldve spoke up IMO.

^in regards to the bolded: yeaaaa.....i dunno about that. IMO he did speak up: he said dating others was cool and that it was part of the process.

I feel like if a man wants exclusivity it won't be hard to say so...we are all adults here.

 

[zzirvingj]

Cuz you are only suspose to want him, because he is the greatest. He knows this because he has no shortage of other dates, while you have to sit at home and wait your turn.


Man, I got all of that out without .

Ha!

How bout he called me last night talkin bout "Let's keep the lines of communication open."...and wants to take me out to celebrate a new job offer I recently accepted.

 

[zzirvingj]

Couldn't have said it better myself. They like to play the game, but they like to be the only one playing it.

It's childish. I figure if you really wanted me, you wouldnt entertain the thought of me being with someone else.

I love the way you worded that. So true!

I'm still trying to understand why a man would want to spend time every week together, go out, participate in lengthy/engaging conversations on a consistent basis if he has no intentions of being exclusive. Is it really just killing time until something better comes along? Because to me after a certain point, if you don't want to be exclusive, I'll start "shifting around who's a priority" because my time is valuable and that could be time spent on someone who's looking for the same thing(s) I am....

It's crazy how some men expect women to hang around waiting for them to make the woman a priority.

ETA: I had to bold ^"some" above because this has not been my experience with alot of, or even most men. But it is interesting, to say the least, how this has played out with this particular person.

 

[glamazon386]

Because he's a man and wants to have his cake and eat it too. If it bothers him so much that you're seeing somebody else then he needs to take you off the market. Until then, STHU.

 

[zzirvingj]

Because he's a man and wants to have his cake and eat it too. If it bothers him so much that you're seeing somebody else then he needs to take you off the market. Until then, STHU.

^

You're right....and he wouldn't have liked it one bit if that's how I would have said it. I happened to be seeing other people the whole time we were dating; but it was good to get clarification that that is the way it should have been.

I just don't get the *shock* and *appalled* reaction I'm getting now...such a double standard...it's unfair.

 

[antisocial]

Ha!

How bout he called me last night talkin bout "Let's keep the lines of communication open."...and wants to take me out to celebrate a new job offer I recently accepted.

Of course he did

Men do stuff like this all the time. I think part of the reason why is because a lot of women go along with the "we can see other people" thing but in actuality they're still only seeing the one guy (and he knows it) and are always available to him, hoping that it will develop into a relationship.

I'm not surprised at his reaction. You proabably hurt his ego a lil bit, but I doubt that he's going anywhere

 

[Etherealsmile]

He probably didn't believe you had any other options or that you will actually follow through with dating other men. Men can be so silly sometimes, while dating, they want us to date only one person (him) while they enjoy dating a multitude of women. Can we say hypocrites?

 

[LiftedUp]

Men are jealous and they like to paint a "pure", innocent and untainted picture of the women they date. Especially if they intend it to lead to marriage.