***Online Dating Support Thread***

Msstarr718 said:
Can someone recommend a site I've decided to try this online dating thing but I don't even know where to start.
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I have used POF, met a lot of guys but in the end I am not a fan.
OkCupid is a bit better but I did not meet many black American men which for me is ok.
HTH
 
alright question. if you were the guy what would you think of this:

so this guy and I have been playing "profile tag" for months. he views me I view back yadda yadda yadda. I refused to break the ice but I did play along with that game :lol: so eventually after literally MONTHS he messages me. its a boring hey how are you kind of message :rolleyes:

so I go ahead and reply back. we are chatting when he offers to switch to text and the conversation gets easier.

come to find out he lives literally a block away from me... he goes to b school where I matriculated grad, and hes studying some of the same stem stuff im looking into now.

im like omg wtf at these coincidences. so in asking questions I end up asking him a bunch of questions about his job (in finance), how long the program is (very elite b school with huge earning potential), where hes moving next month (downtown in the wealthy district).

:look:

hes a jewish guy doing an elite mba who works in finance living downtown :look:

:lachen: I sound like a gold digger or nah? :lachen: its not my fault you are a jew working in finance getting an mba! what was I supposed to do ignore it?! :lachen:

he asked me out, yes, but then the conversation kind of petered out after that :lachen:
 
So yesterday was my first day trying online dating. I was chatting with this one guy and after about 16 messages he wants to exchange numbers. So I replied that we could continue here for a bit before we do that and he stopped messaging Was I being a prude? I just thought it was too soon. I mean it was literally my first day!
 
Msstarr718 said:
So yesterday was my first day trying online dating. I was chatting with this one guy and after about 16 messages he wants to exchange numbers. So I replied that we could continue here for a bit before we do that and he stopped messaging Was I being a prude? I just thought it was too soon. I mean it was literally my first day!
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nah, some guys are finicky like that. its easy to be quick to anger or dismiss people with online dating, there are so many options that people move on quickly. in real life, you are looking for someone you like. with online dating its more like people are looking for reasons to disqualify someone so they can "try out" someone else. you dont want to give people reasons to disqualify you but also dont take it personally when people have just gotten too gone in the whole process to toss people out of the picture like that.

how did you say it? "oh sure, did you want to chat on here a little more first?" i hate to say it because i diss and dismiss dudes like whatever, but when it comes to online dating you gotta play a little more cloying and sweet and accommodating than you would IRL.
 
CaraWalker said:
nah, some guys are finicky like that. its easy to be quick to anger or dismiss people with online dating, there are so many options that people move on quickly. in real life, you are looking for someone you like. with online dating its more like people are looking for reasons to disqualify someone so they can "try out" someone else. you dont want to give people reasons to disqualify you but also dont take it personally when people have just gotten too gone in the whole process to toss people out of the picture like that.

how did you say it? "oh sure, did you want to chat on here a little more first?" i hate to say it because i diss and dismiss dudes like whatever, but when it comes to online dating you gotta play a little more cloying and sweet and accommodating than you would IRL.
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I basically said "I think we can chat a little more here before be exchange numbers since I was new to the site". He replied back something about due diligence in getting to know me and blah blah blah and I replied well it's only been 16 messages and he never replied lol. Oh well on to the next.
 
Msstarr718 said:
I basically said "I think we can chat a little more here before be exchange numbers since I was new to the site". He replied back something about due diligence in getting to know me and blah blah blah and I replied well it's only been 16 messages and he never replied lol. Oh well on to the next.
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:lol: yeah youre gonna have to play a little more flexible with online dating, dudes have the upper hand and they know it. just play along :lol:

whats up with guys insisting on something from a woman on these sites that she doesnt want to give? this is like the third story ive seen this week of a guy wanting further information that the woman doesnt want to give and the guy insisting she do. i think its probably happened to me a few times with a guy asking for my facebook. i would be like "i dont have facebook." or sometimes for some reason guys will think my profile is fake, and want me to do something to "prove" it's not, i just stop replying to them, i dont have time for that ****. usually after they ask me for some stupid **** that im not going to give, i ignore them and they send another message after they realize im not going to respond. so maybe try that next time?
 
