Open Marriages

alyn308 said:
Well, I was just speaking on my experience with people in an open marriage...but, I will say that I think that the term "open marriage/relationship" is thrown around a lot by people who just want to have sex with someone else(cheating)....and that's really not what it's about...you don't just wake up one morning and decide you want to sleep with Shelia from 7-11.

To the bolded- I hope that's not what you got from my post...if someone doesn't want to be in an open marriage-they shouldn't be in one. No woman or man should have to put up with something that makes them uncomfortable. It aint for everybody...
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And that's why I have a problem with it. Maybe I could understand it better if I knew people who was involved in this type of life style, but knowing me, I would still have this look on my face. :perplexed
 
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I agree with what drasgirl and princess4real posted.
It's not for me, (heck no!) but I wont condemn others if it actually works for them.
Something like that would not make me happy, and what stops your mate from leaving you completely once they have opened their fly and heart to an outside source?
 
Monique is just saying that to save face. Her husband is a swinger who fequents those clubs. it was said on another board that he brought her along and nobody wanted to swing with her -- and she left. Will and Jada have an open marraige. monique is just dealing with a cheating moocher. I don't have a problem with it as long as each person is getting their fair share. I personally believe they eventually fail but maybe the person wants something new sexually from time to time. There are groups of white men who get off being a cuckold and seeing their wives with a mandingo. they lead pretty happy lives. live and let live
 
I have never heard of a woman suggesting FIRST the idea of an open marriage... this is usually the knucklehead man's idea... however, women who "go along with it" save themselves a lot of grief in the end because they already know that he won't be faithful so why even stress over it? (Where you at? Where you been? Who is that on the phone?)

And if the woman wants to stay married to him, she best just agree and shut up about it! That's what Jada Smith does! :lol:
 
Is Monique legally married to old dude? Asking because I only recall them being SO when she had the twins....Jus Asking...Don't follow Monique much. But based on the mannerisms of her hubby, domestic partner or whatever he is? He looks a tad tangy! But looks can be deceiving...But tang'gees like to keep the door swinging both ways....So open marriage fits the bill.

Now jus regular folks....It's they bidness! See for me marriage and open don't go together...I said for me!
 
Blossssom said:
I have never heard of a woman suggesting FIRST the idea of an open marriage... this is usually the knucklehead man's idea... however, women who "go along with it" save themselves a lot of grief in the end because they already know that he won't be faithful so why even stress over it? (Where you at? Where you been? Who is that on the phone?)

And if the woman wants to stay married to him, she best just agree and shut up about it! That's what Jada Smith does! :lol:
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it happens....I know a few women who do not think like the 'average" woman I guess is supposed to think....people are really enlightening when you happen to get people to be "for real" honest and not society, what will everybody else think I better think this and say this to people type of honest...esp for women....there are alot more women than people may imagine who would be quite okay if there weren't so many social implications on them for wanting to do things that they typically "shouldn't" want ...
 
tiara76 said:
it happens....I know a few women who do not think like the 'average" woman I guess is supposed to think....people are really enlightening when you happen to get people to be "for real" honest and not society, what will everybody else think I better think this and say this to people type of honest...esp for women....there are alot more women than people may imagine who would be quite okay if there weren't so many social implications on them for wanting to do things that they typically "shouldn't" want ...
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SO TRUE!!! It bothers me that women feel the need to suppress their true feelings because they're afraid of what people will think.
 
alyn308 said:
SO TRUE!!! It bothers me that women feel the need to suppress their true feelings because they're afraid of what people will think.
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We are taught to suppress from infancy...its no mystery many don't know their true feelings/motivations...:ohwell:
 
I am engaged and my fiance and I have talked about everything under the sun, at one point or another. We have really open and honest conversations. There are no taboo topics in our conversations. As people learn, grow and mature in relationships, the decision of what works for their relationship is only meant to be understood by them and solely them.

