I made a blog about my experience with okcupid. i'm not looking for what most people are looking for online, so my experience probably is quite different.
But I figure I'll post it anyway:
(to put it in context, my long term bf & i broke up because of distance/different career paths. i moved to a new state in August & am struggling to meet new people)
I made an account on okcupid about a month ago. Mainly out of boredom and curiosity. I'm (obviously) not particularly interested in dating. But I do want to meet new people. And going to a meetup gives me a little anxiety (I do better one-on-one then in large groups. In large groups, I always feel like someone would rather be talking to anybody but me. ha). I've had a really interesting experience so far.
Observations: It's interesting how gender roles & race has played out.
I guess I can break this entry up into parts.
My Profile
I'm very upfront about who I am on my profile. It may be intimidating if you aren't on my level actually. To sum my profile up: I'm 20, I have a BA, I'm passionate about feminism, equity, race, gender, sexuality, etc etc.
Basically, I really do not want to deal with close minded (homo/transphobic, racist, sexist, etc) or conservative people, so I put who I am up front. I also put that I'm looking for "new friends, activity partners, and short term dating". Which I'm not really looking for anything, maybe a distraction/something interesting.
I am pretty clear that I'm not really there for dating, just trying to meet new/interesting people.
The messages I've sent
(I initiated contact)
I think I've been written back about 50% of the time. Tough break. But I've had really interesting conversations with those who have written back. Females never write me back (haha. obviously. and I usually hit up bisexual or gay or openly/self identified feminist women). I don't really take it personally. I usually write someone if there is something on their profile I find particularly interesting or I have a question about it.
The messages I've got
(He initiated contact)
I get quite a few messages from from guys basically saying "Wow, you're out of my league". Ok?
The first few guys that sent me messages were old/not the type of person I'd be interested in. I put a filter on (have to match 70%, be from the area, etc). So I no longer get emails about messages from guys who are a low match/old. I think it has also helped in deterring guys from messaging me who I probably wouldn't vibe with anyway.
I probably respond to 1 out of 4 messages. I ignore the "hey how are you" or the winks or the "you're beautiful". your message did not make me care enough to respond.
I'm mostly getting messages from white guys. I've only talked to one black guy. Most of the black males who message me send me really incoherent or obviously mass copied messages.
erplexed
The people (guys) I've met
[age, race, where we met up, who paid (just a pattern i've noticed)]
#1: 22, tall skinny white guy. Coffee. Ordered at different times. clearly trying to cut. i was like "....no".
#2: 22, white. Coffee. Ordered at different times. We had really good conversations. he's a feminist
D). we met up for coffee. he was kind of falling asleep on me. awkward. he straight up asked if I was looking for a relationship. I was like "...not really" and he said he was. I thought he was cool & wanted to be friends. He was obviously in the "I have enough friends" camp, or maybe he just thought I was lame. oh well.
#3: 24, white. Coffee. I paid for my own because I ordered first. We had really interesting conversations. Talked for a couple of hours. He walked me back to my car, and asked if he could kiss me. Um.
I said no. We still text & i hope to meet up with him again soon (strictly as friends).
#4: 20, Black. Burrito place. He tried to pay. Really tall, cute, nice body. Reminded me of Obama (voice, smile & mannerisms). He is a math major. He wasn't particularly interesting tbh. He also made some semi-sexist & transphobic comments, so I was pretty turned off.
*
confession: his first message was "hi my name is ___, what's yours?" a message that i would typically ignore. plus his profile had like 3 things on it. another reason to ignore. BUT he was really cute, so i ended up chatting with him for a while & agreeing to meet up. i wasn't expecting much, and that's what i got. i think my co-worker would like him but idk how to introduce him to her since i lied about how we met. (ok im embarrassed to have an okcupid account. whatever).
#5: 19, white. Asian place, bowling. He tried to pay. He graduated high school in 2009, is taking some time off to work. He went to private schools & is obviously very smart. We went to get food, then he drove us to the bowling alley (has a really nice car, haha. it's probably expensive but idk anything about cars). I felt he was very considerate, without being like "i'm the man so i'll pay" or "i'm the man so i'll drive us". his roommate is a gay male & he straight up asked me, "do you have a problem with gay people?" (although he mentioned it kinda casually at first I think to check my reaction "my roommate's boyfriend comes over a lot..." *pause*)
I had the most fun with #5. I'm really looking forward to hanging out with him again. I'm pretty surprised because he's the youngest and we seem to be on completely different levels (on paper), but we vibed well.. And we had really good conversation towards the end, and I didn't want to leave.
I'm meeting up with another guy later this week. It has at the very least been entertaining/left me with some interesting things to talk about.
It has also made me realize I have no desire to date.
Ugghh..
. Sorry the date didn't work out but like you said on to the next one. Right now i think i have to get more out there in the world and don't rely on on-line dating so much 