Crackers Phinn said:
I watch this thread a lot because in my new role as matchmaker for 6 nieces I'm overseeing a lot of online dating WTF's.

There is a hustle that I became aware of where fake profiles are being used to do a new version of the Nigerian (I'm a prince in my country and need help getting my money out the bank) scam. The immediate tip off is they first want your full name and for you to email them additional pics. If you link them to your FB page they have access to both.

Once you give them the email address they go through the regular motions dating fodder until it comes up that they need you to help them financially somehow. Of course they are going to pay you back though.

The reason they want your name, email and pics is so they can set up a new profile with your pics to do the same thing to men on other dating sites. When the scammed people take legal action they come looking for the real person instead of whoever the real scammer is. They won't use the same pics you have up on the same site because the dating sites do a screening for profiles with duplicate pictures.
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wow. this is a version of that scam I hadnt seen yet, the stealing your pics part. for me I think its mostly that they just want to see more pictures of me (I only have one pic up) but its stupid for them to think im trying to catfish them because for starters they message me first, and also my profile is way too overdone for people to think im fake, unless they have no idea what a real and fake profile looks like. basically in my case they are just stupid and lame. but this definitely makes sense re: repeatedly asking for info she doesnt want to give.
 
Msstarr718 said:
I basically said "I think we can chat a little more here before be exchange numbers since I was new to the site". He replied back something about due diligence in getting to know me and blah blah blah and I replied well it's only been 16 messages and he never replied lol. Oh well on to the next.
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I had similar experiences when I first signed up.... One guy asked my name (first only) and I wouldn't give it to him. He immediately stopped messaging me. Ok... So maybe I was being overly cautious. Although I have relaxed a little, I am still protective of personal info, even additional pics. I feel that if a guy is really interested in getting to know you and he is a gentleman, he will have patience. Now of course you will run into the guys who just want to 'hit it', and they 'ain't got time for that'. I guess their thinking is, "if she is holding out giving me her number, how long do I have to wait 'just to hit it'. Just saying....
 
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:lol:
 
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GetHappy2014 said:
I had similar experiences when I first signed up.... One guy asked my name (first only) and I wouldn't give it to him. He immediately stopped messaging me. Ok... So maybe I was being overly cautious. Although I have relaxed a little, I am still protective of personal info, even additional pics. I feel that if a guy is really interested in getting to know you and he is a gentleman, he will have patience. Now of course you will run into the guys who just want to 'hit it', and they 'ain't got time for that'. I guess their thinking is, "if she is holding out giving me her number, how long do I have to wait 'just to hit it'. Just saying....
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I agree with everything you said. Someone being so hasty and wanting extra pics, a number etc comes off as being thirsty and that isn't someone I would be interested in meeting in person. Seems like the type that would want to kiss on the first date and sex on the second lol. He ended up sending me a message a day later with his number still trying to get me to call and even invited to an after work event. Like chill dude sheesh its been two days. He's also caribbean and seemed disappointed when i said that I'm not although i clearly state that in my bio which he clearly didn't read.

So on another note is anyone messaging guys first? I came across a guy thats just my type but he hasn't sent me a message although he visited my page after i visited his. I know guys are usually the aggressors but after all its a dating site and we're all here to meet someone. Debating should i make the first move. Thoughts?
 
Msstarr718 said:
I agree with everything you said. Someone being so hasty and wanting extra pics, a number etc comes off as being thirsty and that isn't someone I would be interested in meeting in person. Seems like the type that would want to kiss on the first date and sex on the second lol. He ended up sending me a message a day later with his number still trying to get me to call and even invited to an after work event. Like chill dude sheesh its been two days. He's also caribbean and seemed disappointed when i said that I'm not although i clearly state that in my bio which he clearly didn't read.

