***Online Dating Support Thread***

Is there anyway for a person not to see my last log-in? :ohwell: He's commented about me not sending him a message and being online for 2 hours. :nono: I had added the app to my phone and didn't know it kept me logged on.

I have to say bye-bye even though he's a nice guy as far as dates....
 
GoddessMaker said:
Just a quick vent.I'm a equal opportunity employer however I notice that when I message others non-black males they seem to be a bit too familiar way too fast.I mean maybe I'm being uppity or prudish however I don't like my words spun to sound sexual explicit.It makes me feel as though you see a black woman you think easy sex.It's a bit disheartening.I digress.
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That's usually how it is esp online. Advice? Block and on to the next. Is there anything that sound overtly sexual in your profile? or pics?
 
I changed up my picture and got a LOT of messages today...hmm, I thought that was a good picture of me...guess this one is better....lol
 
Charz said:
That's usually how it is esp online. Advice? Block and on to the next. Is there anything that sound overtly sexual in your profile? or pics?
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@Charz nothing that I can for see.Im very clean on my profile bc I don't want to send signals that could make a dude think he is getting a easy chick.



Question ladies:For the few that might send messages to guys how are you sending them or what is your wording? I don't want to come off un-confident but I don't want to come off over the top either..they will find that out once they met me lol..any pointers?
 
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went out with this guy Friday night and had a good time. he said he would text/call me but he hasn't. it's only been 3 days but still, i'm annoyed. slowly losing interest.:perplexed

now imma have to go out with that fat white guy.:sad:
 
Oasis 3 days is too long. We are adults and i don't indulge in mind games. He should call you the next day to at least say he enjoyed your company.
 
Why did I get an email this weekend from a guy whose profile said clear as day that he is recently married but looking for “friends”.

I ignored it, and he sent me another asking why I haven’t responded,you're so pretty, we have so much in common, bah, bah, bah….

DUDE, U R MARRIED! I don’t want any part of that mess! :/

My profile is clearly marked "long term relationship" only.
 
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Oh, and another guy emailed me to say that he has cerebral palsy and uses crutches.
He was on my so-so list before this revelation, is it mean of me not to want to deal with this?
 
Oasis said:
went out with this guy Friday night and had a good time. he said he would text/call me but he hasn't. it's only been 3 days but still, i'm annoyed. slowly losing interest.:perplexed
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According to THE BOOK :lol: it's because he doesnt wanna seem desperate, everyone knows women become different when they think did seems desperate. Give it a few and dont be overly eager to pick up either..let it go to voicemail
 
CurliDiva said:
Oh, and another guy emailed me to say that he has cerebral palsy and uses crutches.
He was on my so-so list before this revelation, is it mean of me not to want to deal with this?
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Wow. Well I appreciate him putting it all out there. Cerebral palsy, huh? I can see why you would feel apprehensive.
 
Bublin said:
@Oasis 3 days is too long. We are adults and i don't indulge in mind games. He should call you the next day to at least say he enjoyed your company.
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basically. i didn't want to be the one to say 3 days is too much.:lol: if you're too busy, i'm not interested anyway and if you don't want to seem too available i find that lame. either you are or you aren't. i don't like games.:ohwell:

Charz said:
According to THE BOOK :lol: it's because he doesnt wanna seem desperate, everyone knows women become different when they think did seems desperate. Give it a few and dont be overly eager to pick up either..let it go to voicemail
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what is this book? i am eager and i would like to talk to him. why i gotta fake that funk?:sad:
 
CurliDiva said:
Oh, and another guy emailed me to say that he has cerebral palsy and uses crutches.
He was on my so-so list before this revelation, is it mean of me not to want to deal with this?
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No its not mean. If the tables were turned do you think he'd be sending you an email?

You went online to look for more options, not decrease them.
 
Oasis said:
what is this book? i am eager and i would like to talk to him. why i gotta fake that funk?:sad:
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Why Men Marry Beeches Of course LOL. I sound like a fiend now :look: But seriously ikt has a chapter just about that issue..guys waiting a few days to call and it was said so they dont seem desperate and the view of the women in question doesnt change..I gotta dig it out to tell you how to handle it..tomorrow. :lol:
 
MizzBrown said:
No its not mean. If the tables were turned do you think he'd be sending you an email?

You went online to look for more options, not decrease them.
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@MizzBrown & Theo

I sent him an email this morning saying that I'm focusing on another connection, and wish him well.

This must be a dealbreaker for many women.
 
