Second Marriages

[princessnad]

Shinka, live your life. And follow your own heart. I understand that you want your family to be excited, but if they are not, that's fine too. There could be numerous reasons why they are not receiving the news of your soon-to-be-second marriage very well. It could be the distance, the fact that they don't know him, who knows really. But you know that you love him, that you have matured emotionally, and that you plan on spending the rest of your life with him. Don't dwell on anything that brings any negative energy, forgive yourself for anything that you may have done to alienate your family, and forgive them for causing you to feel slighted. I don't know you or them well enough to offer any other advice. Congratulations!

I second this motion!

 

[PaperClip]

Yes, truth and tact DO trump being judgemental if that is what you mean.


Anyway


OP: I am with the rest who say do what you feel is right. I would hope that your family would be happy for you, but I bet you may know the reasons for this better than anyone else. I personally have witnessed some second marriages and their families were very happy about it. So to answer your question, I don't think that the fact that it was a second marriage was the only reason for their lack of enthusiasm. There were probably other confounding reasons. You have already stated that even though you found their behavior curious, you were, in the end, going to do what you thought was best no matter what. I think that is the best advice that you have found within yourself through this very understandable emotionally charged period.

Congratulations on your engagement!!


My PSA: claiming to be "real" or the fancied up verson: "truthful" as a means of tearing people down is not very genuine... Quite the contrary.

Ah, yes... usually the "tact" card follows the "judgement" card. Sigh.... That's usually played when the truth tastes like medicine versus candy.

Maybe we need to be clear on what "tearing people down" really looks like...'cause this ain't it. I did not call the OP out of her name. I did not measure her actions on the "stupid-to-smart" range. I responded to her questions by pointing out a different perspective...points that she may not have considered. I encouraged her to CONTINUE the adult actions she claims to have practiced up to this point. I pointed out the INCONSISTENCY in her words to have a wedding when apparently she neither LIKES them nor wants to have one for herself.

So if saying "be consistent" and "be an adult" is tearing someone down, well, some tough love is LONG OVERDUE.

 

[princessnad]

Ah, yes... usually the "tact" card follows the "judgement" card. Sigh.... That's usually played when the truth tastes like medicine versus candy.

Maybe we need to be clear on what "tearing people down" really looks like...'cause this ain't it. I did not call the OP out of her name. I did not measure her actions on the "stupid-to-smart" range. I responded to her questions by pointing out a different perspective...points that she may not have considered. I encouraged her to CONTINUE the adult actions she claims to have practiced up to this point. I pointed out the INCONSISTENCY in her words to have a wedding when apparently she neither LIKES them nor wants to have one for herself.

So if saying "be consistent" and "be an adult" is tearing someone down, well, some tough love is LONG OVERDUE.

I'm going to leave this to rest. My initial response was addressing a specific post not an overall point of view. Moreover, it wasn't directed at you. Your first response is in the open for everyone to see so there is no need for me to argue over what you said or didn't. Perhaps there was a misinterpretation, but I doubt it. Sometimes it just makes us feel better to be passive aggressive in our approaches? Right? Sometimes it makes us feel superior when we act like we already know what is coming in an effort to minimize the effect of someone else's point of view. My views aren't reduced to a 'judgement card' or a 'tact card.' They were obviously valid points that couldn't be refuted by looking at facts so you tried to reduce them to 'cards.'

Anyway, I am not a confrontational person by nature so I'm going to let this rest like I said before. As I do that, I would just like to remind everyone to think before you speak (or type) and that includes thinking about your approach. Yes YE OLE TACT CARD!

 

[PaperClip]

I'm going to leave this to rest. My initial response was addressing a specific post not an overall point of view. Moreover, it wasn't directed at you. Your first response is in the open for everyone to see so there is no need for me to argue over what you said or didn't. Perhaps there was a misinterpretation, but I doubt it. Sometimes it just makes us feel better to be passive aggressive in our approaches? Right? Sometimes it makes us feel superior when we act like we already know what is coming in an effort to minimize the effect of someone else's point of view. My views aren't reduced to a 'judgement card' or a 'tact card.' They were obviously valid points that couldn't be refuted by looking at facts so you tried to reduce them to 'cards.'

Anyway, I am not a confrontational person by nature so I'm going to let this rest like I said before. As I do that, I would just like to remind everyone to think before you speak (or type) and that includes thinking about your approach. Yes YE OLE TACT CARD!

So noted. So noted. Your "rest" appears to be quite RESTLESS. Nothing passive aggressive about that, huh?

 

[sky_blu]

So what happened in the end after you married?