So on another note is anyone messaging guys first? I came across a guy thats just my type but he hasn't sent me a message although he visited my page after i visited his. I know guys are usually the aggressors but after all its a dating site and we're all here to meet someone. Debating should i make the first move. Thoughts?
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Yep. if you ignore them theyll bring their stupid ass right back. be trying it.

re: messaging first my strategy is hell no but some do so, shrug.
 
Msstarr718 said:
So on another note is anyone messaging guys first? I came across a guy thats just my type but he hasn't sent me a message although he visited my page after i visited his. I know guys are usually the aggressors but after all its a dating site and we're all here to meet someone. Debating should i make the first move. Thoughts?
Click to expand...

I don't usually message guys first. Fortunately, I usually receive enough interest to keep me busy. However, whenever I find that the pickings of those who expressed first interest is slim, I will run through the search and maybe drop a message now & again. However, be very cautious about initiating. I am old school and believe the guy should be the pursuer. So if you are the initiator, make sure he follows through after first contact. As I have learned on LHCF....if you start out initiating, you may find yourself initiating everything....thus, you might be the one on bended knee.:eek:
 
GetHappy2014 said:
I don't usually message guys first. Fortunately, I usually receive enough interest to keep me busy. However, whenever I find that the pickings of those who expressed first interest is slim, I will run through the search and maybe drop a message now & again. However, be very cautious about initiating. I am old school and believe the guy should be the pursuer. So if you are the initiator, make sure he follows through after first contact. As I have learned on LHCF....if you start out initiating, you may find yourself initiating everything....thus, you might be the one on bended knee.:eek:
Click to expand...


Oh, I'm totally the same way and believe the guy should be the pursuer. I'm also getting lots of messages, but either I'm not really attracted to any, they're over or under my age limit, or the conversation is dry.

Him: hey beautiful, how are you?
Me: I'm good, how are you?
Him: I'm good, how are you?
Me: O_o ✌️
 
People keep saying to put a body pic on my profile. The last one I have is from a dressing room lol. The one before that was Halloween when I dressed as a devil. I'm sure that won't go over well i.e. attract the wrong kind of attention. Oh well until I get a friend to take one of me I guess it's not happening.
 
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Ladies please stay safe out there with the online meeting and dating. I just deleted Tinder. A couple messages up I said I was going to give up online dating all together. Not trying to scare anyone from meeting their one true love and I still have girlfriends that are meeting men online.

But please just be careful!!

I just heard this story:

http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/...gton-mom-ingrid-lyne-charged-murder/83021128/

And also locally another woman was robbed when she met someone on Tinder and went to his apartment--Yes I know I'm thinking why did she go meet this man at his apartment, but yet and still.
 
aviddiva77 said:
People keep saying to put a body pic on my profile. The last one I have is from a dressing room lol. The one before that was Halloween when I dressed as a devil. I'm sure that won't go over well i.e. attract the wrong kind of attention. Oh well until I get a friend to take one of me I guess it's not happening.
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IA, a good face shot and a body shot are important. I expected the same from the guys' profiles as well. Are the dressing room and Halloween pix good ones of you? If so, maybe you should post one or both of them. It doesn't have to be your main profile pic or anything. Any guy who cares that it was taken in a dressing room or that you're dressed as a devil for HALLOWEEEN probably takes himself too seriously. If you felt comfy enough to take the pix, then the guy for you wouldn't mind you posting them :)

BTW, I was natural when I was online so I also included pix of my natural hair. Dunno if that's an issue for you but it was just as important as a body shot for me. I'd met a few guys who had issues with "poofy" hair (Black guys too, SMH) so I wanted to let any potential guy know that I rock my hair poofy from time to time and I loved it.

When I was online dating, it was my goal to find a partner. I did NOT want to do it for years and I was not looking to date casually. So I tried to do things in such a way to waste as little time as possible and to maximize the tool to fit my needs. If your goals are different than mine, then my advice may not apply (gotta put in that disclaimer around these parts...)