At the end of the day, I think couples, while dating and getting to know one another or when leading toward married, should be total honest with their feelings about open marriages, open sexual relationships etc. IF the feelings exist. If both parties agree then they have to discuss the terms and conditions as it best fits them not as it fits society. If either party does not agree then again, disucssion comes about. No one should be pressured into anything men or women. Open relationships require like minded individuals that are geniuine in their feelings to live there lives like that. Does it work for everyone, absolutely not but there have been some successful open marriages. You hear people say "oh how could they do that" or "I could never go for that" etc...but at the end of the day - Everything is not for Everybody, period point blank.

If Will & Jada have that openess no matter what the terms and conditions may be and no matter how crazy it may seem to other people, guess what it works for them. It does not affect their ability to parent, it does not affect the childeren, it does not affect them as a couple, it does not affect their careers, it does not affect them emotionally, then so be it. It makes me laugh because when people can't imagine themselves doing somthing they always assume that people are not happy living a certain way. Jada can come on tv and make a public speech indicating that she is extremely happy with her lifestyle with Will and would not change it for the word and folks would come up with all sorts of things like "he made her say that", "she's only doing it because she is insecure", "she looks so sad" etc. LOL

Open or not, you need a mate in your life that is going to love, value & respect you because if you are missing any one of those things - you are headed for trouble.
 
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Linxnme said:
I am engaged and my fiance and I have talked about everything under the sun, at one point or another. We have really open and honest conversations. There are no taboo topics in our conversations. As people learn, grow and mature in relationships, the decision of what works for their relationship is only meant to be understood by them and solely them.

At the end of the day, I think couples, while dating and getting to know one another or when leading toward married, should be total honest with their feelings about open marriages, open sexual relationships etc. IF the feelings exist. If both parties agree then they have to discuss the terms and conditions as it best fits them not as it fits society. If either party does not agree then again, disucssion comes about. No one should be pressured into anything men or women. Open relationships require like minded individuals that are geniuine in their feelings to live there lives like that. Does it work for everyone, absolutely not but there have been some successful open marriages. You hear people say "oh how could they do that" or "I could never go for that" etc...but at the end of the day - Everything is not for Everybody, period point blank.

If Will & Jada have that openess no matter what the terms and conditions may be and no matter how crazy it may seem to other people, guess what it works for them. It does not affect their ability to parent, it does not affect the childeren, it does not affect them as a couple, it does not affect their careers, it does not affect them emotionally, then so be it. It makes me laugh because when people can't imagine themselves doing somthing they always assume that people are not happy living a certain way. Jada can come on tv and make a public speech indicating that she is extremely happy with her lifestyle with Will and would not change it for the word and folks would come up with all sorts of things like "he made her say that", "she's only doing it because she is insecure", "she looks so sad" etc. LOL

Open or not, you need a mate in your life that is going to love, value & respect you because if you are missing any one of those things - you are headed for trouble.
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Love your post!
 
alyn308 said:
SO TRUE!!! It bothers me that women feel the need to suppress their true feelings because they're afraid of what people will think.
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Especially when it comes to sex and intimacy. If you can't be open and honest about sex and intimacy in a relationship with someone you're considering marrying, why are you considering marriage?!?
 
I, PERSONALLY THINK IT DESTROYS THE BEAUTY OF MARRIAGE!!!! TO ME, MARRIAGE IS A BEAUTIFUL INSTITUTION CREATED BY GOD AND THE RULE BOOK WAS ESTABLISHED WHEN GOD MADE EVE FOR ADAM...I BELIEVE PEOPLE ARE RE-WRITING THE RULES AND ADDING NONSENSE TO IT!

GOD DIDNT DESIGN MARRIAGE TO BE BETWEEN MORE THAN THE TWO PEOPLE IN IT BUT TO EACH HIS OWN!!!

QUEEN
 
An open marriage is not for me :nono:

I feel that marriage is between two people who are monogamous, anything else is not a marriage in my opinion :ohwell: I feel these people are desecrating the sanctity of marriage (along with cheats, spouse abusers, etc)
 
drasgrl said:
If two people decide that's what they want for their relationship who am I to judge. If it works for them great.
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Basically, you would be surprised how many people of color are down for this.

 It takes a special type of person to do its. Marriage even without this layer is tricky which is way so many breakups. Even if a couple is monogamous that doesn’t preclude them from all the million other issues that cause stress in relationships. If you know its not for you, great. But there are people that it does work for. Personally I’d rather a couple be upfront about both of their desires than hiding this and doing it anyway.