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I mean really white dude you would send me a message saying what's up.I mean really I'm a lady I won't be responding to such careless messages..I just wish a nice guy who I find attractive would find me and marry me..I wish I had a big circle of people to match me up..the guy from office just seemed a little boring to me..no chemistry..if he had a bit more edge then it would be great..I can tell rather quickly about a person's persona if there is any spark..not at all.
 
GoddessMaker said:
I mean really white dude you would send me a message saying what's up.I mean really I'm a lady I won't be responding to such careless messages..I just wish a nice guy who I find attractive would find me and marry me..I wish I had a big circle of people to match me up..the guy from office just seemed a little boring to me..no chemistry..if he had a bit more edge then it would be great..I can tell rather quickly about a person's persona if there is any spark..not at all.
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yo. gm. far be it from me to speak about interracial relationships, but you go real hard no matter what a non-black dude says to you. you realize you just ranted about getting a message that says "whats up" right?

i would not bother ever telling another woman how to alter her perspective, let alone a black woman (speaking in general now) but this knee jerk reaction to allegedly being "disrespected" every time a dude did anything was something that i had to let go in my life. some of the time we have to look at what we're putting out and see how that's affecting whats coming in instead of acting like we're just keeping everything on the up and up. i mean, for me anyway...
 
GoddessMaker said:
I mean really white dude you would send me a message saying what's up.I mean really I'm a lady I won't be responding to such careless messages..I just wish a nice guy who I find attractive would find me and marry me..I wish I had a big circle of people to match me up..the guy from office just seemed a little boring to me..no chemistry..if he had a bit more edge then it would be great..I can tell rather quickly about a person's persona if there is any spark..not at all.
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What is wrong with "What's up?" Is that an insult? I don't get it.
 
RocStar said:
What is wrong with "What's up?" Is that an insult? I don't get it.
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I guess I expect a little something more for your intital message and then to write in all lower caps I'm like did you not care at all.I always go by your initial message is like your first impression..maybe Im being to proper or something.
 
GoddessMaker said:
I guess I expect a little something more for your intital message and then to write in all lower caps I'm like did you not care at all.I always go by your initial message is like your first impression..maybe Im being to proper or something.
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I totally get where you are coming from. I hate when they write: What's up ma, what's shaking.....what you on?"
1St off im grown woman in I would like for you to come to the table better than a teenage boii! I know my worth and I expect you acknowledge that by putting some thought into your message. Don't get wrong , I cant deal with a square dude but I like mine to b grown with a lil edge!
 
GoddessMaker said:
I guess I expect a little something more for your intital message and then to write in all lower caps I'm like did you not care at all.I always go by your initial message is like your first impression..maybe Im being to proper or something.
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Just saying, there's a thin (and in my opinion) ridiculous line between "treat me respectfully" and "you BETTER treat me with respect bc THIS BULLS--- you are doing right here WILL NOT CUT IT" over, like, incredibly minor infractions.

You don't have to go out of your way to demand that men respect you. Quite frankly, it's as simple as entertaining the ones you feel treat you respectfully and ignoring the ones who don't. You don't have to take it into yourself (what I am doing that causes this behavior) or rant about it or feel any kind of way about it at all. Now me personally, I'm not offended at "hey what's up" messages. For me, that's doing too much and, like, I just don't have the energy. To me, it's overcompensating, and I don't feel the need to do that.

Do you inherently think "hey what's up" is insulting, or do you think you're just toeing some arbitrary so-called line of how men should treat you according to some bs that other women say? At the end of the day you are the one determining the hoops men will have to jump, and you are the one who is single. So...
 
GoddessMaker said:
I guess I expect a little something more for your intital message and then to write in all lower caps I'm like did you not care at all.I always go by your initial message is like your first impression..maybe Im being to proper or something.
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I guess I see "What's up" as the same as "Hi." Just a way to break the ice.

In real life (in person) I would not automatically give the side eye to someone who approaches me and says "What's up?" (Now if they said "What's up shorty" or "What it do?" that is a different story)

It is cool that "What's up" is not the way you want to be approached, and that it is a sure way for them not to get a response from you, but I don't think it is disrespectful or that someone is not trying to treat you like a lady by saying it. Let's not confuse weak game with being disrespectful.

I also don't know what his race has to do with anything.
 
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Whats up is an idiotic first message, and says that you really dont want to do any work starting the dialogue. I hate getting whats up messages too, it grates my nerves. Say something that requires a response or keep your mouth shut.
 
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