I posted clear photos so guys knew what they were getting. My profile was direct about who I was and what I was seeking. And while I did receive and respond to messages, I messaged first when I saw someone I liked. I met my FH on OKC so I feel I was successful. I saw his pix. He met my other criteria. I messaged him first. I posted accurate pix so he wasn't surprised when we met. HIS pix were accurate, lol. I didn't waste a lot of time and I got a great guy as a result.

I hope you're able to find whatever it is you're looking for as well. GL to you! :)
 
MzSwift said:
IA, a good face shot and a body shot are important. I expected the same from the guys' profiles as well. Are the dressing room and Halloween pix good ones of you? If so, maybe you should post one or both of them. It doesn't have to be your main profile pic or anything. Any guy who cares that it was taken in a dressing room or that you're dressed as a devil for HALLOWEEEN probably takes himself too seriously. If you felt comfy enough to take the pix, then the guy for you wouldn't mind you posting them :)

BTW, I was natural when I was online so I also included pix of my natural hair. Dunno if that's an issue for you but it was just as important as a body shot for me. I'd met a few guys who had issues with "poofy" hair (Black guys too, SMH) so I wanted to let any potential guy know that I rock my hair poofy from time to time and I loved it.

When I was online dating, it was my goal to find a partner. I did NOT want to do it for years and I was not looking to date casually. So I tried to do things in such a way to waste as little time as possible and to maximize the tool to fit my needs. If your goals are different than mine, then my advice may not apply (gotta put in that disclaimer around these parts...)

I posted clear photos so guys knew what they were getting. My profile was direct about who I was and what I was seeking. And while I did receive and respond to messages, I messaged first when I saw someone I liked. I met my FH on OKC so I feel I was successful. I saw his pix. He met my other criteria. I messaged him first. I posted accurate pix so he wasn't surprised when we met. HIS pix were accurate, lol. I didn't waste a lot of time and I got a great guy as a result.

I hope you're able to find whatever it is you're looking for as well. GL to you! :)
Click to expand...
Nope. Your goals are the same as mine! Im really not trying to spend years on here either. The only thing is that I don't have a cute picture of me with my hair natural (like not blow dryed natural) lol. My hair looks fine but my face is...yeah lol. I'll downsize my Halloween pic and add it and see how it goes.

Thanks for the advice!
 
MzSwift said:
IA, a good face shot and a body shot are important. I expected the same from the guys' profiles as well. Are the dressing room and Halloween pix good ones of you? If so, maybe you should post one or both of them. It doesn't have to be your main profile pic or anything. Any guy who cares that it was taken in a dressing room or that you're dressed as a devil for HALLOWEEEN probably takes himself too seriously. If you felt comfy enough to take the pix, then the guy for you wouldn't mind you posting them :)

BTW, I was natural when I was online so I also included pix of my natural hair. Dunno if that's an issue for you but it was just as important as a body shot for me. I'd met a few guys who had issues with "poofy" hair (Black guys too, SMH) so I wanted to let any potential guy know that I rock my hair poofy from time to time and I loved it.

When I was online dating, it was my goal to find a partner. I did NOT want to do it for years and I was not looking to date casually. So I tried to do things in such a way to waste as little time as possible and to maximize the tool to fit my needs. If your goals are different than mine, then my advice may not apply (gotta put in that disclaimer around these parts...)

I posted clear photos so guys knew what they were getting. My profile was direct about who I was and what I was seeking. And while I did receive and respond to messages, I messaged first when I saw someone I liked. I met my FH on OKC so I feel I was successful. I saw his pix. He met my other criteria. I messaged him first. I posted accurate pix so he wasn't surprised when we met. HIS pix were accurate, lol. I didn't waste a lot of time and I got a great guy as a result.

I hope you're able to find whatever it is you're looking for as well. GL to you! :)
Click to expand...

Great advice thanks for posting! I agree about posting your natural hair. In my pics I mostly have a sew in or braids no natural pics. So I'm going to post one. I ended up on FaceTime with a guy who ended up looking like a ninja turtle and had messed up teeth smh lol but I found myself explaining my natural hair when we chatted. I'd rather put it out there up front.
 
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