As for as telling people they shouldn't get married if they want this type of relationship, that’s just not my place. Everyone marries for a variety of reasons, whether its love, status, financial reasons or to give their spouses legal benefits and protection. Just cause your honest about your attraction to other people and choose to act no it, doesn’t negate your desire to still be “wed”.
 
:lol: I'm sorry, but this whole "open marriage" thing is a bunch of CRAP! I am literally :lachen: over here. "If you love someone you will let them be free to live life the way they want to so you can experience the highest level of love blah, blah, blah" - CRAP!

I wish a ***** would come at me with that BULL. :rolleyes: I would express the highest degree of "LOVE" and tell him that he should just let me go completely in order to pursue whatever it is that causes him to not keep his junk in his pants and his attention focused on ME. Don't even come anywhere near me with that MESS.

Marriage by definition is a COMMITMENT. If you are in an open marriage, WHAT are you committing to?? It sounds like the majority of people who agree with this open marriage crap have no faith in marriage! So basically, there's no way anyone can remain committed to their wife or husband, so let's just give up before we start? :perplexed
 
gabulldawg said:
:lol: I'm sorry, but this whole "open marriage" thing is a bunch of CRAP! I am literally :lachen: over here. "If you love someone you will let them be free to live life the way they want to so you can experience the highest level of love blah, blah, blah" - CRAP!

I wish a ***** would come at me with that BULL. :rolleyes: I would express the highest degree of "LOVE" and tell him that he should just let me go completely in order to pursue whatever it is that causes him to not keep his junk in his pants and his attention focused on ME. Don't even come anywhere near me with that MESS.

Marriage by definition is a COMMITMENT. If you are in an open marriage, WHAT are you committing to?? It sounds like the majority of people who agree with this open marriage crap have no faith in marriage! So basically, there's no way anyone can remain committed to their wife or husband, so let's just give up before we start? :perplexed
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:lachen: :lachen: :lachen: :lachen: :lachen: :lachen: :yep:
 
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As far as I know there have been 2 people they've invited into their relationship (both female)
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That sounds more like a shared threesome than each partner going off to do their private thing with someone else. If it were a man invited into the relationship, I wonder who would be the Alpha dog? Dominance becomes an issue when the other person is a man.

I would also be concerned about the effect on children. I don't get the other person thing. I understand the need for sexual variety. But if you have 2 courageous, creative intelligent partners who know how to role play, well...there's your variety.

Basically it's adultery, even if the 2 partners agree. I mean, how do you "deepen" your relationship if your off ****** someone else and focusing on the sex?

gabulldawg said:
I'm sorry, but this whole "open marriage" thing is a bunch of CRAP! I am literally over here. "If you love someone you will let them be free to live life the way they want to so you can experience the highest level of love blah, blah, blah" - CRAP!

I wish a ***** would come at me with that BULL. I would express the highest degree of "LOVE" and tell him that he should just let me go completely in order to pursue whatever it is that causes him to not keep his junk in his pants and his attention focused on ME. Don't even come anywhere near me with that MESS.

Marriage by definition is a COMMITMENT. If you are in an open marriage, WHAT are you committing to?? It sounds like the majority of people who agree with this open marriage crap have no faith in marriage! So basically, there's no way anyone can remain committed to their wife or husband, so let's just give up before we start?
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Preach.
 
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I know a couple in an open marriage so I've seen this arrangement work...and by "work" I mean, like a train "works" with a car on a train track.

It was actually ok until they brought in a dude as opposed to the third party always being a woman. Apparently, Ol' boy's package was way bigger than the husbands so everything went downhill after that. Moral of the story: no thanks!
 
nikla said:
I know a couple in an open marriage so I've seen this arrangement work...and by "work" I mean, like a train "works" with a car on a train track.

It was actually ok until they brought in a dude as opposed to the third party always being a woman. Apparently, Ol' boy's package was way bigger than the husbands so everything went downhill after that. Moral of the story: no thanks!
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:lachen::ohwell:

Yep! It's all good when the third party is a woman, but, when it's another man stuff will prolly hit the fan.
 
