***Online Dating Support Thread***

i have some options in the pipeline. i normally dont like to talk about guys until we've planned to meet but im wondering how to do the meet this time.

so one of the guys im talking to is like an engineer? developer? analyst? some combination of such that sounds like IT to me (hes explaining it to me i just dont know which category to put it in and dont want to repeat him verbatim). hes going to london for a couple of weeks this month and says he travels fairly often. he is cute and normal looking, not like what i was expecting for IT so i had to go and double check his profile to understand more :lol:

anyway, another dude way out of my league :rofl: like financially speaking, when this **** happens im like, why do you want to date me again? the last guy i went out with was a financial analyst with a huge 2 bedroom apartment (no roommate) in lincoln park.

im pretty busy these days so i moved the conversation off site and now we're texting and im debating how to handle the meet. like i said before i dont want anymore of these fakey first impressions please like me even though you have ulterior motive dates. i am debating between asking him up front wtf he wants and just leveling with him that i cant do another fake date again so....? but idk where to go with it from there :lol:
 
GraceJones said:
Give 'em!
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what problem are you having? whats your class/league? what kind of dudes are you looking for? what are the conversations like? where are you getting stuck?

its hard to really say without knowing these kinds of particulars, like, i fine tuned what worked for me but dont have those details for others you know?

so here's what we'll do, for those of you that accept the risks :lol: i will offer you a personalized online dating consultation. i will create a blank profile on the site of your choosing (except for match) you send me whats already on your profile, and i will tweak it for you. then you can copy and paste it onto your own.

i know we have a PII problem on this forum (personally identifying information) so you do not have to include photos, but i can give my opinion on which are best too. leave out things like where you are from, your age, etc. however if you want me to describe your looks or career or whatever you will need to include it because im not going to guess. i will only do a clean up of what you send me.

you may not feel its in your best interests to share anything about your real identity on this forum and i dont blame you, so if that is of particular concern to you then by all means dont put me in a position of somewhere down the line you suspecting me of doing anything shady with your real life identity. so preferably for those of you that are already "out" on lhcf or are willing to trust that im not going to do some shady ****... OR... so totally under the lhcf radar (lurkers im talking to you :sekret:) that this is not a concern of yours.

DISCLAIMER I AM NOT AN EXPERT I AM SINGLE I CLEARLY DONT KNOW **** ABOUT **** but what i am offering will take some effort on my part, so please be considerate enough not to waste my time unless you really want my help.

pm me to move forward.
 
What is the dating site people like best?
I have used POF but I was looking for something different.
 
gimbap said:
Just curious, how long do yall wait before you meet someone in person?
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i think it depends on the type of person you are. i lose interest with every text, email etc. so i prefer to meet asap. i've met up with some people the next day. just this friday i met a random chick off craigslist and we kicked it all night.:lol: (i'm not gay, it was a friends thing :lol:)
 
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Oasis said:
i think it depends on the type of person you are. i lose interest with every text, email etc. so i prefer to meet asap. i've met up with some people the next day. just this friday i met a random chick of craigslist and we kicked it all night.:lol: (i'm not gay, it was a friends thing :lol:)
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This is what a few of my friends say. The longer they text with a prospect, they end up friend-zoning them. Nobody is looking for a text buddy. Plus some people who sound cool/witty via text or email aren't the same in person.
 
ghFLD8V.jpg


there goes the I word again

you were right, I do get that a lot.
 
I am a PhD student in computer science. I am vegan, love my bicycle, love being in nature but also really appreciate public transportation, am radically minimal, appreciate patience and empathy in others.

It might be important so I'm also disabled (cerebral palsy). It's not really a My Left Foot thing; I can walk, I'm mobile, healthy, and independent and don't take this for granted. Biking is my primary transportation since I am no longer licensed, and hope to never own a car again. My L stop isn't even accessible, even after the proposed 'update,' which is shameful.

I should also say that the demisexual thing is very real. It's rare for me to be attracted to someone, in a relationship, or want to pursue a relationship. When it happens, it's primarily romantic non-sexual. Demisexual is not only "no casual sex," so I don't want the wrong expectations. I'm trying to live guilt-free regarding my (lack of) attractions. I'd be happy to be deeply inspired and attracted to someone, but it's not a personal failure/flaw to me otherwise.

I grew up straight-edge, and hadn't tried alcohol until I was ~27
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i tried, but this is the point where i had to stop reading :lachen:
 
I get way too many messages from young guys. I even have something in my profile about not being able to do anything with someone that young. Yet they give zero flucks and still message me

My record is 19 years old
 
Let me run this by ya'll before I ask where the few good men are.

I've been on ok cupid for a few months and most of the messages are from absolute lunatics who I don't even bother respond to. Occasionally, a guy that sounds normal comes through and I start responding. After a few weeks, the lunatic eventually shows up. There are exactly 2 types of guys I've found on there:

Guy 1: He starts communicating about how is ready to settle down and he thinks you're gorgeous and if you want the same thing. That's nice dude but I've never met you so I'm open to getting to know each other better and finding what we have in common. Dude comes back with his entire life story and finishes it with he's looking for his soul mate, etc, etc. Ok, I got that but you don't get to bypass the work required to build a relationship because you think playing the magic I'm ready to settle down card will make me lose all my senses.

