***Online Dating Support Thread***

lushcoils said:
@Shay72, I'm in the school of thought that if a guy was interested in you he would message you first, especially after you look at his profile several times. Like in real life, if you stare and smile at guy, that shows interest. If he doesn't approach me, I'm not going to do it first. I'll take it he's not interested.
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I feel the same way:look:
 
lushcoils said:
I'm in the school of thought that if a guy was interested in you he would message you first, especially after you look at his profile several times. Like in real life, if you stare and smile at guy, that shows interest. If he doesn't approach me, I'm not going to do it first. I'll take it he's not interested.
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I honestly just think you and the guys are both shy/afraid of rejection but it's just more acceptable for women to be that way. I honestly think so many people miss chances of meeting good people cause they are afraid of the outcome.
 
Shay72 said:
IME the guys do message back that's why I keep doing it because it works. If I continue to do with online dating what I do IRL I will never meet a man. I'm taking the opportunity to do things I'm normally uncomfortable with. I also message guys that I find through searching that I like. Everyone has a different approach. Putting up a profile and waiting for guys to contact me isnt putting in enough effort for me personally.
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if i really really like a guy's profile then i will msg him first. but only if i know he probably hasn't seen my profile yet. but if i saw that he looked at my profile and didnt bother to write me, i already know that he's not interested or at least not interested enough to put any effort toward writing me, and in that case i dont want him anyway.

but thats just me. it seems to be working well for you so i'm glad.
 
Shay72 said:
IME the guys do message back that's why I keep doing it because it works. If I continue to do with online dating what I do IRL I will never meet a man. I'm taking the opportunity to do things I'm normally uncomfortable with. I also message guys that I find through searching that I like. Everyone has a different approach. Putting up a profile and waiting for guys to contact me isnt putting in enough effort for me personally.
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Exactly. If you keep doing the same thing over and over and it's not working it's time to find another method. I don't think any woman should be the aggressor but it's nothing wrong with letting a man know you are interested. For every guy you decide not to show interest when you are is one other chick who will have no problem doing so.

I met my SO this exact way in a social setting. I noticed him before he noticed me and actually approached him FIRST. Turns out there was mutual interest and he took it from there.
 
3XUVaGrad said:
Really! Just too many quotables. And of course his pictures with him rubbing shoulders with celebs was the topper.
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yea. those celeb pix were a bit much. but i guess he figures it would give him an extra edge above the other guys. but for me, it's enough to make me pass him up.

i read the whole profile tho. and cracked up the whole way through.
 
ok. so i am known to overreact and cut ppl off quickly. so i'm just wondering what you guys think of this. i met this guy on pof the other day and we had been exchanging msgs and i was beginning to like him. then it seemed like there might have been a huge red flag. i'm considering just letting him go and not wasting my time anymore.

i cut out and pasted the relevant parts. tell me what you think.

him: I am a very conservative person, I do not like to talk to much about my in depth personal life, I just like to give you a skim of the surface, that usually satisfies people curiosities.

me: Also, you may not like me too much. What's on the surface is never good enough for me. I'm actually very surprised that it is for you. I mean, why even bother trying to get to know someone if you don't care to know any more about them then what everyone else could probably see on their fb page? I wouldn't call that friendship but just merely being an acquaintance. No, I like to know more than just the basics.

him: When I referred to having people only know me for the skim of the surface point of view, I didn't mean I didn't want to know more about people. I just don't like people knowing my most personal stuff. Doesn't mean I can't keep them stimulated otherwise. I am a very interesting person, we can talk about things days upon end, all without digging deep within my brain to find out personal things. You know..

me: But why?

him: First encounters and casual relationships don't need to know those things just yet. Long lasting relationships are a different story

me: I see...


this exchange took place yesterday and we haven't spoken since. from what im reading it seems like he is just viewing me as a "casual relationship" and doesn't want anything more from me than that. and if thats the case i see no point in wasting my time. so what do you guys think? am i reading too much into this, or am i right in thinking i should just leave him alone.
 
runwaydream, I don't see anything wrong with what he said, I agree actually because I'm pretty much the same way. I don't spill all of my personal buisness with someone that I don't really know. Relationships takes time to build and as the relationship progress he'll let his guard down.

Don't write him off just yet, I would continue to talk to him :yep:.
 
runwaydream

I'm honestly the same exact way. I'm very guarded with my most personal details/life stories and I prefer for the person I let in that deep be more than an acquaintance. I wouldn't take it as an insult, but more as he wants you to earn his trust to let you in.
 
So, Merrill from POF and I have our first date next Friday.

My only thing is, it's such an extravagant but well thought out date that I'm hoping we like each other's company enough to not let the date's activities be our focal point.

We're doing dinner at this place called Spice Market, and then he's taking me to go see Wicked on Broadway. (The Wizard of Oz is one of my favorite movies.)

He planned and pre-paid for everything, despite my offer to help. His only request was to bring myself. I hope it goes well.
 
Meet up tonight with a guy I met on BPM..we have been chatting for about 2 weeks now..He seems pretty decent, a couple of years older than me, well spoken, in school, self sufficient..one minor setback is that he has a daughter :ohwell:..Our conversation has flowed well, we have alot of common interests..
I dont know about everyone else, but I send current guy im chatting with, current pictures of me that are not online and ask them to do the same..I know we look different in different settings/surroundings and I dont want to be too suprised when I see them in person.
I asked him upfront on our first phone conversation, what he was looking for and he said he was ready to meet "the one"..Hmmm (insert side eye)..for now
Wish me luck ladies.
 