Syrah said:
I can't from direct experience but I do have 2 friends who have both been in open relationships (one married, one dating - preparing for engagement). They view sex as an activity that can stimulate passion in various aspects of life and for various parties - not just the active participants. It's not only a physical act that 2 people embark on to deepen a connection, but an aspect of spirituality that has physical roots (if that makes sense).

Honestly, my girl, who's married and her husband are two of the most passionate people I've ever met. To this end, they exude the passion for life and self confidence that you rarely see or experience. A level of self acceptance that isn't based on external influences.

How do they do it?

A) They've committed to 100% honesty. They can mention the urges and attractions that they're having. To the point where my girl, a lawyer, was really attracted to one of her interns - she and I talked about it - and eventually she and her husband talked about it. Together they decided that this posed a threat to their relationship, due to the NATURE of her attraction, and within months she was able to transfer to a different office. Proactive.

B) No they don't invite anybody and everybody into their bed. They are actually QUITE selective. And the actions are agreed upon BEFORE they take place, not after. It's not like "honey, today at lunch, I signed for a UPS package...oh yea, I effed the UPS lady!". Nah, it's something that is discussed.

C) As far as I know there have been 2 people they've invited into their relationship (both female) and these people have been consistent participants in their relationship prior to marriage, at different times, and were at the wedding. And sometimes when we get together as friends, both of these chicas are there.

They've been married going on 4 years and dated for 7 before getting married (high school and college sweethearts).

----------------------------
I highly doubt I could ever take it that far. Actually I know I couldn't. It takes a certain level of self-acceptance and trust that I simply don't possess. But I think there is something there in the recognition that vows before friends and family (and God, if you're spiritual about it) and a marriage license do not result in immediate changes. It's on a whole different level, but females who assume after getting married that their man will have eyes for her and only her are dillusional and stupid IMO.
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That's my reason for not engaging in things like this.
 
BonitaMorena said:
:lachen::ohwell:

Yep! It's all good when the third party is a woman, but, when it's another man stuff will prolly hit the fan.
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RIGHT! The sad part is there are women here that let men feed them this BOLOGNE! :nono: Open marriage is just another term for "pre-approved cheating" - and I'm sure in MOST cases (if not all) it only applies to the male.
 
suburbanbushbabe said:
As far as I know there have been 2 people they've invited into their relationship (both female)[/QUOTE

That sounds more like a shared threesome than each partner going off to do their private thing with someone else. If it were a man invited into the relationship, I wonder who would be the Alpha dog? Dominance becomes an issue when the other person is a man.

I would also be concerned about the effect on children. I don't get the other person thing. I understand the need for sexual variety. But if you have 2 courageous, creative intelligent partners who know how to role play, well...there's your variety.

Basically it's adultery, even if the 2 partners agree. I mean, how do you "deepen" your relationship if your off ****** someone else and focusing on the sex?



Preach.
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The bolded is EXACTLY what I am trying to figure out! Not only are you having sex with other people, but that would obviously have to mean that your attention/affection is also elsewhere. You should take all of that energy and focus it on the person you made the COMMITMENT to!!! :think:
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BonitaMorena said:
These people act like they HAVE to be married.

Ugh.
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Yeah, I don't understand why they can't just be single people sexing around with strangers/friends/neighbors instead of being married or in a committed relationship?
It just seems like a lot of potential hurt feelings :perplexed
 
gabulldawg said:
RIGHT! The sad part is there are women here that let men feed them this BOLOGNE! :nono: Open marriage is just another term for "pre-approved cheating" - and I'm sure in MOST cases (if not all) it only applies to the male.
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True, but there are some women who needs a stand by jar of penises just in case they get tired of their vows too. :yep:
 
Will and Jada have an open-ish marriage. It was in an interview (I don't remember which of the two did the specific interview I read though). Some people like that kinda thing. If you're a celeb though and you have kids, I don't think you should talk about it to the public. Imagine reading about how your mom and dad get busy with other people.
 
Would there be an issue if in this "open relationship" the side chick gets pregnant or STD gets contracted? I wonder how this would work..... Open relationships are an excuse to avoid commitment.... I don't see the point in being married then
 
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