Guy 2: Behaves like a normal person for a few messages then starts talking about how much he loves you then pings you his location map. Nice to meet you but why you pinging me your location map psycho. He reiterates it's nothing bad. He just wants me to know he's not a catfish and of course the way to do that is by sending me a location map. Anyhoo, I thank him for the effort and continue communicating then he gets mad because I haven't asked to come over to his apartment that he pinged me the location. Then he goes ghost.

Lord Almighty, where are the few good men?!?! Surely, this can't be the quality of men out there now.....
 
I feel like most of these guys aren't even reading profiles tbh. I get a good amount of messages a day, but half of them are from guys with kids or from guys aged 18-23 when I explicitly state I don't date babies or guys with babies

Or they'll message me asking me where I'm from when it's literally like the second line in my profile
 
gimbap said:
I feel like most of these guys aren't even reading profiles tbh. I get a good amount of messages a day, but half of them are from guys with kids or from guys aged 18-23 when I explicitly state I don't date babies or guys with babies

Or they'll message me asking me where I'm from when it's literally like the second line in my profile
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if you write a profile like you dont expect anyone to read it people are going to approach you knowing you dont care about what impression you made on them. you throw some crap together like who cares nobodys going to read this **** anyway, then that is exactly how people are going to respond to you. I guarantee it.

yall are underestimating men to yalls OWN detriment and its starting to puzzle me that yall dont see how yall are contributing this. if you present low hanging fruit you are going to get a bunch of bottom feeders and at that point you cant even blame a dude for taking bait that YOU set. I can guarantee that my profile is longer that 99% of posters in this thread and you can tell by the messages I post here that nobody is trying to me having read it or not. I dont even mention kids and men with children know they dont have a chance. I might get a dude with a kid once every other month. yall need to take responsibility for what you are attracting.
 
CaraWalker said:
if you write a profile like you dont expect anyone to read it people are going to approach you knowing you dont care about what impression you made on them. you throw some crap together like who cares nobodys going to read this **** anyway, then that is exactly how people are going to respond to you. I guarantee it.

yall are underestimating men to yalls OWN detriment and its starting to puzzle me that yall dont see how yall are contributing this. if you present low hanging fruit you are going to get a bunch of bottom feeders and at that point you cant even blame a dude for taking bait that YOU set. I can guarantee that my profile is longer that 99% of posters in this thread and you can tell by the messages I post here that nobody is trying to me having read it or not. I dont even mention kids and men with children know they dont have a chance. I might get a dude with a kid once every other month. yall need to take responsibility for what you are attracting.
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I see what you're saying, but what I mean is I think a lot of them are just looking at the pictures, saying she's pretty/attractive or whatever, and firing off a message. Like if the profile is 1 line or 100 lines, doesn't matter. I think I'm quite over online dating period

TayMac said:
Which site are you ladies using that are having issues?
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Okc. I've been using one dating site at a time since the beg. of the year, and while I get bombarded with messages on okc, I get messages from better quality guys on pof. But now that I think about it, the only real, serious relationship I've had that came from online dating came from match. Hmm.
 
gimbap said:
I see what you're saying, but what I mean is I think a lot of them are just looking at the pictures, saying she's pretty/attractive or whatever, and firing off a message. Like if the profile is 1 line or 100 lines, doesn't matter. I think I'm quite over online dating period
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i know thats what youre saying. im disagreeing with it.
 
CaraWalker said:
if you write a profile like you dont expect anyone to read it people are going to approach you knowing you dont care about what impression you made on them. you throw some crap together like who cares nobodys going to read this **** anyway, then that is exactly how people are going to respond to you. I guarantee it.

yall are underestimating men to yalls OWN detriment and its starting to puzzle me that yall dont see how yall are contributing this. if you present low hanging fruit you are going to get a bunch of bottom feeders and at that point you cant even blame a dude for taking bait that YOU set. I can guarantee that my profile is longer that 99% of posters in this thread and you can tell by the messages I post here that nobody is trying to me having read it or not. I dont even mention kids and men with children know they dont have a chance. I might get a dude with a kid once every other month. yall need to take responsibility for what you are attracting.
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That's a pretty strong blanket statement but it's your opinion, which you're entitled to and which I don't have to agree with so carry on.....
 
The bottom line is that losers are going to approach you no matter what. A quality profile actually serves as a deterrent. If an ain't $hit dude comes across your well put together profile he may very well be turned off. Most ninjas know who not to waste their time on.

A great profile is a beacon to well read, educted men. I've realized this because men have commented on it. So yeah, they're reading our profiles ladies.

I actually have a question/ice breaker in mine and dudes be digging deep to answer it. :lol: the fact that I put thought in my profile encourages them to put thought into their first message.

Don't short yourselves. Be real, be expressive, and focus less on the duds.
 
You know that things aren't gonna go far just by the questions he asks.

By the time he asked me my name I'm like, OK, this convo's gonna be about nuthin.

I'm jumpin' ship.
 
Might be deleting my accounts. I have been talking to my best friend's husband's cousin for a while now while still keeping my options open but it's looking pretty promising. My bday is next week and we are going to Panama beach fl. So I figure he wouldn't have asked me if I wanted to go for my bday if he wasn't trying to get serious.
 
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