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vivEz daNs lamouR said:
So, Merrill from POF and I have our first date next Friday.

My only thing is, it's such an extravagant but well thought out date that I'm hoping we like each other's company enough to not let the date's activities be our focal point.

We're doing dinner at this place called Spice Market, and then he's taking me to go see Wicked on Broadway. (The Wizard of Oz is one of my favorite movies.)

He planned and pre-paid for everything, despite my offer to help. His only request was to bring myself. I hope it goes well.
Click to expand...

That sounds like its going to be a really nice date! Hope you have fun and you guys fall in love or something cheesy like that :grin:
 
vivEz daNs lamouR said:
So, Merrill from POF and I have our first date next Friday.

My only thing is, it's such an extravagant but well thought out date that I'm hoping we like each other's company enough to not let the date's activities be our focal point.

We're doing dinner at this place called Spice Market, and then he's taking me to go see Wicked on Broadway. (The Wizard of Oz is one of my favorite movies.)

He planned and pre-paid for everything, despite my offer to help. His only request was to bring myself. I hope it goes well.
Click to expand...

Oooh, that is one of my favorite restaurants. I went on a date there and had lots of fun! I hope you have a fantastic time! It sounds like he has really planned ahead!!!

Sent from my T-Mobile G2 using T-Mobile G2
 
runwaydream said:
ok. so i am known to overreact and cut ppl off quickly. so i'm just wondering what you guys think of this. i met this guy on pof the other day and we had been exchanging msgs and i was beginning to like him. then it seemed like there might have been a huge red flag. i'm considering just letting him go and not wasting my time anymore.

i cut out and pasted the relevant parts. tell me what you think.

him: I am a very conservative person, I do not like to talk to much about my in depth personal life, I just like to give you a skim of the surface, that usually satisfies people curiosities.

me: Also, you may not like me too much. What's on the surface is never good enough for me. I'm actually very surprised that it is for you. I mean, why even bother trying to get to know someone if you don't care to know any more about them then what everyone else could probably see on their fb page? I wouldn't call that friendship but just merely being an acquaintance. No, I like to know more than just the basics.

him: When I referred to having people only know me for the skim of the surface point of view, I didn't mean I didn't want to know more about people. I just don't like people knowing my most personal stuff. Doesn't mean I can't keep them stimulated otherwise. I am a very interesting person, we can talk about things days upon end, all without digging deep within my brain to find out personal things. You know..

me: But why?

him: First encounters and casual relationships don't need to know those things just yet. Long lasting relationships are a different story

me: I see...


this exchange took place yesterday and we haven't spoken since. from what im reading it seems like he is just viewing me as a "casual relationship" and doesn't want anything more from me than that. and if thats the case i see no point in wasting my time. so what do you guys think? am i reading too much into this, or am i right in thinking i should just leave him alone.
Click to expand...

Ummm... I must be the minority. Looking at the pronouns he chose to use, I'd leave him alone.

Sent from my T-Mobile G2 using T-Mobile G2
 
This might not come out right, but I've rated the guys I've been talking to from OkCupid, not including the ones I've met. I have a top 3.

#1 seemed interesting/interested
#2 shares an interest with me not a lot of other people seem to share. We meet on Sunday.
#3 this European guy I'm not so sure about. He comes off as shy and I know how I feel about that. He's about to be rotated out.

#1 and I exchanged a series of witty emails. Gave a few details about our past and hopes for the future. Pretty light, though. He looks like Aladdin and I've had a crush on him since I was in 3rd grade. However, if he would get his act together we could do the Princess and the Frog for Halloweeny. Ugh!

Anyway, he gave me his personal email address and I decided to use it instead of responding to his OkCupid message. I hesitated though, b/c sometimes when I email myself from that address it goes to my own spam box. And the accounts are linked!

Anyway, 3 days go by. Nada. Then I log onto the site and see that he visited my account. The next day I email him and sent a rather witty, brief email, just saying that I probably should have given him a heads up, but I used his personal email.

He responded later that day and said that he sincerely didn't receive my email, though he checks it often. He continued our conversation and I wrote back the next day.

That was... omg, something [else] is wrong with me. That was just yesterday! It seems like longer. Sad..

Anyway, long story, long, how often do you guys write/respond back to people?

I've noticed that some guys are superquick, whereas some take a day, maybe 2. This guy is an entrepreneur and seems to work a fair amount.

Sent from my T-Mobile G2 using T-Mobile G2
 
So this dude has sent me 4 messages now, in all caps, telling me how pretty I am and gave me his number. I have ignored him 4 times. Should I email and tell him I am not interested?

I will probably just block him. But the nerd in me wonders why you would keep messaging the same person, surely you would remember and I believe POF tells you if you contacted this person.
 
What you won't do is:
Send me a message and you have no pics up :nono:
Send me a flirt/wink/message and you live in California or somewhere I will not be moving to
Send me the same exact message 50-11 times even though I never respond
Send me matches of dudes that are legally separated. They are still married!
Send me matches of dudes that don't even want black women

Just needed to vent :look:
 
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